Uh, I posted this on tumblr ages ago and only just now got around to posting it here. :) Anyway... enjoy. It's just some Doctor Who angst.
It's all fun and games with the Doctor until it's not. When you first become a companion, you know there were others that came before you, others that held the Doctor's attention, others that walked the halls you now walk, others who came to call the TARDIS home and the Doctor their friend but when you first become a companion, the one thing you don't know is what happened to those that did come before? It doesn't take you long to find out.
He's all smiles and laughs and coy jokes and reprimands said in a joking light. He's all 'rule number one: don't wonder off' and 'why do they never listen?' He is the Doctor and he is the most feared man in the universe and when you first meet him, you don't understand why, it doesn't take you long to learn.
It doesn't take you long to learn that the companions aren't around anymore not because they got hurt or because they made mistakes, these may have contributed, but really, they're not around anymore because they couldn't live with the Doctor afterwards. When you travel with the Doctor, you reach a point where you think you can say you know him and that you are friends but then you do something or you don't do something, you say something or you don't say something and there's a sudden change and you don't know him anymore.
The person that stands before you wears his face and speaks with his voice but it is not the man you know. The person that stands before you blames you for mistakes you don't even remember making, he blames you for problems you don't remember causing, for chaos you didn't know would result from your actions. He blames you for terrible events that unfolded because you were too human, the quality he had been admiring you for not five minutes ago and that's when you know where all the other companions went. That's when you know why they left.
It's all fun and games with the Doctor until he's had all he can stomach of you, until he's heard enough of your words. It's all fun and games with the Doctor until he's half crying and half snarling at you 'nobody talk to me. Nobody human has anything to say to me today,' because you are stuck then, stuck out of time and far, far away from home with no way back but this person, this man that you thought you knew but just can't recognise anymore. It's not so fun then, when the tables have turned and the rules of the game have changed and you were still trying to get the hang of the old ones. It's not so fun then, when the storm hits and you can see why everyone else ran for cover. It's not so fun then.
When you are a companion of the Doctor, there's always a part of you, a very, very small part that is oh so afraid of this man that you call your friend. No matter who you are, you know that your glorious, brilliant, fantastic, clever Doctor would never leave you on some planet far from home, but no matter who you are, you fear that other man, the man you don't know. There's always the smallest hint of doubt that one day he will tire of you and you'll wake up on a planet millions of years in the future with no way back. It's this tiny hint of doubt that has you packing up your things and leaving. You trust the Doctor with your life, with everything you know and love but you do not trust that other man, the man who wears your Doctor's face and speaks with his voice but is not him. You don't know him, you don't trust him; you can't live with him.
He will take your hand and he will say 'run for your life' and you will cry when you pull your hand from his and you run from him and he will watch you go with tears in his eyes. When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it will never end. But however hard you try you cannot run forever and he had always known that you were just another empty room on the TARDIS waiting to happen. It's all fun and games with the Doctor until it's not.