EARTHSTUCK

My first Homestuck Fanfiction, please have mercy. A semi-crossover with Castle of Nations (that's where the Endzone/Law of Talos participants Climber & Karl come from), which inspired some of the carnie folk.

As another note, I'm uncomfortable swearing, so language will be both drastically toned down and censored, I hope it doesn't interfere with their character's speech. I'm writing this just for fun (why else does one write Fanfiction?), so it probably won't update often, sorry.

Chapter 1; Cancer and Scorpio

Karkat pulled himself to his knees, wiping some mud off of his face. His eyes widen as he notices some red mixed in with the mud. " #$%... just great, the moment we claim our reward we're thrown face-first into the mud. JUST FREAKING GREAT!" Karkat growled, standing up and brushing himself off. He looked upwards at the night sky and shivered slightly, it was colder here than on Alternia… He quickly surveyed the nearby area, he was surrounded by cube-ish alien hives. He pulled some grass from the lawnring of the closest one and moved forward. He stopped by a skeletal tree with a black rubber circle tied to it.

He stared at it, uncomprehending of any possible use the object had. He turned around sharply as an audible "oooooooof!" was heard.

"I was wondering when the rest of you jerks were going to show up, what took you so long?"

"You exploded into light!" Vriska shouted.

"Huh?"

"When you walked through the door you just seemed to explode. We all freaked out for a while til Aradia told us that was supposed to happen. Then I rightly claimed my spot to enter next."

Karkat frowned. "So, where are the others?"

Vriska brushed herself off, frowning that her God-Tier pajamas had gotten muddy. "I don't know. They're probably just wasting time celebrating that you're finally not giving orders anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"We won the game, now you're just the…" Vriska's eyes widened as her eyes focused on Karkat's forehead. "..Karkat? You're bleeding."

Karkat reached up and felt his forehead, his eyes shrinking to pinpoints. He looked hesitantly at Vriska. "…yeah… I am… w-what do you care? It's not serious."

"I've never seen that shade of red before…"

"…yeah…" Karkat replied after a little while. "…Does it matter?" He asked abrasively.

"…I guess not. Crap, can't really call you a rust-blood."

"Terezi calls it candy-red." Karkat said, smiling slightly. He looked up at the sky and narrowed his eyes. "Where are the rest?"

Vriska marched around in a circle, staring at the rubber wheel for a few seconds before giving up on it. "Whatever, they'll come when they come; we don't have all night you know! We have a brand-new world to explore!"

Karkat frowned. "Wait a second you crazy spider #$%, we're on a completely alien world, alone, with only the weapons we have on us. If we start bursting into hives in the middle of the night we'll have whatever their equivalent of Legislacerators or security drones on us in seconds. I'm not exactly ready to start my new, non-doomed life running from the species we're supposed to rule over as tyrants."

"Whatever, I'm God-tiered, we can handle whatever they can throw at us. We all leveled up so many times we'll probably never have to be afraid of anyone ever again!" Vriska did a little playful dance that deeply disturbed Karkat on several levels. "Just think about it! Even if we went back to Alternia, even *you* could probably arm-wrestle with sea-dwellers! Adult Sea-dwellers even! We fought the black King, after that, what could possibly stand in our way?"

"…All the same, I'm not about to deal with all the hoofbeast crap that rummaging around in a bunch of alien hives will get us. Especially not alone." He paced for a few seconds. "We should hide."

"What? Why?! Didn't you hear what I just said?"

"Yeah, but still, it's the middle of the night, anyone could walk outside and see two terrifying aliens just standing around like idiots in the middle of a lawnring." He looked around for a second. "Okay, you know what, why haven't any of these guys left yet? It's the middle of the night, someone should be outside!"

"So? I spend most of my nights inside."

"You had a fancy Blueblood mountain all to yourself. Wait, no, the hoofbeast pervert lived next door to you, right? Whatever, I lived in an actual hivegrouping. There's always a bunch of idiots going everywhere all times of the night, even some making noise in the middle of the day while everyone else is trying to sleep!" He walked up to the window of the house and stealthily looked inside. "…I think these hives are abandoned. There aren't any lights on in the windows. There's no one sitting in the livingblock."

Vriska fluttered up to another window. "…There's someone lying on a table in this room. I think they're dead."

"What?!"

"Wait! Nope, just… sleeping? Why would you sleep on a table? He's covered in rugs too…"

"…It 'table' the stupid cryptic highblood word for nutrition plateau?"

"Yeah. Honestly, Kandy-"

"WHAT did you call me?!"

"Kandy, or is Karkandy better? It's because your weird blood is-"

"I get it. And no. If you're going to call me something, make it something adequately respectful, like 'Karkeader' no, that's stupid."

"…I'm not even beginning to guess where that came from."

"I'm trying to combine my name with the word 'leader', because you led us on this stupid trail of thought."

"So… the aliens are asleep during the night, weird… they must be tough."

"What? Why?"

She grinned. "They do everything underneath the sun, braving the hoardes of undead, with everything they do constantly shown in the light?"

"…ugh… when are the others going to show up?!"

"I don't know, sheesh, stop worrying, we got through fine." Vriska turned back toward the window and started a little, the alien across from her was sitting upright on the table, the rugs falling off of him. His bright blue eyes narrowing and looking at her. He turned his head at an angle before yawning, not sure whether or not he was still dreaming. "Uh… Vantas?"

"What?!"

"The alien's awake."

"You said you thought he was dead at first!"

"Well now he's looking at me! What do we do?!"

She turned back toward the window and frowned as the alien pulled the rugs off of him, climbing off the table.

"Okay, calm down, we need to hide and lay low, we know nothing about these things and-"

Vriska hissed an expletive as the window was pushed open. "…Karkat?"

"…Just… stay quiet… don't spook it." The redblood said quietly, slowly moving toward the door of the hive.

"…Are you…a fairy?" The alien asked Vriska, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, but the situation becoming more and more strange the more awake he became. He was beginning to grin as he stared at the girl. "I… I'm still dreaming, aren't I?" He asked, assuming the only plausible explanation possible.

"…Uh…" She turned down toward Karkat.

"Yes." Karkat mouthed, "Tell him yes."

"Uh, yeah, you're still dreaming, don't look outside, you'll just see the usual visions of the apocalypse, you really shouldn't fall asleep outside of your recuperacoon."

The alien broke into a wide smile, revealing two buck teeth. "I have absolutely no idea what you just said."

"Huh…" Vriska's eyes widened as she saw that Karkat wasn't below her any more. He wouldn't run away, would he? "So uh… you head back to your recuperacoon and just let me fade out of your memories… have a good day, er… night." Vriska tried another smile, but stopped when all the glee slowly drained from the alien's face, leaving the pinkish-brown shade closer to troll gray.

"…Uh…"

" #$%! #$%ing stairway!" Shouted Karkat from lower in the house. The alien jumped at the sound and turned behind him to the door.

The alien shifted back and forth slightly, weighing his options, the plausibility of the situation, weighing the risks. He then decided he didn't have much to lose.

"DDDDAAAAADDD?" The alien shouted. Vriska swore under her breath and shoved her hand over the alien's mouth, summoning a single die. She tried stealing some luck from him, but apparently he wasn't in a very luck situation. She grunted unhappily and flew into the room, forcing the alien down on the table and straddling him, one hand covering his mouth and the other rolling the die around in her hand.

"Now then, are you going to be quiet, or am I going to have to summon something to painfully kill you?" Vriska said with a sadistic smile, leaning in closer and looking him in the eyes. "But then again… why am I even giving you a choice?" Her expression changed as she focused. She reached out with her psychic powers, her horns rang slightly as she put more and more effort into it. His mind was much tougher than the average lowblood, or midblood, or… she narrowed her eyes, concentrating to her fullest. There was no way this thing had more psychic prowess than a highblood. Eventually she managed to reach into the alien mind and influence it. She grinned, "victory!" she hissed. Then she sighed as the alien immediately fell asleep.

She frowned. She would have to practice with alien minds. If this was the limit of her strength on them… it would spell trouble.

"John, are you okay?" shouted the much larger alien, bursting through the door. He stared at her position over John and narrowed his eyes, "Am I interrupting someth- no… Miss, please remove yourself from my son. I will not permit these activities in my house. John, what made you shout- John? Son?" The larger alien was next to the bed in an instant and somehow pushed Vriska off of John both with enough force to launch her to the other side of the room, but still gently enough that she landed painlessly and he remained a gentleman. "Son, what's wrong, you shouted for me, who is this girl, I…"

'John' yawned, slowly opening his eyes. "Dad? What's wrong, I just had the weirdest dream, there was this fairy girl with shark teeth and she pushed me over and- he followed his dad's concerned gaze to Vriska… "Oh dear…"

"Miss, why are you in our house, and beyond that, why are you in my son's room?" John's dad asked, his voice somewhat sterner than John ever heard before.

"Um…"

At that moment Karkat slammed open the door and pulled out his Clawsickle. "Everybody shut up, I just fell down the stairs twice and I am #$%ing done."

John and his dad stared at him for several seconds.

"What?" Karkat growled, "never seen a threshecutioner before? On your knees, aliens."

Vriska's laughter reverberated through the house. "Oh god, Karkat, since when did you make the 'threshecutioners'?"

John turned back and forth between the two of them. "So… what… I don't even know what I should be asking…"

"Shut up. Get on the other side of the room. We need to figure this out…" He turned to Vriska. "Why aren't you mind-controlling them?"

"I can only knock them out."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know! They're aliens! Why don't *you* use *your* psychic powers." Vriska said snidely, putting her hands to her forehead and groaning in concentration. Both of the Egberts collapsed where they stood, which was over the bed, thankfully. "Ugh… this is going to be a problem if we do that to every alien we come across."

"…they have a husktop." Karkat said slowly, looking at John's desk.

Karkat walked over to it and looked at the familiar keyboard, then he looked up at the screen. He pressed a button on it and smiled as it came to life. He rested his hand on top of it and frowned at the plastic where various bugs should be. This planet was weird.

He went on the internet and began gathering information on the planet. It worked similarly to the internet on Alternia, but he was unfamiliar with individual names. He clicked on the first bookmark, hoping it would produce something useful.

He waited as the website loaded, a black square taking up the center of the screen. Vriska leaned over his shoulder to look at the screen as it loaded.

Then, it played.

Nicholas Cage turned toward the camera on screen, music beginning to play ~How do I~~ get through a night without you~~If I had to live without you~~ He began walking up to the female.

"What is this crap?" Karkat asked slowly.

"Shh…" Vriska hissed, before staring back to the rugged dashing ex-con on the youtube screen.

John slowly woke up, the familiar sounds of Con Air waking him from his psychic-induced sleep. He noticed the two trolls with their backs to him, and John slowly inched away from the bed, rousing his father from sleep. He put a finger to his lips to gesture to his father to keep quiet, and began inching toward the door, his father quietly following.

~I've got a picture of you..~ the small female with the freakish hair said.

Nicholas Cage smiled, and Vriska sighed. ~I've got a picture of you too.~ John paused, his father looking at him in concern, before noticing what was playing on the computer.

He mouthed 'John, no'.

John began to sniffle, his eyes turning toward the screen. ~Happy Birthday Darling~ Nic Cage said to his daughter on the screen, handing over the rabbit. John then began silently crying, he cried every time. He just couldn't handle the rabbit scene. Karkat jumped from the seat and looked at the two aliens. "Vriska! They're awake again!"

"Shh!" Vriska hissed, completely absorbed in Nicolas Cage's wonderful eyes.

"Vriska-" Karkat began, before getting knocked over from a weaponized cake. John's dad narrowed his eyes and summoned another cake from his strife specibus. Vriska was too absorbed in the video to care or notice that the cake hit her in the back of the head.

And that's how Nic Cage saved the Earth.

Well, maybe not so much.

Karkat wiped the cake from his face and turned around, narrowing his eyes and drawing Homes Smell Ya Later in his other hand, duel-wielding sickles. "Aliens, I'm getting fed up with this. Vriska, put them asleep, and keep them asleep."

"Why don't you just kill them?"

Karkat's eyes widened slightly, and both aliens suddenly became very still, the color slowly draining from their faces. John's dad eyes the window. No, John would get hurt. But then again… these teenagers had weapons…

"…Did you say aliens?" John asked.

"…crap." Karkat whispered.

"We should kill them, if you're worried about them calling their security force on us, that is."

Karkat frowned and looked down for a few seconds.

"Well, Vantas?"

"Shut it, I'm thinking."

"About what, it's the clear solution. We kill them, wait for the others, and hide out here as long as possible, before making our move to conquer the world. There's no point in letting them go, they'd just call their force, and then we'd have plenty of fighting on our hands, which is okay by me. But you seemed pretty intent on staying below the radar."

"Are you guys are actually aliens?!" John asked again. A beginnings of a smile showing on his face again. "Like, legitimate aliens?"

Karkat stared at him for a few seconds, before letting his eyes drift to the walls. Movie posters, so many movie posters. His eyes finally rested on the poster for Mac & Me. His eyes turned to John. "Of course we are, you idiotic bulge sniffer. And not just an alien, we're the aliens who created your universe. We are essentially your Gods! You may now bow to me."

Vriska began chuckling again. "Really Karkat, already playing the God Card?"

"We made their universe. It's their reason for existing that they serve us!"

John's dad noticed the two were arguing and frowned. He grabbed John's arm and quickly pulled him out into the hall while the two trolls were busy. He rushed downstairs for the phone. And promptly collapsed into sleep before he could press the first button. John caught his dad and laid him on the couch, looking at the stairway and frowning as the two trolls walked down the stairway.

"Just… stay, asleep this time." Vriska growled, the psychic sleeping spell becoming more exhausting with each use.

Karkat frowned. "What's your species called wiggler?"

"Uh… we're humans…" John answered slowly.

"Where are we?"

"Um… we're in Maple Valley…"

"No, the planet you dumb #$."

"…Earth."

Karkat put his palm to his face. Sighing. "You know what, sure, why not. We're on a ball of dirt called 'Earth'. How creative."

John smirked slightly. "I didn't name it. So you guys are real aliens, right? What are you doing here? What's your goal, are you here trying to see what these creatures called humans are, or do you just want to go home?"

"I told you earlier. We're going to rule the world as per our right as your creators." Karkat growled, pushing John out of the way as he began to survey the rest of the house. "Are there any other humans here?"

"…No."

"Are you going to make trouble for us, or are we going to have to kill you?" Vriska asked spritely from the stairwell. "Because I'm not going to put anyone else to sleep right now, much more fun seeing what comes up on the octet."

"I… I'm not going to make any trouble… this… this is just all really weird." He glanced down at his father, and then at the phone. He put up two arms, showing he didn't mean any threat, and pulled the phone from the wall.

"What did you just do?"

"I made it so that my Dad can't call the police… so you can't kill him either, right?"

Karkat looked at the larger creature. "Fine. At least you recognize your inferiority to us. Now then, first sign of trouble, we're ending you. So…"

John gulped.

"Where the heck is your recuperacoon? I haven't slept in weeks."

Vriska smiled slightly as the two had a long conversation about alien grammar, Karkat getting progressively more shouty and the alien getting progressively happier, how strange. He should be writhing in fear from the fact that there were two aliens in his house, with devil horns, sharp teeth, and dead-looking mutant eyes. But he just seems to accept it.

Karkat had returned his sickles to his strife specibus long ago, Vriska smiled, returning her die in a similar way. Karkat was a big softy, it was pretty hilarious actually. Not even willing to kill a person when it was the most sensible thing to do. She smiled at the antics of the two and fluttered back to John's room and looked out the window, looking down at the lawn. There were the two spots where she and Karkat fell into existence. The time between them had only been a few minutes. So…

Where were the rest?