AN: What? I still have to update Scars of the Past and Dark Horse and I'm going to start another fic? What about the sequel for Never Forget? I know, I know. I'm working on it. At least you guys know that I am not dead o/
Dysthymia
noundys·thy·mia\dis-ˈthī-mē-ə\
A mood disorder characterized by chronic mildly depressed or irritable mood often accompanied by other symptoms (as eating and sleeping disturbances, fatigue, and poor self-esteem) —called also dysthymic disorder
1. An overview.
JJ was unaware of her surroundings when it happened. She knew she was a little slower the past few weeks; not slow, just slower. She also knew that her teammates hadn't noticed anything wrong, but the thing is: she knew it. And it bothered her.
Maybe the only one who noticed something was wrong was Emily, but that was because the older woman could read her in a way that nobody else could. But still, maybe she knew that something was not right, but she didn't know exactly what was wrong. And, to be honest, JJ hoped that she never would.
Of course, all of this went through her head in a split of second, because that was the time it took from the moment she felt something collide with her head from behind, to the moment she realized that the unsub they were chasing in this horrendous place was underneath her, holding her tight on top of him through a well-placed arm wrench to her neck. He could have been a skilled UFC fighter if he hadn't become a serial killer.
She didn't notice her team gathering around them, nor did she hear the negotiations that were taking place. As the lack of air was slowly taking over her, she found herself more and more detached from reality. But at that moment, hanging on by a thread, she felt almost betrayed when she discovered that one thing people always said was a lie: she did not see her whole life flash before her eyes in a split of second. No, what she saw was even more discomforting. She saw what didn't happen in her life yet. She saw what could have been.
And that was even more terrifying. You could feel sorry for your life if you remembered everything that you've been through, yes, but it hurt even more when you thought about everything that you wouldn't have the chance to experience.
Maybe that was a subconscious way to keep fighting when your life was slipping away. A clever one, to be honest. But for Jennifer Jareau, this was useless. Because her life meant nothing. And even if she survived this, there was no way she could live all the things that she was seeing, dreaming about. Because she was worthless.
And so, with the irony of the situation dawning on her, the thing that was meant to make her fight harder to live made her want to give up. Because she would never be happy like that. And once she experienced vividly those wonderful, strong and made up moments, she couldn't accept going back to her miserable life anymore.
So she just gave up.