She stared pensively into the mirror at her reflection, straight-backed and straight-faced. Her fingers twisted together as they rested on her cedar vanity. She could barely see her reflection through the thin veil of tears that trailed down her cheeks. She wanted to be furious and smashing through her four-poster bed covered in the silver quilt, or rip through the AC/DC poster that she callously taped to her wall, but apparently, all she could do was cry. Her hands untwisted and bony fingers ran through her thick, curly, bronze colored hair. She sniffled and tried to look at her reflection again.
"Get ahold of yourself, Nessie," she told her reflection firmly. "You're fine, you're fine, everything is terrible but you're fine. You'll get out of this soon enough." She leaned back, sighing, and studied her reflection. Her family liked to tell her that she was lovely, but she felt slightly different when she saw the puffy red eyes, splotchy neck, and the trail of snot that clung to a cheek that shimmered as though she had put on too much highlighter earlier. I look like someone who would talk to myself in the mirror, wouldn't I? she thought as she wiped her nose with the tissues that she kept in the black leather purse by her bed. She shoved her mane back into a ponytail and pulled out her makeup kit. No need for anyone else in the family to know she cried. As she smeared concealer over her cheeks, the door behind her creaked open.
"Are you doing your makeup again, Renesmee?" Her mother glided through the door, wearing a stylish but severely impractical crimson dress that exposed more skin than Nessie ever wanted to see. Her mother looked like a teenager, but that only made it more uncomfortable. Nessie kept her focus on the task at hand as her mother's heels clicked on the wooden floor. Still, she felt her breathing hitch. A frigid hand rested on Nessie's bare shoulder, and she couldn't help but shudder a little. Her mother jackknifed herself at the waist and put her arms around her shoulders, smiling. The dark brown hair spilling over her shoulders contrasted with her pale skin. Nessie wasn't exactly rocking a tan, but her mother's arms took on the color of a piece of brand new printer paper when pressed up against Nessie's face and neck. She shuddered again as a chill ran down her chest.
"Hi, Mom," she said, clenching her teeth.
Her mother hugged her harder, the faint glimpse of a smile on her lips. Nessie pursed her lips and attempted a weak grin. Before she could manage to pull her expression into one of joy, like she should be feeling, her mother stood up straight. The arms left her shoulders and two icy hands grasped her face. Her mother, usually so expressionless, gazed at her intently. Nessie's eyes studied the thick oak door right behind the woman. Don't make eye contact, don't make eye contact… she thought desperately.
"Are you alright, sweetheart?" her mother asked, her voice dropping. "Your father told me that you've been having some strange thoughts."
Dammit, Dad, that's so creepy! I thought we talked about this! Nessie thought, hoping her father would choose to listen to that one. If she really had to, maybe she could beam it into his brain later.
"It's nothing, really," she said stiffly. "I'm just nervous, I guess. After all, it's like you practically groomed me for this moment."
"Where did that come from?" her mother asked harshly. Her golden eyes flashed, and Nessie cringed.
"Mom, come on. I love Jacob, I really do, but I'm literally seven. I haven't even gone to a real school. I think," she paused, closing her eyes, "I don't think I'm really ready to be married."
Her mother sighed.
"We've talked about this already. You aged faster than normal, so you're an adult now. And Jacob is ready to go to college with you, so you'll get a real-world experience and all that," she said. She perched herself on the bed and patted the empty space next to her.
"Can we talk, Renesmee? Tell me what's really going on. Don't forget that your father will know if you're lying."
Nessie slumped over and threw herself onto the bed, toothpick legs and clumsy feet in tow. There never were secrets in this house, and none of her thoughts, no matter how hard she tried to hide them, stayed safe. Great. Her mother leaned over and stroked Nessie's head softly.
"Mom," Nessie mumbled, her face buried in a lavender pillow.
"Do you want to go first?" her mother asked gently.
"No," she replied, still muffled by the pillow. She rubbed her face into it, feeling her cheeks flush and become hot. She felt the pressure between her eyes as her heart beat faster.
"Look," Nessie's mother spoke right next to her ear, lowering her voice to barely above a whisper. She continued petting Nessie's hair.
"The night I was supposed to marry your father, I could hardly sleep because I was so excited. I was nervous too, just like you are now. I mean, I never thought I even wanted to be married! But here I am now, with your father. And you're with Jacob, the love of your life. You've loved him since before he imprinted on you."
"Mom- "Nessie's voice broke.
How could she even begin to explain her feelings to her mother? The certain scenario she found herself in seemed leagues away from her mother's personal experience. Could she explain the gut-wrenching fear of marrying Jacob? She did love him, but it always felt so wrong. Was love the miserable feeling that ate away at her gut whenever he went away for a few days? Or was it the fact that she grew up being told, repeatedly by everyone else, that she would fall in love and marry a man that was as old as her parents? A man who loved her mother so much that it took some strange werewolf biology to finally convince him to look elsewhere? Nessie remembered the darkness that crept inside her whenever she even considered going far away from Jacob. No, she had told herself, she felt codependence. It gnawed at her constantly, unbearably. And she couldn't live like that. When she divulged her feelings to Jacob, he agreed with her.
It was an uncommonly sunny day when Nessie and Jacob agreed to go on a walk together to discuss their upcoming wedding, which was only a month away. She had finally gotten physically old enough to begin to fall for the concept of love. They wandered the forest, pine needles crunching under their feet. The trees filtered out some of the sunlight, and everything around them was a rich, vibrant green. They held hands as they walked silently next to a small, twisted, gurgling stream. The damp air felt so good on her skin, so different than the cold she sometimes felt while in the forest. As Jacob placed a violet behind her right ear, Nessie closed her eyes. A faint, moldy scent of old leaves and flowers filled her nostrils, and she never felt so miserable in her entire life. The tall, dark man caressed her cheek lightly, his russet eyes filled with worry. The heat from his hand warmed her and comforted her, which only made her more uneasy.
"Nessie?" Jacob asked softly. His face twisted with worry.
"Jacob, can I talk to you?" she asked quietly. She felt the blood rush to her face.
"Anything, you know that," he replied.
"I'm not ready," Nessie whispered. Jacob smiled and sighed, all tension flowing out of his face.
"I know," he muttered. His hand still hadn't left her cheek. "To be honest, Nessie, I'm not either."
He fumbled onto his knees, almost as if he fainted. Nessie knelt with him and draped her arm over his shoulders.
"What are we going to do?" Jacob's voice seemed almost hollow. "I mean, I love you, Nessie. You're my whole world."
"And?" Nessie trembled a little.
"It's not right," Jacob finished. "I always thought imprinting was supposed to be this wonderful thing. I'd find my soulmate, we'd last forever, and it would be great." Nessie rested her chin on the top of Jacob's head.
"I don't know, Nessie. I love you, but I don't want to feel like we're being forced together."
"That's how I feel too, Jacob," Nessie answered him, her voice getting stronger. "I want to live life without you. Not forever, maybe, but just for a little while. But what can we do? The wedding is in a few days."
"I don't know," Jacob replied sadly. "Our relationship is the only thing that's keeping the vamps and the wolves from tearing into each other like stoners tear into boxes of Girl Scout cookies."
"Is it that bad?" she asked.
"Yeah," Jacob said, nodding his head. "When Victoria was around and the Volturi became a threat, it was easy to band together. It's been about seven years now, though, and Sam's getting restless. Our types aren't used to getting along like this, and tensions are running high." He sighed. "Sam's looking for one good reason to have an excuse to break the treaty."
"What should we do, then?" Nessie stood up, the mud smooshing underneath her trainers.
"What can we do?" Jacob pulled himself to his feet, now covered in pine needles and much from the river. He towered over Nessie as he reached for her hand. "I imprinted on you. Can we fight fate? And what would be the cost?" He batted a fly away from his face and grimaced.
Nessie couldn't find an answer. Her mouth felt dry. They didn't speak much as they walked back home together, the lump in her throat growing. Her mother seemed scandalized when she saw that the two of them caked themselves with mud, but Jacob had laughed that easy laugh of his.
"Ah, Bella, you think I'd do that now, right before the wedding?" He teased her mother gently. Nessie averted her eyes and gripped Jacob's hand harder.
"Hey Nessie," he said, still beaming, "we need to go hunting next time, okay? I bet I can get a mountain lion before you even start running."
You wanna bet? she thought. She shook her head slightly. They just had a serious conversation, and she thought about competition?
Before he left, Jacob scribbled something on a scrap piece of paper. Grandma Esme would have a fit if they tracked ion mud, her mother had said, so they said their goodbyes outside the vast mansion. Jacob embraced Nessie, and she responded in kind. She felt Jacob slip something into her hand. Before she could ask, he had already jumped onto his Goldwing and drove away. Nessie excused herself and sprinted, again, towards the forest. She had to go far away, nowhere near her pesky mother or mind-reading father. She stopped after a dozen miles or so and uncrumpled the paper Jacob had been writing on.
We'll think of something. Don't lose hope.
Nessie's mind drifted a little as she lay on the bed. Her mother pulled her close and kissed her forehead, just like she had done when Nessie was small.
"Everything will be fine, Renesmee. Trust me. Don't think about running away." Nessie glanced over at her mother, whose furious face looked as though it had been chiseled out of marble.
"I wasn't thinking about- "
"You can't lie to me, remember?" her mother interrupted. "I just don't understand why you feel like you need to run away. You're an adult now, and you're being selfish. Jacob is a good man who loves you. Why would you break his heart over a stupid fancy?"
Nessie groaned.
"Mom, you gave up your humanity at eighteen. I just want some time to think. How am I being selfish when you did something way crazier?" Nessie's mother stood, her brows furrowed and her lip curled. She lifted her up her chin, closed her eyes, and mentally counted to ten.
"You know what? I'm done. I don't want to fight," she said, composing herself.
"I'm sorry I lost my temper. You're a wonderful child, Nessie, but you can't just leave. There's too much going on right now. Besides," she added softly, "what if the family must leave at a moment's notice and you're missing? We may not be able to find you for a long time." Nessie burrowed herself into the bed and curled up into a fetal position.
"Bye, Mom." Her mother clicked and clacked her way to the light switch by the bedroom door.
"Goodnight, Renesmee. I love you. Please get some rest." She turned off the light, closed the door, and descended the stairs. Nessie listened as hard as she could. So she was selfish? She couldn't just leave? Screw fate, and screw the contract. Watch me leave, she thought bitterly.
By the time Bella made it to the expansive living room, Edward started playing Rhapsody in Blue on the piano. His face, ever impassive, did not match the furious pounding on the keys. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett lounged on the white couch, faces scrunched up in pain. Jasper cuddled Alice and an agitated Emmett fidgeted around.
"Hey bud," Emmett called out, "do you think you can calm down a little?" Edward stopped playing abruptly and turned to face his brother.
"My daughter is trying to run away, and you want me to calm down?" he asked. He turned sharply to Alice.
"So, Alice, do you have anything?"
"For the twenty-millionth time, Edward, I can't see half vampires. I don't know what's going on," Alice emphasized, rubbing her temples. "Look, you're being clingy. I know that Bella's okay with it for some reason, but Renesmee's getting smothered by your weird obsession with her." As Bella strode over to the couch, Alice's expression lit up.
"Hey! Speak of the devil!" She untangled herself from Jasper and jumped up.
"Bella, control your husband. He's being gross," Alice said, sticking her tongue out at Edward.
"You are so immature," Edward retorted. "How useless is your gift, anyway?"
"Whatever," Alice said, snorting.
Emmett got up and tapped Edward lightly, frowning.
"Have you been monitoring Renesmee's thoughts?" he asked. Edward shrugged.
"She stopped showing them to us a long time ago. I worry about her, Emmett. I can't help it."
"Do you think that maybe that's what is making her consider running?" Emmett said.
"Look, Edward, I shouldn't have been as okay with you sneaking around like you did back when we were in high school. I let you be. But come on! It was bad enough with that one," he said, pointing at Bella. Bella seethed and walked out into the kitchen. Edward hastily moved to get to her.
"You're family, Emmett, but knock it off," Edward spit out angrily. "Bother your own wife." Jasper looked around.
"Where did Rosalie go, anyway?" he asked lightly. Emmett shook his head, moving his dark curls around, and smiled.
"That beauty? I think she went to go hunt with Mom and Dad." He stretched slightly and ambled towards the stairs.
"What's up?" called Alice, her thin face peering over the edge of the couch. "You leaving?"
"I'm gonna go check on the kiddo," said Emmett. "She's probably a wreck right now." Alice leaned back on Jasper and rested her head on his shoulder. Her fingers traced over the scars covering his body.
"Jasper?" she asked.
"Yes, my love?"
"Don't let me forget to pick up Renesmee's dress from the cleaners tomorrow."
"Never." Jasper snuggled closer to Alice and relaxed a bit. They stayed there, lost in each other, hardly noticing Edward's angry shouts and Emmett's lumbering feet pounding down the stairs.
"Um, Alice, Jasper…" Emmett trailed off, looking at Edward. Edward, on his part, hadn't looked that angry for years. Bella followed behind, apprehensive and paler than usual.
"She's gone," Bella uttered. "Renesmee's gone."