Hi, guys! So this is the revised version of Chapter 1. It really isn't all that different from the original, just a few things cleared up and Katriona a little more shy. It's not essential to read it, so if you don't want to waste the time, that's fine. But you can read it if you want. That would be cool. :) Tell me how you like it!

The next two or three chapters is going to be Bruce and Katriona making friends and Tony being obnoxious about it. And Clint in the vents, because that's just awesome. Thanks to everyone who gave me reviews telling me how to un-Mary Sue my character, and to Potkanka for sending me the Mary Sue Litmus Test.

Disclaimer: If I owned the Avengers, there would be a movie starring Natasha and Clint, because they have 2 movies about Iron Man and 0 about Natasha or Clint. Not that I don't love Iron Man 2. But I digress. I also would have had Mark Ruffalo in the Incredible Hulk and the Avengers because he's adorable. :)

There were many places that Bruce Banner would rather be at this hour. In his lab, watching some movie Tony picked out to help Steve with his modern references, sleeping. Instead he got to watch Tony get drunk. The billionaire was currently regaling a group of squealing fangirls with a retelling of the events of six months before, complete with sound effects.

"So then the Hulk was like, RAAAR! And I was like, ARRGH! Please tell me nobody kissed me."

The fangirls let out worshipful titters, and Bruce rolled his eyes, getting up. Maybe he'd go get something from the snack bar.

Damn Tony. Damn Clint, too. Why the hell had they found it SO entertaining to drag him along to a nightclub? It's not like he was exactly the life of the party. And, of course, there was always the chance that the… other guy… might make an appearance.

Bruce ducked through a group of girls in dresses that would have made Steve blush like a schoolboy, and slammed into someone. Something wet splashed his front, and he winced, glancing down at his front. At least it wasn't something like red wine. In fact, it seemed to be…water?

The girl standing across from him stared at him in horror. She was wearing a dress that was obviously a bit too big for her, with water soaking the skirt.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry!" she blurted. "I could probably get like a napkin or something to wipe it up—I'm not usually this clumsy, sorry."

Bruce half-smiled and plucked at his shirt.

"It's all right, it's only water. I think the blame for this one lies on me. I wasn't paying attention."

The girl smiled, looking relieved.

"Oh, good. You aren't mad. I was scared you were going to get pissed off."

He stiffened, shooting the girl a wary glance. How much did she know?

There was an awkward silence, and the girl glanced down at her feet.

"Anyway, I'm super sorry, and I think I'm going to leave before I embarrass myself anymore. Uh, bye."

She went to slip past him but he put out a hand to stop her.

"Hey, it's fine. It's actually nice seeing someone who's relatively sober," he said. There was no possible way she could know about the Hulk. All that was publicly known about the Hulk was that he showed up at random intervals to kill aliens and occasionally made an appearance when the Avengers got pissed off. Tony had made sure. He said hacking into major news stations was fun, although Bruce had a suspicion that their ideas of fun were a lot different.

The girl looked at him and laughed. She was young, although definitely old enough to be in a bar. Probably in her early twenties.

"You get dragged here, too?" she asked. Bruce couldn't help but laugh. "Yes, I usually avoid nightclubs like the plague. Trust me, nobody likes me when I'm drunk. I try to steer clear of it."

He laughed inwardly. No, nobody liked the Hulk.

The girl smiled.

"Cool. Um, I'm Katriona, by the way."

"I'm Bruce. Nice to meet you," he said, automatically. For a moment he was stuck. What did you say to someone you accidentally met in a bar? Especially when that person is probably the only sober one besides yourself?

Tony would know. Except maybe about the sober part.

"So, uh, what do you do for a living?" the girl asked, awkwardly. Bruce seized on the topic instantly.

"I'm a doctor. I work in third world countries, usually, but I'm visiting a friend."

Good, keep it simple, don't give anything away.

"That's cool. I wanted to be a doctor when I was in my teens. I refused to dissect anything, though."

"What do you mean? I thought the school system forced you to dissect animals?"

"I'm homeschooled."

"Oh. That's… interesting."

"Yeah, I kind of missed out on some social stuff, though."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, motioning her to continue. The noise level around Tony increased a few decibels, and Katriona winced, pressing her hands to her ears.

"God, I hate drunk screaming fangirls! Do you want to go outside?"

He hesitated, thinking. It was an excellent excuse for getting out of Tony's view and avoiding being set up with some girl, but there was always the risk of a trap, possibly involving his least favorite general. Katriona looked sweet enough, but after seeing the footage of a few of Natasha's interrogations he was even slower to trust first impressions.

She saw his face and shrugged.

"Okay, if you don't want to. I think it's quieter over there, though."

She pointed across the room, where a few people were lingering, apparently not impressed by the appearance of a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist superhero and a couple of his superhero friends.

Bruce nodded.

"That would be great, thanks."

Katriona immediately turned and started weaving through the crowd, slipping through narrow gaps and somehow avoiding the drunk men who were catcalling at various girls. Bruce followed her, rather less gracefully. In front of him he could see Katriona pull up a chair at an empty table. Nearby, an extremely drunk man noticed her and grinned down at her, saying something he didn't quite catch. Bruce watched carefully. Natasha would have… dealt with it, whether with a hissed comment or 'accidentally' showing the man her gun, as would most of the other agents he knew. He was genuinely surprised when Katriona hunched her shoulders and glanced at the table, then imploringly at Bruce, who took the hint. Okay. So she didn't act like a spy. That didn't mean she wasn't one. He really knew a depressing amount of spies, but he hadn't seen them all. Bruce walked up to the table and sat down across from Katriona, looking up at the man.

"I'd really appreciate it if you backed off, before I have to call in a few of my buddies. Trust me, you don't want to mess with them."

His voice was nonchalant, but there was enough of an undertone to it that the guy obeyed, calling a last lewd comment in Katriona's direction. Katriona kept her shoulders hunched until the man was a safe distance away, then relaxed.

"Thanks. I'm terrible at dealing with people like that. Usually my sister handles it."

"Oh, your older sister?" said Bruce.

"No, my younger sister, who unfortunately is six inches taller than me in heels. And she's almost always in heels."

Bruce let out a startled chuckle, making Katriona smile.

"Frankly, she scares me," she said, widening her eyes dramatically. "That's the only reason she managed to drag me here. What about you? Those buddies you mentioned intimidate you into coming?"

Bruce scoffed.

"No, they blackmailed me into coming. I was bluffing."

Katriona stared at him for a moment, and laughed. Bruce noticed she kept glancing over at Tony.

"Please don't tell me you're another one of T- Iron Man's fans," he said, raising an eyebrow.

She blushed, and shook her head, violently.

"No, no, I'm not the squealing type if that's what you mean, but I am, uh, kind of an Avengers fangirl. If I met one I would probably act like an utter idiot. You know, blushing and mumbling." Bruce grinned inwardly. She seemed to be handling meeting him perfectly fine. "They just seem like decent people who actually want to help, instead of just wanting the fame."

Bruce stared at her. That was not the response he'd been expecting.

"Even the Hulk? He's not exactly careful about who he smashes," he heard himself say. Damn it. He hadn't meant to mention the Hulk.

Katriona's forehead wrinkled in thought, her lips pressed in a line.

"Well, I saw this Youtube video with some footage from the Chitauri attack, and he seemed to be actively trying to avoid smashing the civilians. And, of course, Mr. Stark keeps saying the Hulk saved his life, which is cool."

He sat back, staring at her, then nodded, slowly. So the Hulk hadn't been smashing innocent bystanders. He didn't remember much about the fight, but Tony had described it in great detail. Although Clint had walked in during the middle of a story about Tony's heroics and said it was bullshit, so he didn't exactly trust his sources.

"Hmmm. I never saw that footage," he said, attempting a smile. "Perhaps I'll have to revise my opinion."

"I hope so," said Katriona, emphatically. Her shyness had slipped, and she was leaning forward, eyes shining with emotion. "I'd hate to have my impression of you ruined by your idea that the Hulk is a mindless monster. I heard somewhere that he's normally a man. Can you imagine how horrible he must feel when he wakes up in the middle of a ring of destruction and realizes what he's done?"

Her voice had turned sad near the end.

"I'd like to meet him," she added. "It would be interesting to hear what he thinks."

Bruce suppressed a flush with some effort, and scrambled for a response to that. So. Um… that was… an interesting response to the Hulk. I wonder how she'd respond if I told her I was the guy who turns into the Hulk. Conveniently enough, at that moment a girl, also in her early twenties, staggered over to their table and braced herself on it.

"Ooooh, I feel sick," she groaned. "I'm ready to go home. Kat, you're driving, right?"

"You think I would let you drive in that condition?" Katriona retorted. She looked over at Bruce and smiled apologetically.

"I better get her home before she passes out," she said. Bruce stood up at the same time she did, and nodded.

"And I better go pull my friends out of that horde soon, or their girlfriends are going to kill them," he said. "It was nice meeting you, Katriona."

"You too. Um… yeah. Bye!"

"Bye."

Bruce watched Katriona walk away, supporting her sister, and looked back at the group of fangirls. He took a deep breath, and went to go get Tony. He rethought that idea when he discovered exactly how dense the crowd was. Not to mention drunk.

"Clint!" he yelled, looking around. Clint Barton, commonly known as Hawkeye, sauntered up, apparently still mostly coherent.

"Yeah, what's up, Bruce?"

"It's getting really late, and Tony said he's got something important scheduled tomorrow. We need to leave."

Clint sized up the crowd.

"That should be… interesting," he said. He looked over at Bruce. "I assume no civilians are to be injured?"

Clint was definitely drunk if he was even suggesting injuring innocents.

"No! No!" Bruce said, hurriedly. "Just get Tony, please?"

Clint shrugged.

"Okay, it's your call. OY! TONY! WE'RE LEAVING!"

Tony climbed on a table, apparently to see who was calling, and promptly fell off. Clint rolled his eyes.

"DO YOU WANT PEPPER TO KILL YOU?"

That got him moving. Tony stumbled up to them, grinning.

"Aww, she wouldn't kill me," he said. He tilted to one side and reached out to grab Bruce's shoulder, making an irritating giggling noise.

Clint grabbed Tony's arm, and he and Bruce dragged him to the limo, where Happy was sitting, apparently playing Angry Birds on his iPhone. There was a McDonalds Happy Meal in the front seat, which Tony apparently found extremely amusing.

"Hey, Happy! You're eating a Happy Meal?" he slurred. "That's funny!"

Happy looked up from the iPhone and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, sir," he said, tactfully not mentioning Tony's apparent inability to walk straight.

Bruce rolled his eyes. Tony was one of his best friends, but sometimes he could be the most obnoxious brat on the planet.

"Just get in the car, Tony," he said, and he slammed the door behind them.

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