Abbreviated A/N:
This is an outtake one-shot of an extended conversation between Emma and Hank in Ch. 3 of my story "Thoughts Untold and Unheard", so it follows its continuity, but basically can be read as a standalone.

Warning:
Mentioning at least 5(6) then canon character deaths.

Face the Past to Welcome the Future

Previously:

"I presume you'll be staying here at the school? Taking a teaching post, perhaps?"

"I would love to, only if you guys will have me."

"Of course we'd have you! I don't think we've expressed our gratitude enough! If not for your quick thinking and action yesterday, that horrible woman could have gotten away! I shudder to think of the consequences if that were to happen."

"You need not thank me, Hank; after all, Charles was the one that put a bullet in her head that effectively stopped her. Though I have to say... I was honestly surprised about his action, seemed a bit harsh for his taste... Nonetheless, if he hadn't, I promise you, I would have hunted her down and made sure she stays down all the same. I wouldn't have let her get away with her crimes... Not after what she did to Genosha... Not after what she did to my students... " Emma hardened into diamond form subconsciously and spoke all so fairly quietly, but the hatred towards Cassandra Nova could be clearly heard.

"Now that you mentioned it, the way the Professor handled it does seem a bit out of character... But I supposed... it's like you said, 'there are some things some people just aren't supposed to get away with'? I'm sure it was the last resort or he wouldn't have done it. Speaking of which... Do you want to talk about it? About what exactly happened?"

"Genosha? There's not that much to tell, really. It was an ordinary day, I was teaching as usual; there were no signs or warnings, and then it was suddenly chaos everywhere. We never stood a chance, Hank; if this so-called Secondary Mutation didn't miraculously suddenly happen upon me, I wouldn't even be here, either." She left out her phone-call to Sean, for it was just too personal in her point of view.

"I'm very sorry to hear that, Emma; but that's not what I'm asking about." Seeing her puzzled look, he softly asked, "Do you want to talk about what happened with Generation X?"

Emma went stunned still as her former group of students was mentioned. The days of the last few weeks with the kids flashed before her eyes, and for the first time she was not proud of, almost ashamed of talking about something she had done.

"Emma, nobody informed us what happened to the Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters; I admit I only rejoined this school after... what happened to Psylocke, an incident I'm sure you are aware of?" Emma nodded, in order to stay having the upper hand, she always looked through all mutant related events; what happened to Elizabeth "Betsy" Braddock, was just like how it was with Angelo, truly tragic and unfortunate. She had put up a mental note to stay vigilant of this Vargas person since then. "Anyway, it was only after I got back that I remembered I used to some times teach at our sister school, and was curious to know what was going on, as Bobby hadn't been contacted to teach again, either. The school phone number was no longer in use, and when I drove down there, imagine my astonishment to see the school abandoned."

Seeing Emma still looking reluctant to talk, Hank decided to go slower, "It was only roughly two months ago, when Kurt's team was sent to Europe to look into Sean's X-Corps that we came across any of you once more. Again, I'm sure you are aware of Jono, Paige, and Jubilee aiding the X-Men right now?" Receiving Emma's nod of confirmation he continued, "We tried to understand how the girls end up in X-Corps, we even asked Jono why he didn't join us immediately, as he was personally invited, but none of them would talk about why the left Massachusetts Academy. The last time I was there teaching, everything was fine; I know some people still question your alliance, but I have seen so myself, you and Sean managed your school quite outstandingly. I just want to understand what happened."

Emma's heart warmed upon hearing Hank's statement; it was not everyday that she was acknowledged of being a good teacher, let alone having someone that genuinely seemed to care. Well, the little sign of respect was about to go out the window, Emma thought, depressingly. She sighed, knowing the truth of her action was bound to come to light at some point, "I apologize, it does seem rather irresponsible of us for not notifying the X-Men officially about our disbandment. On my behalf though, I honestly thought Charles would have spread the news... He was the one that recommended me to teach at Genosha in the first place... I... contacted him once I felt the school was finished for good."

Emma took a deep breath; she had never recounted to anyone about her time with Generation X, as she had no one to talk to and share with. Even during her appointment with Charles, she just stated the kids were ready to leave, never going into detail; though she suspected the powerful telepath might have had glimpse of her thoughts, but was just too polite to bring it up.

"It all started when Massachusetts Academy went financially crippled as my business took a hit on the stock market... I was foolish to seek help from my sister, Adrienne." She spat out the name with loathing, "She agreed to back us up on one condition: her being in charge along side Sean and I. You probably knew, by then we also started letting regular human students attend our school, as their tuitions were the quicker way to pay the bill. Not long after that, Adrienne revealed her true intention: torment me through Generation X, if they died during the process, all the better to her; we fought, won and didn't hear from her for a long time." She paused, relishing the few good moments she felt she truly bonded with the kids, remembering how happy and proud of her they seemed, when she managed to tear apart Adrienne's plot of trapping them in the Danger Room with illusion and save them from her evil clutches.

"Really, for over half a year it was quite peaceful, until she was back and blackmailed us into taking her in, and around the same time some of the human kids started acting strangely. Looking back now, it was obvious that Adrienne spread the word of of which students were mutant, and they were thus bullied severely. She then went through a ridiculously outlandish yet successful scheme: planting explosives in the school... Everett, Synch, was K.I.A... We have no more human attendance after that incident. I... also finished off Adrienne without my students' or Sean's knowledge. We lasted a few more weeks, but I knew the incident shook us hard, it was worse for Sean because he found out about Moira's death almost right after what happened to Everett; so I called Charles for some advice. Then Monet saw me overreacted and used my power on a detective who came by asking about Adrienne, I imagine she told the other kids and they didn't take it well. Truthfully, I thought neither Sean nor I was stable enough to teach them at that time, and they knew it, too, so they left."

Hank took a good look at the woman sitting in front of him. In her diamond form, Emma might have shined and sparkled under the lights, but her expression was so dim with utter defeat that held close to no resemblance with the feisty and confident leader he had once witnessed.

"When you said you 'finished off' Adrienne, what exactly did you do?" Hank asked gently, though he felt he already knew the answer.

"... When I said I was surprised about Charles' action and it seemed a bit harsh for his taste, it didn't mean I don't agree with him, in fact, it was just my cup of tea," She looked at him dead in the eye, then looked away, "I... shot and killed my sister, so she would never, ever be able to lay a finger on my students again." She sat back, waiting to see the disgust and scrutiny she was so sure she would be facing.

"... I thought so as much." There was no anger, just a slight disappointment and strong sadness in his voice.

"I know killing is wrong, and I assure you I didn't enjoy a single moment of it. I certainly don't go killing innocent people for fun and making it as a hobby! But that woman was not innocent, she was foul and evil. The thing is... I had nightmares about killing her the first week after it happened; I first thought I was acting like normal good person, that it took a toll on my conscious, but quickly realized it wasn't like that at all. I don't regret doing it, and I would do it again if I went back in time! You see, this is just how and who I am, and I can't pretend I'm not this monster, one that didn't feel any remorse of killing her own sister. So... I understand if you decide to retrieve the invitation and deem me unfit as an X-Man."

"You are of course right; the X-Men don't kill. However, from what I heard, I don't think you acted as an X-Man, but as a mentor that did whatever necessary to save her pupils; you did not kill out of spite, you did not kill out of revenge, but to protect, am I correct?"

"Yes... your deduction is true." Emma answered slowly, amazed that Hank would give her the benefit of doubt. "... Killing to avenge Everett would have been so simple, but it wasn't about that at all, the fact that people thought I avenged him for getting rid off Adrienne was just a bonus. No, I knew she just. would. not. stop.!" She shouted frustratedly, willing him to just understand in all ernest, "She even said so herself; because of her petty jealously and a lame excuse of a reason for revenge, she would not stop trying to hurt what I care and cherish, just to hurt me. An extreme and falsely placed vengeance can never lead to something good."

"If she had thrown her tricks at me and me alone, then it wouldn't have lead to this; we could fight for the eternity for all I care! But she aimed the people around me, and I just couldn't let her continue! If she weren't my sister, I wouldn't even have to kill her! I would have just made her forget about her stupid competitive complex like what I would usually do to the enemies; but because she was my sibling, my telepathic powers just don't work on her! Hank, I really had no other way to stop her." The former White Queen never begged, she rarely pleaded, for she thought those were actions beneath her; but at this moment, she prayed, she hoped Hank McCoy would understand; because if this sophisticated, intelligent gentleman didn't, then none of the X-Men would, and she would have to leave the X-Mansion, and would probably only be able to hear about her former students through reports and pictures, like some creepy stalker.

"And you didn't think of handing her over to the authority? Bombing a public area, a school to be precise, is a serious offense; depending on the case, it could even be seen as terrorism! With that she would have been in jail for perhaps decades!"

"Putting her behind the bars would not have stopped her!" Emma laughed humorlessly, "She was a master of manipulation; she didn't even physically stay in our school that long, yet she managed to coerce people and somehow plant the bombs right under our nose! Anyone around her could end up as a piece of her pawn; do you really think landing her in a cell for her to team-up with more dangerous criminals would be a better alternative?"

"I see your point, arresting her wouldn't have the desirable outcome. Let's go back to where you said about mind-wiping her vengeance; you didn't think of asking for help? Professor X and Jean are more than capable of doing it for you!"

Emma had next to no retort for that, for Hank had nailed her spot on. Why hadn't she sought for help? Did a part of her kill her sister solely for Everett after all? Did her hatred blind her judgement? "... I don't know, Hank... I don't know why I didn't ask for help. It honestly never came to my mind someone would be willing to lend a hand. I just saw her about to get away from the crime scene, and acted on first instinct." Emma never liked to be proven wrong, but she was never afraid of admitting being the one at fault, for she knew only a bigger person could accept their own mistake, and she wanted to be the bigger person.

"You are right, Hank, that would have been the perfect solution; but answer me this, and truthfully: Would they do it? Would they do it on my behalf no less?" She took a deep breath again then continued, "With no disrespect, but they seem really righteous about the ways to do things, like Sean, who has never approved of using mind-control! I somehow have no problem picturing Charles seeing the 'good' in people and give Adrienne another chance, just like how he gave me one!"

Hank pondered on Emma's question and hypothesis... They did seem awfully possible. "I can't speak for them, but I have faith that had you come to them, they would have been able to pick the lesser of two evils and help you so you wouldn't have had to kill. And that is what I want you to know," He looked at Emma sincerely, "... there's no point for me to keep throwing questions at you on why you didn't do it differently; what happened, happened, and what you did, you'll just have to live with that; but I want you to know, if situations like this ever occur again, you need to realize you are not alone, not anymore! Never doubt that we will support you; you were an X-Men associate, you are an X-Man now, you have to recognize that; because if you don't believe in yourself, other people will only have more problems trusting you. Can you promise me that? Give us a chance so we can all really work together as a team."

Emma was astonished into speechlessness. Other than Charles, no one truly forgave and forgot, willing to let bygones be bygones when she swore to turn over a new leaf. No one, perhaps except for Sean, saw that she tried her best to make amends. And here was Hank, accepting her and her questionable past, looking pass them with so much faith, expecting that she could do so much better. Emma felt the conner of her eyes beginning to moister, and quickly transformed into her harder self: she hated being seen when she felt fragile. "... I'll try. I really will, but I can't guarantee to not mock any silly behaviors when I see them; I will still have class, that will not change."

"And we wouldn't expect you to." Hank smiled. She wouldn't be Emma Frost if she were all sunshine and roses; a part of her would always be the devil's advocate.

The talk really helped; Emma never realized she was keeping so much grief about Generation X's disbandment inside her, it felt good letting the anger out.

"... And Hank?" She paused, never feeling this embarrassingly young and inexperienced with gratitude, "Thank you." For giving her the chance to prove herself, for guiding her out of the endless cycle of self-loathing, so that she could finally start anew.

FIN.

Extended A/N:

1. Time-line?

This conversation happens a day after the distraction of Genosha: the next day of the events that happened in NXM #116, but before NXM Annual 2001 (The Man From Room X), and before NXM #117 (Danger Rooms). Because its within the continuity of my project-work "Thoughts Untold and Unheard", it contains a slightly time-line altering event (the death of Angelo), but other than that, it's pretty much canon compliant.

2. The canon character deaths mentioned?

The reason why I gave the number 5(6) was because although technically mentioning 6 deaths, one of them was only seemingly dead, and actually wasn't. They are (in mentioning order): Cassandra Nova, Elizabeth "Betsy" Braddock, Angelo Espinosa, Everett Thomas, Adrienne Frost, and Moira McTaggert. I put 'at least' in the sentence because there was also mentioning of the destruction of Genosha, which contains estimated 16 millions mostly unnamed deaths.

3. "depending on the case, it could even be seen as terrorism"?

I feel that for a person as intelligent as Hank, he would have been able to name the exact law Adrienne broke, however, I'm no expert in that area, and although I tried to look up actual cases in the States (sadly, there were indeed a few school bombing incidents in the past) to see what the people behind them got; unfortunately, most of the stuff listed on wiki, the people all committed suicide after committing the crime so they weren't sentenced. The terrorism reference is from the manga Until Death Do Us Part (死がふたりを分かつまで) #162, when the team framed a murderer of planting explosive, and that act was seen as terrorism and the bastard later would thus be in jail for a long long time.

4. Point of the story?

I feel that Emma really needed to talk about what happened with Generation X, and I find it weird that in canon, the X-Men didn't seem to question as to why there was no longer the team Generation X. I also hope I achieved the goal of starting the friendship between Emma and Hank of what was shown throughout NXM. I think Emma did what she did back then, really because she wasn't use to the concept of 'not being on her own' anymore; she didn't realize she could have asked for help, which was kind of sad. Anyways, hopefully people can appreciate this piece. Would love constructive criticisms, but I won't tolerate irrelevant guest reviews.

14/10/04
Sammm