Disclaimer- I don't own House, or the song Winter Wonderland
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,
In the lane, snow is glistening
A beautiful sight,
We're happy tonight.
Walking in a winter wonderland.
Another Christmas, it was a year since House had officially hired her. So much had changed. Yet at the same time so much was the same. Kutner still thought he could make everyone happy by bringing them Christmas. His decorations lay in the trash barrel same as last year. Christmas carols could still be heard in the hospital, and it was snowing outside. The kind of snow that made you wish you were a kid again so you could go out and play. Thirteen wanted to build a snowman; she wanted to go sledding again like she did when she was a kid.
Thirteen felt someone tap her and looked up. Kutner was standing there smiling at her. "We have no cases so House gave us the day off, do you wanna grab some lunch?"
"Sure," She replied, so Thirteen and Kutner left the hospital together that snowy day.
Gone away is the bluebird,
Here to stay is a new bird
He sings a love song, as we go along,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
A lot had changed Thirteen reasoned as she sat shotgun in Kutner's car. She and Kutner were together, she supposed. They weren't anything serious, they had no plans for a future. They were just having fun. As they ran through the snow to the dinner Thirteen smiled, she felt like a kid again; happy and carefree. When she was with Kutner it almost seemed like it didn't matter that she was dying, all that mattered was living for the day and having fun.
"Don't you ever feel like going outside and building a snowman, like when you were a kid, doesn't the snow just make you feel like you're a kid again," Thirteen blurted out very quickly, feeling embarrassed she was telling Kutner about this.
"It never really snowed in the part of India I grew up in, so not really a lot of snowman action," he replied. He had a smile on his face. It was a very particular smile; Kutner always seemed to have on his face when he was around Thirteen, especially if she had said something stupid. "What do you say after lunch we go to the park and build ourselves a snowman?"
In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man,
But you can do the job when you're in town.
Out in the biting cold Thirteen remembered why she didn't build snowman all the time. She didn't have any gloves so her fingers were wet and cold, they had turned bright red, they were so numb she could really move them. She couldn't feel her toes either for that matter. She was shivering outside with Kutner in the middle of a snowstorm, with three mounds of snow that had no hope of ever resembling a person. All her thoughts of reconnecting with her childhood were gone, and she was beginning to feel miserable. She watched Kutner stack the mounds of snow on top of each other. Then he stood there and rifled through his pockets. Pulling out some change Kutner attempted to give the snowman a face. Then they stepped back and looked at their work. The snowman had nickels for eyes and a mouth made out of pennies. Laughing as she looked at the snowman Thirteen realized she was falling in love with Kutner. The idea that she might be in love with Kutner scared the hell out of Thirteen. She hadn't told Kutner that she was dying. She didn't want to get attached to him; and didn't want him to get attached to her.
Later on, we'll conspire,
As we dream by the fire
To face unafraid,
The plans that we've made,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
That night Thirteen and Kutner sat by the fireplace in Kutner's apartment. Clutching Kutner's sheets around her Thirteen stared into the dancing flames. She cuddled up against Kutner and decided that she had to tell him. He needed to know that she was dying, it wasn't fair to him especially with the feelings Thirteen was feeling for him. As she opened her mouth to tell him, he cut her off, "Thirteen, there's something that I need to tell you. I know you said you didn't want to get emotionally involved, but I'm crazy about you. I'm falling for you, I think I love you Thirteen."
Thirteen was shocked, "But… But you don't even know me really, you don't know my name, you don't know anything." Despite the fact that Thirteen was feeling the same thing, she was scared to hear Kutner say it aloud, scared that he didn't know the truth about her, scared that when he found out he would reject her.
"It doesn't matter, I want to know more about you, and I want to be with you forever. I want more than what we have now, we shouldn't just limit ourselves to the physical, we have feelings for each other, we have love," Kutner said. Then he kissed her. Losing herself in the kiss Thirteen allowed herself to believe, just for that night that she could have a future, a future with Kutner.
In the meadow we can build a snowman,
And pretend that he's a circus clown
We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman,
Until the other kids knock him down.
Two weeks later they were building another snowman. It was the same park, the same biting cold, but everything seemed different. She was feeling good, she had her gloves today, so her fingers had feeling. Thirteen was happy, she was in love, but she was nervous too. Looking at the grinning snowman, this time his smile was made of skittles, Thirteen told herself that today she would tell Kutner. She would tell him she had Huntington's, that all the plans he had been making for then for the last two weeks were pointless because she was dying. She looked into his eyes and saw that he looked so happy, so carefree. Not for long she thought to herself. I'm going to break his heart today.
"Kutner there's something I need to talk to you about," Thirteen said.
"What's up?"
"Can we go inside to do this?" Thirteen asked, for some reason she couldn't bring herself to break the news in front of the jolly, grinning snowman.
When it snows, ain't it thrilling,
Though your nose gets a chilling
We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way,
Walking in a winter wonderland.
The second they got into Kuther's apartment Thirteen blurted it out, "I'm dying Kutner, I have Huntington's." She stared at her feel not wanting to see his face, see the pain she caused him.
"But you… I thought you… why didn't you tell me before," Kutner stuttered.
"I'm sorry," Thirteen mumbled as she tried to make her way to the door. Kutner grabbed her and held her. As she looked into his eyes Thirteen saw sadness and pain, but she saw something else to. She saw love.
"This doesn't change anything Thirteen, I still love you, I still want a future with you," Kutner said.
"It's not that simple," Said Thirteen, but Kutner wasn't listening he was kissing her, passionately kissing her as if it didn't matter that she was dying. Thirteen decided that just once more she would let herself get lost in the winter wonderland.