I gnashed my teeth as hard as I could and tried not to shake. I felt the cold wall against my shell. My fists were closed around a staff made of metal, and I could feel how my tight grip around it made it bend. No matter how much I trained, I couldn't get the pain and anger to disappear.
I finally took a deep, deep breath and heard my own whimpering sobs echoing in my lab. I placed a hand against the wall and managed to actually stand up, even though my whole body was shaking violently.
The salty taste of my own tears reached my mouth and I closed my eyes as I threw the staff away. I could hear it hit something metallic, but didn't even bother to look. The electric sound of a broken computer reached me. Again, I didn't even bother.
- Don! Donnie, open up!
I spun around and stared at the locked door. His voice. His wonderful, rumbling, demanding voice. I clenched my fists and felt a new flood of tears running down my face, and I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep silent.
His mere voice made my whole body ache and twist inside; I wanted to crawl out of myself and rip my whole entity apart! I doubted any other living creature had experienced the feelings I kept inside, eating my soul bit by bit. I let another strained sob escape.
- Open up, ya hear me! Open up, Don!
I heard his fists hitting the door, sending sharp poundings through my body. I flinched every time his rock hard body touched the metal.
I couldn't breathe normally, and went down on my knees once again. I rammed my fist into the floor and didn't even notice the mark of blood my knuckles left. I unintentionally held my breath and shut my eyes closed.
I suddenly heard someone walking towards the lab and taking place in front of it, pushing my love aside.
- Donatello, open the door.
I froze. A cold shiver went through my whole body and I couldn't help but gulp loudly. I stood up once again and walked over to the door on quivering legs. My heart pounded hard and fast, and I didn't even bother to try breathing normally anymore.
- Why didn't you just dig your hand inside my chest and rip my heart out, huh, Raph?
I sobbed.
- That would have been less painful.
My voice cracked and was a mere whisper, but apparently he could hear me.
I heard that he pushed that disgusting, cold-hearted Leo away and pressed himself against the door. I silently did the same, and desperately tried to feel some kind of warmth through the ice cold metal.
My feelings were all mixed up and I tried to decide if I hated or loved him. I pressed closer to the door.
Tears kept streaming down my face, and I bit my lower lip in the struggle to keep silent.
- Donnie-boy…
His low, gentle voice made something crack inside of me, and I helplessly let out a loud whimper. I heard him groan on the other side of the door. It felt like we were sending our pain through that door and straight into the other one's heart with every sound we made and every word we spoke.
I yelped for air and hit my forehead against the metal.
I loved him. I really, really loved him; with all my heart.
But what he did with that asshole Leonardo…
My heart jumped at the thought and I lost my breath, and then put my hand over my plastron. Every time I thought of them – or him, for that matter – my body wanted to break down into tiny pieces, and my throat felt like burning up!
I buried my face in my hands and turned around.
I couldn't see clearly with tears making everything a blur, but I walked over to one of my tables and started to ram through my stuff.
I guess I couldn't blame him. Everything with Leo was perfect. Leo was the freaking definition of "perfect"! Who wouldn't want that? Who wouldn't pick that instead of a complicated geek like me?
Some unfinished projects, tools and other pieces of junk crashed down on the floor when I finally found what I was searching for.
I looked at some of my experiments.
They, too, were perfect; made of cold metal, tightly sealed with bolts and welds. They almost never broke, and they were always shining and made with extreme preciseness.
I took the saw in my right hand and swallowed hard.
Tears reached the floor. Raphael threw himself at the door, screaming my name. I whispered Leonardo's name and put the saw over my left hand.
Raphael had cheated on me. With the perfect Leonardo.