THE EPIC INTRIGING ADVENTUROUS DISAPPEARANCE OF THE ALWAYS MINBOGGLING INDESTRUCTABLE STARPLATE

(the above title is the official name for the story but wouldn't fit in the title box)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Starplate... whoops Stargate Atlantis (i do own the Starplate but not anything to do with the actual show) or X-Files, i don't own that either.

As I've said, this is a sequel to my story The Starplate Files, you probably should read The Starplate Files before this.

DESCRIPTION: Mulder and Scully are back! And there are more wraith after them…. And who comes to fight wraith………? for full description see the above title, cause I am NOT writing that out again.

A/N: I think this will have more comedy in it then The Starplate Files, 'cause it's easier for me to write comedy. Anyway, here's chapter one.

CHAPTER ONE: THE STARPLATE RETURNS… AND, UH, LEAVES

McKay groaned.

Ronon leaned over him. "Get up."

"No," replied McKay.

"When you're brought down in a fight you have to get straight back up again," Ronon told him. "Get up."

McKay eyed his fighting stick that was lying next to him on the ground where he'd dropped it. "No. I'm not getting up again so you can continue trying to break every bone in my body!"

"If you kept your eyes on me you might do better," Ronon told him.

McKay groaned again. "You've caused me more permanent back damage, I can feel it."

Ronon hit him in the ribs with a stick.

"Ow!" complained McKay. "I give up! You win! There, you happy now?"

There was a soft snort of amusement from the corner of the room, McKay lifted his head and saw Sheppard leaning against the door.

"What? Why does everyone seem to find my pain funny?" demanded McKay. "And when did you get there?"

"He's been there for ten minutes," Ronon informed McKay.

"Yep," confirmed Sheppard. "Elizabeth wants to speak to us."

"And you didn't mention this as soon as you came in because…?" asked McKay.

Sheppard shrugged. "I probably should have, but it was quite funny watching Ronon ditch you on your back. Come on, she'll be wondering where we are."

Ronon stared down at McKay, looking almost triumphant.

"Yes, I know, I have to get up now," grumbled McKay and pushed himself up off the floor, avoiding Ronon as he walked across the room to collect his bag.

Ronon simply ditched his sticks in one corner of the gym and followed Sheppard out. McKay jogged to catch up to them.

"What did she want us for?" questioned McKay.

"She didn't say, but she didn't sound very happy," Sheppard told him.

McKay gave an exasperated sigh. "So you thought you've make her even more unhappy by keeping her waiting?"

"Sure. Though she did want Beckett too for some reason…" mused Sheppard.

"Hold on, how do you know that? Was there a citywide message? Why didn't we hear it?" inquired McKay.

"No, Lorne told me, citywide communications are down, along with a lot of the other Ancient stuff," replied Sheppard.

"What?! Why?!" asked McKay.

"One of the scientists spilt coffee on the Parallel Universe Machine and it let off some kind of pulse, I don't know the details. Anyway, Zelenka didn't seem too concerned. He said he'd have everything back on soon," Sheppard explained.

"I should have been told of that immediately! I'm the genius here!" exclaimed McKay.

"They probably thought you were too busy training with me," Ronon added.

"Well, I…" McKay started but Weir cut across him as they entered the 'gate room.

"There you are! I've been waiting to get the meeting started, where were you?" Weir demanded.

"Well, because Sheppard found it more amusing to let Ronon dump me on my back – causing more permanent back damage – then bother telling us that you wanted to speak to us Ronon and I didn't get the message until five minutes ago!' grumbled McKay.

Weir narrowed her eyes at Sheppard. "I told you this is important!"

Sheppard shrugged.

Weir turned and led them into the conference room, where Beckett and Teyla were already waiting.

Sheppard, McKay and Ronon sat down.

Weir looked out at the five of them with a very serious expression on her face. "The wraith have made it to Earth."

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Scully stared at Mulder across the hotel room. "Put it away. Now."

Mulder continued studying the starry plate. "Don't you find it fascinating?"

"No," replied Scully and the look she gave the plate was close to hatred.

"It might be the only actual proof I have of the existence of aliens," Mulder told her.

"It's a plate," Scully replied flatly.

Mulder looked frustrated. "Don't you ever wonder why you can't remember anything from the first few days after I got this?"

"No," Scully lied. "Mulder, I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, it's just a plate."

"No, it's not! I can't believe you still refuse to believe even when I have proof!" complained Mulder, waving the plate. "Why do you think you can't remember? Aliens abducted you! A group of conspirators arrived after this plate glowed!"

"I was not abducted!" snapped Scully. "And you need to stop taking that plate everywhere we go, its not going to glow and bring in aliens, as much as you wish it would!"

"Well, how do you explain your memory loss and all the people who saw spaceships?" demanded Mulder.

"I'm not even going to try to explain the minds of people who think that they've seen spaceships, and as for my memory loss, I've already told you I was probably drugged," Scully explained.

"You were abducted! I met the conspirators! I saw one of them fly off in a spaceship to help the aliens abduct you!" Mulder informed her.

"Mulder! Do we have to go threw this again; I was drugged and you had too much to drink. We're on a completely different case now. Put that plate away."

"I will find out how to get this Starplate to work," Mulder insisted.

Scully rolled her eyes. "And don't call it that."

"It's what its called, Scully," Mulder reminded her.

"Oh? And you know this how?" retorted Scully.

"One of the conspirators called it that," Mulder informed her.

"One of the non-existent conspirators," added Scully.

"They do exist!" snapped Mulder.

"I'm sure they do exist Mulder, in your mind," said Scully.

Mulder shot her a glare and sulkily sat down at their hotel desk to further examine the strange symbols and stars on the Starplate.

"Give it u…" started Scully.

"It's GLOWING!" yelled Mulder, interrupting Scully and holding the plate in up in the air.

"What?!" asked Scully and turned around to see her partner holding the glowing plate high in the air. "How did you manage that?"

Scully had studied the Starplate shortly after her memory loss had become apparent and she knew it had no switch or anything that would make it glow.

The whole room shook violently and the Starplate let off a huge flash of light.

Scully fell sideways against their bunk bed and the room was still again.

"It's GONE!" exclaimed Mulder, staring at his empty hands.

"What? Your sanity?" questioned Scully. "That was gone long before I met you Mulder."

"No, the Starplate!" replied Mulder, frantically searching under the desk. "It's just gone!"

"Good," muttered Scully under her breath and then frowned as Mulder started throwing things off the desk as he searched it. Scully ducked as their case file came flying towards her and it sailed over her head. "Mulder! Quit it!"

"NO! I need to find…." started Mulder.

He was cut across as the door opened and two people stared at them in surprise.

"Hello?" asked Scully as Mulder froze with a pen pot in his left hand that he'd been just about to throw over his shoulder.

"Err… this is the room we just booked for the week," explained the woman.

"Oh," said Scully, confused. "We've booked it for three weeks, reception mustn't have written it down."

Mulder slowly lowered the fortunate pen pot back on to the desk as Scully sent him an irritated look.

"I'll come down with you and sort it out," offered Scully.

The woman nodded. "Thanks."

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Sheppard climbed off the boat and onto the beautiful tropical island and turned to Weir. "There are meant to be wraith here?"

"Yes, our worry is not only that they are here, but how they got here without being noticed," Weir told him.

McKay snorted. "This is a relatively small island in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean covered with trees, hotels and resorts. Personally I think this is Carson trying to get us to take a few days off."

Beckett walked on to the beach behind him. "I heard that."

"Yes, believe it or not, I was aware that you were behind me," McKay told him.

"I certainly agree that this is a nice place for a holiday," continued Beckett thoughtfully.

"Well we're not here for a vacation." Weir felt she had to remind him.

"I know," Beckett told her regretfully. Then shivered. "I fond it bloody creepy that the wraith are here."

"I'm fine with it as long as I get to kill them all," put in Ronon.

Teyla was not thinking about wraith. "This is truly beautiful! Is your whole world like this?"

"No," McKay informed her.

"Some of it is," added Weir. "But not all."

"Hey Teyla, are you sensing anything yet?" asked Sheppard, eyeing the decent sized waves that were rolling in.

Weir caught the look. "And we're not here to surf either!"

Sheppard shot her an annoyed look.

Teyla frowned for a moment. "Yes, I believe I can sense wraith. Though they are a long way from where we are."

"So there are wraith here?" asked Beckett and then he and McKay started looking around nervously, as if they expect a wraith to jump out at them at any moment.

Sheppard sniggered. "Teyla said they're not near us."

McKay just looked at him. "I don't care. They're still on the same island as me."

"Come on," called Weir. "We need to book in to our hotel."

A/N: well, I hope you enjoyed reading that, because this is equally as much fun to write as The Starplate Files. Please review… it makes me post faster, promise. :)