"Thanks for visiting me while I'm laid up recovering from surgery," said SpongeBob, establishing the scene for everyone.
"NO PROB!" said Patrick, "I brought you a get well cake!"
"ALL RIGHT! What flavor is it?"
"Upside down cake."
"But it's right side up."
"Yeah I dropped it."
SpongeBob was in his bed with the covers pulled up over the part of his body that wasn't his face. He'd been there since his recent surgery. I know most normal people associate the word surgery with vaginoplasty (that's the name of the surgery transgendered people get where they turn your penis inside out) for sex change operations but that's not what SpongeBob had, sorry.
"What kind of surgery did you have?" said Patrick.
"The best surgery of all! Chastity surgery!"
"What the barnacles is chastity! ?"
"I'll explain, Patrick," SpongeBob explained, "it all started last week at that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Convention. There was so much cosplay going on that it was getting the fan-boy in me all excited. I mean the idea of doing it in a costume of a human is just so hot to me."
"WHAT! That's sick, SpongeBob!" said Patrick. "Animals dressing up like humans for cosplay and getting off on it? YUCK!" (I'm assuming some readers aren't smart enough to get that so I'll go ahead and explain the joke that it's making fun of furries because it's backwards.)
"I know! It's so wrong! That's why I had no choice but to get my innocence surgically intact." SpongeBob sat up and pointed to his bandaged covered ass. "I had them sew my butt shut."
"Your whole butt! ?" said Patrick. "Don't you need that for things! ?"
"NOPE! I had them stitch it together like a seam. Nothing can get in or out, preserving my purity FOREVER! Because that's what Neptune would want. He died on the trident for our sins you know."
"But how will you poop?"
"I got a colostomy bag! I call it my C-bag, like it's my friend. Giving it a nickname takes out the sting of the shame. And the pain of having it stuck in my side 24-7."
"WOW," said Patrick who was too dumb to know what a colostomy bag was. "That's quite the commitment, SpongeBob. I mean you'll never look good in a thong bikini at the beach again!"
"That's a sacrifice I got to make! Also I wasn't planning on wearing thongs anymore since they removed my testicles too and I just wouldn't be able to properly fill it out."
"NO NUTS! ?" Patrick wasn't talking about chocolate by the way. "You're not a man anymore, SpongeBob!" He was getting quite scared and freaked out. "I am freaking out!"
"Don't be scared!" said SpongeBob. "I'm still the same SpongeBob! I never used my balls anyway! This won't interfere with our friendship will it?"
"I dunno. Watching porn together just won't be the same."
"We've never watched porn together before!"
Patrick turned on SpongeBob's TV. He knew all the channels and turned it straight to one of the porn ones. SpongeBob had a really good programming package.
"Let's see how good your chastity surgery is against almighty PORN!" said Patrick. "How do you like this guy-on-girl-on-shemale-on-another-guy-on-horse action? Pretty hot huh?"
SpongeBob looked at the tantalizing images. He was amazed. "Amazing!" he said. He didn't know he had that channel. He'd been paying for it all along and hadn't even enjoyed it. What a waste of money you know?
"Still have your butt sewn together NOW?" said Patrick.
SpongeBob shook himself, trying to get the porny imagery out of his mind. "Yes, Patrick! It's not just going to magically unstitch itself!"
All this porn and talk of SpongeBob's ass was getting Patrick pretty horny. He was pitching a tent big enough for boy scouts to go camping in if you know what I mean. He patted his bonerific bulge and looked over to SpongeBob.
"Can I see your stitches?" he said, "I can sign your ass cast if you want."
"No, there's no cast," said SpongeBob. He unraveled the mummy-wrapped bandages like toilet paper, revealing his bare yellow ass. Under it was two square cheeks squeezed firmly together, connected by several sloppy thread-laced stitches going across his crack. Where the stitches connected was bright red and still sore from surgery. There was some dried blood on a few of the sewn edges, still fresh and raw.
"EEW!" said Patrick. "That's disgusting!" (But he wasn't too disgusted because he still maintained quite the boner.)
SpongeBob was staring intently at his friend's pants lump. As he soaked in the awe that was a starfish's stiffy SpongeBob realized what a terrible mistake he'd made.
"I've made a terrible mistake!" said SpongeBob. "I never should have had my buttcheeks sewn together! What will I do now! ?"
"Go back to the doctor?" said Patrick.
"NO I can't wait that long! I need your schlong!" rhymed SpongeBob. He flipped over on his stomach and tried to look back and strike a seductive pose. But with the bloody stitches it wasn't very sexy (unless you're into that kind of thing.)
Patrick was sort of into that kind of thing. His erection throbbed through his shorts. "Cool beans," he said sexily. He ripped off his pants and came up behind SpongeBob.
"Be gentle," said SpongeBob, "I just got the stitches yesterday and they're still raw."
"Don't worry, SpongeBob! LUBE SOLVES ALL PROBLEMS!"
"I don't have lube."
Patrick had an idea. He geared up, forced some snot down his nose to his throat, and hawked a giant salty loogie onto SpongeBob's sutured ass.
"AHHHH! That burns!" said SpongeBob. "I forgot I'm not supposed to get it wet." He was having second thoughts. "Patrick, I'm having second thoughts. I don't think I can go through with this. I made a commitment to stay pure for Neptune and-"
Patrick's penis interrupted SpongeBob. He fiercely impaled SpongeBob with his stiff pink cock. It ripped through a few stitches, pulling hard at the skin it was attached to, causing it to bleed. But Patrick didn't break through them all and became entangled in the surgical threads. He tried to wriggle his manhood out of the horizontal web, tearing more stitches.
SpongeBob screamed in pain. His faux-constructed cherry was being popped. Tears gathered in the crybaby's eyes.
Patrick pushed harder and harder into SpongeBob. After some fancy phallus maneuvering he managed to break through all the threads. They snapped in two or out of the stitching on SpongeBob's asscheeks. His artificial hymen had been ripped to pieces. Patrick could finally push himself into SpongeBob's actual opening.
Patrick started off slow but then started pumping fast. SpongeBob was a natural cockrider and bucked with the thrusts like a rider posts on a horse. Patrick was a true friend and even gave SpongeBob's ball-less dick a reacharound. He felt SpongeBob's tiny dick stiffen in his hand, but because he'd castrated himself SpongeBob could not reach orgasm.
A whole 40 seconds later Patrick couldn't hold on any longer and came inside SpongeBob's freshly torn asshole. He cried out in pleasure, then slowly slid his cock out. He collapsed on the bed beside SpongeBob.
He looked over to SpongeBob who was frowning. "What's wrong, SpongeBob?" he said. "Didn't you enjoy that?"
"I guess," said SpongeBob, "but I was just thinking about how I broke my commitment to Neptune about remaining pure. I lost my innocence!"
"Hmmmm!" said Patrick as he thought. "Why don't you just sew yourself back up? You can do it over and over and lose your virginity over and over!"
"PAT THAT'S IT!" said SpongeBob. "YOU'RE A GENIUS!"
"Yeah go ahead and get a needle and thread. I'll be ready to go again in about a half hour!"
"WHOOPEE!" said SpongeBob. "But I still wish I had my nuts."
END! Please R&R! (in this context R&R means read & review not rest & relaxation.)