Hello fellow fanfic readers. I plan to write a novelization of Kid Icarus: Uprising (I beat the game), and this is one of a few Kid Icarus stories I'm writing to prepare myself for it. This is a story I've been thinking about for all you PitxPanty fans out there. Beware, the story contains strong sexual content and strong language. Put simply, if this story doesn't appeal to you, then do not read! Otherwise, read, review, and enjoy.

Disclamer: I own nothing.

Sexual Educations of the Angelic Kind

"How do I get myself into these situations?" Pit mentally asked himself. He and Panty had been dating for a few weeks now. To say they were opposites didn't even begin to describe it. Panty's promiscuous reputation and perpetually foul mouth led most to wonder what did the angel ever saw in her. Maybe she reminded him of Viridi in a way. Maybe he thought he could change her somehow. Or maybe he was just used to tough girls. Either way the relationship seemed to be pretty good as Pit stuck by Panty despite her reputation and Panty apparently showed no signs of cheating on him, Something Stocking and Garterbelt considered nothing short of a miracle.

Recently, Panty wanted to take the relationship to the next level. Pit, having zero experience in this field, was extremely heisitant about it. But Panty assured him she would give him pointers. So after having a chat with Palutena, who gave him the okay, and Dark Pit, who dared him to do it, he agreed. He had to learn about sex sometime, after all. So here he was at Panty's house, dressed in nothing but his laurel crown, a muscle shirt and shorts. He figured he didn't need to dress heavily for the occasion. As he sat on the bed twiddling his thumbs with a luminescent blush spread across his face. He couldn't help but think back as to how this all started.

"Why does she always do this to me?" Pit thought to himself as he stood outside the resturant. Palutena had the wonderful, or in Pit's view, horrible idea of setting him up on a blind date. Pit was opposed to this because he didn't know the first thing about dating someone. But Palutena insisted, stating that Pit should get out more. Pit, being the obediant servant he was, reluctantly agreed. He was dressed in a white tuxedo with his wings sticking out from the tuxedo jacket. He also had his laurel crown on and even combed and washed his hair. If he had to date someone, then he'd at least try to enjoy it.

But there was still one pressing question on his mind: Just who was his date? At first, Pit thought that it was Phosphora but Palutena said that it was no one he knew, which was odd because he knew a lot of people. The only two clues she gave him were that she'd be in a red dress and a warning to expect a lot of foul language. That made him slightly nervous as his date sounded a bit unpleasant. But Pit didn't dwell on it. Who knows, maybe she was like Viridi, tough on the outside and nice on the inside.

Pit wouldn't have to wait long because a few minutes later, he caught the sight of a girl walking towards him. She had a beige skin tone, spiky blond hair and brilliant blue eyes. She wore a short sleeveless red dress with matching heels, red hoop earrings, a golden necklace, and two golden bracelets on each wrist. This must be his date. Walking up to her with a smile, Pit said. "Hey there. My name's Pit. So I guess you're my date huh? What's your name?"

"Panty Anarchy." The girl said as she stared at Pit incredulously. She usually wasn't one for dating as long as the guy was handsome enough, but she was expecting her date to be a tall hunk. The guy in front of her looked like a kid, and what was with those wings? But her experience with men taught her that there was more to a guy than meets the eye. And he did seem cute enough. "So we going in or what?"

"Sure." Pit said as he took Panty's hand and walked in. The waiter showed them to their table and gave them the menus. "So what're you ordering?"

"I'm having the salad and a bit of lemonade. Gotta keep this smokin' hot body in figure." Panty replied.

"I'm having the steak and some orange soda." Pit replied. He then told the waiter their orders and he left. Panty stared at Pit for a while, but eventually asked, "So, what's with the wings? You some kinda fucking cosplayer or something?"

"Cosplayer?" Pit replied. "Oh no, no, no. I'm pure 100% angel!" He shouted with a fist pump.

"Wait, you're a real angel?" Panty asked as her eyes widened.

"Yep!" Pit said proudly, "Servant of the Goddess of Light."

"Well what do you know? I'm an angel too." Panty said with a smile.

"Really?" Pit asked.

"That's right. Better repent, motherfucker." Panty said as she made a gun gesture with her finger.

"So do you serve someone?"

"Yeah. My job's basically kicking ghost and demon ass. And I still manage to look sexy doing it."

"My job's basically the same." Pit replied. "My job is to protect the earth and heavens from those who seek their destruction. Like Hades and the Underworld Army."

"Who the fuck is that?"

"The God of the Underworld, and the biggest creep you'll ever meet."

"I've met tons of freaks, pervs, and shitheads. I think I can handle one more."

"Well, more power to you." Pit said with a chuckle. He then took a moment to stare at Panty before asking, "If you're an angel, then where's your wings?"

"I'm in human form."

"Oh. Well why didn't you fly here?"

"I can't fly in human form, dumbass."

"Oh. Me neither."

"Our food's here. Bout fucking time." Panty said as the waiter arrived with their food. Pit and Panty spent the rest of the evening silently eating. Afterwards, Pit ordered an ice cream sundae for dessert. He ate the thing so fast it gave him brain freeze. Once done, he handed the waiter the money and the two left the bar. "Say, why don't I fly you home?" Pit asked.

"It's not that far. I can walk by myself. And I thought you couldn't fly."

"Not by myself." Pit replied. "I need the Pegasus Wings to do that... which I happen to be wearing. Plus, as a trained soilder, I can't let a woman travel by herself at night."

"Wow, I'm dating a soilder boy." Panty chuckled. "Oh, what the hell."

With that settled, Pit scooped Panty up bridal style. "Now please keep all hands, feet, and the contents of your stomach inside at all times. And here we go!" At that moment, Pit's wings began glowing blue as he rose into the air. Panty gave a gasp of startled surprise. "Wow! Never thought I'd meet a man who could literally sweep me off my feet!" She shouted as they flew over the city. Eventually they got to Panty's house. "Thanks for the ride, cutie."

"Sure. It was nice to meet you." Pit replied with a slight blush. "But before you go, can you show me your angel form?"

Panty thought about this for a few moments and then said, "Why not? Try not to drool." Then in a flash of light, Panty's outfit changed right before Pit's eyes. The angel was now wearing an outfit consisting of golden winged Hermes-like heels, a puffy white skirt, a short white blouse, a golden collar, golden bracelets, white coverings on the backs of her hands and several golden rings. Two small white feathered wings were sticking out of her back. "What do you think? Sexy isn't it?"

"Wow..." Pit said as he stared at the angel before him. "But what do you use to fight ghosts?"

"Promise not to laugh?" She asked. Pit replied with a nod. Panty then did something unusual. She began to remove her panties, causing Pit to raise an eyebrow. His eyes widened when the panties then instantly turned into a gun. "Say hi to Backlace."

Pit couldn't really laugh because he was too busy staring at the panties-turned-weapon in her hand. He's used many strange weapons in his career, but that... took the cake. "Can that thing even shoot?" Pit finally asked.

"Let's test it." She then pointed the gun and fired a shot. Pit gave a startled yelp before doging the bullet, causing it to graze his skin and cut through the tuxedo. "What the heck was that for?!"

"This thing can hurt angels and demons." Panty replied. "I was just testing to see if you're a real angel. But you've got some nice moves though. I wonder what else you're good at." She said with a lustful look.

Pit nervously chuckled in response. "Right... well I gotta go. Bye Panty." he said as he flew towards Skyworld.

"Cute, polite, a bit of a prude. But I think I can change that. I might have some fun with that kid." Panty thought to herself as she walked into the house.

I can already tell this is going to be my weirdest story yet! Next chapter will be up soon.