Couldn't help myself. Idea is WAY too good not to use more often.
Disclaimer: RK owned by someone else (not sure who), and original idea owned by Theresa Green
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Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a fully-automated MAKIMACHI MISAO unit. To insure that you get the full use and benefits of your Ninja Girl, please pay close attention to the following instructions:
Basic Information:
Name: Misao Makimachi (a.k.a. Misao-chan, Weasel Girl, Okashira)
Date of Manufacture: 6 BME (Before Meiji Era)
Place of Manufacture: Shogunate Japan Inc, Ninjas-R-Us Division
Height: Short
Weight: Unit escaped before being weighed
Length: Two inches (caution: ends are sharp)
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Your MAKIMACHI MISAO comes with the following accessories:
One Shinobi outfit
Two casual Shinobi outfits
Five dozen Kunai daggers
One pair sandals
Three pairs white socks
One indigo cloak (100 percent cotton, machine-wash only)
When you open the box containing your MAKIMACHI MISAO, you may discover that the box is empty. Chances are, you MAKIMACHI MISAO took advantage of her ninja training to escape from confinement. Just declare to the nearest surrounding area that you are 'on your way to see AOSHI', and she'll come back. Have present an actual AOSHI SHINOMORI unit, and she'll come a'runnin'.
Programming:
The MAKIMACHI MISAO unit, do to its ninja upbringing, has many wonderful talents for you to utilize.
Bandit: Need some cash, fast? Don't want to deal with the long lines at the bank? Your MAKIMACHI MISAO is fully capable of luring men with cash into the woods, before beating them senseless and making off with all their money. (Warning, as the MAKIMACHI MISAO has no scruples about WHO she steals from, you might want to keep an eye out for your local yakuza/mafia crime syndicate.)
Cat Burglar: Did your archrival get the last PS2 from the store, leaving you with jack squat? Well, the MAKIMACHI MISAO possesses the superb skills needed to break into your archrival's house, meaning you might just get to play brain-rotting video games after all! (Warning, we are not responsible if you go to jail because YOU just had to be a lazy kleptomaniac.)
Bodyguard: The MAKIMACHI MISAO is trained in battle and stealth, making this unit capable of dealing with the many bullies and petty thugs that have been stealing your lunch money for all these many years. (Warning, if you're being attacked by psychos and other people who're out to destroy the country, the MAKIMACHI MISAO probably won't be enough. Get extra help!)
Lost Persons' Locator: Given the opportunity, your MAKIMACHI MISAO will scour the countryside, searching for every - if any - AOSHI SHINOMORI unit she can find. Tell her that the person you want located knows of AOSHI SHINOMORI's whereabouts, and your MAKIMACHI MISAO will go all-out to find them.
Your MAKIMACHI MISAO comes with three modes:
Perky (default setting)
Enraged
Full-on-Luv
The MAKIMACHI MISAO unit is a young, underage, and immature unit. Therefore, mode swings are quite commonplace, and there is NO Slash setting. The Full-on-Luv setting, at the very most, causes the MAKIMACHI MISAO unit to ramble on and on about the glorious virtues of AOSHI SHINOMORI.
Relations with other units:
Your MAKIMACHI MISAO is an enthusiastic teenager who will happily interact with most other units, given the chance. Very rarely will you encounter a unit whom the MAKIMACHI MISAO will refuse to deal with.
AOSHI SHINOMORI: Tall, cold, handsome, and deadly leader of the Oniwabanshuu. This is MAKIMACHI MISAO's idol. She'll travel to the farthest corners of Japan and beyond to see her beloved AOSHI-sama, and even if he does something truly terrible, she'll still be willing to forgive him…eventually.
TOKYO ONIWABANSHUU: HANNYA, SHIKIJO, BEISHIMI, HYOTTOKO. The four members of the Oniwabanshuu who travel with AOSHI SHINOMORI, fully trained as fighters and unable to do much else. Unit specialties - HANNYA: Kendo and iron-clawed gauntlets, SHIKIJO: Ball-and-chain, body built like an oncoming freight train, BEISHIMI: Spiral darts that are sometimes poisoned, HYOTTOKO: Huge and breathes fire. The MAKIMACHI MISAO unit views these as her family and best friends, especially HANNYA.
KYOTO ONIWABANSHUU: OKINA, KUROJO, SHIROJO, MASUKAMI, OMIME. The staff of the restaurant/inn Aoiya, located in Kyoto, which is the front for the Oniwabanshuu Headquarters in the city. All are skilled in multiple ninja techniques, although OKINA is specialized with his steel Tonfa. The MAKIMACHI MISAO unit also views these as family and best friends, especially OKINA.
RURONI KENSHIN: A carrot-topped, scar-faced, law-breaking, red-dressed girly-man. Also a very good swordsman. This unit can become good friends with your MAKIMACHI MISAO unit, although the RURONI KENSHIN unit will probably suffer damage whenever he frustrates her, which will be very often.
Other unit interactions:
YAHIKO: Young, impetuous swordsman-in-training. Having an almost identical personality to the MAKIMACHI MISAO unit, the YAHIKO unit may not act like it, but will easily become a good friend.
HIKO SEIJURO (v. 13.0): Arrogant master swordsman. This unit will want to have little to do with your MAKIMACHI MISAO, and you can bet she'll feel the exact same way.
HAJIME SAITO: Evil smoking policeman. The MAKIMACHI MISAO unit prefers the company of any nearby HIKO SEIJURO (v. 13.0) over the company of this sour-tempered swordsman. However, they won't actually fight, so its alright to leave these two units armed when they interact with one another.
SHISHIO: Living, overcooked water-bottle covered in bandages. Will attempt to set fire to nearby major cities. The MAKIMACHI MISAO unit, combined with the KYOTO ONIWABANSHUU units, excels at stopping all of SHISHIO's arson-related plans.
KAORU KAMIYA: Skilled swordswoman. Fighting together, this unit and your MAKIMACHI MISAO unit make a strong force to be reckoned with.
Cleaning:
The MAKIMACHI MISAO is a self-cleaning unit, fully capable of washing herself after she gets the hang of modern plumbing. Anyone who barges in on your MAKIMACHI MISAO unit does so at their own peril.
Your MAKIMACHI MISAO unit also boasts the new self-drying system, with which she is fully capable of toweling herself off. However, in cases of programming failure, you will be required to rub unit dry with towel. Do not line-dry unit. Do not machine-dry unit. Do not dry-clean unit.
Energy:
Your MAKIMACHI MISAO requires one meal a day (minimum) to function. In cases where restaurants are not available, your MAKIMACHI MISAO will have hard-tack on hand as a food substitute. If there are restaurants nearby, your MAKIMACHI MISAO will have more than enough money to treat herself to food…just don't ask where the money came from.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: For some reason, ever since I got my MAKIMACHI MISAO, mysterious holes have been appearing in my more complicated electronic devices (computer, car, microwave, refrigerator, lawnmower, etc) and I can't figure out why. Plus, I keep hearing shouts of 'Kansatsu Tobikunai!' before each incident. What's happening?
A: Holed Appliances are a common occurrence, caused by your MAKIMACHI MISAO's lack of understanding of technology. Calmly seat her down in front of each item and explain/demonstrate what it can do.
Q: My MAKIMACHI MISAO unit's disappeared! She just ran off one day, and I have no idea where she is!
A: Do you have a AOSHI SHINOMORI unit? If not, then your MAKIMACHI MISAO has gone off to find her beloved AOSHI-sama. Unless there's one nearby, she'll probably go all the way to Tokyo and back. To keep this from happening again, get an AOSHI SHINOMORI unit and wait for your MAKIMACHI MISAO's joyful return.
Q: Hey! I paid money for a MAKIMACHI MISAO, but I only got an empty box. PLUS, I did everything to get her to come back (bought 3 AOISHI SHINOMORIs) but she's nowhere. Where is she!
A: …Some MAKIMACHI MISAOs escape sooner than others. Like, at the post office, per your example. Send us two of the AOSHI SHINOMORIs and we'll send you a new MAKIMACHI MISAO free of charge.
Troubleshooting:
Problem: An AOSHI SHINOMORI has defeated and nearly killed your KYOTO ONIWANABANSHUU OKINA, and your MAKIMACHI MISAO saw it happen.
Question: Given time, patience, and the letter that OKINA should have stowed away for your MAKIMACHI MISAO in case of his death will restore your MAKIMACHI MISAO to her normal bouncy self.
Problem: People continuously accuse your MAKIMACHI MISAO of being a child. Or a boy. Or both.
Question: Your MAKIMACHI MISAO is shipped at Age 16, and will deal harshly with accusations of being a child on her own. As for boyhood…check with your doctor if you're not completely certain, since who knows? Your MAKIMACHI MISAO might have just discovered the fabled Spring of the Drowned Boy.
Problem: Your MAKIMACHI MISAO, having run out of Kunai, has started throwing toothpicks and other small and pointy objects.
Question: Mail in five pictures of your MAKIMACHI MISAO as she throws these non-Kunai objects, and we will mail you a full resupply of Kunai daggers (One dozen per picture).
With proper care and maintenance, your MAKIMACHI MISAO will live a full and happy life while living under your roof. Her warranty is good through to the total duration of the Oniwabanshuu Omnitsu Organization - however long or short that might be. If, at any point you can't bear to live with her anymore, just send your MAKIMACHI MISAO off to find her true love, AOSHI SHINOMORI. (Owners of an AOSHI SHINOMORI be advised to send that unit away first.)