This is a détournement of the song Common People released by Pulp in 1995. I changed the words to make it fit in the Harry Potter universe created by J. K. Rowling.
I had this idea after looking up the guys who played the Weird Sisters in the movie Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I hope it will amuse you as much as I had fun rewriting it.

She came from glen she had a thirst for knowledge,
She studied magic at Hogwarts in Scotland,
that's where I,
caught her eye.
She told me she was a wealthy witch,
I said "In that case I'll have a Blishen's Firewhisky."
She said "Fine."
and in thirty seconds time she said,

"I want to live like muggle people,
I want to do whatever muggle people do,
I want to sleep with muggle people,
I want to sleep with muggle people,
like you."

Well what else could I do -
I said "I'll see what I can do."
I took her to a post office there,
I don't know why but I had to start it somewhere,
so it started there.
I said "Pretend you've got no magic,"
she just laughed and said,
"Oh you're so funny."
I said "yeah?
Well I can't see anyone else smiling in here.
Are you sure you want to live like muggle people,
you want to see whatever muggle people see,
you want to sleep with muggle people,
you want to sleep with muggle people,
like me."
But she didn't understand,
she just smiled and held my hand.
Rent a flat above a shop,
cut your hair and get a job.
Repeat chores using your hands,
pretend you never got a wand.
But still you'll never get it right,
cos when you're laid in bed at night,
watching dust stuck to the wall,
if you flick your wand it could stop it all.

You'll never live like muggle people,
you'll never do what muggle people do,
you'll never fail like muggle people,
you'll never watch your life slide out of view,
and work and drink and screw,
because there's no choise left to you.

Sing along with the muggle people,
sing along and it might just get you through,
laugh along with the muggle people,
laugh along even though they're laughing at you,
and the stupid things that you do.
Because you think that weak is cool.