Before my little boosh buddies organise a lynch mob, yes I do know I got the beginning dialogue from the eels episode because this is an alternate ending to what could have happened when Naboo went on Dennis's stag weekend. It will be different next chapter, this was a sorta scene setting thing D
Disclaimer- I do not own any of the stuff from the Booshiverse, the lovely Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt do
Howard walked into the Nabootique wearing bright yellow rubber gloves, having just rid the shop shutters of the phrase 'Howard Moon licks balls for money'. His best friend and work partner Vince Noir was seated near the window reading a copy of NME magazine.
Howard could not work out why people wrote that filth about him on the shop shutters- no sir, he Howard Moon certainly did not 'lick balls for money'.
Suddenly Naboo the tiny little shaman and his Gorilla familiar Bollo came downstairs form the upstairs flat into the shop. "Alright, we're off" announced Naboo. Howard took a look at the pair, noticing that Bollo had a straw sunhat and a suitcase, whilst Naboo was empty-handed. Wherever their going, Naboo seems to be travelling light, thought Howard. "where are you going?" Vince asked from behind his magazine. "Going on a stag weekend, gonna be huge" grunted Bollo. Naboo looked at the pair- Vince seemed alright but Naboo always thought Howard seemed a bit of a ball bag, so he thought he'd better check if they were going to be alright alone for the entire weekend. "Gonna be alright here, looking after the shop?" said Naboo.
"Yeah, don't worry about that, and I'll keep an eye on Vince if you know what I mean" said Howard, eager to show that he was a responsible shop keeper.
"Its not Vince I'm worried about, he's a great shopkeeper" said Naboo. Howard was appalled, what was Naboo implying? He looked over at Vince who seemed to have the attention span of a flea, who had found a toy car on one of the shop shelves. He began to play with it, running it along the counter making car noises.
"Well he's not that good is he?" said Howard, "Just look at him, he's a borderline simpleton, he's playing with a toy car!"
Naboo sighed, getting bored of arguing with Howard. "But he'll sell that car by the end of the day, look at him he's got charm, charisma.."
"So have I" said Howard defiantly.
"Big eyes, drawing people in- you're a big with small eyes, that's a creepy combo. Oh and Howard, if you're gonna branch out into any kinky sidelines can you not advertise them on the front of the shop?" finished Naboo.
Howard was really agitated by this point, and Vince giggling away at Naboo in the background really did not help.
"That's not me, that's a graffiti artist" said Howard angrily.
"No smoke without fire" grunted Bollo.
"Why does everybody keep saying that?" said Howard, (who was getting desperate by this point) "What about smoke machines?"
"Dry ice" Bollo replied, as he and Naboo left the shop to get on the luxurious stretch carpet with their board of shaman friends.
Howard sighed and sat down behind the counter. So far this had been his worst day since he had broken a valve on his trumpet and hadn't been able to play any jazz until it was fixed, well maybe today wasn't that bad but yes sir, it sure came close.
Vince saw how miserable Howard looked and thought he could do something to cheer Howard up. He racked his brains (which didn't take long) and decided he would do what Howard did whenever anybody was upset.- make tea! He skipped up to the kitchen as though his pointy silver boots had springs attached to the bottom. He put the kettle on and threw teabags into two mugs. He looked in the cupboard, but could not find any sugar. "Shit" said Vince, knowing full well that Tea without Sugar would be like himself without accessories. He rummaged around in the cupboard before finding a pot of sugar that had a label on it that said 'Property of Naboo, do not use- its bad juju'. Vince grinned to himself- was Naboo getting possessive over things again? Vince could remember a time not so long ago when Naboo used to put similar stickers on all the yoghurts warning him and Howard that they would turn them into llamas. Vince skipped back into the shop trying not to spill tea down his dry-clean only jumpsuit.
"Hey Howard I made you a cup of tea!" exclaimed Vince happily. Howard lost his grumpiness for a moment, because it was unlike Vince to do something nice for him randomly. "Thanks little man" said Howard. They both drank a mouthful of their tea. "Arghh!" screamed Vince and Howard as a burning sensation rippled down them, quickly replaced by a feeling of dizziness. "Shit, the milk must have been a bit off" said Howard, who had fell over. Vince walked over to the mirror and screamed. He looked old, he had bad hair- he looked like Howard! Howard ran up behind him and looked in the mirror- He had backcombed black hair, he was dressed like a futuristic prostitute- he looked like Vince! They looked at each other and screamed the shop down, they screamed so loudly they scared the Hitcher away who had prepared a song about eels to sing to them. Howard looked at Vince, or should he say himself. "I think we're in the wrong bodies!" said Howard shakily.
Just so you know, I bloody love you if you bothered to read this far down. Please review, its my first fanfic and I would love some feedback- please be nice though
Ly!