I've been having a flood of ideas for oneshots lately, and this one kind of floated to the top. Plus Dell doesn't get as much recognition as i think he deserves. Enjoy!
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Something's Not Right Here
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It was a peaceful day at the Vocaloid Mansion; a few of them were recording their newest songs sent in by the producers, some were out promoting, and a few others we simply relaxing.
Dell Honne was in the latter category.
A cigarette in one hand and a glass of his favorite sake/coca-cola mix he called "soak" (sake + coke = soak) in the other, Dell sat in a lounge chair outside next to the in ground pool enjoying the sun. He couldn't be happier. His girlfriend Haku lay next to him tanning while she read a magazine. There were no cars driving by to disturb the quiet, only the sound of small birds chirping in a nearby tree.
But this was the Vocaloid's home. "Peace", if there ever was any to begin with, was almost always short lived.
"Gimmie it back!"
"Kiss my ass, little brother!"
"I was born 10 minutes ahead of you!"
The sound of the Kagamine twins was enough to drive anyone insane. The girl, Rin, had stolen her brother Len's banana stash. Everyone in the house (except for a few) had a favorite food/drink item that they each hoarded in their rooms. Dell hoarded cigarettes, so he was one of the exceptions.
"I'm gonna kill you, Rin!"
"Fat chance shota boy!"
Dell had had enough. It was time to put an end to this. He reluctantly got up out of his lounge chair and slowly walked over to where the twins were chasing each other around and picked them both up by the collar of their shirts.
"Ok, listen up you little shits, it WAS quiet until you two brats decided to start being obnoxious a few hours early today. So Rin, how's about you give the shota his bananas back? Then you BOTH can get the fuck out of here and i can relax. Understand?
Rin and Len looked terrified, and for good reason. Dell had a reputation in the house for being a bit of an ass. The two nodded and started to quickly walk off. But unfortunately for them all, something rather interesting was about to happen.
Rin froze in her tracks and stood rigidly upright, shaking a little. Out of nowhere, Rin screams "ICE CREAM! MUST HAVE ICE CREAM!"
Dell and Len just looked at her in astonishment. The only other person in the house who was known to have ice cream withdrawal was Kaito, not Rin. Something was definitely off here.
"Did she just-" Dell was at a loss.
"Yeah, that was freaky..." Len seemed to be in a similar state of shock.
It got stranger when one of the more hyperactive and cheery residents of the house, Miku Hatsune, hobbled outside piss-drunk with sake bottles in each hand. Miku had always been known to be tremendously straight-edge, so this was DEFINITELY out of the norm for her.
"What the hell is going on here? What's with those two?" Del was starting to worry.
"Hey Dell, can you pass me the sunscreen?" Haku sat up from her sunbathing, and by some freak coincidence her top unstrung and fell clean off.
"Woah..." was all Len could say before Dell turned him around and covered his eyes.
"Wha... what the hell!" Haku covered her chest quickly with her towel.
"I'm going to go talk to the writer, something's wrong here... His dog must have gotten a hold of his pen or something." Dell sauntered off into the mansion.
"I should probably go and help him..." Len thought, but suddenly his mind went completely blank. It was soon filled with a strong, all consuming desire for leeks.
Back in the house, Dell made his way to the writer's room. As he went to open the door it was opened for him by a Miss Megurine Luka. Instead of her usual conservative garb, she wore a low cut tank top and short shorts. Her hair was a mess, and from the looks of it she had just been in the middle of "something" with the other resident of the room.
"Oh, hey, what's up. Make it quick, me and Gakupo are kinda busy." Luka lit a cigarette and took a drag.
"Holy shit Luka, what the fuck is going on?" Dell was a bit scared now. "And wait a minute, isn't this the writer's room?"
"Nah, that's two rooms down. Anything else you need?" Luka was being very dismissive, a trait that she never displayed.
"Uh, nah, it's all good."
"Cool." Luka shut the door rather quickly, and five minutes later two loud voices could be heard from the same room shouting profanities. Dell had a pretty good idea what was going on.
He walked down the hall and knocked on the writer's door.
"Enter." said a voice on the other side of the door.
Dell walked into the room slowly, as if expecting an ambush. The whole thing with Luka really put him off. "Uh, hey, do you know what's been going on with a few of the others? Miku's drinking, Rin's suddenly addicted to ice cream, and Luka's acting like a... well she's kind of being a slut. Not that I really give a flying fuck about any of them but I'm a bit concerned for my own skin."
The writer simply smiled. "At least SOMEONE is attentive enough around here! To answer your question, i made some changes, switched a few personalities around a bit."
"You did WHAT!" Dell was horrified, and for good reason. He could be next.
"You heard me correctly. Do you not like the changes?"
"Fuck no I don't!"
"It'll make things more interesting around here! Just a few minutes ago I switched Haku with-"
"Stop right there. If my Haku is changed in ANY way, I will not hesitate to cut you open right here." The look of fury on Dell's face would strike fear into the black hearts of demons.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. I could switch you with Yuki right now. How would you like to have the mentality of a 9 year old?"
"You wouldn't dare."
Again the writer just smiled. "I very much would."
Dell had to act FAST. It was only a matter of time before everything became completely fucked up beyond all recognition. Then he remembered the red butterfly knife his "friend" Tei Sukone (he used that term loosely with her; she was tremendously psychotic and extremely dangerous) had given him for his birthday. He kept it in his back pocket in case some poor fool tried to give him trouble. He reached into his that pocket and slowly drew it out. Dell only had one shot at this; he planned on knocking the pen from the writer's hand in one throw. That would buy him the time he needed to jump the sorry bastard.
The blade entered the writer's hand before he could even realize what was going on. The pen fell, and Dell seized the opportunity.
-LINEBREAK-
"You son of a bitch!"
"Asshole!"
"Yeah, I HOPE that hand of yours hurts!"
These were some of the wonderfully kind things the newly restored Vocaloids had to say to the writer, who was now locked in a rather tight cage for the foreseeable future.
And of course, Dell was simply back where he started, tanning by the pool with his girlfriend. The only difference now was that he used the top of the writer's cage as a footrest.
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Thanks for reading everyone! I have a bunch of other fics floating around, so if you liked this little number you should check out my others!
And as always, please R&R! -Rocketman182