So this is what blindness feels like.
I sat down on our large soft bed. It wasn't because I was tired pacing—I never was. It was because I needed a whiff of his scent that lingered on the silky sheets. Sheets of Egyptian cotton brushed my ivory skin, but they were nothing compared to the touch that I strongly yearn for at this very moment. I stared at the window, looked at the gray skies and felt the strong heavy rain pound and beat the roof.
My thoughts started to question aloud. Where is he? Can't he come back any sooner? Did something happen to him? And why oh why does he have to be with a dog? I absolutely hate having a hole in my head—especially when I have to tolerate it for five measly hours! I closed my eyes and concentrated on his face. I tried to bring myself to where he could possibly be and what he was doing. I focused harder and felt my forehead crease into two folds. After a long while, I thought I saw his image—his tall, lean frame, his muscular body, his honey blond hair, his flashing, curvy smile. I was hopeful. I knew I was too attuned to him not to get a clear view of him. But as I focused harder, the image disappeared. I realized it wasn't any forecast, just a mere memory.
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I sat still and felt my body go rigid. To a human, I probably looked like a statue perched on someone's bed—never blinking, always staring. I missed him. I really do. And even if he just left this morning to train Jacob to fight newborns, I am already craving that the events of last night would repeat again right now.
Last night was one of the best nights of my life. I still have a hang-over as one could see from the creased night gown I was still wearing. I couldn't change into a better outfit; I am not in the mood. Last night though, I was happy. As always, he made the atmosphere change as if the world was only meant for us. He knew where and how to touch and I felt a stroke of pleasure each time, even if I knew already what was coming. As our bodies connected with one another, we instantly knew that we should hold on to each other before we have no time left.
To someone else, it might seem funny for a vampire to think he has no time left since he has an eternity waiting for him. But this is different. An incoming war involving newborns and the Volturi can shrink an eternal future in just four seconds. It was only a few hours ago that I felt his burly arms tangle gracefully around me and yet it seemed like an eternity since it happened.
I need him now before it is too late. I need to be happy and make the most of my last few days. But how could I do that now when his image itself couldn't even make it pass through my mind? I couldn't act perky and secure without him in my sight. For a human, it is like sleeping late after a productive work and waking up early to work again without an intake of coffee. He is my coffee. Nothing gets me going without him as my adrenaline.
What you love is beautiful to you. I know that. But now I get how blind men feel. They couldn't see the light, the moon, the stars and anything beautiful for that matter. They couldn't appreciate and therefore, they cannot love. Like the blind, I couldn't see him, the only thing that is beautiful to my eyes. If I never knew him at all, I wouldn't know what beauty is. And if he stays with those werewolves for a week, it's like never seeing beauty ever again.
Blindness hinders you from seeing the one you love.
I sat still on my bed. It has been five hours since I've finished pacing. I tried to calm myself down and let my worries wash away from me.
Wait, five hours. He said he would be back in five hours.
I stood up. It stopped raining but it was still dark. Something flickered on my mind. The hole was sealing itself up. I smiled. I glided towards my dressing room and picked one of my favorite outfits—a white Gretian halter top and black skinny jeans. I put on a pair of honey colored hoop earrings and a matching bangle. I redid my make-up, putting some honey colored eye shadow and really red lipstick. I looked at my watch. It was 3:59. One more minute.
I closed my eyes. I could see his image. He is driving alone. He probably left the dog somewhere. I chuckled at that thought. He is approaching the Cullen driveway. He seems to be in a hurry…
I opened my eyes and I was surprised to see Jazz's beautiful eyes inches from mine. His eyes glistened and his honey blond hair blew against the breeze. He chuckled. I knew what he was thinking. I, once again, matched my make-up to his hair. From feeling so worried and impatient, I suddenly felt calm and playful. Even when I'm so ready to get mad at him for not coming home earlier, I couldn't bring myself to hit him. I ruffled through his locks, locked my arms around his neck, and pressed my lips to his.
Suddenly, the atmosphere was ours again.
And I wasn't blind any longer.
