It wax a oridnantry day in animal crossing land and isabelle was frolicing in the flower frields likes she usually do. "HAY YOU SUTOUD FLOWRDS IM' MSO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU UR STUPID!" she yellded and she stimped on them. Isabelle was a bad gurl but in a cool way and she don't listen to athority none cuz shes too cool for dat. Jsee was rocking owt to Mily cryus and wuz singin' we cant stopp (AN: BEST SONG EVAR LOL)us ten a ligth shind down from aboov an a mysteros bean decicded fom it an sayd "HAI ISABELE I AM AN ALION" an isabelle said "OMG HOW DO U NO MA NAYM?!1" and he was like "ITS CUZ I KNO EVERTTHIN ABUT U AN AM IN LOAF WITH U!" an it was tru cuz he was teh most powerful alin evar and sea was lik "OMG I LOVE U 2 UR SO DRUP DED HOT!" an it was troo cuz he waz real hot and stuff he had shiney hare an his eyes sparkled like real sjiny tings and jus den othr aliens cema down froum da shy and started blasting everthing evertwhere make the howses and shops go all sidewais and the bushs all floaty an the sky go all 101010101010 an othr compootur stufs and isaboo scramed like "AA WERE GONNA DYE!" AN da alien wuz lik "NUUU I WILL SAVE U! An he blasted a hyup bem at the alens an they go boom. And evrybody was so imprsed and was like "OMG ALEN UR SO COOL U BE MY FREND NOW YES!" and the alen wax like "call me SKELATOR CUZ DATS MY NAM AN IM IN LUFF WIF ISABELLE" an everywun cheered and was so happy like but denOTHER ALENS CAM AND WAS LIKE 'WE WILL DESTROY U AN UR GIRLFRAND CUZ UR SO MUCH COOLER DAN USH!" and they mad da sky go all crazy an evet villagr stand all still like statoos and gfary was lik "NU UNCOOL DOODS TAK TIS!" an he shoot MOAR BEEMS AT TEM AND DEY DED. an Skltor did a ral cool pose and it was real impressive An den all the villagrs not statoos no more and was lik "YAAAAYU SHUD B R MAYOR AND STUF CUZ UR TEH COOLEST EVAR!2!" and isablle was lik "BE MAH BOYFRNE DCU Z UR COOL AND HANSUM AND STUFF AN IM BAD GIRL SO I DATE HOOMINS" and an he was all "YA LETS GO MAK OUT AND DO NOTTY THINGS" and isabl was like "YAH DAT SOWDS LIK A G8 IDEA LOL :D" an so dey went to da town hall place and was gonna get super frwky with eachothe and Skelator opnd the door to the town hall and ther was silk and rose petals etveywehrr an there was hot music playin an it was so zexy and
and. . .
. . .
and though the author, fond of trolling her audience on this, the day of pranks and joy at others' expense, could continue this crap-gale of a "story" further, she decided that she would end the horribly mangled grammar here and now. Her audience, the brave souls that had decided to stay with her up to this point in the fanfiction, would not have to suffer through an incredibly awkward and poorly written bedroom scene, for the author had never intended to actually do this, nor had she any desire to do so. Furthermore, she assured her audience, she would never dare to tackle such a subject matter, for it was not the sort of thing she would ever endeavor to write for her readers, nor was it the sort of thing that would happen in the wonderful universe of Animal Crossing. The author then apologized for any brain cells that she may or may not have brutally murdered and any bleeding of the eye sockets that might have happened during the course of her mutilation of the English language. She supposed that it would appear that she was trying a bit too hard to write horribly, and. . .well, it was true, actually. Even a genuine troll author wouldn't misspell their words to such a degree. She shrugged it off, for she had enjoyed herself regardless.
In yet another act of cruel trolling, the author then employed a much-loathed, overused, and groan-worthy cop-out given to her by the rules of fiction, and continued on with the story that should not have been brought into existence in the first place.
Jeremy awoke from his sleep, the above story events nothing more than an inconvenient dream sequence. The audience groaned at the author's lack of originality, but she continued to write the narrative anyway. The afore mentioned Jeremy threw the blankets onto the floor and watched as they morphed and danced unnaturally, a sight that was now normal to the point of mundane. He realized that willing sleep to come to him once more was futile, as he had tried this many a time over the course of the last two years to no avail. He stepped outside, not bothering to open his door this time. He supposed that, all things considered, not having to open doors was one of the few perks that came from the disaster that had befallen his village two years ago. What that disaster was, why it happened, and how long it would last were questions Jeremy didn't know the answer to. It had come suddenly and without warning—a tremendous earthquake, as if his entire world had suddenly been jerked out of its position in the universe and thrown somewhere else. This strange occurrence had the most unpleasant of side-effects—his entire village was now locked in a perpetually glitched state, a surreal and lonely world of sideways buildings, floating bushes, and dead trees. Every so often, the sky would flicker, revealing line upon line of code before reverting back to its normal, cloudy state. Worst of all, every last villager and shop owner had somehow ceased moving, as if they themselves had escaped the cataclysm and only their images remained. For all he knew, this was the case. He sat on a log, which immediately glitched out from beneath him and moved two spaces to the left. The first time this happened, he had been terrified. Now, with the world in shambles and no one around to talk to, he took it for what it was—normal. He decided that he would change his routine today. Instead of attempting to dig up anything that resembled a fossil, he made his way to Town Hall, wanting to visit his secretary early.
The Town Hall of his waking world was, naturally, very different from the Town Hall in his dream. This made him happy for, contrary to his dream's images, he did not have any sort of romantic feelings for his secretary, nor had he ever. He sat down in his office chair and scooted it across the floor to face Isabelle's desk.
"I had a dream about you last night." He laughed softly to himself. There was no point in muddling through each day in a constant state of dysphoria. It was best to just laugh, even a little, at the less severe happenings, as incredibly bizarre as they were. "It's probably best that I don't tell you the details." He looked up at her smiling face. "Not that you would hear them, anyway." The last thing Isabelle had been doing before she was frozen in place was waving goodbye to him as he left his office. Her paw was still raised in a friendly farewell gesture, her smile still wide with enthusiasm. She, like him, believed that he would be coming back to do work as usual. "Funny, really. I thought that I would've let go by now. I mean, yeah, a dream like that is. . .less than ideal, but I suppose I'll take what I can get. At least. . ." He could feel a familiar sadness forming in his voice, but he continued if for nothing more than the sound of his own voice in place of the silence.
"At least it had other people in it. All our old friends. It was really cool, actually. I was an alien and a superhero. I saved everyone without even trying." He let his voice hitch. He had resolved himself to not feel any sadness, but it tended to creep up on him when he least expected it. Laugh at it. It was a crazy dream. Just laugh. . . "Saved everyone. . .wish I could've done that for real. Wouldn't that be nice, Isabelle?" He imagined her nodding her head in agreement. "Yeah, I knew you'd think so. Heh. That was my favorite part, actually. Imagine that. Me having special powers and fixing everything. Who knows? It could happen, right?" Imaginary Isabelle rolled her eyes, but agreed anyway. She had always loved to respect authority. "Anyway, I just wanted to drop by and say 'hello.' Keep up the good work, okay?" Imaginary Isabelle said that she would. "Though, you've been doing that paperwork for a long time. Maybe you should take a break. Maybe you should go outside. It's April, after all. The cherry blossoms. . .well, they didn't show up this year. In fact, most of the trees are still dead. Actually, no. don't go outside. It'll just depress you." He got up, leaving his chair where it was. After all, he would be back tomorrow to do the exact same thing. "Do me a favor, though. If you decide to show up in my dreams again, don't be. . .whatever you were this time. I don't want that version of you. The way you were before all this happened is better. That's the Isabelle I want to see. I don't want a love interest. I just want a friend, really." He stopped to think. "Maybe my mind is starting to unhinge. You know, I'm not surprised. I hear isolation can do that to a human. That would explain the dream. And me talking to no one who can hear me besides myself. Oh, well." He shrugged dismissively, trying to push away the emotions that had reared their ugly heads again. Today, beneath the ever-flickering sky, he would make up stories for himself far crazier than his dreams ever could. He would hunt for bugs that never spawned, fish that never swam, and deliver non-existent presents for villagers that never asked him to do so.
"Goodbye, Isabelle." He walked through the door, not bothering to open it. "Happy April First."
It's time to talk about what we've learned today! Readers, what have you learned?
Never trust the author? That's right!
Happy April Fool's Day, everyone! I hope I didn't kill anyone with. . .whatever the heck this is. I gotta say, I had too much fun strangling my native tongue. Webster would cry himself to sleep. To anyone who may have found me for the first time via this crapstick of a narrative—welcome! I promise that I've written something far better than. . .this. What is this? What even is this? Is this a trollfic? Can it even qualify as a trollfic? You know what, let's just call it what it is—an April Fool's narrative. May you have fun spreading mischief as well, but remember that some pranks are just plain cruel. Cheers!