A New Life
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine.
Summary: The story of Sybil and Branson and their new life together.
It had been a beautiful wedding. It was not grand and stuffy like the weddings I had gone to before, but happy and comfortable. I was glad that my sisters and Matthew were able to come; they eased the pain of mama and papa not coming. Although that still stung, I had always dreamed of my father walking me down the aisle. Instead Matthew did that duty. The look on Tom's face when I first entered the church helped put my mind at ease, that this was the right decision. After the wedding, he had this Cheshire grin on his face all night, like he can't believe he got away with it. The rest of the night was spent dancing and eating joyfully. That night I became Mrs. Branson and I have never been so happy. My sisters' left several days later and Tom and I were left on our own.
At first, I was so nervous that I would do something wrong. Although, I had learned a little about housekeeping from the servants at Downton, I didn't know a lot. But I discovered that Tom was not going to let me do everything on my own. Years living as a bachelor had taught him how to take care of himself. For five months, we were happy. I found work at a hospital and Tom was thriving at his job at the paper. We went out in the evenings to hear speeches and meetings. But then the violence started up again in Dublin and Tom made me stay home more.
It was ironic given how much he had talked about wanting to fight and yet now he was being cautious. He would say that we shouldn't take extra chances, plus he was damned if he was going to leave me a widow. Sometimes I think he was worried that I would break and I had to keep reminding him that I was stronger then I looked.
"Trust me milady, I know how strong you are." He said one night in bed.
"Then don't treat me like a china doll. I won't break you know." I smiled at him and cupped his face with my hand.
"Not a china doll. Just a rare gem." He smiled. "I just want it to die down a bit. I haven't taken you from everything, just the speeches. I hear how they talk about the English and I don't want anything to happen to you because of their hatred."
"Well then maybe I should act Irish, I could work on the accent." I smiled back at him.
"I have heard your Irish and no you couldn't fool anyone. You have a hard enough time trying to act like you aren't an aristocrat. Irish, my love you aren't."
"Well then, we will just have to find something else to do with our nights." I knew that I wasn't going to win this argument. I learned long ago that Tom always gets his way, one way or another.
"Do you have anything in my mind?" He said with a wink. It was that wink that always makes my toes curl.
I remember my mother telling me that going to bed with your husband was a duty and it wasn't always comfortable. I laugh when I think about it now, because she made me so nervous. I was sure that this would be a duty that I would hate. But I didn't. Tom was very gentle with me and I rather enjoyed it. The only fear that both of us had was me getting pregnant. I knew it was a complication, but I expressed a desire to not have children right away. I had just gotten my freedom and I didn't want to let it go. Tom agreed, although I think for different reasons. But we both knew it was inevitable, his mother had ten children. So we tried different methods to slow down the inevitable.
However that didn't seem to matter the day I left the doctor's office. I had been sick and was sure that I was coming down with the flu. But instead the doctor told me I was pregnant. Only seven months of marriage. I was so angry; I was not ready to be a mother, to give up my work. I didn't say anything to Tom for a week. Then one night at a family dinner, his sister gave me her newest daughter to hold as we sat in the kitchen and I just burst out in tears. Tom came straight to my side.
"I am not ready." I kept saying over and over through my tears as he held me. His sister took the baby.
"Its okay. We have talked about this, you don't have to be ready. I am more than happy waiting." He said trying best to calm me down.
"I will be a horrible mother."
"You will be a wonderful mother." He said smiling
"No, I won't. I barely can make an edible meal and you have to help clean the house. I am not ready Tom, I am just not ready."
"You don't need to be a wonderful cook or cleaner. You just need to love the child and I know you will be good at that."
I kept crying into his shoulder. Then finally I spoke the words that I was petrified at saying. "I should be happy, why am I not happy about this Tom. I knew that one day I would have a child and I just thought that it would feel different. But all I can think now is that I am so scared."
Tom pulled away from me and stared at me. "Are you saying that you are?" He couldn't mouth the words either.
"I'm pregnant. This wasn't the plan." I stared at him until a huge grin filled his face.
"So we alter the plan or we make up a new one." He wiped his smile off his face and got more serious when he realized that I wasn't smiling with him. "I know this is too soon and I know we wanted more time. But this is a good thing, it is. And you won't give up your freedom, I will see to that." I could tell that he didn't know what else to say. He excused us both from dinner. We went to bed in silence. I think I had hurt him a little and I was too tired to try to explain.
I woke up in the middle of the night to see him staring at me. He had been crying a little.
"Shush" I whispered wiping a tear away. "It's okay,"
"No its not. I promised that I would work everyday to your happiness and then I go and get you pregnant. I am so sorry Sybil."
"I am happy Tom. You make me so happy. I just wasn't expecting to be pregnant so soon. I thought we were doing a good job at being careful."
"But not careful enough."
"Maybe God just decided that we wasted too much time already," I smiled at him. "I am scared Tom and I don't know if I ready for all of this. I am mad at myself because I should be happy, I should be overjoyed. I should be able to have this big grin on my face like you did and I don't know why I don't. Am I horrible?
"No, you are not horrible."
I lay down in his arms and decided to let it all out. "What if I am horrible mother, what if this is my breaking point? I grew up with servants doing everything for me and now I can barely do anything. My husband has to help me clean my own house. And most of the time my food is inedible. I wanted a different life and I do want one. I wanted to be with you and that hasn't changed. I have never been so happy. But what if this baby changes that. I don't know if I can be like your sisters. I don't know if I can do that. And you are being patient with me, but this baby will be helpless and it won't be patient. I have barely even held a baby. You know that I have barely held a child. I was the youngest and children were not around like they were for you. The thought of having another person depending on me and needing me scares me. I see your sisters and how consumed their lives are with their children and I didn't want that. You can go out into the world and have a purpose where I will only be a mother. Tom, I can barely take care of you. And we wanted to travel, you can't travel with a child. I am sure I will be a horrible mother."
"Shh." He said as he kissed my head. "Do you feel better now?" I nodded. "You are a wonderful wife. I enjoy helping you with the house. It always seemed silly that only the wife takes care of things. Your food isn't horrible, I am not starving and you are getting better every day with that. We can make arrangements to help you with the baby so that you are not alone. We could probably hire a nanny if you need, or I am sure my mother would help. She would just be thrilled to be asked. And if I had wanted to marry a woman like my sisters, I wouldn't have waited six years trying to prove that you should run away with me. I know this is too soon, but we will figure it out. I won't let this stop you from doing everything that you wanted to achieve. I promise you that."
I only smiled back at him. I could tell he was trying so hard to help me and although he heard my fears, I knew he couldn't understand them.
"Milady…." He whispered. "I know this wasn't the plan, but we will make it work."
"Better now?" He asked.
"Better" I smiled at him.
"Can I tell you how I feel?"
I sit up a little to look at him and smile. "Yes, your turn."
He then grew the biggest grin and turned over on my back, so that he was on top of me. "Mrs. Branson, you have made me the happiest man in the world. I know this wasn't part of the plan right away and for that I am sorry. But I promise that I will be the best father in the world and the best husband. This baby is a blessing and I can't wait to meet him or her. Although I do say I want a her so that she can look like her mommy."
I smiled at him. "If it is a girl, she is going to have you wrapped around her little finger."
"Well that is a definite considering her mother already has and if it is a boy then we are in for a world of trouble."
Tom then kisses my stomach. "No matter what it is, it will always be loved and supported. I swear to you that."
I smile as Tom pulls me back into his embrace. He smiles as he goes to sleep. I feel better having told him my concerns but I didn't mention them all. The second I found out I was pregnant I wanted nothing more than my mother's arms. A wave of homesickness had overcome me and I missed them all so much. I couldn't tell Tom this. He already feels guilty for taking me away. Tomorrow I would write to Mama and tell her the news. Maybe just having her know would make me feel better.
To be continued….