Note From The Author—Okay, so this one is a little… well it's somewhat out of the norm I guess. I'm not in any way condoning adultery for the wider public, but I recognize that there are so often people in situations such as this. People find out too late that they're in love with someone, and it's painful and heart wrenching, and I guess I'm just trying to expand my horizons. So please be constructive, but try valiantly not to beat me to a pulp if you aren't completely on board. : ) As a note, the idea for this song came from the beautiful song Nobody Needs to Know as performed by the amazingly talented Norbert Leo Butz in the musical The Last Five Years. Everyone should hear this song, I swear it will shift your world and touch your soul, corny as that sounds. : )
Disclaimer: The title of this song comes from the musical The Last Five Years. I don't own anything related to that amazing musical, nor do I own the Harry Potter characters.
As morning sun cruised slowly over his face, Blaise Zabini woke from a fitful sleep. He looked down at the woman in his arms with a sigh. It was quite a picture they made, dark and light in more ways than one. He couldn't help but lay there watching her. He knew that once she woke it wouldn't be long before the happiness would shatter again. This affair of theirs was insane. They both had spouses, and they both knew it was wrong. When she woke he would have to leave; so his hands itched not to touch her, not to wake her. Yet he couldn't keep his hands from her; almost of its own accord one hand brushed over her hair, down her temple and jaw. She stirred softly, and in a moment her eyes opened. Blurred at first, the chocolate brown orbs slowly focused and met his.
"Good morning," she whispered.
He bent to kiss her slowly and sweetly. "Good morning. You look like heaven."
"You either look like heaven or hell, I can never quite decide," she told him seriously.
"I know." Blaise disentangled himself and rose to stand near the window. "We should get up. She'll be waiting." It was a silent agreement that they never spoke her name, he honored that agreement now.
Hermione rose to support herself on one elbow, pulling the sheets up around her. "I know, but I can't help but wish you didn't have to go."
"Don't you know I wish the same thing?" He turned to face her again. "Don't you know I dream of being able to be with you? I dream it and I wish it every day, but I made the most serious promise that a man can make."
"And I made the most serious promise a woman can make. Whatever vows we made can't change what we feel. I don't love him Blaise." The last was barely a whisper.
He knew when he turned he would find her eyes shining with tears. "I don't love her either, but what am I supposed to do?" He turned back towards the window. "A baby, Hermione; How can I leave her when…?" he trailed off.
Hermione's voice caught as she spoke again. "You can't, so you'll leave, you'll go meet her in the states like you're supposed to. If she suspects you'll swear up and down that you never even saw me. Nobody has to know."
"I only hope I'll get to hold you again. I wish that it could be the way we dream, but how could anyone understand?"
"No one could ever comprehend what we've done or what we want. So we go our separate ways and pretend that…" She broke off on a sob. In an instant he was at her side and had her in his arms.
He rocked her gently back in forth as he spoke quietly. "You pretend you're not in love with me. You pretend you haven't seen me. And I pretend I'm not in love with you."
"I'm so sick of pretending," she told him, her voice shaking. "I'm so sick of pretending that he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It hasn't been him for years. It's you."
Blaise pulled back, framing her face in his hands. "You're the one Hermione. Maybe you have been all along, but it seems like we just found each other too late."
She nodded. "We did, and now we can never have what we want, what we need." She pulled from his arms and stood to walk over to the window. "You should go. You'll miss your flight if you don't hurry."
He stood and crossed to her. He bent and slowly kissed both of her shoulders, then her neck. He turned her around and pulled her into his arms and for a moment he simply savored the feeling of holding her in his arms. "I love you," he whispered in her ear.
Another crack traveled across Hermione's heart, just as it did whenever he said it. It was just too bitter sweet. "I love you too."
Blaise kissed her once, then let her go and dressed quickly. She was still at the window when he gathered the last of his things. "Be safe and let me know when you get there if you can. If not…" She trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid. It was probable that she'd pick him up at the airport, and he'd have no opportunity to speak to her. So she'd worry until he came home and someone mentioned in passing that they'd seen him.
He tried to think of something to say; something that would reassure her that everything would somehow be alright. But he knew in his heart that nothing would ever be alright, not for them. So he slipped out, and he walked slowly down the stairs and outside. He knew it would be simpler if he just kept walking, got in his car and drove away. But the need to see her one last time was too strong. He looked back up and there she was, wrapped in a sheet, her hand pressed against the window and tears streaming down her face. Their eyes met, and Blaise was suddenly overcome by a sick fear that he'd never be with her again.
With nothing more to be said or done, he got in the car and after taking a deep breath that did nothing to help, he left. Upstairs, Hermione leaned her head against the window, squeezing her eyes shut. When she opened them again his car was completely out of sight. She turned from the window, shaking her head. "Nobody needs to know," she said quietly. Then, unable to hold herself together any longer she sank to the floor, her body wracked with sobs. Hermione shook her head almost violently. "No, everyone needs to know. But no one ever will," she whispered.