The wind was blowing hard and the storm was roaring.
I looked around me with a horrible feeling of déjà vu.
"Oh no, please don't ... please don't let it be the lighthouse." But despite my pleas, I was there. At the lighthouse.
The tornado was unleashing stronger than ever, lightning flashes zapped through the sky, roaring in my eardrums. The elements seemed to shout out their reproaches to me.
I was standing there, helpless in front of the drama that was happening before my eyes, once again. I approached the bench, frozen by the cold, trying to find a logical explanation for all this when I heard a cracking sound behind me.
I turned around with fear in my stomach, knowing in spite of myself what I would find there. And I'm saw her.
Chloe. My best friend. Maybe the only one I've ever had.
She was holding her stomach, bent in half, fatally wounded by Nathan Prescott.
She looked up at me in despair: "It's all your fault, Max. Why did you do this to me? »
The words seemed stuck in my throat, trapped by my guilt: "I'm so sorry, Chloe, I didn't mean to... »
"Oh, yeah? Well, not as much as I died in the fucking toilet. How could you let Nathan kill me? You could have saved me, you should have saved me! "she spat in my face.
And before she could say anything else, she threw herself at me.
I woke up screaming, my heart beating at full speed, sweating with fear.
"It was a Max nightmare, just a nightmare. Just one more... »
I tried to calm down. In vain. I was still in my room at 1:12 in the morning in a panic and crying.
Since Chloe's death, I was stuck in the same pattern every day: I would get up as best I could in the morning, more out of habit than envy and go about my business without really being there. In the evening I couldn't sleep, too tense, nerves raw, I wasn't even trying to fall asleep anymore. Sleep had become my enemy. Implacable, he always ended up throwing himself at me, to revive my guilt. The rest provided by sleep fled me, while my nightmares awaited me like hungry monsters lurking in the shadows.
The vibrations of my phone eventually interrupted the endless flow of my thoughts. I had received a new message. I opened the latter without even looking at who the sender was:
"Hey Max, I know you don't look at your phone too much lately, but I wanted to tell you that I'm here for you if you need anything."
Another message from Warren, he had sent me some since Chloe's funeral. Like all the others, I never answered them.
I decided to answer it this time, Warren had always been kind to me. Almost no one had understood the reason for my grief. For them, I was traumatized because I had witnessed the murder of a student in the Blackwell toilet, not because Chole had been my friend. After all, they didn't know
about my relationship with Chloe. No one would ever know how happy I was with Chloe when we met again.
In front of their insistent eyes I finally decided to tell them that Chloe and I had been friends before I left for Seattle.
Kate and Warren had been watching over me. They really tried to help me. Really. But despite all their help, I was no better. My friends had finally understood that I needed to be a little alone.
"Thank you Warren."
It's a little short, but I didn't feel strong enough to add anything other than these poor pathetic words. "You really deserve better as a friend," I whispered quietly
Knock knock
"Damn, I must have woken someone up." I opened the door and found out without surprise that it was Kate.
"Hi Max," she said warmly.
"Hello Kate," I replied with a somewhat scratchy voice. I was surprised not to be completely voiceless from crying and screaming every night.
"I thought I heard you scream last night," she said calmly. Are you all right? I mean, is there anything I can do for you? »
"It's all right, Kate, I'm sorry I woke you up."
"Oh no, not at all," she told me hastily, "although her hair and dark circles showed the opposite. Do you want some company? »
"I... I think I'll go out for a few moments. I need to freshen up my thoughts. »
"Do you want me to come with you? »
I didn't know how to tell her I'd rather be alone. Before I even opened my mouth, looking for something to answer, she said to me:
"If you need to be a little alone, I'll understand."
"Um, yes, thank you, Kate. »
"No worries, I understand," she reassured me with a thin smile. I understood that she was a little disappointed.
She closed the door and walked away.
Kate's concern was all the more touching because in this reality, or this past, we were not really close. The case of the video posted on the Internet where Kate was seen kissing many boys was quickly overshadowed by the arrest of Mr. Jefferson and Nathan, both of whom were implicated in various crimes.
Blackwell's students had understood the fate that had been reserved for Kate because of these two psychopaths. The mockery and harassment quickly stopped when they realized that it could have happened to one of them, at least among the girls.
Torn apart by Chloe's death, I hadn't been very present for Kate.
"Max, it seems like you really suck at helping people who care about you. "But there was nothing I could do about it at the moment.
I got up and decided to go for a walk for a few moments, despite the increased security on campus. I couldn't bring myself to stay in my room. An unhealthy atmosphere was emerging, I didn't want to stay another minute in this place.