A/N:
So hi there. This is my first Hetalia fic in a looong while (and first multichapter one in this fandom) and also my first official UsCan fic ever because I've finally grown the balls to affirm that there can never be enough UsCan in the world. HUZZAH. Updates will hopefully be twice a month at the least and once a week at the most as I am already anticipating my work to start making me its bitch again around this time of the year. Hopefully I shall prevail this time around though. *fingers crossed* Anyways, enjoy!

Summary:
Matthew couldn't help but feel that deep, nagging sense in him once more that it hadn't always been this way. But then again, he couldn't even remember anything from his past anymore. All he could remember was Alfred's warmth always being there for him and making him feel safe and loved and for now, that was already enough.

Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine. Nor any of its characters.

Warnings: Yaoi, twincest, drug-induced amnesia, (other warnings to be added later on)

Je me souviens

i.

Matthew couldn't help but wonder what life was like outside. As he stared at the window, seeing the snow falling to the ground, he couldn't help but trace the snow with his fingers. He couldn't help but wonder if it really is as cold as it is said to be. He wanted to touch it so badly but he knew he couldn't do that. He wasn't allowed to and he knew he had to be contented with that.

Just then, Matthew felt arms wrap around his waist as a head snuggled itself to his shoulder. "Why are you up so early? I almost had a heart attack not seeing you in bed," he heard the other say as lips brushed on the junction between his neck and shoulder.

"It's snowing, Al," was all Matthew replied as his fingers traced the snow through the window once more. "It's really pretty," he continued on before contemplative silence filled them for minutes.

The hold on him loosened then before he was turned to face the other. He tried not to hope too much lest he ended up disappointed again. "Do you want to go outside, Mattie?" Alfred murmured as he looked past the window before looking back at Matthew, as he timidly nodded in assent.

The other had looked thoughtful for a minute before Matthew felt lips brushed his forehead. "Okay, let's go outside tomorrow," he said as he placed his forehead against Matthew's. "Would that make you happy?" he continued on.

Matthew's eyes widened in surprise at what the other said. "Yes, thank you, thank you," he couldn't help but say excitedly as he kissed Alfred in gratitude, arms wrapping tightly against the other's neck, their kiss passionate and needy. Soon enough though, they broke the kiss as the need for air became too much for them.

"Let's go back to sleep," Alfred said as he wrapped his arm around Matthew's shoulder and led him back to their room. "It's still too early to be awake," he said as he closed the door and pulled Matthew back to bed.

As Matthew found himself pulled flushed against Alfred's chest, arms wrapped tightly around him, he couldn't help but feel that deep, nagging sense in him once more that it hadn't always been this way. And he could barely remember the white and the snow outside and a little white polar bear and he couldn't tell if it was just a dream or if it was a reality taken away from him because as far as he knew, he had never gone outside before. But then again, he couldn't even remember anything from his past anymore. All he could remember was Alfred's warmth always being there for him and making him feel safe and loved and for now, that was already enough.

ii.

"It's beautiful," Matthew breathed as he took a step forward, momentarily startled when he heard the crunch of the ground. All around them, all he could see was white. He stretched a palm upward to catch a snowflake. He then turned to Alfred who was staring ahead beside him.

"Do you like it?" Alfred asked, taking Matthew's hand and squeezing it tightly as he looked at Matthew.

"Definitely," Matthew said as he started to pull on Alfred, leading the other to the general direction of the lake that he could see outside the window all the time. "Can we please go to the lake, Al? I want to see if it's really frozen in," he said looking back to the other, eyes hopeful.

"Of course we could," Alfred said acquiescing as the other continued to lead him to the frozen lake.

Matthew stopped walking as soon as the lake was in his sights though, dropping Alfred's hand as he started to walk forward carefully before stopping once he was directly in front of the lake. He then crouched down as his gloved hand touched the ice that had frozen.

"I played in this before," he couldn't help saying as he remembered being in an arena, whizzing through the ice as people cheered around him, adrenaline rushing through him as he scored another goal. He remembered playing with Alfred in an area not unlike this and Alfred promptly losing, their goading then turning into an impromptu wrestling match. He remembered playing with other people he knew he had been familiar with for a long time in a slightly-closed off area with a handful of people watching, Alfred also cheering him on.

He remembered moving gracefully and fiercely across the ice and it was only when he felt himself scooped up that he realized that he had already been lying on the ground, clutching his head and the distant cries he could hear were his own and that there were tears running through his eyes already as his head continued to pound making him whimper as he hid his head even further into Alfred's neck.

"Shhh, it's okay, Mattie. I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Alfred cooed as he brought Matthew back to their house. Only setting the other down when he was already in front of their bed. He then carefully took off Matthew's outer clothing before he laid the thick blanket over him.

As the other made a move to go outside though, Matthew pleaded out, "Please stay," as he curled up even further into himself. A moment of silence passed as Alfred took off his outer clothing as well before Matthew felt the blanket pulled off of him as he was pulled flushed against Alfred. "I'm sorry," he couldn't help but say as he clutched the material of Alfred's shirt.

"It's okay, baby. This is my fault, I should've been prepared for this," Alfred said, his arm tightening around Matthew's waist as his other hand stroked the back of Matthew's head.

"It hurts, Al. My head hurts," Matthew said as he curled even further into the warmth of Alfred's body. He was confused at the memories he had just remembered but he couldn't focus past the pain right now and he could only cling onto Alfred and hope for the pain to go away.

"I know, Mattie, I'm sorry," was all that Alfred said as he let the other continue to cry and cling onto him before the latter finally fell asleep from exhaustion.

iii.

Darkness. That was all that Matthew met as he realized that he was blindfolded. "Where am I? Who are you?" he screamed as he tried to free himself of the restraints chaining him to the bed to no avail.

He couldn't remember how he arrived in this place. He didn't know what he had done to warrant this. But he was terrified, truly scared that nobody would remember him enough to save him. A sob escaped him before he screamed once more, "Let me out! Somebody please help me!" he shouted before he heard the door open, making him perk his head before he whimpered as he heard multiple footsteps approaching.

"Who are you? Please let me go. We can negotiate about this," he pleaded out before he felt a sharp pain in his arm as he realized that it was a syringe injecting something into his bloodstream. He cried out as he tried to struggle only to find out he couldn't as he was completely restrained. "No, stop, please," he sobbed out as he was injected syringe after syringe after which his body grew lax, his thoughts foggy, reducing him to whimpering before the darkness consumed him once more.

...

Matthew grew terrified as he started to forget everything he had ever known. He forgot about what his childhood had been like and how he grew up to be the person that he was now. He forgot where he had lived and what job he had before he was taken to this place.

He grasped for memories of his family but all he could remember was a man he knew who looked almost exactly like himself except that the other's eyes were as blue as the sky and that he had that cowlick in his hair and then he could vaguely remember two other men present, always arguing, one having green eyes and the thickest eyebrows he could remember having seen and one having long wavy hair and a stubble. He tried hard not to forget those faces but found himself losing them as well.

He tried to ask the people detaining him why they were doing this to him, why they had taken him to this place to no avail. He tried to ask them if they knew anything about him because as each day passes by, his memories grew sparser until they weren't there anymore and all he could remember was his own name, not even his last name.

He tried to plead for them to stop as he found that he could barely remember the first letter of his name anymore and he had sobbed and screamed for hours then when he found it out. That was also the time he had almost been able to escape only to get caught.

He tried so hard not to let everything else that he knew slip out of his grasp but by then it was already too late and he was unable to stop it. And then when he woke up one morning to find out that he couldn't even remember his own name anymore, he stopped fighting. After all, if all you could remember was your existence in this hellhole, what was there to fight for?

...

Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and months turned into years as he was given the same treatment daily. Not that he could tell the difference really. He grew unresponsive and found it difficult to think as he wondered who he was and why he was in this place in the first place. All he knew was that he didn't want to be in this place.

He just wanted to be free so badly but he knew better than to try. He once managed to almost get away only to find himself caught and without any food for a couple of days as punishment. He knew better than to do that now. Because he knew that the less he ate, the weaker he got, and the weaker he got, the more potent the treatment he received would become.

He didn't even know why he had to get out of this place. Was there anybody even waiting for him outside this hellhole? Or maybe they were the ones to send him here in the first place?

He knew he won't be finding out the answers anytime soon but that didn't mean that every fiber of his being was screaming for him to get out of this place.

iv.

He was awoken by the commotion as people were shouting and general noise could be heard quite loudly outside. He then jumped as his door was opened loudly before his blindfold was ripped out and his mouth was covered by a hand to prevent him from making any noise in alarm. It took a while for his eyes to adjust to the sudden light as he saw a blond man in front of him with his eyes framed by glasses, eyes that he couldn't help but liken to the color of the sky, even though he wasn't even sure what the color of it was anymore, his own eyes widening as he tried to think of what was to happen to him, growing alarmed as he thought of what the other might do to him.

"Shhh, it's okay, I won't hurt you," the man whispered, noticing how scared he had looked right then. "I'm going to get you out of here, okay? But you have to trust me and you have to make no noise so that they won't catch us," the blond continued on, looking at him for affirmation.

He then nodded slightly as the man before him took the hand off his face and started to get him out of his restraints. Once finished, he was then scooped up by the man. He was startled by this as he found himself clutching weakly at the material of the blond's shirt weakly as the man started to jog as quietly as possible, hiding whenever there were personnel nearby, as they got nearer to the entrance.

The man then halted to a stop before they took a sharp turn as voices were heard from outside, taking him to what looks like the kitchen. The man then crouched down, placing Matthew on the ground as he opened an empty cupboard in the corner.

Just as he was about to ask what the man was doing however, he was scooped up once more before he was placed inside the cupboard. Panic and paranoia seized him then as he clutched to the man's shirt, words caught on his throat as he tried to tell the other not to leave him.

"Hey, hey, calm down, okay? I have to hide you here for a while because there are others outside. I have to make them go away first, okay?" the man cooed at him, stroking his hair to calm him down. "I won't leave without you, I promise," the other continued on seeing his disbelieving look.

"Please don't leave me here," were the first words he uttered to the other, his voice hoarse from not seeing any reason to use them anymore these days. "They-they'll make me not remember again," he said struggling with his words as his voice broke.

"I'd never let them touch you again, baby. I'll never forgive myself if I even do that ever again, I swear," the man said, his voice vindictive as the latter brushed the back of his head. The man then reached for something in his pocket before taking out a pair of eyeglasses and placing them carefully on his face, making his vision suddenly clearer as a noise akin to a dry sob escaped the latter. "You look like you again," the man said then, once his voice seemed stable enough, shaking the slightest bit, before the blond kissed his forehead saying, "Be quiet, okay? I'll be back as soon as I stop the bad guys," the man said before closing the cupboard leaving a little opening for him not to be in total darkness.

What he then heard were a series of gunshots that shook him to the core accentuated by shots and screams outside. It took a while before everything grew silent, leaving him to the sound of his own harsh breathing. He couldn't help but grow scared as he thought of the possibilities that the blond saving him would end up dead or worse, captured and drugged just like him, forever trapped in this place. And then when the cupboard door suddenly opened, he couldn't help the shriek that escaped him as he pushed his body flat as far as he could, the deepest recesses of his mind already readying itself for eventual capture.

"Hey, hey! It's me, shhh, it's okay," the man then said, leaning in and showing his face to him to placate him before taking him by the arms and pulling him out. "Everything's fine now, you're safe," the man said as he pulled his shaking body into an embrace that he couldn't help but melt on. "It's gonna be okay. I'm here. I got ya," the blond continued saying as he clung onto him, relief washing through him as he could feel freedom almost at his fingertips.

After a while, he was then scooped up once more before he heard the man say, "Close your eyes, baby," in a tender tone. "Why?" he couldn't help but ask although he complied otherwise, as he nuzzled his head to the man's neck and unconsciously clutched onto the man's shirt.

"Just sleep for now, Mattie, we're almost home," he heard the man say as he let sleep consume him in what would be his most peaceful slumber for the first time in years. He didn't know if he had said it out loud or if he was just dreaming but he could hear the phrase Thank you ringing loudly in his head just before darkness completely consumed him.

v.

Indigo eyes opened slowly, taking in its surroundings cautiously. He shifted a bit before realizing the body next to him and the arm loosely wrapped around his waist. Startled, he abruptly backed off from the other before sitting up, causing the other to wake up from the movement.

The other looked disoriented for a minute before he took the arm off his waist and backed away. "Calm down, it's just me," the man said as he sat up as well. "I took you out from that place, remember? It's me, Mattie," he continued on, his voice pleading the slightest bit.

"How… how do you know me?" he couldn't help but ask as his breath hitched before he completely broke. "Who are you? How did you find me there? What's my name? I-I can't believe I'm out of there," he couldn't help but say in the end as a sob escaped him before he was pulled against the other's body, his own body shaking the slightest bit.

"You're safe now," the man said. "I'm sorry it took so long, I'm so sorry," he continued on saying, clutching at the other desperately. He then cupped his face, making him look at the blond's sky blue eyes directly. "Your name is Matthew Williams and you've been missing for five years. I'm Alfred F. Jones and I'm your twin, Mattie. I finally found you," the man – no, Alfred – said as he placed is forehead against Matthew, "I can't believe you're home, I missed you so much," he said as Matthew – his name was Matthew – clutched at his savior, his twin and for the first time in a long while, he felt safe.

"Thank you for finding me, Alfred," Matthew couldn't help but utter as his whole being was filled with pure relief and hope, more than he had ever felt for the last five years of his life. He could only cling to the hope that things would be looking up now.

Notes:

*Je me souviens - is the official motto of Quebec, a province of Canada. The motto means "I remember". Stumbled across this quote and thought it fits so there.

*Drug used on Matthew to induce amnesia – I decided to use a modern variant of the Damascus Rose that Daniel drunk at the beginning of the game, Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Let's just say that somebody got hold of a rare dealer of this drug and decided to use it on poor Mattie.

A/N: Sorry for the crappy layout. I tried. OTL I hope you guys enjoyed and please do review for any feedback that you may have. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Til' next time!