Carla sat on the sofa, her palm lightly caressing the pages of the photo album she had balanced on her lap. She wasn't crying yet, just reminiscing on all her old flames. There were so many and so many memories, good and bad that she was beginning to feel a mix of emotions at remembering them. It was no surprise that none of her ex's were still around and she felt awful that they were all gone in one form or another. She had loved them all too, in her way depending on which of them you were referring to.
She had always wondered what had become of the ones who had left and she knew about the ones who had passed. It was just a shame that she would probably never find out. She started again flicking the pages, photo upon photo of Paul, Liam, Tony, Trev, Frank and Peter. Each of them bringing a smile to her face, for in every one of them she looked happy, not what she was like right now. The tears started as she turned the page to reveal a photograph of her and Liam from when she had been married to Paul.
Her and Paul had taken Michelle, Dean and Liam out for the day. A country pub lunch whilst on holiday in Ireland and visiting the family. Michelle was pregnant at the time, you could see the tiny bump that was the baby developing in all of the pictures and she had a gorgeous glow but the photo in the bottom right hand corner was what got to her. Her and Liam, his arm wrapped tightly around her waist and they looked just like a couple. He was so young, so was she and they knew it even then that they were attracted to each other.
She was only sniffling at first but soon the tears developed and she closed her eyes and threw back her head not able to stare at Liam's gorgeous face a second longer without becoming filled with regret. She still wished now, even after all these years and all this time that they had run away together. Now here she was alone, after everything the Black Widow was single again. She took a few deep breaths and then sat back up to look back down at the pictures. She couldn't bare it a second longer, her hand shook as she ran her fingers so gently over the picture of his face. The pain was too intense.
Suddenly she discarded the album to one side on the sofa, tossing it and not gently so it landed face up still and the photos could still be clearly seen. Sitting forward she bit down on the side of her index finger and tried to suppress all the emotions she was feeling. It was a mix and tough to determine which one she felt the most, part of her was angry the other sad and then she was frustrated. Her head flew round to where she knew the bottle of unopened wine was sitting on the counter. She had been trying to resist temptation but she wasn't sure she could any longer. Her eyes went blurry as she focused hard on the bottle and then without even being able to control herself Carla was up and drawn to it. She grabbed it and hesitated for a split second before unscrewing the cap where she paused again. For a second she contemplated getting a glass but something stopped her and again before she could stop herself the bottle was poised at her lips. She didn't hesitate a second longer and was pouring it down her throat by taking continuous big gulps until she almost choked.
Today was her fortieth birthday and it had been almost two weeks since her and Peter had broken up, well since he had walked out on her technically. Their apartment that she had known as home had felt cold and empty that night when he had left and returned back to the old flat that they had kept over the bookies. Luckily for Peter they hadn't tenants in at the time but Carla had wished they had, maybe that way he wouldn't have left. Now she had their swanky three bed apartment all to herself and was rattling around it with nothing better to do than reminisce.
No one had come round but Michelle and Ryan had sent her a message. It was sad she thought to be single at forty and the only people who cared could only manage a text. At that thought Carla began to cry. It was all so upsetting for her and again she poised the bottle of red wine at her lips before sinking more of it, only stopping this time to prevent herself choking and to breathe. The more she drank the more upset she got and then she found herself slowly stumbling with the half bottle back to the sofa where she clumsily fell down upon it. She looked over at the photo of Liam and began to smile until she started to feel annoyed at him and soon found herself frowning as she continued to cry.
"Why?" she wailed at the photograph as she reached out her hand and placed her palm flat just to one side of Liam's face. "Why did you leave me?" she cried as the tears she shed started to drop onto the fabric of the sofa. She was so upset from just seeing his picture and suddenly could feel all the pain she felt the night he'd died. That was her fault, it was all her fault and she still blamed herself to this day. Having now upset herself to the point she was in a state of despair she blinked away as the tears continued and slowly started gulping at the wine again. She was making a right mess of herself as the alcohol suddenly started to take effect on her.
It was dribbling down her chin this time as she pulled it away from her lips with a shaking hand and gasped for air. It had dripped onto her clothing and she didn't look in the slightest bit her glamorous self. She was hurting so badly as she continued to remember events leading up to and surrounding Liam's death and as she looked around the room her eyes finally settled on the photos below the television as she sank back into the sofa. She was staring right at it with a blank expression, the money shot, a beautiful picture of her and Peter taken on their wedding day. She adored it, they both looked so happy and she loved how 'in love' she looked. He had his arms around her, she had a huge smile on her face, her hair had been pinned up just so and adorned with the most spectacular diamond hairpiece that had elegance about it rather than 'gypsy wedding' and a dress so timeless and classic that accentuated her slender figure. It was such a gorgeous photo that now he'd left her she resented it for making her heart skip a beat when she looked at him and made her hate him.
He'd destroyed her, just like all the others even after he'd promised not to. The second they'd started having problems she had turned back to the drink and he hadn't discovered it, he had just grown tired with her constant moods and depression. He was a changed man. The old Peter would have rescued her, brought her back to life like he had before. This time he had just walked out on her. Left her and their two-month-old daughter to fend for themselves. Carla swore he would have taken her with him if he'd only known what to do with a baby.
Peter was ignoring Carla when he saw her in the street everyday trying to juggle the factory and the baby and everything else that was bothering her. He just didn't seem to care about her or his daughter for that matter but what Carla didn't know was that all the drama and stress of Peter leaving had knocked him back off the wagon too and he was having a tough time tackling his own demons and didn't need hers on top of it all. He was angry with her for destroying what they had and blamed her for the breakdown of their marriage that had barely lasted a year. He was in the process of filing for divorce but the papers hadn't yet been sent to Carla, he knew however that when they did that would truly destroy her and he wished her all the pain he knew it would cause.
Carla focused on the photograph, still crying as she glugged down the last mouthful of the bottle. She had officially drunk herself numb. She wrinkled her nose and frowned at the picture as she felt the anger inside her getting out of control. "And why did you leave me?" she addressed the picture. Peter's face smiled back at her, so friendly and caring but did not answer her. "Why did you leave me?" she yelled throwing the bottle straight at the picture where it missed, hit the wall and smashed into tiny pieces before falling to the floor. So drunk and confused Carla got up and crossed the room to the picture. Gingerly she reached for it and held it within her shaking grip. She couldn't help the thoughts running through her head as she looked at it. Did he ever love her, like really love her or all this time had she just been a drug that he needed until his cravings were satisfied and his addiction fulfilled?
It was that last thought that made her throw the picture with force across the room so as it landed the glass in the frame smashed just like the wine bottle had. Filled with rage she flew round and with a stiff extended arm knocked the rest of the wedding photos she had out on display with one foul swoop. They clattered nosily to the floor where they fell on top of one another, again if not smashing the glass in all of the frames, cracked the majority. She was so angry and full of hate towards Peter, screaming now to herself as she was so wound up. Her face was red, her veins pulsing and her fists clenching and unclenching at her sides as she screamed in an attempt to relieve the stress.
Just then a howling scream came wailing from the furthest bedroom in the apartment and matched the pitch of hers. In her cot, Carla's daughter was distressed and calling for her mother but her mother continued to scream in the living room ignoring her. Heather had her mother's dark hair but her father's gorgeous dark eyes and was the spitting image of him. Carla had been finding it unbearable to deal with her as every time she was reminded of Peter and filled with the resentment that she was also feeling right now. Covering her ears with her hands she cursed through gritted teeth and tried to block out the screams coming from Heather. She couldn't stand it a second longer, her head was already throbbing and the noise now filling the apartment was not helping.
Suddenly Carla found herself racing towards the front door and in actions she felt were beyond her control she grabbed her bag and hurried out of the door slamming it on her exit. She sank against it the second she was outside and breathed in the silence. She felt terrible as she slowly slid down the floor sinking down to the floor. She banged her head back against the door and was numb to the pain as she let her tears consume her once more. She wasn't sure how much more of this she was going to be able to take. Reaching into her bag and rummaging through it for her phone she pulled it out and scrolled through her phonebook as she looked for someone she could call for help but no ones name sprung to mind. It was just then that the highlighter bar landed on Liam's name, for a minute Carla stared at it before she pressed the call button not expecting it to ring but it did.
It rolled straight to voicemail and the message still had his voice. Carla listened finding comfort in hearing his voice but choking on her tears as it also caused her pain. Her hand was shaking as she pulled the phone away from her ear and was pulled back to reality where now she could faintly hear Heather inside still wailing away. She wasn't ready to go back inside though, she was still hurting too much and not in a fit state of mind to deal with her daughter. She wasn't thinking rationally at all, throwing her phone down back into her bag she scrambled to her feet and pulled her bag onto her shoulder as she took one last look back at the apartment before heading for the stairs. She was just about to head down them at the fasted pace she could manage under the influence of the drink she had consumed when she was stopped in her tracks by the sight of Michelle steaming up them. Their eyes met and they were frozen to the spot as they assessed each other. To Michelle Carla just looked upset and at the end of her tether where as to Carla Michelle looked furious and she was frowning which only meant one thing. She was in trouble.