A Normal Day in Tortall

By Chameleon

Disclaimer: For goodness' sake people, did you really think that I own these characters? They were invented by the fantasy genius Tamora Pierce.

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It was a normal day in Tortall. Cleon woke up and stared at the sun until he couldn't see. Then he walked into a wall. Yep, it was normal indeed.

In the Rider's Mess, Onua was trying to make herself choke. "Onua, what are you doing?" asked Daine. Onua glared at her.

"Gag me with a spoon."

"Right."

"Greetings, ladies." Cleon plopped down on a stool next to Daine. She kicked him. He fell off the stool. His head made an interesting cracking sound as he hit the cement floor.

"Ouch. That would hurt," Onua commented. Daine grinned.

"Let's see what his brain looks like!" Onua gaped at her.

"You're kidding, right?"

"No. Aren't you even curious?"

"Well, a little," Onua admitted. Both women grinned evilly. They looked down at Cleon, who was temporarily unconscious.

"Brain surgery!" they yelled.

"Go get a dagger, Daine," Onua commanded. Daine reappeared a few minutes later with a freshly sharpened dagger from Raven Armory.

"Better do this right," she commented at Onua's questioning glance. "You hold his head." Daine carved a small amount of Cleon's scalp away. "It's empty!" Onua shook her head in disbelief.

"What?"

"I said, it's empty!"

"He doesn't have a brain?"

"He doesn't have a brain!" Daine did a happy dance. "Wait until everybody hears! Cleon doesn't have a brain! CLEON DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN!"

Kel, who happened to be at another table, heard. "What?"

"CLEON DOESN'T HAVE A BRAIN!" Kel looked down at her plate. A big pink thing that she was sure hadn't been there before was lying on her plate. It was Cleon's brain.

"Uh, Daine, I think I found Cleon's brain." Onua looked at Daine accusingly.

"I thought you said he didn't have one!"

"He didn't! I mean, doesn't. I mean didn't."

Kel thought this a good time to intervene. "You're not making any sense. Why don't you just put his brain back in, and no one will know what happened." She picked it up with salad tongs and carried it over to their table.

"Disgusting! It has salad dressing on it!"

"It doesn't make any difference," Kel said. "Just put his brain back in!"

"No! Clean it off first!" Onua stared at the brain in horror.

''I'm not touching it!" Daine squealed.

"Neither am I!" Kel looked at all of them in disgust. "I'm a noble!"

"Social status does not matter during brain surgery," Onua said dryly. Kel glared at her.

"Let's just… not put his brain back in." Kel shook her head at Daine's suggestion.

"No. I'll do it. Give me the salad tongs and find some superglue. Let's do this the right way," Kel commanded. Onua chose not to comment that performing brain surgery with tongs and glue might not be classified as the "right" way. Kel pushed Cleon's brain back into his head where it belonged, and patched up the hole in his head with superglue. It wasn't long before Cleon woke up.

"I feel smart!" he sad happily. No one said anything. Suddenly the headless horseman rode through the door.

"Has anyone seen my brain?" he thundered. Onua, Daine and Kel exchanged glances.

"Uh oh…"