I'm not sure if I should continue this or not. I want to make a story from this and I am certain that I would be able to, I just don't know if, at my skill level, that it would be worth it. Critiques are very, very welcome. Be as harsh as you would like, I don't mind. This is also my first time considering on continuing a story here, so please forgive me with any mistakes made using this site. I still don't fully understand it. ||u.u

He dragged his glove less, fingertips across my skin, sending chills through every bone in my body. I clutched at my arm, wishing it would help the bleeding stop, but knowing it wouldn't. As a twisted grin spread across Ivan's face, I closed my eyes tightly, hoping this would end soon, but again knowing that it wouldn't.

Ivan brought his lips close to my ear and pressed me further against the wall, making sure that there was absolutely no way I could escape his words, his hits and him. "I love you," he whispered, his voice sickeningly sweet. I wish I could verbally challenge that. How could he love me? When he hits me and cuts me and kicks me. And breaks me. I also wish that I could state my feelings for him, but how could I? I want to tell him that I love him, too, but that's impossible and would only bring me more pain. I am sure of that.

He pulled out his steel pipe and trailed it across my bloody, bare chest. The pipe now had my blood on it once again. I can't remember how many times before he had used it on me, but I still wasn't used to it. I still feared the sound and pain that would come from it striking down on my skin. I kept my eyes closed with a strength I seemed to only be able to use for that action.

I could feel Ivan raise that pipe over his head as I heard the dark chuckles that came pouring from his mouth. "Raivis," he called out to me, "Open your eyes and look at me. I promise it won't be that bad."

Lies. I opened my eyes anyway to look at him. I knew what was coming. I still wasn't prepared. That did not matter to Ivan, he struck anyway. I felt the searing pain first in my left shoulder, then in my right. I hoped silently to myself that he wouldn't bring the metal down on my head and my hopes were listened to. He didn't. But instead, he placed the pipe gently under my chin to lift my head that had lopped down back up to him. I lifted my eyes to him, but my tears fell like a rainstorm and I was unable to see. Ivan must have noticed that my vision was blurry because he wiped away the tears in my eyes. Yet they continued to fall.

"Raivis," he said sternly and coldly. "Stop crying." The frown was audible in his voice and that set me to shaking. My tears refused to stop, even though I tried to stop them. Ivan roughly cupped one of my cheeks in his hands and kissed my nose gently, an odd combination to me. "Please stop," he said quietly. My heart smiled, but the tears kept falling, merely slowing down a little.

"I-It hurts," I managed to get out of my mouth. I brought a hand up to my face and wiped away the tears on my own and blinked back the rest. The first thing I saw clearly (other than my hand) was the soft smile on Ivan's face. I could feel a foolish smile come across my own face.

Ivan pressed down on my head with a lot of pressure as he said, remaining quiet, "Good boy." He had paid no attention to my complaining of the pain, but it mattered not. We were coming to the end and I knew what was at the end of the abuse. I wanted what came at the end of the abuse.

But before the end, it always got worse.

"Turn around," he said playfully. I did as he said once again, not daring to disobey. I placed my hands against the wall before he had a chance to tell me. I was beginning to get a hang of this game, understanding the different parts to it. I didn't want this, only what came at the end. But I would only get to the end if I went through this. I wondered what Ivan was going to do this time. I heard him take a few steps back and pick something off the ground – the knife from before.

I wanted to ask what he was going to do with the knife, but I knew the simple answer. He was going to cut me. He had no reason to do anything extreme, I hoped. I hadn't done anything wrong this time!

I shivered as I felt the gentle tracing down my back with the knife. Ivan had moved quickly, probably only taking one large step to return to where I was. The gentleness slowly turned into a skin-splitting amount of pressure and I felt the warmth escape from my back the same as my blood did. I felt Ivan claw at my open flesh. I felt Ivan lean close to the bottom of the long cut and lick along the cut until he reached the top. I felt my hands turn into fists. It hurt. It really hurt.

"That's a lot of blood," Ivan said, amused. "It really flows." He traced a line with his finger right next to the cut and then suddenly turned away. I wanted to ask where he was going, but his words came out first. "Stay here," he demanded. "I'll return soon."

As soon as I heard the heavy door close, my tears fell from my eyes in a greater volume than I could have imagined. God, it hurt. It hurt so much. I wanted to curl up on the floor, but I knew he would hurt me more if he came back to find me like that. Instead, I placed my hand to my mouth and bit down on it hard and took slow and steady breaths, trying to calm myself down. He couldn't come back to find me like this. I wouldn't let that happen. I know I'm a cry-baby, but I have to have more control. I can take this pain. I can take it...

I suddenly heard Ivan's heavy footsteps climbing down the stairs and I had to compose myself quickly. I wiped the tears from each of my eyes and placed both my hands against the wall again. I bit down on my lower lip and stared straight ahead into the wall. I didn't dare turn my head to look at him as he came into the room or what he had gone to get.

Ivan stood right behind me, his shadow covering my whole being. He leaned down and softly kissed my sore shoulder and placed various things on the ground. I bit down harder on my lip and kept staring at the wall. Now was not the time to smile. I didn't want to know what he had brought down, either. He picked up one of the numerous items and I heard it clank softly on the ground. I was clueless as to what it might be. I was clueless until I felt the grains hit my back and go into the wound. It was salt. It was killing my blood cells. Salt was rumoured to be helpful in healing, but not on a cut like the one on my back. That just brought more pain. I was wrong. I can't take it. It's too much. The tears quickly filled my eyes again and spilled over. They fell fast and constantly down my cheeks.

"It's not working," I heard Ivan say after a few minutes of thoroughly applying salt to my newest wound. The pout was apparent in his voice. He tossed the saltshaker to the wall opposite from us and picked up another thing from the ground. Two things from the ground, actually. I heard some liquid sloshing in a container and I was a little bit concerned, and when I felt the liquid on a cotton ball on my back, I was even more concerned. But then I could tell Ivan was cleaning the cut for me. Normally, it was left up for me to do that, even if the cut was on my back (those times, I would normally have to be a burden to Toris or Eduard and ask for help). This is the first time that Ivan had actually cleaned a cut for me...

After he cleaned the cut from germs, he picked up something that didn't make a noise. Soon after, I found out it was gauze. He was wrapping it around my torso to protect the cut. Why was he doing this? Why did he care? He had said that he loves me many times before today, why now?

When he finished wrapping my wound, Ivan grabbed my shoulder firmly, which sent tears to form in my eyes again. He spun me around and pushed me against the wall. That sent even more tears to my eyes. But then he kissed me. It was hard and it made my head hit the back of the wall, but he kissed me. I wanted to kiss him back, but I couldn't find the courage. We couldn't be together, I knew that. There are Toris and Eduard, too, after all.