My name is Dib.
I can't tell you my last name because... Actually, my last name has never been mentioned. Do I even have a last name? Was it ever called out during roll call at Skool? My dad is Professor Membrane, so I guess it could be Membrane but that could just be a pseudonym my dad uses. Wait a minute... Well poop, now that you know who my dad is, I guess you know who I am then!
Yeah, I'm Dib. You probably saw me on that episode of 'Mysterious Mysteries' or heard about me some other way, that crazy kid who claims aliens are invading or that Bigfoot is hiding out in Mexico as a bartender, which he is, I mean c'mon, he shaved! People have a hard enough time recognising someone who shaves their beard, of course no one can tell it's Bigfoot, that's why it's the perfect disguise! I'm getting off track, though. That's not what this is about. This is about the other thing. The aliens. Yeah, that's right. Aliens are invading.
Well, an alien.
They only sent one. He's not very good at invading, but doesn't make him any less dangerous. His name is Zim, he's an Irkin who has infiltrated my Skool and fooled everyone into believing he's just some kid with a 'skin condition'. Seriously. His skin is green people! Tell me, what skin condition gives you green skin?! I'm getting distracted again. I've been valiantly warding off Zim's attacks against humanity for a while now. It's been hard at times, his base is heavily fortified with laser turret defenses and guarded by a ruthless robot designated 'GIR' that has assumed the form of a vicious dog, yet despite all of this, I, the great Dib, have been tirelessly and diligently facing off against Zim, regardless of the disbelief, the mockery, the humiliation the unbelieving public has subjected me to.
But I need help. I've been fighting Zim for a long time now, like nearly a year or something, but we've reached a sort of stalemate. I can't do this alone. I've considered asking my sister, Gaz to join me in my cause, but I really can't afford the amount of pizza needed to entice her, so I need to look elsewhere. I can't turn to anyone in this city, they're all just so... stupid! Not only that, but the Swollen Eyeball Network, a secret organisation of which I am a member, is ignoring my calls, so I've had to look elsewhere for help. Outside of the city.
Come to think of it, I've never actually been out of the city before. I mean, I've been to Mars, travelled through space, but I've never actually left the city. But someone out there has got to be able to help me, to not immediately brush me off. Because if there isn't, well the stakes are too high.