Note: Wow, has it really been two years since I was last on this website...it has been and no doubt you don't remember me. But back then I was a spiteful 16 year old under the pen name of 'AvengerOfLove' I wrote one story that got over 80 reviews and then, I disappeared. Well, I'm 18 now and less spiteful (though that's currently up for debate) and I'm coming back to writing. This was a little thing I wrote over the Christmas break I had off from University and I don't even know what made me write it. I just did, well. I hope you enjoy it either way. Oh and I'm sorry if it comes off sounding rather British...I can't help but write like that...

::: Proud :::

'I could feel it go down bittersweet, I could taste in my mouth. Silver lining the cloud, Oh and I. I wish that I could work it out'

-The Hardest Part by Coldplay-

You don't really think about your life passing when you're young. It just kinda happens, like the days just keep on coming. Some going fast others not so much. You don't think that one second you'll be starting elementary school, a whole new adventure. A new beginning. School's just starting for you and as you sit in your first grade classroom you daydream about being older, bigger and tougher. Not really realising that each second you're sitting there daydreaming that you are actually getting closer to becoming the things that you imagine you're going to be like. You really don't think that in a few short years you'll go onto Junior High and then High School. Then again when you're young time seems endless, you'll never run out.

You have your whole life ahead of you and nothing can change that.

Then the days continue to roll by, like the seasons and how they're on a never ending cycle, always in a never ending loop. When you're out in the yard or at the park with friends or family you don't really think that life is continuing. You just see people, it would be a dumb thing to presume that every person you look at is calculating when they'll die or when their loved ones will die. Maybe that's what makes life unpredictable, that you can't tell when something is going to end. It's not like you're able to see how long a lifespan something has. We don't have numbers inscribed on our skin counting down days that we have left. We just take each day as it comes, not knowing what will happen.

You could walk out the door one morning and not return that evening because that's the way life works and albeit that is a dark place to go to but that's the way it is. However some might see death as an adventure, something to actually kinda look forward too. I, however, don't take that approach to things, I just see death as the end. Your final stop on the train of life.

I guess, life is like a train.

You're stuck on this course when you get on and you follow the same path until the day you die. Unless you're brave enough to try to switch rails you'll either fall or, if you're lucky enough, get onto the other side unscathed. You can continue your life on another path. Many, though, aren't able to make the jump onto another path of life, another train. They just continue on their set path until their train gets to its final destination. The final stop and that's that. For a while in my own life that bothered me, that because of where I came from. Who my family were. Who my friends were. The idea was that I was going nowhere with my life, that I was just like every other person. A loser. a good for nothing greaser loser. So that became my goal, to prove to everybody that I could be better than they thought. I was going to make my mark on the world. I wasn't going to stay on my set path. The choice was mine, I was able to decide my own fate.

Life is fickle though, I learnt that early on.

It's a hard task, proving yourself in a world that is so determined to undermine you and make you think that you're worthless. You've just got work hard though, I had that drummed into me by Darry and even though when I was younger I didn't really appreciate it at the time. Being a teenager and all. I can't say I'm not thankful for it now. He really did teach me about being able to manage my time and studying, it really paid off in the long term. It really did. The more I think about it, the more I realise that I really did (subconsciously albeit) try to make Darry proud.

He did more for Soda and me than I could ever imagine. More than most could imagine. He really became almost like a second father despite only being my oldest brother. Even if it took years off his life, looking after Soda and me, I don't know if he really knew how much I appreciated it. I didn't back then, and I made that known, but now it really does matter and I owe most of what happened to me, to Darry.

It's his success just as much as my own.

I don't think he knows that though and I really ought to tell him. Maybe that's what I'll do when I have time, thank the people who helped me realise that nothing is impossible if you keep on trying because I know for a fact that the proudest day of my life was being able to look out the rear-view window of my second hand car and watch Darry and Soda disappear behind me knowing that it was because of them that I was able to leave in the first place. Leave to start a new life in college because in the end life isn't a one way track, you are able to change direction. You just need a little faith and guidance to help you.

Note: I'm a little rusty but is has been two years so cut me some slack. Hope you liked it.