The Doctor was waiting outside room 325-c, River's class room, like he did every week at this time. After the Ponds' tragic exit from their lives, both River and the Doctor had decided to meet up once a week, every week, outside her class room at Luna. They had promised each other no cheating, no jumping ahead. But it was worth it. In these times they were mostly linier, something that happened far too rarely in their relationship. Even though they still ended up finding adventure and danger (with the Doctor and River together, how could there not be?), they also enjoyed being able to just spend some time talking and enjoying each-other's company. In these rare times they could open up and be their full selves.
Only this time, she was late. He had been waiting here for an hour now, just waiting for her to come out. In the whole 3 months they've been doing this she had never been late and neither had he. Though truthfully, that was getting close to a record for him so he was bound to mess up sooner or later right? So, just to be safe, he checks his watch.
Tuesday, 25 March, 5:30 PM
Right date, right time. So where was she?
He had just about given up on waiting for her and was about to go look for her on his own when he saw a head of bouncy curls running down the hall in front of him. Oh, he would recognize those curls anywhere! He quickly pushed himself off the wall to run after her.
"River!" the Doctor called down the hall. "I've been waiting here for you. Where have you been?"
He saw her stop but she didn't turn around, so he continued until he was right behind her.
"River, I waited for you for almost an hour outside your classroom. What- what's wrong?" he asked noticing that she had yet to turn around. He reached his hand out to grab her shoulder just as she turned to look at him causing him to jump back in order to avoid hitting her.
"Where have I been? What kind of question is that Doctor? Where have you been?"
"What? What do you mean? I told you, I've been waiting for you!"
"Yes, I heard. You've been waiting for a whole hour, you poor dear! Try waiting for 18 months!"
Now it was the Doctor's turn to stop, every excuse or quick remark dying on his lips after hearing those last few words. And for the first time since she turned around, he finally took the time to look at her, properly look. It was then that he saw it, her defensive posture around him, the way she carried her shoulders, not quite sure of herself yet. Her skin was lighter than he remembered, almost an olive colour instead of the sun kissed gold he had grown accustomed to. There was also a missing wrinkle he was used to seeing; one that showed itself when she was cross with him. (Though he would never tell River how fond he was of that particular wrinkle or any wrinkle for that matter.) Then he saw her eyes.
River Song's eyes were ones he knew better than his own. They held shadows of her past, of things she could not quite remember, pain and sorrow from more losses than anyone should have to deal with even over three lifetimes. But among the pain, the loss and the shadows, there had always been love; a powerful love mixed with a ferocious loyalty and unshakable forgiveness. It was this love that brought the spark and the joy and the carefree spirit that was River to him. And that, that was what was missing from her eyes. She had yet to find that spark that would make her into his River.
The Doctor took one step back as if to get a better look at her, his mind running through his memories trying to find anytime River had been without what he called her "River-ness" spark. There was only one time. That was… Oh! But that was… and she was… But that would mean… Oh!
"But… you're basically Mels" he blurts out without thinking of the impact these few words could have. But he soon regrets it after seeing the pain it caused in her eyes. She had been trying so hard to become this River Song for none other than him, thinking that maybe then he could love her. But he still saw her as Mels, his murderer. Maybe she would never get there; after all, time can be rewritten.
"No, No!" He tried to stop the pain growing on her face that was caused by his careless choice of words. "By that I just mean you're young. Really young, blime! The only time I've seen you younger was in Berlin" he said as he scratched the hairs at the back of his neck.
"Well that would make sense seeing as that's the only other time I've seen you" she bit back, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. She didn't understand why he felt the need to tell her this.
"Oh, come on River! You know that doesn't have to mean anything of the sort" the Time Lord replied in a half joking manner. But all joking stopped when she responded by turning her face away from him, as if in failure. "Or… maybe you don't know."
"River", the Doctor started, fighting the urge to reach out his hands and embrace her cheeks, afraid it would frighten her. "Do you remember how in Berlin I knew you? I knew River Song even before you had even heard that name. It's because I had met you before, several times in fact. River, you and I, we don't always meet in the right order. Truthfully, the last time I saw you was only a week ago. And even though it was only 18 months ago that you were in Berlin, it's been over a century and a half for me. River, you have to believe me." He tried to explain all this as gently as he could, understanding that she was hurt and a wounded River was a dangerous River, even more so than normal. But he also knew that she was smart, quicker than your average human at understanding such matters and that treating her otherwise was the last thing she would want, especially now.
But Melody Pond had been cheated, burned and lied to too many times before. So, despite his explanation full of gentleness and trust, she tried to tell herself that the Doctor was lying, that this was nothing but a plan, a plan to hurt her; that he would leave her just as all the others had done before. But then she thought back to Berlin. She remembered the pleading look in his eyes as he begged for River Song-begged for her help. She remembered the look of forgiveness as he told her not to run and the look of love as she reached down to give him the rest of her lives. This was the same look he had on his face at the moment. It was this look that told her he was not lying to her.
"I- I believe you" she whispered, head turning towards the floor, no longer able to bare that powerful gaze.
"Hey", the Doctor cautiously brought one figure under her chin, lifting it up so he could once more look into her beautiful face. "Thank you" he said simply. As she looked up, she could not help but match his kind smile with one of her own.
"Now River Song, Melody Pond, would you do me the honor of going with me on a date?"
"You – you're asking me on a date?" she asked skeptically, hardly able to believe what she was hearing. Sure while in Berlin they had flirted and shared a kiss or two but none of that seemed to be his choice. (And to be perfectly honest, one of those kisses has killed him and the other was used to bring him back to life.) And though in Berlin the Doctor had seemed to care for her and maybe even love her that was River Song. But by his own words, she knew he did not see that as her yet, and truthfully, the way she was going may never be her.
"Of course I am! I came here for just that reason, didn't I?"
"Not really" she replied. "You came here for an older me. You really don't have to stay. Go find older me and go on that date. I'm sure she – I'll appreciate it" she said with a weak smile. River was sure she had given him an offer he could not refuse but the Doctor was always surprising her.
"I'm sure you would" he said flirtatiously. "But then again, knowing you, you would probably be mad at me for skipping out on a younger you and I would end up with a nice slap to the cheek." The Doctor started rubbing his cheek at the thought of a slap from his wife.
"Well, I'm sorry I don't know myself well enough to know that yet."
"No, River… goodness no! That's- that's not what I meant! Dear, listen to me." River flinched at this new term of endearment. The Doctor quickly reached out and grabbed her arms so she could not turn away but at the same time was rubbing them slowly, something he knew always calmed her down. "I will always want to spend time with you. It doesn't matter which you I get. And it doesn't matter who you think you are at the time either. I will always – always – care for you!" (And LOVE you he wanted to shout so there would be absolutely no doubt in her mind; but fear of what those words might do to her at this time sopped him from doing so. Not yet, he had to remind himself.) "I wish I could say I will always be there for you but, as the last 18 months have probably shown you, that's not going to be the case. And I am so sorry for that" he added with a sigh. "But I promise you, if you ever need me, just send me a message and I willcome running because you Melody Pond – Melody Zucker – River Song – or whoever you choose to be at that moment - are precious to me." The Doctor finished by bopping River's nose as he had so many times before.
River, however, did not know how to respond to this. Who was she to receive such kind words and from the man she killed no less? Did he have any idea what words like that did to her, especially coming from someone she – no she mustn't think like that. Even if she were to accept these emotions growing inside of her, there was no way that the Doctor would ever care for her in that way no matter what she thought she might have seen in Berlin. But his words had shown her he did at least care for her and there was no way she could deny that, but why? Why would he care for her? The only reasons she could think of were that he either pitied her because of her past or felt some sort of obligation to take care of her due to her parents being his best friends. Whichever it was, he deserved to think he was helping.
"Well then, how about that date" she suggested, wanting to move on.
The Doctor took a step back, patted her arms and took a deep sigh and with that seemed to be his peppy, cheerful self once more. And as long as no one looked too close, and he knew that with this River he did not have to worry about that, then they would not see how deeply concerned he was about her. He had known her far too closely and far too long to not see how she was changing the subject and cautiously avoiding eye contact for long periods of time. She was still hurt but he decided if she was so desperate to move on, it could wait until later.
"Alright! Come with me" he said, grabbing her hand as he led her out and around the side of the building until they (almost literally) ran into the TARDIS.