Adam couldn't ignore the date, and the large calendar on his desk made sure of it. Six years on and it still hurt like hell, Al was always on his mind but most days he was on the back burner, but this week Al had been front and center and, it was the anniversary of his death.
He had to take a deep breath and place his hand over the date, as if that would make the pain go away, or make him forget. He still carried a fair bit of guilt over his role in all of it, but more than anything he regretted that he never had the chance to make things right with Al.
He had been a miserable son of a bitch for a long time, he had made some questionable decisions, took unnecessary risks, he wasn't proud of himself in those days. He had treated people like shit, and hurt those he cared about.
Hooking up with Hailey Upton was without a doubt the biggest mistake he had ever made, it had been wrong on so many levels. Back then he just didn't give two shits, it was fun and there were no expectations. It was something he couldn't fuck up. All of his shit decisions had stemmed from some misguided belief that he didn't deserve to be happy, that he should've been the one who went to jail and the one who was killed.
Adam wasn't the only one who struggled.
Kevin had a rough go of it, he had compromised his own integrity when he had hooked up with a woman involved in a case and then played a role in sending her to prison. He wasn't proud of it, and she wasn't an innocent but he should never have slept with her.
Burgess fell prey to Commander Brennan, she had allowed the woman to get in her head and it got pretty messy but thankful Burgess was able to rise above it and made it right.
Antonio spiraled and ended up hooked on pain pills, he and Adam had been at each other's throats for awhile, it had gotten ugly. After Eva was kidnapped and shit went seriously sideways for Antonio, Adam stepped up and took the heat for Antonio's role in Rizzo's death.
They all feared for Adam, afraid he'd end up in prison. Thankfully it didn't come to that, no one really knew how it played out and they didn't care. Adam had been cleared of any wrong doing, and was reinstated after a brief suspension and an investigation that seemed to barely last the blink of an eye.
Shortly afterwards Adam and Hailey's relationship became public, it had shocked them all and it was pretty tense for a bit.
In hindsight Adam would've done it differently, he wouldn't have done it that night they were all having a few drinks at Molly's after a particularly rough case. He had pulled Kim aside and was pretty blunt about it, he told her he was seeing someone and that it was Hailey.
Kim was clearly stunned by the news and was rendered speechless, Adam shrugged his shoulders and left her standing slack jawed at the bar.
It took a few months for the tension between Kim, Adam, and Hailey to dissipate. Kim and Adam had little to do with each other for a really long time, Adam hated that he had hurt her.
It had confused the hell out of him and in hindsight, it was the beginning of the end of his relationship with Hailey.
Kevin had questioned Adam's state of mind, the relationship never sat well with him. It was hard for him to not give Adam his two cents, he knew Adam wasn't over Kim nor was she over him, but they both seemed content to leave things as they stood. It infuriated Kevin, but he knew he needed to stay out of it, he just wanted his best friends to be happy and he knew that neither one was as happy as they wanted everyone to think they were.
It was a clusterfuck as far as Kevin was concerned. How was he the only one who could see just how fucked up it was? He for one would never hook up with someone he worked with, he had witnessed the demise of Adam and Kim's relationship and then Jay and Erin's. It baffled him that Adam was willing go down that path again.
It wasn't long before Adam and Hailey split, they had lasted about eight or nine months before they both realized they weren't happy and they'd been trying to force it. They were different people, they'd never work together as a couple, Hailey was a very black and white person, she walked the straight and narrow. Her moral code was very straight forward and left no wiggle room.
Adam was the opposite, he saw the grey areas. The means always justified the end, and he was willing to cross lines if it would lead to an arrest. He wore his heart on his sleeve, he wasn't afraid to show his emotions outwardly, Hailey preferred to keep it under wraps often coming off as a bitch.
Within weeks of their split Hailey discovered she was pregnant and that was when things really went to shit.
She wasn't sure she wanted to go through with the pregnancy and Adam made it clear he wanted her to do so.
Hailey transferred out of the 21st and had fallen off the radar a bit, Adam was beside himself when she went silent for a bit. He was terrified she'd terminate the pregnancy against his wishes. He knew ultimately it was her choice but he felt he deserved to have a say in the matter, thankfully his fears were unfounded.
She showed up at his apartment one morning and assured him that she wasn't going to terminate the pregnancy and that they'd figure out a way to co-parent.
She was now working out of the 28th district and working VICE from a desk.
Hailey had tried to pursue a relationship with Jay but he had shot her down almost immediately. He briefly contemplated it but he couldn't do it, it was far too messy for his liking. It was just one more thing that her relationship with Adam had ruined for her.
It had pissed Hailey off, as far as she was concerned she and Adam were finished. She couldn't wrap her around the fact that somebody would sacrifice their own happiness for some misguided sense of loyalty.
Hailey's pregnancy had been uneventful but doctors appointments were tense, Adam had gone to as many as he could and the tension was palpable.
Their baby girl was born two weeks early weighing in at five pounds eight ounces, a bit on the small side of things but otherwise healthy.
Adam had fallen in love with her the second the doctor placed her in his arms, she was the smallest little human he had ever laid eyes on. She was clearly pissed off with her new surroundings. Her screams were shrill but he didn't care, she was his baby girl.
She was absolutely perfect.
For a few brief minutes nothing else mattered, all he cared about was his daughter. Hailey had made it clear that she didn't want visitors the day she delivered and Adam had been irritated by her request. He was quick to change his mind though, it was nice having it just be him and Hailey with the baby.
They hadn't gotten much right throughout their relationship but their baby was perfect and they enjoyed keeping her to themselves for a little bit.
Sadly that first day had been the easiest part of being co-parents, they seemed to struggle with every decision from that point on. Even naming the baby had been difficult, coming up with a name they both loved had been impossible. Adam backed off and allowed Hailey to name the baby, she had picked Cassandra Marie. It was a mouthful of a name and while Adam didn't love it, he didn't hate it either.
When Hailey was filling out the paperwork for Cassandra's birth certificate he noticed that Upton had been written down as the last name. Adam spoke up and demanded that the baby have his last name, and was willing to compromise by hyphenating it.
Cassandra Marie Upton-Ruzek.
Cassandra's first year of life was rough for her parents. Adam struggled with caring for an infant on his own, he was clueless when it came to infants and he relied on his beloved Aunt Tricia. She spent a lot of time at Adam's house when it was his week with Cassie.
Hailey was a nervous wreck when Adam had Cassie, she was constantly checking in and it drove Adam crazy. As Cassie grew Adam hoped Hailey would settle a bit, she didn't. Cassie growing up only brought on more concerns for Hailey, she knew Adam was capable of caring for their daughter but she couldn't help but worry if he was taking all the necessary safety precautions. He was a big kid himself and that concerned her, she worried he wouldn't supervise her when she was playing, that he'd allow her to take part in risky play. She worried that he childproof his house, and he was a bit careless and too laid back for her liking.
When Cassie was about two years old they seemed to hit their groove, they had nailed out a week on week off custody agreement and had divided up the major holidays and came up with a plan for Birthdays. They had decided that Cassie would spend Mother's Day with Hailey and Father's Day with Adam.
Adam and Hailey had even developed a civil relationship, they both wanted the same thing, a happy and healthy daughter.
Cassie was just a few weeks shy of her fifth birthday and she was happy as could be. She was a spunky little thing, she wanted to know the ins and outs of everything. She was always singing and dancing, a smile was permanently plastered on her face. She had Hailey's eyes but aside from that she was all Ruzek.
Adam grabbed the framed photo that sat prominently on his desk, it was taken last summer at his pop's lake house. Cassie was sitting in his lap her face contorted in a ridiculously silly expression, his pops stood behind them pulling a similar face while he smiled for the camera. It still made him chuckle, his girl was a joker and never missed an opportunity to ham it up for the camera.
He could hear an increase in chatter coming up the stairs and he knew it meant it was almost time to go home, he returned the frame to its place on the desk and closed the file he'd been working on. He intentionally covered the calendar once more in efforts to clear his head.
"We are done." Kevin announced, "you up for drinks?" He asked Adam, "I know you're picking Miss Priss up tomorrow so I'll go easy on you."
Adam shrugged, "I dunno man, I need to go grocery shopping..."
Kevin's boisterous laugh cut him off, "Sun hasn't even set, you're not a fucking grandpa, come have a beer with me. I'm in serious need of a wingman. Once I hook a honey you can bail and hit up the grocery store.."
"I'm..."
Kevin waved his hand around, "Ruz, you've gone soft on me. I'm going to need you to come have one drink with me, then you can leave. One drink, that's all I'm asking."
They rarely hung out just the two of them anymore. Adam wouldn't go out on his weekends with Cassie, on the weekends he didn't have her he would pick up extra shifts, making it possible for him to work limited nights when he had Cassie.
Adam thought it over and he had to be honest he missed knocking a few back with Kevin, "Alright..Alright if you're going to whine about it I'll go. One drink and you're buying. Little Miss Priss is expensive."
"Thank you." Kevin clapped him on the back, "It'll be like the days of old, Atwater and Ruzek ride again..."
Surprise! I'm back with a new story! This will be an emotional one, and it's not really an Upzek story nor is it a Burzek story. As it stands now it's a Ruzek and Upton story but who knows where it will lead...
Well, I do.
Hopefully you'll give this a chance.