Please be kind! This is my first story. It will be multi chaptered. I have the whole story planned out in my head, but only about 30% of the second chapter is written. If there are mistakes, please tell me and I'll get it sorted out. I hope you like it! Happy Reading!
This story is dedicated to MissPixieWay. The first two week KYEC hiatus got me back into writing, so I gotta thank her! ALSO I forgot to add that she helped me flesh out the hospital scenes, so I gotta give her a HUGE thanks!
Chapter One
As the Renault chugged down the road away from York, the driver at the wheel was in a completely different world. Tom Branson was drowning in his thoughts. Nothing could save him except for a certain Lady he had dropped off at York ten minutes previous.
'You're a fool Tom Branson. An absolute fool. How could you even think that she would want a life with you. She's never given any indication that she loves you.'
"But we held hands…"
'You reached for her hand. You held her hand. You confessed your love to her. Your love for each other is all one sided.'
"I'm her friend. We've spent so much time together. She must feel something for me."
'She can't feel anything for you. You're just her chauffeur. You have nothing in comparison to what she has now. What makes you think she would give that all up for you. You thinking that she would give up her life for you just proves that you're selfish. You don't deserve her…'
"…I can't stop loving her…."
'You have to…'
"Maybe I do…"
'It's only for the better Tom. You know that nothing can come of a relationship with her. You'll never be accepted by her family and she, yours. Just hand in your notice and go back to Ireland. There's nothing for you here anymore.'
"She said not to leave."
'She doesn't hold you anymore. She let you go when she didn't accept you.'
"I won't be happy with anyone else unless she walks the Earth."
'You'll find someone else. It may be second best, but at least you won't be alone.'
Tom was silent. Were his thoughts right? Should he just leave? Everything in his body told him that he should forget her. There are plenty of girls in Ireland, but they're nothing compared to her. She's smart, beautiful, strong, and courageous. Maybe someone in Ireland had she same qualities that she had, but he doubted it.
Leading up to dropping her off at York, his dreams were haunted by dark curls, sapphire eyes, soft ivory skin, and a beautifully raspy voice. He would wake up in a cold sweat, knowing that the woman in his dreams was only a short distance away, but impossible to win. Every fiber of his being worshipped her and he wanted her to know. He thought she had felt the same. He wanted to catch her alone, to try and draw an honest response out of her so she wouldn't have to admit it in front of other people. If she wasn't ready for other people to know, she could admit it only to him. He gave her his heart and she tossed it aside.
She was flattered. Flattered.
The decision had already been made.
"I'm so sorry Sybil. Please forgive me."
Tom was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't see the lorry opposite him had drifted into his lane and headed towards the Renault. Tom grabbed the handbrake and pulled as hard as he could. The headlights from the lorry were blinding and Tom shut his eyes and gripped the wheel.
"God have mercy on me."
. . .
Matron Jones was not a very tall woman. Her nurses cap was pinned tightly to her head making her face look more hard, angular, and severe than it really was. She was tough as nails and her face was wiped clean of any emotion.
"Welcome to your first day of training. There is no room for weakness here. If you can't keep your emotions in check, you will have no hope in treating your patients."
Sybil tried to pay attention, but her thoughts were in a different world.
'Tom…Of all the days you decide to declare your love for me, you pick today.'
"Although today is your first day, you will be meeting the patients you will be attending to during these two months. I know that none of you have proper training, but I would like you to meet your patient so you can start to build a relationship with them. You may think that this is pointless, but you must remember that it is nurses that care for patients, not doctors. Getting to know your patient is just as important as administering medicine or taking their vital signs. Let's begin. Anderson, Hannah. You will be assigned to the patient at the end of this row. Boxley, Susan. You will be…"
'You've put me in an impossible position Tom. I'm going to be away from my family for two months, caring for myself in a place where I know no one. For the next two months, I can only think of nursing and my studies. Your proposal put even more thoughts into my head that I can't have. I need to focus and your words have clouded my thoughts…Your words touched my heart. No one has ever said anything like that to me before. I'm sorry that I was cruel and made you promise to stay at Downton without giving you an answer. I need a friend, now more than ever. I can't lose you or your friendship. I miss you. My heart flutters every time I see you. I dream of holding hands again, your broad shoulders and of your arms around me in a warm embrace. Of course, I would never tell you that… I do care for you, so much more than you could ever know, but I can't be responsible for year heart when I'm so unsure of mine…'
"Crawley!"
Sybil snapped out of her daze. "Yes Matron Jones?"
"Why are you still standing there?"
Sybil looked around to her peers. She was alone. Where did they all go?
"All the other trainees have been assigned to their patients. Get to yours."
"Yes matron."
Sybil was assigned to the patient at the corner of the room, a man named Samuel Horton. He was sleeping when she opened the curtain. Young and strong, 19 with brown hair and brown eyes, stocky and tan from a lifetime of farm work. He was devastatingly handsome. His breathing was labored yet shallow. His skin was pale and he was sweating through his sheets. Sybil didn't start her training yet, but she knew that this young man was close to death.
The senior nurse checking Samuel's pulse when she entered.
"Hello, my name is Sybil Crawley. I'm the trainee nurse. I've been assigned to look after Samuel."
"Hello Sybil. My name is Nurse Delpy. I presume today is your first day. I'll be helping you with your hands-on training while you're here. This is your patient Samuel."
Nurse Delpy was an import from France. She had worked for the Red Cross and was a nurse at the front lines, but she volunteered to travel to York since there were few senior nurses training new nurses. She was blonde and her accent was thick, but Sybil caught onto her accent quickly. Thank goodness for learning drawing room French. She may need it.
Nurse Delpy took her outside of the curtain, lowered her voice, and continued. "Samuel is not well. He has pneumonia. We've tried everything to drain the fluid from his lungs, but the fluid keeps coming back. I'm so sorry to tell you Nurse Crawley, but our patient does not have much time."
A strained and scratchy voice came from behind the curtain. "Nurse?"
Sybil froze like a deer in the headlights. She had never dealt with death before. Sure, there was Patrick, but she wasn't there for his last moments. To witness someone's last moments of life was absolutely terrifying. For a split second she thought she didn't have the strength to do it. She then thought of Tom. She wouldn't want him to die alone.
She would not deny this man.
"Go to him Sybil. I know this is difficult, but the earlier we come face to face with death, the better we can learn to deal with grief."
She had no way out. She knew this would maker her a better nurse in the end, but this would rip her heart out and tear it to shreds. Sybil took two deep breaths and walked through the curtain and stood next to his bed. It took a few moments to gather her last bits of courage to look at his face.
'He's so young…His whole life is ahead of him and it's going to be cruelly stolen away from him.'
Sybil fought the tears she felt welling in her eyes. "Hello Samuel. My name is Nurse Crawley. I'll be your nurse. While you're here, I promise I will do my best to make you better. I'll take good care of you."
Samuel opened his eyes and her eyes met his. He swallowed and took a deep breathe in. "Hello…Nurse…Crawley…"
"Don't strain yourself for me. Just relax and let me take care of you."
He had tears in his eyes, "I know…I don't have…much time…please…I don't want…to die…alone…"
A tear escaped her eyes. "What would you like me to do?"
"Talk…to me…about…anything…"
Sybil couldn't think. She was about to witness this man's last moments of life on her first day of training. She took his limp hand in hers and sat down on the chair next to his bed.
"Do you know when you're in love Samuel?"
He nodded his head and squeezed her hand. "Please Nurse Crawley…Call me…Sam…"
"What does it feel like?"
"I'm not sure…I can describe it…you just…know…"
"Have you ever been in love Sam?"
"Aye. There's a girl…in York…I proposed…she said no…but…I…still…have…hope…"
More tears were threatening to fall from her eyes, but she forced them not to fall. "What's her name?"
A smile grew on his face and he closed his eyes, "Abigail…she's…so…beautiful…"
"Tell me more about her Sam…Sam?"
His hand was limp and she looked at his chest. No movement.
She let go of his hand and placed it back in his lap. She got up and rushed out and shut the curtain. She ran out of the room, past Nurse Delpy, and into the hallway. She heard Nurse Delpy call out her name, but she was too far away and too ashamed to respond. She clutched her stomach and gasped for air. Sam was so young. It wasn't fair. True she had only known the man for only five minutes, but she couldn't help but think of Tom. She had broken his heart as Abigail had broken Sam's. Tears streamed down her face and she was sobbing uncontrollably.
Matron Jones's words echoed in her ears. 'If you can't keep your emotions in check, you will have no hope in treating your patients.'
Sybil straightened up and wiped her face. She took deep breaths to calm the hiccups. She stoned her face and walked to the matron's office. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer.
"Please come in."
Sybil walked into the office and found Matron Jones sitting in her desk with her head in her hands. Papers littered her desktop, but it was all in neat stacked.
She looked up and addressed Sybil. "Ah Crawley, isn't it?"
"Yes matron"
"Is there something you needed?"
Sybil lowered her head and a tear escaped. "It's Sam Horton, Matron. He succumbed to his illness tonight. He was my patient."
Matron Jones got up from behind her desk and went to a silently crying Sybil. Matron Jones lifted Sybil's chin with her hand. "Don't cry my girl. Death is a natural part of life. As a nurse, we must deal with death all the time. You must not let it get to you. Samuel is in a better place now."
Sybil nodded, but she couldn't speak, fearing that only more sobs would only escape.
"Come girl. We have a new patient. He was admitted within the last half hour. You will tend to him now that Samuel has passed."
Matron Jones led Sybil to the emergency ward as more silent tears streaked Sybil's face. They entered the ward and Matron Jones stopped her from passing through the curtain.
"Crawley. Behind these curtains, you will see unimaginable horror. This man was in a car accident not long ago. He is bloodied and bruised. We do not know his name, nor do we know where he is from. I can guarantee that you have never seen anything like this before. You must steel yourself. You cannot cry. When patients see weakness and hopelessness in their nurses, they lose all hope. We are beacons of hope and healing. Do not forget that Crawley."
"Yes Matron. Thank you Matron."
Sybil knew that she couldn't break down like she did in front of Sam. This would be different. She cleared her mind and opened the curtain. Sybil gasped in horror.
It was the deep forest green uniform that gave him away. Blood covered his forehead and matted his fair hair to his face. There were cuts all over his face and hands. There was a deep gash above his eyebrow and it was still bleeding profusely. His eyes were lined with black and his bottom lip had split. His uniform was torn across his chest revealing the skin underneath the layers of cloth. Glass, metal, gravel, and bits of grass and leaves were stuck to his uniform and were embedded into his skin.
Sybil stopped dead in her tracks. She couldn't see Tom like this, bloodied and broken. Every fiber of her being wanted to run away and make her forget what she had seen. She desperately tired to recall the feeling of his hand enfolding hers at the garden party. She tired to remember their long conversations and debates on politics and life. She wanted to remember every moment she had with Tom since he came to Downton, but none came. The image of his battered body had made its mark on her. She would never forget this.
She wished she could go back in time and tell him how much of a friend he was to her, how much she cared for him, how much she loved him.
She wished she had told him yes.
Matron Jones saw Sybil's hesitation and mistook her fear and regret for shock.
"This is what you must get used to seeing Crawley. You must remain calm and stay. You must resist every urge to run out and cry. That will not help the patient. The well being of the patient comes before your any of your weaknesses. Since Nurse Deply is not with you right now, I will assist you in cleaning him and bandaging him."
Sybil took the small bowl of water and cloth on the side of his bed and started to dab away the blood from his forehead as Matron Jones remove Tom's uniform. Sybil started to blush as she saw Tom's bare chest, but she didn't let on. She kept dabbing his face and focused on removing the broken glass from his hair. Matron Jones proceeded to cut away at his trousers and Sybil couldn't hide her blush any longer.
Matron Jones sensed Sybil's growing uncomfortableness. "You may leave for now. You've been through a lot today. I will call you back when he is decent again. You will bandage the wounds on his chest and his head when you come back."
Sybil exited and felt her face. It was burning. If there was a mirror around, there was no doubt that she was a red as a cherry. She fanned her face with her hand kept thoughts of Tom's broad chest out of her mind. This was completely inappropriate and unprofessional, but she couldn't help but look.
She composed herself as Matron Jones emerged from behind the curtain. "I'll leave this bit you. I'll come back and make sure you did it right. First, disinfect his wounds with iodine. Then, dab ointment on the disinfected wounds. Cover the wound with gauze. To secure the gauze, wrap the bandage around the head, arm, or chest. Good luck Crawley."
The matron handed her the bandage and left Sybil standing alone at the foot on Tom's bed. Tom was fast asleep with the covers stopping right above his hips. His broad chest was on display for Sybil to see and she was taking in the sight. He was much more muscular in person than her dreams…
Sybil walked over to the side of his bed and touched the side of his face. It was still warm, but she refused to press any harder than a feather touch. He was so fragile in this state. Even though she had prepared to see a bruised and bloody patient, she was not prepared to see her Tom so mangled.
She wanted to cry uncontrollably. She wanted to scream. She knew that at any time she could lose her best friend.
'I can't leave him. I must take care of him. He made that promise to me and I abandoned him. This is my promise to him. I can't let him down. I won't let him down.'
Sybil kissed his cheek to seal the promise.
"Oh my darling, Tom…Don't worry. I'm here now."
. . .
Reviews are always welcome =D