Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto-sensei.
A/N: This is something so completely different than what I normally write. This is rated T only for the fact that younger kids should not be reading about the harsh realities of life. It is from Sasuke's POV. I don't write Sasuke too much, so I hope it's okay. Please review and let me know how I did. This is outside my comfort zone and it was very challenging to write. I enjoyed the challenge, and am rather proud of the fic.
I walked the quiet streets of Konoha, listening to the soft crunch of my shoes against the gravel. I was able to find comfort in anything anymore, it would be the calm of the night. It never changed. Night will always come, long after everything else had disappeared. Always pitch black; the only pure light emitted from the stars.
Not like anything was pure anymore. After you learn how harsh life is, you can never find anything that is completely pure. There is a dark side to everyone and everything. People may not face it, but it's true. Truth is one of the most impure things. You learn the truth, then wish that it wasn't true, but there was no going back.
I decided to run down the remaining bit of road, hoping in vain that I would leave my problems in the dust. I felt the still air surround me as I pushed myself into a fast run. In the split minute of my run, my mind was clear. I was able to force all the mixed feelings and jumbled thoughts into a corner of my mind.
I enjoyed the clarity that engulfed my brain. By the time I reached the grass, my mind couldn't hold onto the blank canvas that was currently my mind. The locked box containing the emotions and thoughts burst open, bringing back all the things I fought so hard to be rid of. I stopped by a tree on the outskirts of town, letting everything flood back into my head. I closed my eyes and tilted my head upward towards the sky.
There were far too many problems and a majority of them could not be resolved. These thoughts and emotions would always haunt me, all through my life. No matter how hard I tried to run from them they always caught up with me. When they had caught up, each emotion was stronger and each thought more detailed. I knew that pain in my brain and heart would get rid of me far before my time, it was inevitable. I couldn't face the inevitable though. Not yet anyway.
My main was problem was that my heart and soul would not be able to hold these problems forever. If I didn't do something soon, there won't be anymore time to figure my life out. I'll spiral down into a black abyss and never be able to find my way back out. I was as good as gone.
I constantly reminded myself that there is always another day waiting for me, but I could never find it in myself to believe the saying. My time was limited, so there may not be another day.
The hours blur together and I can't comprehend anything. That single fact destroys me. Slowly, very slowly, but I was always aware of it happening. I can feel myself crumbling into broken pieces. I'll turn to dust eventually, and that dust will blow away in the wind, never to be united again.
I try to be who I truly am, but I learnt that I was no one. I am a shell of what I was. I had always been a shell. Never whole, but there was something more complete. I will never be whole, so I was trying to stop the decaying process. I have yet to attain a solution to my problems, and I fear it will always evade me.
They say that a person changes over time. They can say I have changed, but I haven't. I've only fallen apart, I had never actually changed. I am who I was, just not as full. I've been forced down, abused while I was down, brought up again by false hopes, then to find myself plummeting down yet again. Throughout each cycle I lost a fraction of myself to oblivion. Never to be seen again.
I knew that I would not die physically for a while. I yearned for it to be that time though. Once I died inside, what was the point of the Earth that met my feet? Nothing. That was the only conclusion I could reach. I knew the death of my soul was rapidly approaching.
I walked into the forest that lay before me and the smell of dead leaves filled my nostrils. I breathed the scent in deeply and concentrated only on the simply task of breathing. The exercise did nothing for me and I still couldn't rid myself of the familiar things in my mind.
Past. The past is your present. There is no way you can get around it. My past was miserable, therefore my present life is miserable. Nothing has ever changed in all the years of my life. The past helped mold me into the case I now was. Along with the person that used to be me. That person doesn't exist anymore. Not even in my wildest dreams, I could not conjure up that person. The one that left along with the rest of my clan.
"Sasuke." A voice said from a place in front of me. I realized that I was staring at the ground and looked up to meet the eyes of Haruno Sakura. I glared at her for a moment, then moved on down the small dirt path the laid before me. I could hear Sakura following me. "Why are you here? Especially now?" She asked.
I stopped and smirked to myself before looking back over my shoulder at Sakura. "I could ask you the same question." I said, my face an expressionless mask. I could tell by the way she looked at me that I was not in any time of humorous or patient mood. She had watched me die with each passing day. She knew that I would be gone soon, but she, like myself, did not want to face the inevitable.
"We should go back." Sakura said. Her words held different meaning in my head than what she intended.
"Go back to what? A dead town? Why does it matter anyway?" I said. I turned my whole body around now, fully facing the pink haired kunoichi in front of me.
"Sasuke. Please." She asked. I didn't move. I had no intention of moving from this place until I could figure something, anything, out. "At least tell me what's wrong then." She asked, desperate for some type of information.
"You wouldn't be able to comprehend what is wrong Sakura. You've never felt true pain. Never experienced true heartbreak. Don't understand what it is like to be completely alone in the world. No moving on, and no turning back. It is a life that hurts like hell Sakura, and you haven't even had a taste of it yet. You probably never will. Your life is so much more than others, no matter how much you think you are suffering. When you experience your own personal piece of hell, let me know. I'll join you. Then I will still be alone, but there will be someone else in pain. I know that I won't be alone in the emotions that surround me every night I try to sleep. Even in that sleep, I continue to fall. There is no stopping it. If you ever find that place, that hell, prove it. It will not ease my suffering by any means, but someone can have a taste of it. Someone besides me. I am tired of despair and agony and I try to move on. Every second of my life I try, but there is nowhere beyond the bend in the road ahead. It is only a dead end. Optimism is a fake hope that gives people motivation for their day. When the day ends they realize that they have moved nowhere, yet they think that tomorrow will be better. There is no better. Only worse. You fall. The speed that you fall can be determined, but after you start falling, there is no stopping it. So tell me what true pain feels like. You can't, because there is a single moment of true pain for each person. After that pain, the person becomes numb to all of those around them. You are not numb, therefore you have not felt the pain I have." I gave my small speech and looked into Sakura's eyes and saw no reaction. The words hadn't sunk in yet, but they will. There is no doubt about it. It is the cold, hard truth and she will realize it. I turned and ran down the road into the heart of the forest and stood, staring up at the canopy of limbs above me. It was there that I felt the last true part of me go numb and die.
Screw good as gone. I am gone.