Author's Note: This is my first KH fic, so any constructive criticism you may have would be especially appreciated, and compliments would also be well-received. Also, I would like to give many thanks to The Glass Slipper for getting me through the writing process.

Disclaimer: Kingdom Hearts is owned by Square Enix, Disney, and others who aren't I; all of my fanfiction is written for fun, not profit.

Warnings: This story contains sexual situations between two males, which means that two hot guys will be having hot sex. If this offends you in any way, don't read any further than this. Unless you're a masochist…

What Am I to Do With All This Silence?, by keldjinfae

Best to Keep Things In the Shallow End

The sun dipped lower in the sky in its steady downward trek to the wide expanse of ocean, and color bled into the sky as itsteeped itself in the calm water. After a few more minutes, the golden disc touched the skyline, and the surrounding shades of oranges and pinks intensified above robin's egg blue as it made the waves sparkle almost blindingly. Palm trees stood out as silent guardians against the world beyond the island, waving in the slight breeze that had picked up with the setting sun.

Riku watched the approach of night silently, eyes darkening like the sea before him as the sun continued to disappear from his sight. He shifted slightly, jaw clenched as he resisted the urge to call out and beg the fading light to stay. He balled his hands into fists in an attempt to ignore his need to try to touch the sun's warmth, feel it burn his flesh and eradicate the darkness he feared still lurked in his heart. Instead, he masked his desperation by lifting deceptively calm fingers to his hair, tucking it behind his ear even as some of the long, silvery strands continued to float lazily before his eyes.

He continued to remain still and quiet, leveling his breathing in an effort to calm himself as the last, bright sliver prepared to submerge itself in the waves. When his connection with light was finally severed, Riku's breath froze in his lungs, and his eyes widened almost imperceptibly with dread as his heart raced. Darkness was coming up from the ocean, oozing up the sand and climbing up the palm trees; wisps of evil threatened to ensnare him again…

Before he could register what he was doing, Riku's little finger stretched out, almost as if it had a will of its own, frantically seeking reassurance that light was still there, would continue to be there over the days to come. His hand brushed ever so slightly against soft flesh, and Riku allowed the contact to end abruptly, the brief touch quelling his fear as he felt liquid warmth spread slowly from the tip of his finger until it seeped through his entire being; his heart was once again filled with a satisfying heat.

Only when his lids lowered in a passive, reflective daze did he allow himself to peer surreptitiously to his left, not needing to see any more than a simple silhouette in order to know every simple detail about the figure beside him. The boy's hair was caught up in its usual disaster after an entire day spent on the beach, and his skin smelled of sea and sweat and sun and sand, and Riku thought that maybe if he could lean over, taste a little of the natural spices that had collected on those lips, then he would have some of that pure, unadulterated light for his own; might be able to swallow and feel that life within him always.

Riku smirked and snorted at his ridiculous thoughts, even as his eyes fixed sadly on the sand below, away from his best friend and his exuberance. It terrified him sometimes, how dependent he was on the other boy; the way he would reach out for him and silently beg him for guidance even as he taunted him on the shore, laughing as his Keyblade made another victory sweep, or in a bedroom as he triumphantly completed yet another homework assignment while his friend was still struggling to finish his first math problem.

The older boy always seemed so sure of himself, but with every step ahead of Sora that Riku gained, the more desperately he looked over his shoulder to ensure that his friend was still following him.

His attention was drawn back to the younger boy as Sora sighed and leaned forward. "I'd like to paint the sunset," he announced. He stared straight ahead at the horizon, watching the blue of the sky deepen. He began to swing his legs back and forth and watched his shoes contemplatively.

Riku let his eyes settle on the movement as well, hesitant to look at his best friend directly. Several seconds of silence stretched by, and Riku began to wonder if he should say something in response when Sora spoke up again. "I could have the sunset in my room all the time." The hypnotic motion of his legs slowed and then stilled, and his brow furrowed in thought before he decided, "Of course, then the sunset wouldn't be as special, and I'd just ruin it anyway." He looked up at Riku and smiled, chuckling self-deprecatingly.

Riku's lips curled up slightly in a barely-there smirk, and he finally allowed eye contact for a brief second in order to teasingly acknowledge Sora's flight of fancy. Then he returned his attention to the seemingly endless ocean and sky, watching them become one as the sky finally faded to black.

He missed the look of confusion that flitted across Sora's face, darkening his usually radiant eyes for a moment before he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly and sat up straight again. "At least this way, it's something new every night," he said softly, and glanced over at Riku out of the corner of his eye as his legs resumed their swinging. When Riku merely hummed noncommittally and continued to stare straight ahead, Sora frowned and began picking at the bark of the old paopu tree they were sitting on. Occasionally he would glance in Riku's direction, but the older boy was lost in his own thoughts, used to Sora's constant fidgeting.

Riku leaned back on the bent tree and listened to the waves lap against the shore as his gaze stretched out aimlessly over the now-black sea. His eyes occasionally flicked up to the sky, searching for the appearance of the first star; evidence of worlds beyond his own. When a small, twinkling spark finally pierced through the blanket of night, Riku felt he could let the day go and stretched his arms up over his head, yawning tiredly after hours spent sparring and swimming. He slid down the paopu tree until his feet touched the sand and looked up at Sora, who was still chipping away pieces of bark with his thumbnail. "Ready to go back?" Riku prompted when Sora remained up in the tree.

Sora's eyes were trained on his hand as his brow furrowed, and his swinging legs seemed to act as pendulums, counting down his seconds of silence. After a moment, he shook his head and leapt off of the tree abruptly, a smile in place once again. "I'd race you there, but you look a little tired…"

Before the younger boy could dash toward the boats, Riku's arm lashed out and wrapped around his shoulders, dragging him into a chokehold in order to ruffle his already wildly arrayed hair. "If I'm 'a little tired,' it's only because I've been whooping your ass all day," he taunted, grinning as his best friend attempted to break free of his secure grip; despite defeating people as powerful as Xemnas or Maleficent, Sora could still be overpowered by something as simple as a headlock.

Just as suddenly as he'd caught Sora, Riku released him. Before the younger boy could get his bearings again, Riku sprinted away, yelling, "Come on, Sora! Don't tell me the Keyblade Master is getting sloppy!" Sora merely snorted, rolling his eyes as he took off after Riku, trying to close the distance between himself and his best friend.

Riku reached their boats first and paused to bend over, his breaths a bit ragged after exerting himself so much throughout the day. Sora joined him seconds later, and collapsed onto the sand, eyes closed as he through one arm over his forehead and wrapped the other around his abdomen. "It's nice… to know… that you're still… just as good at cheating," he panted, opening his eyes in order to glare playfully up at the older boy.

Straightening, Riku reached out with his foot in order to nudge Sora's ribs with the toe of his shoe. "And you're still a sore loser," he retorted. When Sora only stuck his tongue out at him, Riku smirked victoriously and turned to step into his boat.

Sora watched him set about casting off for a little while, then slowly rolled over and pushed himself up onto his feet before ambling over to his own boat. Riku held back another smirk as Sora continued to glance his way, knowing that the younger boy was comparing his carefully constructed knots to his own hastily tied rope; he knew that Sora practiced when he thought Riku wasn't watching, testing his skills on everything from fishing line to blades of grass.

Riku's eyes flickered as he experienced a brief spasm of guilt, remembering how he'd betrayed Sora's undying faith, and once again he felt that worry that his best friend would one day give up on him. He yanked his line sharply, cursing himself for allowing his doubts to creep back and freeze the blood in his veins.

Just when he was ready to stick his head under the dark water until he passed out, Riku heard Sora grunt in frustration with his haphazard knot work, and couldn't help but smile secretly again, experiencing that warmth in his heart almost instantly, even as he nearly collapsed from the exhaustion he felt over the conflict raging inside him.

In order to distract himself, Riku quickly moved over to Sora's boat and began to deconstruct the disaster of woven hemp. He heard Sora huff exasperatedly behind him, and he knew Sora's arms were folded indignantly against his chest. "I almost had it, Riku," he protested, watching the older boy's fingers deftly unravel the knots with a speed to be envied.

Riku bit his lip in order to prevent the laughter he felt at the tip of his tongue. "If you mean you almost had a bigger mess than the one you started out with, then yes, you did."

Sora merely exhaled in frustration and sat down, making the boat rock lightly from side to side as he clutched his hair. "Sixteen years and I still can't tie up a boat the right way."

Riku finally allowed his mouth to curl into a warm smile as he pulled out the last kink in the rope. "Just wrap it around like this," he suggested, curling the rope around the dock in a loose but secure fashion. "That way you won't have to tie any knots."

"I've tried that way, remember?" Sora pouted, glaring at Riku's perfect example. "It came undone and I had to swim out after my boat."

Riku couldn't help but chuckle, recalling Sora's expression when he'd gazed dreamily at the waves and seen his boat floating steadily toward the horizon; he'd been off like a shot before Riku could offer going out in his boat.

Sora cast his eyes downward, his cheeks reddening at the sound of Riku's amusement. "Glad to please," he muttered, picking at the hem of his cargo shorts. He looked up in surprise when Riku took his hand and pulled him over to the bow of the boat, shifting so he was behind the shorter boy in order to keep the small vessel balanced in the shallow water.

Riku reached around Sora in order to undo the rope yet again, and almost halted in his movements when that warmth pooled in his abdomen again, making his thoughts pleasantly sluggish. He felt Sora tense up between his arms and realized he'd been leaning forward the barest inch, just enough for their bodies to touch.

Freezing for an instant, Riku then snapped upright as if he'd been burned, his arms stretched out almost comically as he proceeded to re-teach Sora how to secure his boat, as well as distract himself from the rush of heat that was still throbbing where his body had brushed against his friend's. He chastised himself for being so stupid, even as he handed the rope to Sora, hoping that he hadn't freaked him out. "Just toss it around that rung there—yeah, just like that, then bring it back up and twist it around that side."

He watched Sora work, making sure to keep the boat from tipping as the younger boy's tongue stuck out absently in concentration. Riku probably made more corrections than were necessary in an effort to keep himself from slipping away into that warmth again, but eventually he nodded in approval and patted Sora's shoulder. "See? You're just too impatient, that's all."

Sora rolled his eyes and waved dismissively, but couldn't quite hide his pleased grin. After a moment, he reached up and squeezed Riku's hand, which the older boy was surprised to find was still on his shoulder. "Thanks, Riku."

Riku suddenly found it a bit difficult to breathe, so he tore his gaze away from Sora's and ruffled his hair again, bringing the atmosphere between them back to something more normal. "Let's see if you remember how to do it tomorrow," he teased, then stepped back into his own boat. He freed the last of the line from the dock, and Sora neglected a come back in order to follow suit, hastily yanking apart his proud accomplishment.

When Sora's boat began to push away from the dock, the younger of the two called out, "Hey, I bet I can beat you back home." He was already rowing furiously, his exertion generating more splashes than actual movement.

Riku snorted and maintained his own steady pace, slicing through the water gracefully as his boat propelled quickly toward the mainland. "Wouldn't want your arms to give out."

Sora scowled and dipped his oars deeper into the water, quickly gaining on Riku even as his efforts cost him the energy he had left. Sure enough, after a few more strokes, he sighed and slowed, falling slightly behind the older boy. He seemed to lose himself in concentration as he focused on maintaining his even rhythm, and Riku couldn't help but feel grateful for the brief period of silence again; things had gotten too intense, and he wasn't even sure how or why. He threw himself into rowing as well; push, pull, push, pull, the repetition of moving the oars took over Riku's thoughts and the next thing he knew, he was pulling up at the mainland's shore.

Riku hopped out onto the smaller, private dock used by the year-round residents of the island. He heard Sora pull up noisily beside him as he quickly secured his boat to one of the available rungs. He glanced up and couldn't help the smirk that twisted his features as he studied his younger friend.

Sora had dropped his oars in order to slump forward, and he was panting heavily. When he tried to push himself up off the bench, Sora groaned and immediately dropped back down, rolling his arms in an attempt to bring circulation back into his overworked muscles.

"I told you your arms would give out," Riku pointed out. Sora only stuck out his tongue again as he massaged his left shoulder with his other hand. Riku laughed fondly at another of his friend's familiar mishaps and offered his hand. "Here."

Sora sighed, slouching forward for a moment, before shaking his head and grinning ruefully. He reached out and took his hand, and the older boy helped him up to his feet and onto the dock. "I'll beat you next time anyway," Sora declared, meeting Riku's eyes challengingly.

Riku released Sora's hand in order to poke his chest before he could lose himself in another moment. "Yeah, maybe tonight in your dreams," he shot back.

Sora's grin only widened. "You're just afraid of the competition."

"You're right—after twelve years of me leaving you behind in the dust, I'm absolutely terrified," Riku scoffed. Before Sora could deliver a comeback, Riku added, "Oh, and Sora, your boat's floating away."

Sora's eyes widened and his head snapped to the left to see his boat inching away from the dock. He gasped and rushed forward to snatch the line out of the water just in time. He tried to keep an indignant frown on his face, but the sound of Riku's lately infrequent laughter was too infectious and his grin returned even as he averted his eyes in embarrassment. "Shut up, Riku," he mumbled, drawing his boat back hand-over-hand.

"I didn't say anything." Riku's eyes shone with amusement as he wiped tears away from his eyes. "You should've seen your face, though; it was just like last time." He watched Sora wrap the rope around the rung next to his, doing exactly what Riku had shown him, and the older boy felt the heat come back, once again making it harder to breathe. He resisted the urge to pinch himself and faked a yawn, stretching his arms above his head. "You think we could go home sometime tonight, Sora?"

Sora rolled his eyes and finished tying up his boat. "And you said iI/i was the impatient one." He stepped back from his work in order to inspect it. When the rope didn't begin to unravel into the water, he beamed up at his best friend. "I've finally got it down!"

Riku hoped Sora didn't notice him swallow as thoughts of things he was sure best friends didn't do rushed through his head. "Great," he found himself saying, somehow managing to keep his voice steady. "Now how 'bout we get some sleep?"

"Fine, iold man/i," Sora joked as he brushed past Riku. "I'll make sure to go easier on you tomorrow."

"Any easier and you might as well just hand over your Keyblade," Riku retorted, catching up to and matching Sora's stride without any effort.

Sora laughed and waved dismissively. "Whatever."

They both chuckled, then fell silent as they made their way back home. Riku looked ahead at the evenly spaced streetlights, occasionally glancing to his right in order to study his friend. Every now and then, Sora would look up at the sky and frown thoughtfully, and Riku noticed the younger boy would start to turn his way, his mouth open to say something, but then he would look back up at the sky again. After several repetitions of this pattern, Riku finally nudged Sora's shoulder with his own. "I can practically hear you thinking," he said gently, then after a moment, added, "or trying to."

Sora sneered at Riku, then looked back up at the sky, brow furrowed. Eventually he shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "You can't see the stars very well on the mainland anymore," he mentioned, his voice distracted as he tried to pick out a few of the constellations. "All of the lights on the mainland…" he grimaced before continuing, "It's so crowded now, Riku. Especially now that…" he closed his eyes for a moment, then looked down at his shoes. "Especially now that I know there are other worlds out there."

Riku swallowed again, looking down at his own shoes. "Yeah…" he said noncommittally, keeping his voice carefully neutral. The very fact that there iwere/i other worlds beyond their own was part of what terrified Riku; they reminded him of what he had become, of what could happen to him if the darkness took over again.

He felt Sora's eyes on him, but he kept his head down so his hair hid his face. "Don't you ever miss it?" the younger boy asked after a moment. "Our friends, the adventures?"

Riku's eyes closed as he focused on regulating his breathing. "No, not really," he stated quietly, shoving his hands into his pockets as he trudged along the sidewalk. His friend continued to study him intently, his blue eyes seeming to bore into his skin until Riku wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake him until he stopped. But when Sora finally looked away, eyes returning to the sky, he felt hollow inside.

They rounded a corner and arrived at their neighborhood, and Riku nearly let out a sigh of relief; he wasn't sure how he could say anything else to Sora without letting everything that was pent up inside him spill out and threaten to drown them both.

Sora's house was first, two stories of bright cream and green trim and a matching picket fence, trapped between two identical, bland monstrosities that paled in comparison; somehow the scene managed to describe the house's resident so perfectly it almost made Riku's teeth ache. He walked with Sora to the beginning of the driveway, then stopped, waiting for goodbyes to be exchanged so he could make the short trip to his own house.

Riku glanced at Sora's mailbox for a moment and felt his lips tug upward; the metal decals spelled out "hIKARI" and "737I, N. Randolph CT" on one side because Sora had been playing with them before his mother could arrange them on the mailbox, and as a result had lost an "H" and a "1". Mrs. Hikari had never bothered to replace them.

When Riku's attention returned to Sora, he noticed that the younger boy was watching him again, trying to figure out something for himself. He twisted his features into a practiced smirk. "We don't have to kiss now or anything, do we?" he asked wryly, waiting for Sora to exclaim "eww!" and shove him away, even as Riku ignored the voice in his head that questioned if kissing each other goodnight would really be so bad.

But instead of doing what was expected of him, Sora only stared at him for a bit longer, then asked, "Are you okay, Riku?" his tone serious.

Riku forced a laugh, nearly wincing at how fake it sounded. "What? Yeah, I'm fine." He gave Sora's shoulder a light push. "Maybe you've been spending too much time out in the sun." Silence filled the space between them again, and this time it felt oppressive, slipping through Riku's mouth and nostrils and threatening to strangle him.

When Sora finally spoke, his voice was emotionless. "G'night, Riku," he murmured, turning around slowly. His words reverberated through the air like the crack of a whip, and Riku couldn't help but flinch. He searched his mind desperately for something to say to dissipate the tension between them.

"'Night," he called out when Sora reached the gate, nearly kicking himself over how lame his attempt was. The younger boy merely waved as he closed the gate behind him, then leapt over the two steps of his porch to land in front of the door. "See you tomorrow," Riku tried again, a hint of desperation creeping through his usual air of confidence.

Sora turned to look at him, but his smile was lopsided when he nodded in agreement. "Tomorrow," he said, waving again before opening the front door and entering his house, leaving Riku at the driveway. When the door closed, the silence roared in the older boy's ears, emphasizing the emptiness that had returned with the simple click of a lock.

Riku stared at the door for awhile, debating whether he should follow after his best friend, then backed away and walked alone past the five houses to his own. His parents had bought a home that was originally just as forgettable as the two that penned in Sora's, but his mother was a remodeling fanatic and had added so many bay windows, balconies, and light fixtures over the years that the building now seemed to resemble a small castle. The paint was a pale yellow, a color that Riku had picked out when he was little, and now he was certain that the cheerful glow was mocking him as he walked up to the door. He pulled his house key out of his pocket and slid it into the lock, then pushed the door open quietly.

When neither of his parents came to the foyer to ask him how he was or if he wanted anything to eat, Riku let out the breath he was holding and closed the door behind him, glad that he wouldn't have to pretend to be happy for once.

He practically crawled up the stairs to his bedroom and kicked off his shoes as he crossed the wood floor. He dropped onto his bed, stretching out on top of the covers, and rolled onto his back. He folded his arms behind his head and tried to get comfortable, suddenly finding the mattress too hard, the pillow too soft, and the air too thick. The image of Sora's eyes darkened by something like resignation stuck in his mind and he couldn't seem to shake it.

Several minutes stretched by, and Riku finally glared at the ceiling for its lack of answers to his problems. When the plaster remained unresponsive, Riku huffed in exasperation and flopped over onto his side, closing his eyes pointedly. After a few minutes, blissful fatigue took over, and Riku fell into a dreamless sleep.