*What would happen if Beth had found Judith at the prison, if she had never met up with Daryl? This is a little something I created a few months ago. I hope you enjoy my version of the New Beth Greene*
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything". -Fight Club
The sound of thunder indicated that a storm was rolling in. They needed to move quickly, find shelter. It was only a matter of time before the rain began to fall and from the look of the clouds she could tell that it wasn't going to be a quick summer shower. Things were about to get ugly. She could feel it in her gut. A nervous energy had her bound as tight as a spring. How much longer could they carry on this way? Alone in a world of the dead. Everyone who still wander knew that the world no longer belonged to the breathers. The world belonged to the reanimated corpses of mothers, fathers, sisters and brothers. It belonged to the damned and all that those who still felt the air fill their lungs could do was attempt to stay alive.
Tomorrow was something Beth Greene refused to think about. There was no cure. There was no help coming. For all she knew every single person she had ever known was dead and gone. Everyone except for Judith. Sweet little Judith. She would never know anything but death and destruction no matter how much Beth tried to shield her from it. Pushing through the heavy brush, clutching the fussy babe in her arms she marched onward, hoping to beat the storm. The air was getting cooler, leaves slowly changing from green to yellow. Soon they would be red and then they would wither and fall to the earth causing noise beneath her boots. The thought that something she once was found so beautiful had now become a hindrance broke her heart.
The world used to be such a beautiful place. Fall had once been her favorite time of year. Fall meant carnivals and pumpkins, hay rides and bonfires with friends. Now it meant noise and less coverage. Now it might be a death sentence for someone who needed to hide from men of no morals. Beth knew those kind of men all too well. A thunder clap directly above them jarred her to the core and set her feet to a run. She felt almost like a rabbit running from a Fox, dashing between trees as the heavy drops began to fall, turning the once dry ground to red Georgia mud. She had no sense of time, but was aware of how quickly the ground beneath her feet had changed. The worn out soles of her boots were suddenly unable to gain traction, her swift pace sennding her flying forward, sprawling face down into wet grass. The child she had been clinging to slipped from her arms, sliding across the muddy forest floor before coming to a stop feet from the little blonde's reach.
In the short amount of time that it had taken her to scramble to her feet a small horde had emerged from behind the trees, surrounding the screaming child. Pulling her weapon from its holster she began to fire. Three shots and the chamber was empty. "No! Look at me! Here! Look here", she shouted at the top of her lungs, but the three remaining corpses had already set their sites on smaller prey. Fighting her knife free she ran head long into the mix of rotting flesh. Blade to skull a walker dropped to the ground in a heap. Yanking back the hand that clutched the bowie handle she quickly penetrated the second skull from behind. Ripping her blade free she shoved the now lifeless body to the side. Pale blue eyes blurred with rain and mud and tears she zeroed in on the last of the monsters.
The scream that followed echoed through the tree tops. It was the very sound a heart makes as it is viscously ripped in two. She was too late. She had failed to do the one job that she had been given. The silence of the forest now only disrupted by the gnashing of teeth, the destruction of perfect innocence. Mind blank, she was unaware that the next several moments were spent brutally attacking a now lifeless corpse. Silent tears streamed down dirty cheeks. Her sister's voice echoed in her mind as she gathered the tiny, withered body into her arms, rocking too and fro. "We've all got jobs to do Bethy". The ache in her heart was indescribable. The pain a radiating hot white, burning to her very core.
The twitching of limbs told her that the sweet child from just moments before no longer existed. Blinking rapidly she fought to clear her mind. "I'm so sorry Little Bird. You deserved so much more from life than this. I failed you.. I failed you", she whispered. The little eyes that once had shown so much light now reflected only hunger. The child that she loved no longer lived behind those dead eyes. Careful to keep the little thing held tightly she reached for the bloody knife that sat inches from them. "We've all got jobs to do Little Bird". Lifting the knife high above her head she began to sob. It had to be done. There was no way to save her. In a swift motion she watched as the dirty blade pierced the child's forehead. As the light faded from the eyes of her self proclaimed child she felt herself die inside.
She wanted nothing more in that moment than to lay down and die right along with the innocent child, but the shuffle of feet behind them would not allow the weary blonde to rest. Clutching the tiny, lifeless body to her chest she moved forward through the trees. Despite the pounding of heavy rain she moved forward. She walked on even after the rain had stopped falling, her body cold and damp. Walkers passed directly by, paying no attention to the shell of a woman she had become. "Maybe I am dead", she thought to herself, but her subconscious reminded her of the stories from Atlanta, how Rick and Glenn had managed to walk amongst the dead without notice. The realization that It was Judith who now protected her pushed her to the brink of insanity.
How could the world be so cruel? How could a God that vowed to love his earthly children subject an innocent baby to such a tragic death? Everything she had been taught as a child appeared now to be nothing more than a fairytale. The idea of virgin giving birth to a holy being who later died to save the soul of man from eternal damnation was almost laughable. What made it worse was that she had actually believed that it had been God who had kept them safe from harm for so long. Hope was dead. There was no more reason to believe that everything happened for a reason. There was no master plan or silver lining. You either got lucky and made it out alive or you didn't and it seemed as though their luck had expired.
She did not know how much time had passed when she came upon the little Elementary school building or how it had managed to look so untouched by the fallout. The entrance way was a beautiful manmade meadow with daffodils waving dainty petals in greeting. It was the perfect place to lay her broken little bird to rest. The ground, she thought, should be soft after the rain. She'd have to dig deep to keep the body safe from hungry animals. Judith deserved peace. Tugging a small blanket from the diaper bag she struggled to spread it out evenly, before finally placing the body upon it. She could not look at the face that had once brought such light to her dark world. The pain inside her chest was unbearable. The unfamiliar ache of a grieving mother. She now understood why Carol had changed so drastically after the loss of her own little girl.
"All these widows and orphans, but what do you call a mother who has lost her child? You would think someone would've given that a name".
The name was heartbroken, less than human. It was a name she never thought that she herself would carry. She sat upon her knees, now damp from the wet grass and shoved the blade of her knife into the soil, scraping it towards her as she began to dig the tiny grave. The knife was soon replaced by bony fingers, digging angrily at the earth for stealing their only hope. Tears began to make trails through the mud and muck on once rosey cheeks, silent at first like a treacherous friend. The sobs came shortly after, racking the young woman's frame as she dug. The longer she dug into the sod the harder she cried. She was angry. She had been decided by the false hope of God for far too long. The loss of that hope was a blade to the heart. She prayed for death, but death did not come.
Sitting back she gazed upon the open grave, tears still flowing freely, revealing exactly how weak she had always been. She bit down upon her lip until she tasted iron, trying to convince herself that it was time to say goodbye. Blood shot eyes moved slowly to the body of the sheriff's daughter. He would never forgive her. She would never forgive herself. Swaddling the littlest Grimes, she lifted her into her arms. With Judith cradled to her chest the sobs returned. She had one job to do, only one and she had failed. There was no going back from it. Rocking back and forth she clung to the child like a life raft. She knew that the moment she placed the body into hole she would be alone. Forever alone because she could not return to her people, not now.
Through gasping breaths she lowered the body into the grave knowing that a piece of her would forever stay as well. She did not wait to cover the child with dirt. She knew that it would have been far too painful to watch the little face disappear from view. With eyes closed and two hands she shoveled the wet dirt into place. The air fought it's way into her lungs like razor blades, leaving her throat raw and scratchy. She was on the verge of hyperventilating, but kept pushing the dirt into place. It was a meager funeral for the small child, but it was the best that Beth could do.
Pushing herself up onto her feet she stared at the small mound of dirt. Her arms now felt useless as they hung limp at her side. For the longest time they had cradled and comforted the little girl. From the very beginning of her life Judith had been her baby. While the others were busy taking care of the prison she had tended to the littlest Grimes. Now she was truly alone. Picking up the dingy diaper bag she took one last look at the grave before heading into the abandoned school. She was careful to shut the door behind her. She knew that she needed to gather what supplies she could and keep moving, but the idea of leaving her little girl behind was to painful.
She cleared the first two hallways easily. The old school appeared to be uninhabited by the dead and the living, for that she was grateful. Crossing the threshold of a classroom she decided to stay until morning. The wooden desk that had once belonged to a teacher named Mr Brown was almost too heavy to push alone, but she had managed to jam it in front of the door. The only way out was a window about five feet from the ground. It was there that she would exit at dawn. As she stood in the middle of the room she stared silently at the blackboard, her mind racing.
She placed her bag on the desk and and slowly approached the board. With a broken piece of chalk she wrote her name in large print across the middle of the board. Drawing a line out from her name she printed her father's name. From his name she drew another line, adding her mother's name. After awhile the dusty blackboard was covered with the names of those that Beth had lost contact with along the way. Taking a step back she glared at the white on black. In a rage she began to cross off the names of the dead. Annette, Otitis, Patricia, Jimmy, Zach, Hershel, and lastly she slashed through the name of the child that she had just laid to rest. Question marks were placed beside the survivors of who's fates she did not know. Her name was now the brightest name, untouched. Oh how she wished that she had never made it off the farm. With one swift motion she had crossed out her own name. The girl that she was, the hopeful, faith filled girl was buried beneath the earth with Judith Grimes. She would never again put her faith in someone, something that she could not see.