Authors Note: Hey there everyone, and welcome to possibly the most hilarious idea I've ever had for a short story. See, years ago when I first introduced Nathan the bat as a character of mine, I made a humorous story about the flying fox getting into some fermented grapes and, in effect, getting drunk off his ass due to the alcohol in them. Well, I don't want to spoil anything for you but... then again perhaps the title will give away what I have in mind. Anyway, let's get to the fun part, and just to make things simpler, this story is based somewhere before the events of All in the Family, and therefore predate Alvin and Brittany's children ever existing.
Disclaimer: AATC and all associated characters belong to Ross B. And Fox Studios, and both Nathan and Kris Seville belong to me.
Mile High: This Ain't No Club!
Alvin and Nathan were currently up in the air, the red clad chipmunk on the flying fox's back as they were flying home from a concert they had just performed for. "Alvin, I swear to God and all that is holy that if I have to ever do this again-" "Oh come on Nate! I already told you I was sorry for being late for the tour bus, but I had to get something for Brittany's birthday," Alvin said, cutting his older brother off. At one point on the way back to the house however, Nathan started getting tired, it's difficult at best to try and carry a chipmunk on your back, let alone be flying while doing it, "Okay Alvin, I gotta land somewhere, I don't think I can make it home with you on my back," Nathan explained, soon spotting a rather old looking van with a peace sign on the roof, Alvin noticing this too, "Then swoop by the window and I'll ask if they can get us home, or at least closer to it." Alvin replied, as he held onto his brother's back and soon found himself looking into the face of a man with a tie die sweater and long hair. A set of sunglasses on his face, "Hey dude, mind if my brother and I hitch a ride? We missed our tour bus and need to get back to our home," Alvin explained, causing the man to chuckle and hold out a fist, "Sure thing bro, just not in the car, my friend is allergic to animal fur, no offence," the man replied, getting a nod from the red clad chipmunk, though once both he and Nathan were on the roof, the man turned to his friend and giggled a bit, "Dude, this is some great stuff, I swear I just saw Alvin riding a giant bat," he said, the two sharing a laugh before passing what appeared to be a cigarette between themselves.
After a while, the inside of the vehicle got a bit foggy and so the friend got up and opened a hatch in the roof, causing the smoke to flow out like that of a locomotive engine, and unfortunately this cloud completely engulfed Alvin and Nathan, causing the two to start coughing like crazy before the smoke cleared, "Aw what the heck was that! It smells terrible, like...like...whoa," Alvin said, as he fell to his rear end, in turn causing Nathan to check him over, only to start laughing uncontrollably, "Alvin, your eyes are soo red man," Nathan laughed, causing Alvin to take out his chipmunk sized smart phone and use it to take a selfie, looking at his picture and laughing after wards, "Dude, you're right, my eyes are totally red!" the red clad munk replied, then noticed that Nathan's were as well, "Nathan, you got the same thing with your eyes too," Alvin explained, causing the large bat to burst into a fit of laughter. At this point, Nathan realized that they were close to home, and spread his wings, "Alvin, hold onto my back," Nathan said, his younger brother climbing on after which the two made a glide to their house, still giggling back and forth until they entered the Seville home, Brittany immediately rushing over and pulling Alvin into a hug, "Alvin! Where were you, I was so..." at this point, Brittany noticed a certain smell on her boyfriend, and then pushed Alvin back and looked him over, "Eww, what is that smell?" Brittany asked, causing Alvin to laugh, "Oh, I got you a birthday gift Britt, can you guess what it is?" he asked, looking into his girlfriend's eyes, allowing her to see how red they were and then it clicked together and she gave a small laugh, "Is it a joint by any chance?" Brittany asked, causing Alvin to shake his head, "Nooo... why would you say something like that, you have joints everywhere, like your elbow, your knee... where your head meets your shoulders," Alvin replied, gaining a raised eyebrow from the pink clad chipette, "You mean my neck?" Brittany asked, just as Dave arrived at the door, and upon seeing the condition of his son got concerned, "Alvin, you feeling alright?" Dave asked, getting no response from his son, but rather a chuckle from Nathan, "We hitched a ride on the back of some guy's van, and then got all covered in a smelly cloud," Nathan explained, then giggled as he slowly caught onto what Brittany was saying, tapping Alvin on the shoulder, "Dude, I think we're stoned!" Nathan said, causing the two to laugh loudly, in turn gaining the attention of Kris, Simon and Jeanette, "Wait, Alvin's high? On what?" Simon asked, causing Alvin to walk over to his blue clad brother and place a hand on his shoulder, "Bro, I'm not high, my feet are on the ground... quite frankly I think that's the opposite of high," Alvin replied, giving Simon a good whiff of the smoke that still clung to his and Nathan's bodies, causing Simon to gently remove his brother's hand from himself, "Never mind, smell speaks for itself, it's marijuana," Simon explained, as Nathan and Alvin chuckled, then both went silent as a loud growl was heard, the sound being their own stomachs, causing Brittany to giggle, "And here come the munchies," Brittany said, just as Alvin and Nathan took off for the kitchen, both being followed by their siblings and father.
After the family got in the kitchen, they gasped at what they saw, as Alvin and Nathan were both chowing away on a bag of cheese balls, or rather that's what they started off with, quickly going to some burgers that Theodore and Eleanor had made earlier, which caused Jeanette to gasp and leap onto the table, literally slapping the burger from Nathan's hands, causing the bat to groan sadly, "Dude, I was eating that," Nathan said, causing Jeanette to roll her eyes, "I know you were, but you're a fruit bat, your body isn't capable of digesting meat of any sort!" the purple clad chipette screamed, causing Nathan and Alvin to go silent for a moment, before they started sputtering in barely contained laughter, only to burst into a fit of giggles, "She's cute when she's mad," Nathan said, causing Simon to clear his throat, "Um, Nathan my dear brother, I hope you're not hitting on my girlfriend," Simon said, as Jeanette blushed and chuckled a bit, then snapped out of it and sighed, "Thankyou for the compliment Nathan, but what I mean is that if you have to gorge yourself on anything than try something like this," the chipette said, as she shoved the basket of fruit toward the bat, which he happily dug into. "Oh God! These burgers taste incredible, like the food of the Gods themselves!" Alvin exclaimed, causing Brittany to roll her eyes, "And the part where everything is "better" with pot," Brittany said, to which Dave finally gave her an interrogative look, "Okay, I'd like to know how you know all this stuff about pot?" Dave asked, in turn causing everyone aside from Alvin and Nathan to turn toward her, and also causing the pink clad chipette to chuckle slightly, "Well, I was going to tell you eventually, but since I kinda let the cat out of the bag a bit early, then I'll just say it." Brittany said, reaching into the pocket of her house coat, pulling out a small bag of what looked like dried parsley, then raised her hand to inform Dave she wasn't finished, and pulled a chipmunk sized joint out of her ponytail, "I've been using pot for a while now," Brittany said, as Nathan and Alvin groaned on the table, apparently coming down from their shared high, if the fact that their eyes were no longer red being any indication, though this went unnoticed as Dave just shook his head at what he had just been told, "Alright, now if you had have said something a while ago I wouldn't have minded as much, but to know you hid it from me-" "OH GOD MY HEAD HURTS!" Alvin shouted, as Nathan slapped him in the face, his head hurting just as much, "Jesus, this is worst than that time I got drunk off grapes," Nathan said, as Simon and Jeanette helped their brothers down from the table and into the living room, followed by everyone, which would've included Brittany had it not been for Dave stopping her, "You, my office, now!" Dave whispered, as Brittany sighed and made her way to the room in question.
Once inside, Brittany was feeling stressed, and instinctively the put the joint in her mouth and reached for her lighter, only to stop and put the two items back where she had them earlier, no sooner Dave entering the room himself, "Okay Dave, I get it, you don't approve of my usage, but lighten up it's not like I've tried to get anyone else involved with my activities, sold any of the weed I got or anything... I'm strictly a single user." Brittany explained, causing Dave to shake his head, "To be honest, I could care less about whether you are using it or not," Dave said, in a tone that didn't really hold up to his own words as much as he had hoped, but apparently the message got through as Brittany's blue eyes widened in shock at his words, "Really? Because if you really don't mind I'd-" "No, not in the main house, and to continue I'd just like to ask one question," Dave said, as Brittany sighed and once again put her joint away, "And that is?" she asked, as Dave sat in a nearby chair and took a deep breath to calm himself, "Where did you get your pot from?" Dave asked, causing Brittany to laugh, "Really? We were in Canada a few months ago, I heard that pot was legal there and since I am of legal age to purchace, I bought an ounce of Watermelon Kush, and if you're wondering I got it hidden away in a place where no one would think to look for it," Brittany said, as Dave took this in and then nodded at moment he recalled something from that tour, where Brittany seemingly went from being sassy and stressed out from their performances to being rather relaxed and chilled out. And now that he thought about it, he did remember an odd smell coming from one of her bags on the way home, causing Dave to sigh, "Okay, so I won't lie, I'm not impressed that you hid this from me, but if you're willing to follow some ground rules and not share with anyone, especially not Alvin and Nathan, then I'll allow you to continue with your... recreations." Dave replied, as he looked over to see Brittany lighting the joint, then she put it out and chuckled, "Sorry, nervous," Brittany said, still holding the joint in her lips, causing Dave to roll his eyes and open a window, "Rule number 1, only use it outside, I don't need my house smelling of that stuff," Dave said, as Brittany nodded and jumped out the window, Dave immediately closing it and watching as the pink clad chipette lit up and took a drag.
Meanwhile outside that window, Brittany took a couple hits and then sighed, feeling much more relaxed than she did earlier, "Finally, haven't had a good joint in weeks!" Brittany said to herself, as she hit her joint a couple more times, then put it out and went indoors, mainly to check on her boyfriend, "Hey Alvin, how was your first hit on the ganja?" Brittany asked, causing Alvin to groan and look to her, only to give her a confused look, "Your eyes are red... ohhh... that, well I don't think I'll be "hitting" that stuff again, I felt like I was starving!" Alvin said, as his girlfriend giggled and then smiled a bit, "Say, you mentioned having a gift for me, where is it?" Brittany asked, as Alvin sat up and reached into his pocket, "Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Britt," Alvin said, as he handed her a small box, inside it being a ring, not anything like an engagement ring though, merely a silver band that had a heart engraved into it, an "A" and a "B" inside the heart. Brittany smiled as she slipped the ring onto her finger and then hugged Alvin, "Thanks, you're the best boy a girl could ask for," she said, gaining a chuckle from Alvin, who then leaned back and sighed, "One question, how is it you're not a giggling glutton who laughs and eats like crazy right now?" Alvin asked, as Brittany patted his shoulder, "Sweety, I'm a veteran when it comes to weed, I can handle the effects rather easily... though now that you mention it, I think I'll have one of those burgers, if you left any." Brittany replied, causing Alvin to laugh, "I did, don't worry." Alvin said, as he sat back and watched some TV, only to hear Nathan groan, "Jean wasn't kidding, I feel like crap after just one bite of the burger I ate," the large bat said, causing Alvin to chuckle to himself.
And there we go, a weed story. Probably not the first one but I was sitting on the couch babysitting when I had the thought that it'd be funny to make Alvin and Nathan accidentally get high by hitching a ride with a couple hippies. As for the Brittany using weed thing, that kinda took a path of it's own when I got typing it up. So I hoped you enjoyed, and just to save my own butt after this is posted, please do not use any narcotic substances unless prescribed by a medical practitioner, as these substances can have very negative effects on the body. Any-who, hope you enjoyed this story and laughed a couple times.