The Real McCoy
My name is Fontanelle and I'm a mutant with a very special gift, mine is the ability to walk through dreams, enter the unconscious mind of sleepers and experience their dreams with them. I try not to abuse my gift so I usually just observe passively hiding myself away and just enjoying the dream. Sometimes though I cannot resist the urge to intrude especially when a person is in distress and I can give them advice or words of comfort. Like the man whose dreams I'm in now, a good, kind and gentle man who is afraid he may no longer even be human. If only he could see himself as I see him in his dreams he would realize just how beautiful he really is.
Henry McCoy had thought he was over the doubts; after all it had been months since he changed. It wasn't as if it was the first time either, he'd gone from looking vaguely Neanderthal with oversized hands and feet to basically a blue furry gorilla with pointed ears, fangs and claws. He'd taken a long time to come to terms with this but still even in his darkest moments he still hadn't doubted that he was still human. He might have had a more monstrous appearance but he still felt fundamentally that he was a man still and not just a beast. People had seen that too and though he might have been intimidating in appearance he still didn't lack for friends and somehow he seemed very popular with women. Being an Avenger helped to boost his popularity as well and with him being a famous biochemist he was one of the few mutants who were able to show themselves openly. He'd even found a woman he could love in Trish Tilby.
All that had changed now of course, and now instead of an ape he resembled some type of lion or other predatory cat. The worst part was his eyes, instead of a gentle blue they were yellow now and just like a cats. Hard to see the warmth and humanity in them. The hands were a problem as well, they were more like clumsy four fingered sharp clawed paws and to begin with he couldn't even hold a pencil. He had to slowly relearn his manual dexterity, he could hold a pencil now and given time he'd probably grow into them. It had been so frustrating not being able to write down his feelings. He hadn't wanted to burden the others with his self doubts so he was putting on a brave face playing at being the jovial friendly Beast they all knew and loved. In time he was finding himself coming to terms with the changes and the fears and doubts he kept locked inside his head were slowly dissipating.
Then Trish Tilby had dumped him by answer phone claiming that being seen with him would be harmful to her career and actually comparing their relationship to bestiality. No she might have apologized but it hurt him right at the very core of his being and he couldn't forgive, not after she'd made the doubts return and grow to consume him. Cassandra Nova had sensed the doubt used it as a weapon to destroy him, claiming that he would continue down the evolutionary ladder, degenerating into ever more beastly forms until eventually he'd be nothing more than what, a lizard, an insect, a worm or maybe a bacteria? No he wasn't human not any more and there was nothing left of Henry McCoy, merely the Beast.
That brought him to another fear, he knew that he was becoming more like Wolverine now, his senses of hearing, sight, smell, touch and taste were far greater than before, as acute as any animals and he healed quicker now. What worried him was that he might begin to lose his mind, gradually descend to a feral state and become dangerous to others. He found himself imagining using those claws, ripping out the heart of an enemy, striking down a friend without warning as predatory instinct took over. Now every time he felt anger he wondered whether this was the onset of the ascension of the predatory side. So far he was still the same gentle compassionate man he'd always been. Would it always be this way though?
I've never met the man before today but already I know all this about him and much more. You see dreams are the one place where all the masks come off and you see yourself as you truly are. In his dream he's alone in his feline form inside a cage while all these events are playing around him, Trish Tilby, Cassandra Nova, Dark Beast, Bobby Drake, Jean Grey, all his friends and enemies are gathered around just staring at him with expressions of fear, disgust and worst of all pity. That cold woman Trish is turning her back to him repeating the message she used to break his heart while Cassandra Nova is just taunting him telling him this is only the beginning of the downward spiral. In the background are replayed all the most painful events of his life, I see him bricked up alive by the Dark Beast, the Brand Corporation as he drinks the serum, his student being forced to beat him into a coma with a titanium baseball bat. Oh you poor man, you have created a hell for yourself and you don't deserve this. If you could only see those tears at the corner of your eyes you would know you're still human where it most counts, in your heart.
It looks as though I'll have to teach Hank a few home truths; I mean he needs to be straightened out a little. Well at least he's not looking quite so inconsolable now more astonished. I'll admit it's probably not my beauty, I mean I am a little haggard and I really ought to do something about my hair. Still I'll just wag a stern finger at him and get him to listen up.
"You know Hank for a man who's supposed to be a genius you really are an idiot aren't you."
"Stars and garters, who are you?"
"You look kind of cute when you're puzzled. Anyway let's just call me Fontanelle and say I'm someone who has come to straighten you out. Look I know all about your worries and fears and I really think you're being too hard on yourself. So you're going to just listen up and watch as I show you a thing or two."
Hank absently ran a claw through his mane and then blinked mildly as an image of Nightcrawler appeared before him. The woman Fontanelle gave a shrug and muttered, "Please excuse me just looking through your mind for suitable material."
"Now Hank tell me, is he human, I mean he looks more like some kind of demon doesn't he and yet he's a gentle compassionate, humorous friendly and outgoing man just like you. Knowing him would you say he's a monster?"
"No," Hank shook his head causing a ripple in his mane.
"Well then if he isn't a monster then neither are you. Like him you happened to born with a visible mutation, oh you still looked more or less human but you were always different. Then later you ended up with blue fur and fangs just like your friend Kurt and hey, maybe you looked a little frightening but inside you were and still are the same man you always were. It's a major trauma isn't it going through such a change but you've survived it before."
"I know what you're trying to say but it's different this time. Last time I still looked somewhat human, people got used to it and some even thought I looked cute. Now, well I think the others have gotten used to my new look and the students seem to like it but I frighten some of them. Anyway Fontanelle it's not this change I'm afraid off, I can get used to it but of changes in the future."
Hank sighed and hung his head.
"How can you expect me to believe I'm still human when the woman I really loved believed that I'm an animal?"
Fontanelle raised a quizzical brow and sighed, in some ways Hank was too much of a gentleman. Surely he could see that if Trish was more concerned with her career and perhaps thoughtless would be the kindest way to describe her conduct. He should be able to see that really she hadn't been the right woman for him. Best for him to look back on the happy memories and then forgive her and forget her if he wanted too.
"Hank forgive me for the cliché but there are plenty more fish in the sea. If she didn't care enough to be able to accept your change, if her love was strong enough she wouldn't have been so bothered about her career and she certainly would have had the courage to look you in the eye when she told you it was over. Hank somewhere there is a perfect woman waiting for you and I believe you may already have met."
She smiled and manipulating the dream ever so slightly brought the memory back to him. The yellow eyes blinked and fangs showed in a smile as he nodded his thanks.
"Thank you for reminding me. I shall ring her first thing. Stars and garters, what are you doing now?"
She had reached up, embraced him gently and managing to lower his feline face she kissed him just once on the cheek. She took one of the large paw hands in her own and marveled at the softness of the fur.
"There you see, I kissed you Hank and you know what, you are beautiful, a little intimidating at first but beautiful. Now if I can kiss you, there will be other women. Just don't give up hope."
So far so good, she'd just got to put his other doubts at ease, that he was becoming feral. Then when she'd finally dampened his fears a little she could play the clincher. Then he'd finally be at peace and she'd have the satisfaction of helping a man in need. She summoned up Dark Beast for the next task and found herself backing away, now he was frightening in a way Hank could never be.
"Well curse my stars and garters, you've changed and not for the better. Well let's see if you put up a decent fight this time brother," snarled the creature leaping at Hank.
Beast and Dark Beast were locked in mortal combat and Fontanelle winced, hating herself for doing this to Hank putting him in danger. He was bleeding now, wounded but the outcome was never in doubt and now Dark Beast was lying helpless and defenseless at Hank's feet, fear blazing in his eyes as he cowered, harmless now.
"You can finish him now Hank, this is only a dream and none of it is real. Just think of all the harm he's caused you in the past, the countless innocents he's killed or used in his perverted genetic engineering. He deserves nothing less and the world would be a better place without him. So go ahead finish him, make it merciful, quick and clean."
"No maybe he deserves to die but I won't kill him. I've already vanquished him and that's enough. I won't kill, I didn't kill him."
"No you didn't, you were merciful the same way you always have been. Maybe you are closer to the animal side now but you're still human, more human than most of us in fact."
Hank closed his eyes pondering what she'd said, a few home truths and well maybe he'd still have the doubts but he wouldn't let them consume him now. Yes the exterior might be radically different but he was still human deep inside where it counted. He still had his intellect, his morals, his compassion all the important things. He was still a man and not a beast.
"Stars and garters, I needed that didn't I. Fontanelle I shall try not to doubt myself too much now. Thank you for telling me those things. I suppose I already knew the answers but I just wasn't willing to acknowledge them."
Fontanelle simply smiled and took his hand again, sharing with him the way she saw him. His gentleness, his compassion, his intelligence, his somewhat mischievous streak, his playfulness, his humor, all these things and more made him human. He had beauty, inner beauty and letting him see this would help him more than her words would.
"You see Hank your humanity is inside you and no matter what changes lie ahead in the future this won't change. You are beautiful Hank so don't ever forget this. Well I wish you a goodnight and sweet dreams."
A last kiss on the cheek and she left him to consider her words and hopefully find peace within himself.
That's the good thing about my gift, I helped a man today in a way that perhaps nobody else could have. I'll have to visit him again soon in his dreams and see how he's getting on. Still I think he'll be fine now and yes Hank have sweet dreams.