Eli paced around his living room, completely on edge.
What had he done?
Clare Edwards, who was without a doubt the smartest, wittiest, kindest, and prettiest girl at Degrassi, had just offered to SLEEP WITH HIM.
And he'd turned her down. Why?
But he knew why; he knew in his heart that he'd done the right thing. Clare was so upset by the situation with her parents. Plus she probably felt uncomfortable because she'd found he wasn't a virgin.
He cringed, wanting to go back in time and SHUT HIS PARENTS UP. Honestly, Clare didn't need to know about his previous sex life with Julia.
He didn't want to pressure her. And now that she knows she must feel pressured. He thought to himself.
Of course he wanted to have sex; he was a teenage boy with a dick. But he cared for Clare far too much to push her into something she didn't want to do; or to accept any offers she made him when he knew she wasn't thinking clearly.
He knew he'd done the right thing, and that Clare would come around eventually.
But the fact that he didn't have her in his arms, comforting her and holding her, was starting to bother him more and more. It scared him how much he needed Clare.
He'd already text her, called her, messaged her on facebook, IMed her, and tweeted her.
She still hadn't responded.
Just as he was beginning to give up, there was a knock on the door. His heart flew to his throat and he all but sprinted to the door.
There she was.
She was standing there, an annoyed expression on her face, holding up her cell phone.
"I got your messages. You want to talk?" She asked.
"Yes Clare, I…" Eli didn't know where to begin.
"Well can I come in? Or are you gonna slam the door in my face and demand I go home?" She asked sarcastically, crossing her arms.
Eli's face fell, and he stepped aside, letting his girlfriend come inside.
She didn't waste any time at making herself at home, she walked into the living room and sat down on the couch, arms and legs crossed angrily.
"Well whatever you have to say better be more interesting than what my mother was telling me back at my…the house." She said, biting her lip sadly as she dropped the possessive adjective, realizing it no longer applied.
She turned to face him, wetness in her eyes.
Damn it. Eli couldn't stand it when Clare cried.
"Do you realize I have NOWHERE to go? The house is being sold, my parents are sad and distant, and now YOU turn me away. What am I supposed to do?" She asked, her voice breaking as a tear slipped down her cheek.
Eli all but lost it right then and there.
"Clare, please her me out. You weren't thinking straight earlier today. Honestly, what gave you the idea to have sex with me?" He asked, bewildered.
"Well… you had sex with Julia, and you said that you didn't like it that I wouldn't have sex before marriage…"
"Hold on, I just said it wasn't my favorite thing about you. I wanted to be honest. But I in no way whatsoever wanted you to think that you had to-.."
She cut him off by holding up her hand. "I know, but maybe it would've bothered you more later on. And who knows, I could've regretted not taking the chance later too. My mom was saying how she wishes she had taken more risks…"
"Clare!" He explained exasperatedly and stood up from the couch.
"You CAN'T keep comparing us to your parents. We're too different people, we have a different relationship. Just because they didn't work out, that doesn't mean we won't."
Clare looked as if she was going to start crying again, and Eli sat down, feeling bad for bursting out.

"In my mind, I know you're right." She said quietly, her voice quivering. "But in my heart…" She took a shaky breath to steady herself. "I feel so afraid. So afraid that love doesn't exist, that…it doesn't work out. I wanted to make love with you to strengthen our love, so we could go closer."
"We can grow closer without making love." Eli said.
"Why don't you want to make love to me?" Clare asked, with anger in her voice. "All I want is an escape. My life is crumbling around me Eli, I'm losing everything, and you won't help me escape!" She croaked, and her anger faded into sadness.
"Only because I don't understand how you can escape from losing everything by losing the one thing you have left."
Clare looked confused, so he pointed at her purity ring. She sighed.
"That's….a good point." She finally admitted.
"Clare, I do want to make love to you. More than you could ever know, I promise."
Clare looked at him, tears still shining in her eyes.
"Really?" she asked, sniffling.
Instead of answering her he kissed her and wrapped her in his arms.
"Of course. I…I love you Clare." He murmured into her ear, completely sure of what he was saying. He'd fallen for her a while ago, but had just been waiting for the right moment to tell her.
"I…I love you too Eli…" Clare sobbed into his shirt.
"Please don't cry." He whispered, and he pulled her onto his lap, snuggling her close to him.
"I just…I don't want us to fall out of love. I know we're not my parents, but…but…"
Eli silenced her by gently kissing her. He took her hand and kissed each one of her fingers, rubbing her back with his other hand as she slowly calmed down.
"It's okay to be scared. It must be very hard to watch you're parents get divorced, and as I said I'll help you in anyway I can. We're NOT going to be like your parents, don't worry. But I can imagine how you feel, I mean if my parents-…"
""Eli, what do you want from take out?" He heard his mom call from the kitchen.
Speak of the devil. Eli thought agitatedly.
Cici Goldsworthy walked into the room and her eyes widened as she noticed Clare. Clare immediately squirmed out of Eli's lap, not wanting to contribute to his parents' assumptions about them.
"No no, continue!" Cici said, wearing a smirk so similar to the one of her son. "Don't let me interrupt."
"Oh no, you weren't interrupting anything! We were just-…" Clare attempted to explain why she'd come over at such a late hour.
"You don't have to explain sweetie, I'm glad you took us up on our offer." Cici assured her with a wink, and then turned to her son. "Eli, I hope you cleaned your room."
Eli's face flushed red. "Mom, she's not staying the night."
"Uh…actually…" Clare started, looking from Cici to Eli. "I do need a place to stay for the night."
"Then by all means, make yourself at home. I'm sure Eli won't mind." Cici clapped excitedly and looked at the young couple, then retreated back to the kitchen.
Eli turned to Clare, an angry look on his face. "Why did you do that? I thought we'd decided…"
"Hear me out." Clare interrupted. "We don't have to have sex tonight, but I really do need somewhere to stay. I can't be in that house with my parents Eli, I just can't."
"Can't you sleep over at Alli's?" Eli suggested.
Clare looked hurt so he tried to explain.
"It's just…I'm afraid if you stay something will happen and we'll regret it."
"Nothing will happen. Well, at least we won't have sex." Clare smiled, and leaned in to kiss her boyfriend.
His lips moved lightly against hers, but he hadn't completely submitted yet. He pulled away.
"No sex?" He asked, making sure.
Clare rolled her eyes. "No sex. Damn, I think maybe you should take my place as the school saint."
Eli chuckled and leaned in to kiss her again….

"Psst, hey Eli." Eli heard his father call him from out in the hallway.
"Yeah dad?" Eli asked, stepping out of his room.
"Here."
Eli looked at what his father was holding and glared.
"Dad, I don't need those tonight."
"Even if she's on the pill you should still-…"
"Dad! That's not what I meant…"
"Oh, you've still got a stash in your nightstand?"
"Dad! We're not going to have sex."
"You know Eli; you don't have to lie to me just because you're embarrassed about your stash. Let me tell you, I have stashes of much worse things than condoms in my room…"
"Goodnight Dad."
Eli's father chuckled and went to his room.
Eli returned to his own room, his face redder than a tomato.
He did a double take when he saw Clare.
She was wearing his old Metallica shirt, and although it was very big on her, Eli could still tell that she wasn't wearing pants or a bra, and so could his lower regions.
"Uhm…nice choice of pajamas." Was all he could say. He smirked and let his eyes drift, then quickly brought them back up to Clare's face.

She smiled. "I thought you might like them." She said and she walked up to him, pressing her body against his.
Yup, there was definitely no bra under that tee shirt.
"You have a nice room." Clare commented as she snuggled into Eli's chest.
"Uh… thanks." Eli was a little subconscious about his room, it was pretty cluttered and he'd covered a lot of things with black tarps before she'd come in. She made a face when he did so, but didn't complain. It wasn't that he didn't trust her; he just didn't want her to see all of his huge piles of crap.
Eli's train of thought was broken when he heard Clare yawn against his neck.
"Ready for bed?"
"Mhm." She said.
Eli pulled down his red and black blankets and quickly tossed the pillow that had a "J" on it to the side.
"It's okay Eli. You loved her and she stayed here, you're allowed to keep her pillow."
Eli smiled at Clare gratefully. She was so understanding.
"Thanks. But you know you're the only girl I love now, right?"
She climbed into his bed and propped herself up on his pillows. "Oh I know."
Eli smirked and took off his shirt, revealing his lightly toned upper body. He took off his pants so he was wearing nothing but silky black boxers.
He climbed into bed and turned off his light. It was pitch dark and it took a moment for their eyes to adjust.
"Where are you?" Clare murmured moving her hands through his sheets as she tried to find him.
He gasped when her fingers brushed against the bare skin right above the seam of his boxers.
He took her hand in his and held it eye level, rubbing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb.
Clare slid her free arm around his neck and pulled herself closer to him.
They began to kiss, slow and gentle at first, but then the intimacy of the kiss increased.
Clare poked the tip of her tongue through Eli's lips and he opened his mouth to her, sucking on her tongue and grazing her bottom lip with his teeth.
He knotted his fingers in her hair and she threw her leg over his hip, the distance between their bodies disappearing.
Eli felt his length harden against Clare as her hands caressed his body.
She noticed and Eli could see her smile in the darkness.
"I guess your body didn't get the memo that we're not having sex tonight." Clare said playfully as she ran her lips down his neck.
Eli sighed and his voice quivered as he searched for the strength to speak.
"My attractive girlfriend is pressed up against me in nothing but a tee shirt in my bed. Can you blame my body?"
Clare giggled and kissed him softly on the lips.
She slid her hands down his back and fingered the seam of his boxers. She traced his happy trail that went from his belly button down with her pinky, letting her fingers slip under the fabric of his boxer just slightly.
Eli jolted and his length jumped against Clare's body, begging him to let it out from his boxers.
Clare's eyes widened; she was slightly shocked. It was strange for her, she'd never made a boy hard before, much less felt him get hard.
Eli closed his eyes in embarrassment. Damn, it had been too long. He had a girl in his bed for the first time in months, and it really excited him. But he knew he couldn't give in. Clare would probably still be all too willing, and he knew that tonight wasn't the right time.
"Okay, I'm tired. I think we should go to sleep now." He suggested, as he slowly pulled away from Clare.
She looked sad but consented. She turned over on her side.
"Spoon me?" She asked quietly in a seductive tone.
Eli took a deep breath and cuddled up to his girlfriend, wrapping his arms around her body.
She sighed contentedly and nuzzled her head up under his neck. He kissed her hair and her ears, tracing the outside of her ear with his tongue.
Clare tensed up and a small moan escaped from her lips. The sound was too much for Eli to bear.
He let his hands slide down her body and he grabbed her hips. He could slightly feel her panty lines through the shirt and he traced them inward. He was losing control.
"Ah…" Clare gasped as she felt herself heat up. Eli's hands were warm and firm against her hips and he held her in a strong grip. He let his hands drift downward and she began to realize that maybe Eli was right, maybe she wasn't ready to go this far.
She took his hands lightly and moved them up her body till they were resting at her stomach.
Eli's eyes shot open.
"I'm sorry Clare. I didn't mean…I got carried away." He stammered, pulling away from her.
"It's okay. The point is you let me stop you. Thanks." She said, and she snuggled back up to him.
He sighed. "Don't mention it. Okay, I really think we should go to sleep now."
"Fine by me. I love you." She murmured and relaxed her body in Eli's arms.
"I love you too." He whispered, and they fell asleep together…

Eli screamed and his eyes shot open.
Clare jumped and let out a squeal of her own. She sat up and turned to face him.
"Eli, are you okay?" She asked worriedly.
Eli swallowed and tried to regain his breath. His face was wet, and he prayed it was only sweat. He blinked and a tear rolled down his cheek. Nope.
"Eli what's wrong?" Clare yelled, lifting his upper body and squeezing it to her in a long hug.
Eli didn't say anything. He couldn't believe what had just happened.
He'd had a nightmare. AGAIN.
Not that that should surprise him, he was having them all the time lately. Always fleeting images of the faces of those he loved, accompanied by scenes of death and destruction. And it always ended in black nothingness. It always ended with him being all alone crying because everyone he'd ever loved had been taken away.
He could never really describe the dreams but they were always so vivid and miserable. They'd been happening ever since Julia died.
With shaky breaths, Eli attempted to explain to Clare that he'd had a nightmare. She understood and didn't ask him to go into details that she knew caused him pain.
"Eli I am so sorry. But it was just a dream. Everything is okay now, I'm still here, you're parents are right down the hall. Adam's still your best friend. No one's going to leave you." She whispered. She pushed his hair out of his face and pulled him close.
They held each other, neither willing to let go. Eli felt as if he could stay like this forever.
"I guess you're my rock now." Eli said with a slight chuckle and Clare laughed.
"We can be each other's rocks." She kissed him softly on the lips and they continued to embrace.
"Sounds like a good deal to me." Eli said.
They hugged for a while longer and then decided to try to get back to sleep.
Eli lay down and Clare rested on his chest, her head under his neck. He liked the way her curly hair felt against his skin. Clare sighed contentedly and Eli wrapped his arms around her.
They fell asleep again, and the only dreams Eli had were dreams of the girl he held in his arms. Clare.