Team Fortress 2: Hot Sniper Orgy
February 25, 1967 - ctf_Teufort
2:34 P.M.
Something was wrong. So very wrong.
Pyro realized it when he stumbled upon the Sniper who was holding the captured Intelligence. He had come to discover why the Intel was being repeatedly dropped and picked up in quite the annoyingly childish manner, causing the Administrator's voice to stutter out "WE-WE-WE-WE HAVE-WE-WE-WE-WE-WE-WE-WE" over and over. He had been about to give the foolish Sniper a muffled piece of his mind, but stopped in his tracks upon the disturbing sight lying there on the Intelligence room floor.
The Sniper's trousers were pooled around his ankles, his hairy, scarred ass exposed for all unfortunate enough to witness. The Intel briefcase lay below his hips, open, rocking feebly under the might of his brutal thrusts. Papers squirted from it and scattered to the floor, some dry, some torn. Some wet with trace amounts of unmentionable bodily fluids that had also been squirting during the unspeakable event.
He was fucking it. He was fucking the Intel.
Such a thing made little sense in Pyro's mind, having sex with inanimate objects. And in public view, no less. Something was wrong indeed, and Pyro felt very much in danger. He took a step back. His guts clenched with dread, his head was filled with confusion. Then his mind went hysterical with pure fright when the Sniper turned his gaze to him. The dirty Australian man sized him up quickly. His interest in having obscene relations with the enemy briefcase waned. There was a much higher priority target in the vicinity. Now he rose from the floor, his glistening fuck rod protruding menacingly. It pointed directly at Pyro, appearing to seek him out with its one blind, weeping eye. Pyro flinched. He took another step back, the faintest hint of a whimper slipping out from his sturdy mask.
The Sniper uttered one word: "FUCK."
Pyro screamed as the unstable Aussie lunged for him. He turned and tumbled to the floor, his leg in the grasp of the crazed gunman. The sex crazed gunman.
"FUCK!" screamed the Sniper. With an absurd amount of strength for someone of his normally weak class, he began to drag Pyro to him.
Pyro clutched the thin carpet in attempts to save himself from a horrible rape-filled fate. He found no real purchase while trying to pull himself away. Knowing he was doomed if he didn't do something better, and fast, he kicked the insane Sniper off him. Freed, Pyro stumbled back to his feet. He took off running, terrified. He did not look back.
"FUUUUCK!" he heard the Sniper scream furiously from below.
Terror gripped poor Pyro as he ran out the Intel room door. He began searching for members of his team. He had to inform everyone of this situation before it got too out of hand. But as he came out toward the Resupply, he discovered it was already far too late. He bumped into a hysterical Medic who grasped him, staring at him with eyes wide as saucers.
"Zhey are coming!" He shook Pyro painfully, until Pyro's brains felt like they were rattling about in his skull. "Zhey are coming to rape us all!"
The words practically raped Pyro all by themselves. He recoiled in horror, letting out a pitiful shriek, recalling the sight of the Sniper below. He clung to the Medic, unable to focus on the cruel reality of the dire situation at hand. And the Medic clung to him, obviously desperate for comfort of some sort. The area was strangely quiet, and Pyro realized he could hear the Medic sobbing. Then he was sobbing in turn. The sobs grew as rapid footsteps approached from the hallway below, along with heavy breathing and growling, the sound predatory and hungry. Hungry for malevolent sex.
"FUCK ALL THE WANKAHS!"
"Nein, nein, nein!" Medic babbled uncontrollably in his thick, mostly incomprehensible German accent. His cheeks were stained with tears, his nose leaked snot in long ropes. He looked very sweet because he was terrified and all the Medic fangirls like that for some reason. Oh wait I was supposed to be writing this seriously. Disregard that, even though I suck no cocks whatsoever. But Medic might. He always ends up that way in most fanfiction. "My life cannot end like zhis!" he cried.
"MURPHHPHRHRFPHGHRF!" cried Pyro.
And then two naked enemy Snipers they didn't see because they were too busy staring at the Intel room doorway attacked from the sides. Clever boys.