Ready To Soar

Disclaimer: They're not mine. Sigh, splutter, cry.

CASTLE CASTLE CASTLE

He didn't know what to think, what to do or what to say. Everything that he might have said to console her seemed redundant somehow, tasteless and flawed. As a writer, he'd always dealt in words, had always been able to offer, seek and create solace in them but now...now he had nothing. For what he believed to be the first time in his life, words had failed him.

"Kate..." he reached forward and softly laid his hand on hers. She sat shell shocked on the edge of his study desk, her face contorted in some emotion somewhere between horror and disappointment. He wasn't sure which was worse. The. She snatched her hand from under his and that was the worst.

"Castle, how could you do this to me?" she asked in a slow, soft but ultimately hurt and somewhat dangerous tone.

"Kate, please let me explain." he said stepping in front of her to try to block her exit but she wasn't going anywhere. She was just sitting there, staring at the digital murder board on the screen in front of her. He had tried his damnedest to turn it off when the door opened but she'd already seen it and curiously strode over to see what it was.

"How long has this been going in?" she asked calmly.

"Kate..."

"How. Long." she repeated through gritted teeth and Castle sighed, bowing his head.

"Since I came back to the Precinct." he said, flicking his gaze up to her face to watch her eyes close in...sadness?

"Why?" she asked, here eyes still closed and Castle could hear the threat of tears running through her voice. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms and whisper his apologies in her hair but he knew he had to explain first. If he tried that before explaining she'd probably kick his ass. Her anger was simmering beneath her disappointment.

"Because they were going to kill you if you didn't let it go." he said softly, "I got a call from a man. He was a friend of Montgomery's. Roy sent him some files before he died and because of those files, he's been able to bargain with the people behind your mother's death. If you let it go, they won't come after you." he spoke calmly and in a collected tone. He felt her tense in front of him, spotted her fist clenching beside her hip. He winced and braced himself for a right hook.

But it never came. Instead, she exploded vocally.

"What the hell Castle? Who gave you the right to make that decision?" Her yells echoed throughout the house and he hoped that both his mother and Alexis had the good sense not to come near the room.

"Kate, please. I know how angry you are and I'm sorry but please, try to understand why I did this..." he said, his hands finally coming up to land on her wrists but she pushed them away, pushing his chest as she did.

"How can you ask me to understand this Castle? You've, yet again, lied to me and now you're asking me to let my mother's murder go? I can never let it go Castle." she yelled as she pushed away from him and headed for the door. Castle could feel his own temper flaring despite his wish to remain calm. He let it out.

"And that's your goddamn problem!" he bellowed after her. She stopped dead at the door, whirling around, some unrecognisable expression on her face.

"What?"

He sighed and stepped toward her.

"Can you not see why I didn't tell you about this? I knew that if I did, you would just throw yourself into finding either the people who killed your mom or the man who contacted me and if you did that I couldn't protect you..."

"It's not your job to protect me!" she replied, exasperated by what she was hearing. Castle shook his head.

"I know. But if having you angry at me is the price I have to pay for refusing to lose you again...then prepare to be pissed off for a long time." he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he did. He waited for the onslaught.

"How can you possibly expect me to trust you anymore?" she asked and his heart nearly broke at how heartbroken she sounded. She was so utterly bowled over by his betrayal that he could hear the emotion in her voice, tears threatening to spill over.

"I don't blame you if you can't but I'm asking you to at least acknowledge why I did what I did." he paused and when she didn't walk out, he took a deep breath and continued. This was it, she had forced his hand. Or at least he had forced it himself but he didn't care anymore.

"Kate, the day you were shot... I said some things, I watched you die in my arms on the ground in a cemetery, I... you don't remember any of this but...whoa, just say it Rick... I told you that I loved you. I honestly thought I'd never get the chance to tell you after that bullet hit, but I wasn't just saying it just for that reason. I was saying it because I meant it and I still do. I love you Kate. God knows, some days I wish I didn't because it would make it so much easier to just do what you told me and let you try to get yourself killed and chalk it down as a case of 'she ran that risk'... But that's not the case. I do love you and no matter how much you hate me, how much you tell me not to interfere, to stay out of your life, I will always love you. So, I'm sorry I went behind your back, I'm sorry I tried to keep you safe but...that's how it is."

The silence was impenetrable. He watched her face, watched how she looked at him, how the surprise, acceptance and finally, tenderness washed across her face. He swallowed hard.

"You make it really hard for me to hate you." she said finally and he offered her a thin smile.

"It's a valuable skill." he said and she chuckled nervously to herself. He watched as she caught her bottom lip between her teeth and looked casually around the room. He waited while she had whatever internal debate she was having.

"I've got a confession to make," she said finally and he raised an eyebrow. She took a deep breath and a few steps toward him. She caught one of his hands in hers and looked down at it for a moment.

"I remember everything from that day in the cemetery." she said bluntly and was surprised when all he did was nod his head. She dropped his hand and looked up at him, "why are you nodding your head at me?"

He smirked.

"I figured it out a while ago. Let's just say the lady was protesting too much." he smiled and she shook her head, smiling. This evening had been a whirlwind of emotions so far. She wasn't sure where it was going next. He decided to steer it.

"Kate? In relation to what I've said to you. Twice. Do you, possibly, maybe have even an inkling of the same feelings?" He was the one biting his bottom lip now. He startled slightly when her hand wrapped around his again.

"You're either an idiot or you haven't been paying attention." she said as he looked at her. He frowned and was about to speak when she leaned up and kissed him. His eyes closed automatically and that was made him think he was dreaming. When she stepped away all he could do was dreamily open his eyes and look at her. He swallowed.

"Could you please pinch me?" he said politely and she snorted in laughter.

"After what you've pulled I'd sooner punch you. But...I can't deny that you redeemed yourself somewhat by your explanation." she said as she stepped in close to him again. He brought his hands up to her hips, laying them lightly on her, as if in fear that if he touched her the dream would simply fully apart. It didn't.

He leaned in, her lips his target and was about to touch his to hers when he felt a burning pain in his ear. He pulled away from her.

"Ow, ow, ow!" he yelped as he tried to bend out of her iron grasp.

"Get this straight, the next time you go behind my back on something, and ESPECIALLY something to do with my mother, a sore ear will be the least of your worries." she said as she released her grip. Castle's hand flew to his now red ear.

"I'm going to report you for domestic abuse," he said sulkily and she chuckled at him before stepping in, leaning up and placing a soft kiss on his smarting earlobe.

"Better?" she asked with a raised eyebrow that might as well have been a chocolate bra. He swallowed again.

"It doesn't hurt," he said softly before leaning in to kiss her again. He smiled as he kissed her, his eyes catching a glance at his shelf full of best sellers and he couldn't help thinking that he would have substituted the success and merits of every one of them for that very moment he was having right then and there.

His gaze caught on the murder board screen as he tilted his head for a better angle. He wanted to put his foot through it. But then he didn't because if she hadn't seen it, he wouldn't have had the courage to tell her how he felt. Again.

The thought struck him as a writer, of the Phoenix rising from the flames. It might have seemed corny but that murderboard was the flames. And, they together, were the Phoenix. He smiled into their kiss again - they were ready to soar.