A/N: Oh. Oh my. Finally! After weeks of writing this, I finally finished it. I am so happy! Writing Kaname's side was really hard. I didn't know where it would go at first. I mean, I am the type of author who writes what comes to mind, not really preparing or thinking in advance as to where the story should go. So when I was writing Zero's and Kain's side, I had absolutely no idea what Kaname's reason should be.
Good thing an idea came to mind and voila, the fic came to life once again. But again, like all writers, I experienced writer's block. Like wtf? Why now? I battled with it, trying to finish the fic but to no avail. No end would come to mind and it really frustrated me. Because not only was I experiencing writer's block, I was also distracted by the Harry Potter and Naruto fics I keep running across. Damn, talk about wonderful distractions. Haha.
But when I wrote my RidoxZero fic last night, the inspiration finally came to me and I finally finished it. THANK GOD.
So here it is, Kaname's side! I hope it doesn't disappoint.
But before proceeding with the fic, I would just like to thank all of you. Thank you for all the reviewers who inspired and motivated me to finish these stories. You all make me happy with your reviews! Thank you so much!
So without further ado, here goes.
The Great Pretender: The Avenger's Side
It was laughable to think that the great and mighty Kaname Kuran was afraid of love. Yes. Out of all the dangerous and scary things in this world, the thing that Kaname feared the most was love. He feared it, loathed it, despised it. Who would've thought? Who would've thought that someone like him was so afraid of the crazy little thing called love?
But it hadn't always been that way. No, it hadn't always been that way.
Before he feared love, he revered it first. He loved to be loved and he loved to love. He basked in all the attention and love he received: from his parents, from his friends, from everyone around him. He loved to receive and he also loved to give. Love…it came naturally to him. It was natural for him.
He didn't know when it started. He didn't know when he started to fear it. He didn't want to know. But he did. Oh yes, he did. He remembered exactly when it happened. He remembered exactly what happened. He remembered exactly who happened. He remembered. He remembered everything. And the knowledge, it hurt. It hurt so much.
It all started on his sixth birthday. It was also his parent's wedding anniversary then. And as usual, everyone gushed and told them what a wonderful coincidence it was. How wonderful it was to celebrate their wedding anniversary and their son's birthday at the same date! At that time, it was. But Kaname would later on realize how wrong they were. It wasn't wonderful. It wasn't the least bit wonderful. For it only served as a painful reminder of what he once had and what he lost….a painful reminder.
It was the first birthday his father wasn't able to attend. It was the first wedding anniversary his father wasn't able to celebrate with his mother. It was the first. And unfortunately, it wouldn't be the last. Because years, and years, and years would pass before they finally realized his father would never come. Years and years and years before they realized his father would never come home.
For he had run off. He had run off with another woman, another woman other than his wife.
At first, he didn't realize the impact of what his father had done. He was too young back then. Too young to realize his father's betrayal, too young to realize his mother's pain, too young to realize his loss. But sadly, he wasn't that young. He wasn't that young to realize how the love he was once showered with suddenly disappeared. It just suddenly disappeared….it just suddenly disappeared. And it not only hurt him, it traumatized him too.
How could such a possibly strong feeling be there one second and be gone the next? That was then Kaname realized how fragile the thing called love was. It was so fragile that even a soft, single flick of a finger can shatter everything this so called love held.
And he saw it first hand. He saw first hand how this love shattered the woman he remembered as his mother, the woman named Juri, the woman who was once so strong, so beautiful, so kind, so loving, so full of life.
He watched how the loss of his father's love affected his mother's sanity. Every day, he listened his mother cry and cry for hours. Every day, he listened to his mother's screams and wails and shouts at the unfairness of this world, at the unfairness of love. Every day, he listened to his mother curse love for all the pain it caused her. Every day, he watched his mother suffer from the loss of the only man she loved, the only man she would ever love.
Slowly but surely, he watched his mother slowly become a shell of what she once was. And finally, the last straw came and he watched his mother succumb to the dark whispers of insanity…the dark whispers of the unkown.
It seemed like his father's wedding was the last straw. It broke her. It broke every single part of her; her mind, her body, her soul. Everything was broken. And so , on that very day of his father's wedding, hi mother gave up and slit her wrist. And Kaname watched. He watched the blood slowly gush out of his mother's wrist. And he watched. He watched as his mother's life slowly slipped away from his fingers.
It was painful. It was such a painful and traumatic experience to watch your mother who was once full of love and happiness suddenly be nothing but an empty shell of what she had once been, an empty shell of the woman he once loved and adored. It was painful. It was too painful to watch how love killed his mother…
Love killed his mother.
Love killed his mother.
Love killed his mother.
And it was at that moment, at that exact moment when his mother took her last breath, that Kaname feared love. It was at that moment Kaname loathed love. And it was at that moment, Kaname swore he would get his revenge. He would avenge the pitiful death of the woman he would always remember as his mother. His father, Haruka, would pay. And the woman whom he chose over his wife would pay too. They would all pay. They would all pay.
And he, Kaname Kuran, will do anything just to get it.
Even if it meant having a relationship with the son of the woman he loathed, the woman who took all the love his father had for them.
Even if it meant having a relationship with his stepbrother. Even then. Even then.
He suffered because of love. And now, he would do anything to make that woman's son suffer because of love. Oh, what a sweet way to get his revenge.
An eye for an eye.
Yes, an eye for an eye.
His chance finally came when he saw that woman's son enter the café. It was a coincidence, really. He really didn't plan it. He didn't plan seeing the beautiful son of Haruka's new wife. But fate…it seemed to be on his side of the game.
Sure, he didn't plan it. But it didn't mean he wouldn't take advantage of it. Because he would. Oh yes, he would.
He didn't expect it though. The moment his blood red eyes met lilac ones, he didn't expect the jolt of electricity that shot through him. He didn't expect the warm feeling he felt in his heart when he saw the silver-haired angel blush and flush. He didn't expect it. But he ignored it. It was probably just because of something he drank.
Kaname let a small smile grace his lips as he beckoned the beauty before him to come closer. And Kaname watched. He watched as the man before him slowly, but surely approached him. The man was really beautiful. He had such beautiful silver hair that it seemed to glow under light, beautiful eyes that would probably drown him if he stared too long, beautiful body that sent shivers down his spine, and beautiful lips that looked so plump and so very kissable. It was nothing less than expected. This was his brother, after all. Even if they weren't related by blood, they were still brothers. And that would never change. Just like how Kaname's thirst for revenge will never change. Even if his father and stepmother were already dead, it was still there. And it will never change. It will never change.
It should never change, shouldn't it?
"My name's Kaname. Kaname Kuran. What's yours?" Kaname tilted his head to the side in question, continuing to examine the man before him. He looked just like that woman. They looked so painfully alike.
"Zero. Zero Kiryuu." The man named Zero squeaked. Kaname's eyes crinkled in amusement. Really, this man was so amusing and very intriguing. Even with all the research he's done on this man, he still didn't know much about Zero. "Well, it seems like both you and I are alone today, Zero. So if it isn't too much, would you like to have coffee with me?"
Zero blushed, uttering a soft yes as he took the vacant seat before him.
Kaname's smile grew. He couldn't be any happier.
Finally, after years of waiting, he can finally start weaving the complex web of revenge. It was just too bad a certain silver-haired angel had to be the center of it all.
It's a shame, really. But then again, it was all for his revenge.
If Zero had anyone to blame, it was his mother. Yes, it was all his mother's fault.
Kaname slowly played with the wine glass he was holding, his strong and muscled frame leaning on his office's vast window. It was such a beautiful day; sunny but not so. Just the right amount of sun and he figured, just the right amount of warm breeze too. Zero would have loved to go outside in a weather like this. Kaname smiled fondly as he thought of his lover. Zero…
Yes, today was their 4th year anniversary. He was supposed to go home today and meet Zero. He was supposed to go home today and celebrate with Zero. He was supposed to go home today and make love with Zero. He was supposed to go home. He was supposed to be home. But no, here he was, at his office, acting like he forgot about yet another anniversary, acting like he didn't care, acting like Zero wasn't important.
It was amazing. It was amazing how good he was at hiding his emotions and thoughts. It was amazing how good he was at acting and pretending that today wasn't an important day when all he could think about was Zero's smile, Zero's laugh, Zero's warmth. It was amazing how good he was. It was amazing.
And it was pathetic.
Because no matter how hard he tried, he could never fully dissociate himself from Zero. No matter how hard he tried, he could never take away the pain in his heart whenever he thought of Zero's sadness, of Zero's pain. It was so painful. And it made Kaname mad at himself.
Why? When his very existence was made for the revenge he's planned all his life, why can't he fully harden his heart against Zero's love? Why? Why couldn't he fully hate the son of the woman who took everything away from him? Why couldn't he truly commit himself to his revenge? Why? Why?
Why was he so weak when it came to Zero? Why was he so helpless when it came to Zero? Why was he so pathetic when it came to Zero?
And why…why does he feel so warm and happy whenever he thinks of this silver-haired angel? Why? Why?
Kaname sighed as he slowly made his way to his desk. He needed to work. He needed to do something to take his mind of this important date. He needed to do something to momentarily forget about the man who haunted him in every way possible, Zero. He needed to forget. Just for a moment, he wanted to forget. He wanted to forget about his past, his fear, his revenge and most of all, he wanted to forget about Zero. Just for a little while, just for a little while.
For four years, he held Zero by his side, pretending to love the man, pretending to care for the man. The plan was supposed to be easy. Kaname would pretend. And when the time came when Zero's heart was completely his, he would leave him. He would break Zero's heart just like how his mother broke Juri's heart. He would destroy Zero's life just like how Zero's mother destroyed his life. He would make Zero fear and loath love just like how he feared and loathed it. He would make Zero experience all the pain he's experienced. All the sadness, all the suffering, all the fear, he wanted Zero to experience it all.
Zero had to pay for his mother's sins, after all. Sure, he was so young back when it happened. So innocent and so clueless. But so was Kaname. He was so young back then, too. He was also innocent, he was also clueless. But that didn't exempt him. It didn't exempt him from all the pain, from all the suffering, from all the sadness his father's selfishness cost.
And it was so unfair. When he, Kaname, had to endure all of it alone, Zero had his mother, his brother and Kaname's father. When he was all alone, Zero wasn't. But…it was partially his fault, really. Haruka offered him to stay with them, to stay with his new family. But of course, Kaname declined. Really, who could blame him? Who could blame him for not wanting to stay with the father who made his life miserable, with the woman who made his mother's last moments painful, with the family who was so happy despite all the pain they caused? Who could blame him? Who?
When he declined his father's offer, his Uncle Rido stepped into the picture. The man was in need of an heir to succeed the Kuran Enterprise. He was in need of someone who could someday take his place and take the company to heights it has never reached before. Of course, Kaname agreed. With the request that his relation with Haruka Kuran be never divulged, he agreed. This was the first step. This was the first step to his revenge and if it meant living his life with an uncle who was rarely there, an uncle who clearly did not care for him, then so be it. All he wanted was revenge and money…the money his uncle possessed, the power his uncle possessed, he needed it.
And so Kaname went on with his life. He studied hard, he aimed to achieve and he aimed to please. But, eight years after his mother's death, he received news that his father, Haruka had died. Along with his new wife and Zero's brother, they died in a tragic car accident, leaving a poor orphaned boy in the hands of his loving relatives. When Kaname heard the news, not a single ounce of sorrow came to him. His father and his new family died. It was a beautiful punishment for them. Even if he wasn't the one who exacted their punishment, it was fine. There was still someone left to exact his revenge on, after all.
Zero…Zero Kiryu.
A pang shot right through Kaname's chest as his eyes landed on the picture frame that adorned his desk. It was a picture of him and Zero. They were both so happy in each other's arms. They were both sitting on a picnic mat. Zero was situated in front of him, leaning his slim and lithe body against his lover. Kaname's arms loosely encircled Zero's waist as he was looking at the silver-haired angel, whose attention was focused on the camera, in adoration. At that exact moment, thoughts of his past and revenge were far from Kaname's mind. It was a beautiful memory. It was such a beautiful memory. Kaname's eyes softened as he remembered the events that lead to such a wonderful picture, a soft smile gracing his lips.
It was such a beautiful memory. If only he could turn back time. If only. If only…..
He picked up a key that was strategically hidden on his desk, twirling it, hesitating if he should use it to open his locked drawer. Going for it, he slowly opened the locked compartment, revealing 6 gift boxes placed beautifully in it. He looked at each one of them lovingly. Each box represented every anniversary and every birthday he's pretended to have forgotten. He picked up a box, carefully shaking it and smiling as he felt its content moving.
It was an engraved watch he ordered specially for Zero. His lover just adored watches, always admiring and praising Kaname for his impeccable taste when it came to picking watches. So, it was natural for Kaname to but something his lover adored. Kaname smiled fondly at the thought. This was supposed to be his gift to Zero for their 2nd anniversary, a gift he never had the chance to give, unfortunately.
He put down the box, looking at the other boxes as he sighed.
He thought about all the anniversaries and birthdays that could have been beautiful memories for them. If only he could turn back time. If only. If only…
His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by the shrill ring of the phone. Knowing full well who it was, Kaname answered it without hesitation, "Takuma."
"Kaname-sama, I'm sorry to disturb you but the mergers are already waiting for you in the conference room."
"I see. I'll be there in a minute. Is there anything else?"
"Well," The man on the other line hesitated, "is there…is there something you would like me to do for you today?"
"What do you mean, Takuma?" Kaname feigned ignorance. He knew very well what his blonde friend was hinting at. Maybe they were still hoping that he would actually go home to Zero or at least send him flowers. But no, of course he wouldn't do that. What would be the point of his revenge if he showed Zero he cared? In fact, he was never supposed to actually care for the man. But Zero…he was just too easy to get attached to.
"I..well, nothing, Kaname-sama."
Kaname hummed. "Well, if that's all, proceed to the conference room now and bring the necessary documents."
The brunette slowly put down the receiver, his right hand massaging his forehead. Who knew revenge would be so difficult and painful? It wasn't supposed to be like this. Really, it wasn't. He wasn't supposed to care for Zero. He only needed to pretend. But how? Why? When? When did all his lies become truths? When did deceit mold with reality? When? When?
Two weeks after their 4th year anniversary, Kaname decided to go home. It wouldn't hurt, wouldn't it? To see Zero's smile, to hear Zero's laugh, to fell Zero's warmth…if it was just for a while, it wouldn't hurt. It wouldn't hurt, right? He just needed a few days to be with Zero. He desperately needed a few days to be with Zero. Just a few days...That was all he was asking for. Because after that…after that…he would go back to pretending. He would go back to lying and all he would think about…all he would think about was revenge.
Even if it hurt. Even if it hurt.
Kaname spent the rest of his three days observing Zero. He didn't really want to interact with his lover. He just wanted to watch. He just wanted to watch Zero. He wanted to memorize every single dip and curve his lover possessed, every smile, every laugh, every movement. He wanted to remember it all. So that when the time came when he had to complete his revenge, he would never forget the man named Zero. Never. Never….
On their last night together, Kaname relished in the warmth Zero's body gave him, the warmth only he could give. He softly traced circles on his lover's bare back as he they basked in the afterglow their nightly activities brought them. Kaname took a deep breath, inhaling the unique scent his lover possessed. A soft smile touched his lips. Strawberries and roses, Zero smelled so good.
"Kaname?"
"Hm?" Kaname opened his eyes to look at the naked form in his arms, who was cuddling his chest, seeking for warmth. Zero looked so beautiful. There was a blush staining his cheeks and his whole body seemed to glow under the moonlight. Lilac eyes stared intently at blood red ones. They were so full of raw emotion that Kaname almost gasped at the intensity. They were so beautiful, so very beautiful.
"I love you, Kaname. Till death and until then." Zero said the words so softly that it was a miracle Kaname even heard him. Kaname felt his body tense as Zero said those three words. He expected them. Zero always said those words to him. But always…they never fail to always surprise him. He slowly closed his eyes, repeating Zero's statement in his head over and over and over again.
He knew Zero loved him. Of course he knew Zero loved him. But…did he love Zero back? Could he truly love the son of the woman who ruined his life? Could he really love the son of the woman who destroyed his happy family? Could he really let go of his vengeful desires to be with the man whom he was now holding in his arms? Could he? Could he really forgive? Could he?
"I know," Kaname's embrace grew tighter. He was so confused. He was so very confused. What was this warm feeling in his heart? Was this…was this love? A shot of fear suddenly filled him. Love…
Was this the love he was once so full of?
Was this the love that killed his mother?
Was this the love that made him miserable?
Kaname was afraid. He was so afraid. This emotion…he didn't want it. No, he can't afford to have it. He didn't want to end up like his mother. He didn't want to love someone and someday be left alone by that same person. He didn't want to be betrayed, he didn't want to be unloved. He didn't want to die in such a painful way. Oh God, he didn't. He really didn't.
Love…this disease haunted him in every painful way possible. And he was scared. He was afraid to realize that he might have come to love the son of his enemy. Zero…his Zero.
After that night, Kaname did his best to avoid and forget Zero. The realization of how deep his feelings for Zero were made him run away with his tail between his legs. He didn't want it. He didn't want love.
Love…for such a strong emotion, it was such a fragile thing. One wrong move and it can shatter everything. One wrong move and it can destroy a person's life, a person's soul. Love was both an amazing and terrifying thing. To feel it was bliss yet to lose it was hell.
For the first time in twenty-five years, revenge didn't seem to matter anymore. Kaname was torn. He wanted- no, he needed Zero. But he was afraid. What if Zero left him? What if Zero would someday stop loving him? What if? What if? Questions and doubts flooded Kaname's mind. He wanted to be with Zero…but he was afraid. He was so afraid to love again. Because what if? What if?
For 6 months, he pondered. When he met Zero, he was so happy and ecstatic because he was finally going to get his revenge. But as he got to know the man more, as he got to see who Zero really was, his resolve started to waive. He didn't notice it at first. He didn't notice how revenge sometimes seemed to be the farthest thing in his mind whenever he was with Zero. He didn't notice. And maybe, that was his mistake. He got too careless. He got too cozy. And now….and now, he realized just how much he loved Zero.
What should he do? What did he want to do? He rarely called Zero anymore and as much as it pained him, he just had to think. He just had to know. He just had to know.
Three months has passed since he last called Zero. The absence of Zero in his life nearly drove him insane. But he endured. For three months, he endured. He just had to know how much he loved, how much he needed Zero.
And finally, after three more months, after three more painful months, of thinking, of pondering, of weighing his options, Kaname finally knew what he had to do. Revenge, revenge wasn't important. Well, it was before but now…He would gladly throw revenge away for Zero. He would gladly forget his painful past for Zero's love. He would be happy to start a new life with Zero. As long as he was with Zero, as long as Zero loved him…he would be happy.
Kaname loved Zero so much that he would gladly risk getting hurt and getting his heart broken just to have Zero in his arms once again. He loved Zero. And now…he now knew what to do.
Kaname hurriedly stood up from his seat, swiftly and clumsily arranging the documents on his desk. He had to see Zero right now.
As he stacked the papers on his desk, he thought of the day Zero asked him of his relation to Haruka Kuran. Zero didn't know he was Haruka's son. How could he? After he refused his father's request, he told the man to never tell anyone that he had a son with his previous wife. He knew Zero would one day ask him that question so he already had an answer prepared, telling Zero that Haruka was nothing more than a distant uncle.
Of course, trusting as Zero was, he never doubted Kaname's answer for a second and after that, he never again asked Kaname about Haruka. Zero would never know. He never had to find out the truth. All he had to know right now was that Kaname loved him so much. So much.
Satisfied with how neat his desk was, he made his way to their home.
The ride home was filled with thoughts of Zero. Kaname remembered everything that made him choose Zero over revenge. Maybe someday he would think about what would have happened if he completed his revenge, but for sure, he would never regret the choice he made.
To wake up with Zero by his side every day, to be with Zero every day, it was all worth it. He would never regret his decision. Never.
Never.
Unlocking the door that divided him from his lover, Kaname looked at the dark apartment in confusion.
Zero…he wasn't home?
"Zero," Kaname called out, switching the lights to their apartment on. He looked around. Dust covered the furnitures, making it look like the place hasn't been touched for weeks – no, months even. Where was Zero? He would never allow their apartment to look like this because even if the silver-haired man didn't look like it, he was such a neat freak.
"Zero," He called out again, this time, louder. His voice held something one would recognize as worry…fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of the possibilities. But it was impossible, right? Zero….Zero wouldn't leave him, would he?
Kaname proceeded to check each room there apartment had, checking every nook, every corner, every place Zero might be. But his efforts were futile, Zero wasn't there. Zero was nowhere to be seen. Kaname felt his heart ache. Did Zero really?
The last place he had left unsearched was their bedroom. He was afraid to take a peek. Afraid to find out, afraid to know that Zero might not be there. He was afraid that Zero might not be in the last place Kaname expected to find him.
The brunette slowly opened the door to the room, and his deepest, darkest fears were confirmed. Zero was nowhere to be found. What greeted him wasn't the usual touch of silver. It certainly wasn't the warm smile he loved. And it certainly wasn't the warmth he longed for. Instead, there, lying on the bed, on their bed, was a box, a simple innocent box with a note attached.
For my dearest Kaname, it read. The said recipient of the box slowly approached the bed. With shaking hands, he slowly opened it. Inside was a single yet thick notebook, worn out from what Kaname decided months of writing on it. He slowly lifted it, examining every detail and when he was finally done scrutinizing, he opened it. A picture fell out and Kaname picked it up with reverence.
It was a picture of him and Zero, taken during their first anniversary. It was a lovely picture and Kaname felt warmth spread in his heart as he looked at Zero's smile. It was truly a lovely picture and memory. Putting the photo down, he opened the notebook with gentle care, his eyes meeting the familiar handwriting of his lover.
Dear Kaname,
Hello. How long has it been since we've last seen each other? 3 months? 6 months? A year, maybe? Well, it doesn't really matter anymore because by the time you read this, I am already long gone. Dead, for the lack of a better term.
Kaname's mind was working with the information he just read, placing the pieces to make it fit and find out what really happened. Zero…he was dead? Did he…was it…suicide? He resumed reading the content of the notebook.
Hey, I know your mind's working right now, trying to find out the reason why I'm dead. But before you make assumptions, read this first okay?
Okay, so first of all, I didn't commit suicide. Seriously, I would never do that. I would never leave you. If I had a choice, I would never leave you. I have leukemia, Kaname. Or well, I had leukemia. But it's probably gone now. Since well, I'm dead. But whatever, let's just put that aside okay?
I just…well, I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry. I know you must be really confused right now and I know you must be feeling hurt because I didn't tell you I was sick. I'm really sorry, Kaname. I didn't mean to hide it from you. I was just scared. Scared that if you were with me during my dying moments, I would have a hard time letting go and accepting death.
So I'm really sorry but I just had to do it. It was selfish, yes, but I had to do it for my sake. Because to tell you the truth, I was also afraid that if you found out the truth that I was sick, you would leave me for another healthy man. And if that truly happened, I wouldn't be able to take it.
For three years, you have done so many things to hurt me, Kaname. But maybe I'm a masochist, huh? Because no matter how much pain, no matter how much sadness, no matter how much hurt you've caused, I can never truly hate you. And I can never leave you.
Despite all the pain, despite everything you've done to me, I still love you, Kaname. I am still utterly, completely, and irrevocably in love with you.
I just wanted you to know that. I just wanted you to know that the happiness of being with you, of being by your side, encompasses all the pain and all the sadness. The four years I've spent with you has made me the happiest man on earth. Seeing you smile, hearing you laugh, feeling your warmth, everything has made me feel so happy and so loved.
I love you, Kaname. This notebook is my last letter, my dying wish. Beyond this are more writings from me. Writings that I worked hard for during my last moments. To read it or not, I leave the choice to you.
But I just want you to know…I just want you to know:
I love you, Kaname. Till death and until then.
Zero
Tears marred the smooth pages of the notebook. Kaname couldn't believe. Just when he….just when he decided to truly love Zero with all his heart, just when he decided to give up on revenge…
It was too late, he was too late.
And all he could do was cry and laugh hysterically.
Because really, even in death, his father and his woman still made sure that Kaname lost in this complex game of revenge. Even in death, they still mocked him. Even in death, they still made sure that he would suffer. Even in death, even in death.
And again, all he could do was cry. Because really, he had no one to blame but himself.
He was too late, he was too late.
It was yet another beautiful day; sunny but not so. Just the right amount of sun and the right amount of warm breeze. Come to think of it, it was on a day like this he first met Zero. It was also the perfect day to visit his lover's grave.
How long has it been? 3 months? 6 months? A year?
Two years, Kaname decided. Two years since he gave up on revenge, two years since he chose Zero, two years since he found out that his Zero was long gone. Two long, painful and misearable years.
Kaname held the bouquet of roses in his hand tighter. For two years, he lived in denial, refusing to accept the fact that the man he loved, the only man he would probably love in this lifetime, was dead. He refused to accept that he would never be able to see Zero's smile, hear Zero's laugh, feel Zero's warmth ever again.
He refused to accept it. But he knew that someday, one day, he would have to accept it. He would have to wake up from his denial and face reality. And that day had come. Today, after two years, he would finally visit his late lover's grave.
It was painful, heart-breaking, gut-wrenching. But he had to do it. He had to accept it. Zero wouldn't want him to live his life in denial forever, now would he? How could he face Zero in the afterlife if he lived the last moments of his life in such pathetic state?
And besides, he knew Zero wasn't completely gone. Zero….he was always – no, he would always be with Kaname: in his mind, and in his heart.
Kaname felt the car come to a stop. He could hear his heart pounding. He was nervous. This was finally it.
Someone opened the door for him, and he was met by the sight of one of his and Zero's closest friend, Kain. He knew the man's feelings for Zero. He would be a fool not to. What, with those affectionate looks he always sent Zero, it was impossible not to deduce that he was indeed in love with the man. But again, Kaname asked himself, who wouldn't? Who wouldn't fall in love with someone like Zero? Zero…he was just too easy to love.
"Kaname-sama," The orange-haired man acknowledged, his brows furrowed as he looked at the red flowers Kaname held tightly in his arms. "Roses?"
"Yes," Kaname answered with a soft smile, "Roses. Is something wrong with them?"
Kain hesitated, "But Zero hated roses. He loved lilies. I don't think he would like it if you placed roses on his…" Kain trailed off as he saw that the soft smile on his boss' face was replaced by a mysterious one.
"Rest assured, Kain. Zero will love it. I just know it."
"But…" Whatever Kain wanted to say was lost as Kaname patted him on the back and made his way to his lover's grave, the mysterious smile still on his face.
"Trust me. Zero will love it." And Kaname was sure Zero would. Kain would never understand. He would never truly understand why Zero would love it because it was a secret only he and Zero knew. And it will forever remain that way.
Kain might have had Zero in his dying moments. He might have held Zero in his arms during his last breath.
But always…
Kaname would always have Zero's heart. And that was all that mattered.
Kaname smiled fondly at his lover who was busy looking at the flowers that filled the floral shop. He looked so happy, so excited, so ecstatic. And Kaname's heart was fill with warmth at the thought that he was one of the lucky ones to see this side of Zero.
His cute little Zero.
"Kaname," Zero called out, beckoning his lover to come closer to where he was standing. Kaname humoured his lover and approached, his fond smile still plastered on his face, eyes twinkling in amusement.
"Zero."
The said man beamed, as he pushed a bouquet of roses towards Kaname face. "My favourite flowers! Roses! Aren't they beautiful?"
Kaname took a deep breath as he inhaled the sweet aroma the red flowers gave off, "Hmmmm." Kaname hummed in appreciation, "Beautiful, indeed. But correct me if I'm wrong. Weren't Calla Lilies your favourite flowers?"
"Well, my favourite flowers are roses now! Is there something wrong with that?"
"Hmmm," Kaname pretended to be deep in thought, "nothing really. Just that you're really fickle."
Zero scowled, "Am not! Can't a person have two favourite flowers?"
"Well, yes. Technically they can. But if I remember correctly, last week, you were so bent on insisting that you would only have one favourite flower." Kaname remarked, smiling as he saw the blush slowly staining his lover's cheeks. Cute.
"Yeah, well, whatever! I have decided that I love roses and that's that. No room for arguments." Zero crossed his arms and sulked like a child as he heard Kaname's melodic laughter. The brunette gathered Zero lover in his arms, embracing the slim and lithe body tightly.
"Okay, I won't argue with you. But pray tell, why the sudden change of heart? And why red roses?" Kaname asked, resting his head on the crook of Zero's neck, enjoying the sweet smell of strawberries and roses his lover had.
Kaname felt Zero mumble something incomprehensible. "What?"
"I said," Zero spoke clearly this time, the blush on his cheeks growing darker. "They remind of you. The same color as your eyes…blood red."
Kaname heart was suddenly filled with warmth. He smiled once again as he turned Zero around to face him, placing a chaste kiss on Zero's nose. "Really?"
Zero smiled, his eyes filled with warmth and love, "Really."
'I love you, Zero. I really do. I just never got the chance to tell you.'
A/N: So...what did you guys think? Did it live up to your expectations or did it disappoint? Please tell me! I'm dying here. Tell me. Sustain my writer soul with your reviews.
So anyway, I have another VK fic in the works. And ta-da! For the first time, it won't be angsty! Humor, people, humor. I don't know when I'll post it since I'll also be putting into words the story entitled "The King Father, The King, The King Consort, and The Prince" whose plot was developed by Irmina and Gwen! I won't be posting it in my account though. It will be posted in the IrminaGwen Violet account.
So yeah, it'll be quite a long time before I post a non-drama or non-angst story since it's not really my forte. But I will post it...someday.
Again, thanks for reading my story! Please review if you have time :))
- violetkisses