Title: School Daze
Author: SammyQuill
Series: Manga/FMA - B
Word Count: 1232
Characters: Roy Mustang, Jean Havoc – brief mention of others
Rating: M/NC-17
Summary: Roy Mustang has been acting weird lately and as his best friend, it is fellow high school junior Jean Havoc's rightful duty to uncover the reason behind it… or beat the crap out of Roy while trying.
Warning: Oh boy, lets see, mentions of sex (all kinds), promotion of cigarettes, glorification of violence as a male bonding activity, mentions of genitals, language like a sailors… you get the gist.
A/R: Written for the fma_fic_contest community on LiveJournal. Happy Valentines Day everyone, especially all you Royai shippers out there!
Jean Havoc never thought he'd live to see the day and yet, here he was, in the boy's locker room, talking to his best friend (and sometimes rival), Roy Mustang, about the teen's feelings. Yes, the situation couldn't get any more surreal if it was written in a sci-fi novel.
Needless to say, Havoc was not one for the touchy feely girl stuff. He was a dude, he shot hoops, took cars for joy rides and screwed girls on his dad's pool table (not necessarily in that order at that) and was proud of that fact. In fact, he and Roy had done them together except lately… lately Roy had gone fucking nuts, not to put too fine a point to it. And said offensive behavior is what had let the sixteen year old blond to corner his former best friend after basketball practice when all the other guys had left.
"So Mustang, you gonna spit it out or do I have to beat the crap out of you first?" Havoc started delicately, making a fist to show Roy he meant business.
The other teen looked confused for half a second before the words sunk in. He thought about playing dumb, Havoc could tell from the way his friend's coal black eyes started to widen in feigned innocence only to change track halfway and narrow in defeat, accompanied by a slump of his shoulders. Good thing too, for the basketball team captain had no patience for stupidity today. If Roy had indeed gone down the I don't know what you're talking about path, Havoc's ready first would have left Mustang's nose in a nice new shape.
'It's… a girl," replied Roy in a small voice, as though afraid to voice his own anxieties aloud for fear of realizing them.
"A girl… you gotta be fucking kidding me?" the blond spat out with all the sensitivity of hormone crazed teenage boys.
"It's not like that Jean. This one's-"
"If you say "special" I'm going to slam you against the wall and literally knock sense into you," Havoc threatened. But even the threat could not disguise the beginnings of concern in his voice. Of all the dudes in school to have girl issues, he and Roy were the last. Back when they were freshmen, they'd made a pact. Girls were for ogling, groping and screwing but brothers always came first. This rule had served them well the first three years of high school (it had served Jean particularly well, if he was being perfectly honest) and there was never a reason to change it. Except that lately, Roy had been, changing it that is.
For weeks now, Roy refused to go out, he never wanted to pick chicks in the (brand new and definitely sex worthy) car his aunt had gotten him for his sixteenth birthday and he never wanted to hang out with the guys anymore. Hadn't Breda just said yesterday that he would have sworn Mustang was invisible if the boy didn't act like an encyclopedia in Physics?
A brief flash of annoyance registered in Roy's eyes before he slumped further towards the floor, leaning on the tiled wall for support. It seemed even he had realized how fucked up the situation really was. "Look man, it's not like I wanted this to happen. One moment everything's great and the next, I can't get her out of my head. And I know what you're gonna say so save it. I asked her out and she said no flat out. I tried sleeping around to forget about her, didn't work. I even tried jacking off to her yearbook picture but it isn't the same."
At this confession, all the anger Jean had been feeling towards his friend drained out of his system. If the boy couldn't feel better after masturbating, he truly deserved the sympathy of every male on this planet. The blonde junior expressed his sympathy accordingly: "Tough shit, man!"
"Tell me about it," Roy muttered morosely, finally looking up at Havoc's face now that the danger of being facially disfigured was at a minimum.
"Well," began the tall athlete, choosing his words carefully. "I guess if this chick really means that much to you…"
"I think she does, Jean. I mean, she's in all my wet dreams these last two months, all of them!"
"Holy crap, I thought Mrs. Curtis was in all your wet dreams, I mean, look at her rack. And that lab coat only shows of her tight-"
"You were saying something Jean," Roy interrupted pointedly, knowing that while he himself had outgrown it, Havoc still nursed a soft spot for the teacher they'd had crushes on since freshmen year. Crushes that was in no way whatsoever deterred by the presence of her huge wrestler husband, Sig.
"Oh yeah, what I meant was, if this girl's so important, I guess me and the guys can help you out. You know, talk you up in front of her and stuff," Havoc continued his earlier train of discussion, his hands reflexively reaching for his shorts pocket and the pack of cigarettes that wasn't there. He had quit two weeks ago and well, after two weeks, he had been all but ready to murder his best friend since kindergarten. Which actually said a lot about the benefits of smoking, screw the guidance counselor.
"You think that'll work?"
"Hey if all else fails, we can get a couple of girls to let this chick know how big you are. That always works," the sage advice was offered with a sensible shake of Havoc's blond head.
"I guess," Roy responded half heartedly. "She doesn't seem like the type though," he added as an after thought.
"Who is this bitch anyway, Mustang?" asked the boy, eyebrows raised in shock at the thought of a girl who wasn't concerned with penis lengths. Indeed, he could have sworn such females were a myth.
Roy mumbled unintelligibly, a pink tint appearing on his cheeks for the first time in… ever.
"Come again?"
"Riza…"
"Hawkeye? I'm sorry, I thought I just heard you say you jacked off to the yearbook picture of the sophomore Riza Hawkeye, the one who can shoot an arrow to your balls if you so much as look at her," said Havoc in shock. And though his words were coated with aforementioned shock, they were said with an air of one with experience. For Havoc had indeed once wolf whistled at the blonde bombshell during gym almost a year ago, only to have said bombshell accidentally miss her archery target by several feet and send the sharp pointed arrow whizzing dangerously close to his head. In fact, if the boy had not been a trained athlete and ducked at the right moment, the arrow would have claimed his left ear as a trophy.
"Yes, that one," said Roy miserably, showing the true extent of his desperation and hopelessness for the first time.
"Jesus Christ, Roy! Is that why you've been kissing Hawkeye's ass in class lately, so he'd give you his fucking blessings?"
"Oh, he's going to give you gentleman a lot more than that," a soft and deadly voice clarified from one of the shower units and both boys felt their faces freezing in pure terror as the door slid back silently to reveal the murderous glare of their Physics teacher, Berthold Hawkeye.