A/N: Again, thank you so much katBelle, for all your effort making this a readable piece!
"See you, Tsukki!" Yamaguchi waved his hand as they were parting ways for their homes. And don't stay too late, again. Sleep well. Have a nice weekend, he mumbled with almost no voice to himself.
See you, Tsukishima responded silently.
The walk home was not any longer from the walks of any other days for Yamaguchi. One hundred and thirty-six steps after leaving Tsukki. No different than any other day. Just another Friday from the pile of quiet ones. Only the sun was brighter and the weather was nicer. Summer was near. Just one thing about this particular Friday; there were only a few Fridays left until he and Tsukki would never walk the same road from school to home again. Until the end of high school. Until the very end of everything that for all those years, Yamaguchi tried so hard to build and protect, this fragile thing between him and the outer world which was certainly equal to his one and only friend, Tsukishima Kei.
Today was the day that would be the start of what Yamaguchi called his 'future demo'. He decided this a while ago, to go on a trip by himself to someplace that he would be isolated from the whole world -and by whole world one could guess that Yamaguchi sadly meant most particularly Tsukki. Anywhere, but somewhere surrounded by the sea so that, at least, he could manage to breathe. He had already saved more than enough money from his part-time job. And the timing was perfect, with his parents out of the country for a week to visit their friends. He had no homework, no volleyball practices, and no plans with friend(s) at all. He was free to be all on his own. But then, when was he ever crowded anyways?" This will be something different though," Tadashi said aloud as if he were trying to give some courage to himself.
He went straight to his room to change into regular clothes. Everything- his small backpack with a change of clothes, toothbrush, money, and a train ticket- was ready. He left the house with an uneasy feeling though. Something was tingling very close to his heart like he was saying a goodbye to this old building- something he will say one day and in a very near future… but he never imagined he'd feel this strange.
The train was almost empty and the sun was still bright behind its dusty windows. Images flowed in front of his eyes like window-sized movie frames and he felt like he had nowhere to belong. He is a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land ~ It was something that had been bugging Tadashi for a long time - his future. He was in that exact point of life that everyone at some point struggles through. That one period of life when every single person in the world grasped the horrid realization that, in a very near future all the worries and responsibilities would crash over him like a downpour. It was terrifying. Not the questions like, "Where will I be" or "What will I be doing?" but most importantly "Will I be alright?".
That exact puzzle piece was worrying him the most. It was, for people like him, Tadashi thought, the hardest to form an answer to. It took a hell of a lot of time just to gain a little volatile confidence in himself. It was almost like trying to keep water from evaporating on a desert hot day. It had scared the shit out of him to keep that water of life alive inside. And right now it was him all alone, having already accepted the steam of his life mingling into air each time he exhaled. He would see what the future could offer him by doing this so-called "future-demo". It would certainly help him adapt to approaching life's form of solitude- in other words, college life. He was away from his family right now and he was away from Tsukki. And without Tsukki, he had no one. This would be the very life of him, the ballad of the sad Yamaguchi Tadashi. He grinned to himself only for it to fade and twist into a pout and a bitter taste in his mouth. And in that moment, he saw the coastline blending into the purple rose of the sun and the sea holding it.
oo
Yamaguchi paid for two nights stay in a small hostel not too far away from beach. The town was already full of people who came for the weekend to have fun and even to swim despite the weather not being that hot yet. He did not go to the beach that night though. He just laid in his small but clean bed with arms stretched behind his head. The curtains were fully open letting the lively lights of the living in. He looked at his phone. Not to his surprise there was nothing. No new messages or calls. He slept like that.
oo
The next day he walked around the town aimlessly. He ate when he felt like it, he slept when he felt like it, and he even swam a little when he couldn't resist anymore. He did not send any messages to the blonde like he usually did though. Before now, he had never failed to some cheesy, trivial messages everyday.
Tsukki will be happy, he thought. Without my constant bugging. A little peace for you Tsukki!
Even saying this, however, he had to restrain himself from messaging things like "You should see this guy with the most stupid sun hat" with a photo attached, "Beach volleyball looks so fun Tsukki, we should try it some time", "The watermelon ice-cream is so tasty here", and even "It looks so nice when the sun is setting behind the ocean". Tsukki would totally make fun of him for that last one. But he didn't send any of them. So there was no need to send his trademark "Sorry Tsukki! for all these stupid messages". Sorry Tsukki!
The sky was filled with stars and it was still warm. Tadashi felt incredibly cold. "So this is how it is, life, huh?" he murmured looking at his phone. No new messages or calls. He was always the one that sent Tsukki the first message anyways. So what? Hinata and Suga-san sometimes sent him messages too. His phone was already a lonely creature anyway. What difference did it make?
Not like anything had changed when he was gone, right? No. He was being over-dramatic! It was only 24 hours that he'd been all alone so why was he feeling so empty? Like a glass bottle in the sea with no message in it. Meant for no one. He was always like this, but there were thoughts of Tsukki. He was there and his being there gave Tadashi courage. Even most of the time, Tsukki make him shut up, call him stupid, and did not respond to him, it did not matter he was there. And he had him. Everyday just seeing him, grinning with him like an idiot, watching his soft chuckles and constant furrowing of eyebrows, clinging to him like he was holding to his own life -and it was the truth- all of those were everything to him. But right now, no Tsukki. A month later, and he would be completely gone. To somewhere he did not know to be someone he would never meet. Some girl maybe. Even a boy. It did not matter. Tadashi would not be there, because it was only until high school this dream would go on. Tsukki would go on his own way where he could not follow. He would follow him to Hell, but Tsukki would be better if he would not follow, right? And he had to be alright, even without Tsukki.
"It should be over," Tadashi talked to himself again. With everything else. This friendship that he endlessly had been forcing on Tsukki, this hidden love which he could not even confess to himself, this attachment -they should be all over with the high school. Tsukki should be free from caring for him with nothing to gain. Oh God, such an ordinary guy he was. If only he was someone enough for him. And the freckles did not help at all. He was just another guy in the midst of billions of people and Tsukki was the moon as royal as the one Tadashi was facing right now. The one that was hugging the huge ocean with its silver hands like it was nothing. And he was so far away, like a small dot on the earth, it hurt so much. No matter how desperately he would call for him, his voice was blended even with the slightest wind. Right now however, if he went to the tidal waves to carry him, to be born by night itself, then he would be drown in the moon. It would be a beautiful end.
Nothing would change anyway. Some people would find his body two or three days later, and say "Poor guy. Seems kinda young.". His parents would be devastated of course. And they would not understand. "Were we bad parents?" they would ask. His teammates would be sad for a while too, for sure. They would even kind of miss him, he imagined. But that would not affect the team at all. No matches would be lost because he was not in the game. He got better with his services for sure, however he was only needed to change the momentum of the game. He would not be a loss. His classmates, he assumed, would hardly remember his face. "Ehh, that guy who is always with Tsukishima?" "The one with freckles right?" they would ask and even say "Wasn't he a weirdo anyway?". And Tsukki. What would he do if he died, he had no idea. He might cry, Tadashi kinda hoped and –
"What the hell idiot?!"
It was almost midnight and he was not actually thinking of dying. Just the idea of what would happen afterwards crossed his mind. No. Even though he was not as lucky as to keep Tsukki with him till the very end - and God, such an amazing lifetime that would be- but sitting here all alone, the brunette kind of understood that watching the moon and maybe eating some nice fries would be enough for him to survive the day. What a philosophic conclusion.
"Pathetic," Tadashi whispered and let the tears dig wet hollows on the moon he drew on the dry sand. No new messages or calls.
oo
Sunday was no different than Saturday as he wandered around the town and then eventually came to the beach when the stars appeared up in the sky. Initially, he decided to return on Sunday night but right now he wanted to be enveloped this nice weather and lonesome town with too many people. He would skip the first two lessons, no harm. Only, Tsukki would wait for him in that exact spot that they always met each other to walk to school but he would be gone without him after waiting for while. "Sorry, Tsukki," he said unconsciously.
oo
The return home was much faster. Maybe because there was still time for him to live to his heart's content, without thinking or being sad until that time would come. As he came to his house, he stopped with sudden amazement, something beyond his belief. There sitting on his door step was Tsukishima Kei, with his headphones on and eyes closed. He did not know what to do or what to say but stood silent in shock. Then Tsukki opened his watercolor eyes and looked at him with disbelief. Like he was not sure whether he was real or not.
Without Tadashi coming to his senses, he was grabbed by arms of steel hugging him - like he was a bird in a cage. He could not find a thing to say. Tsukki did not say anything either. They stood there on the doorstep until the wind danced around Tadashi's wild bangs. Then he felt a little wetness on the right shoulder of his shirt where Tsukki was resting his head.
"Don't you ever go away like that. Ever." Tsukki said with a cracked voice, finally facing him.
Tadashi could not stop his tears finding their way through his star-like freckles, and he was about to say "S-Sorry Tsu-", when the salty lips brushed his own. It was then Tadashi understood, what it was really like to drown in the moon.
oo
Tsukki did not ask anything after that. They went to school together just like always. At lunchtime however, when Tsukki disappeared to get some juice, Tadashi looked at his phone, still in a state mixed with confusion, happiness, shame and many other nameless things. He saw it then, more than ten messages and calls. He was puzzled even more.
The oldest one from Tsukki that was sent on Friday night saying only "Hey!".
And then next day,
"Are you still sleeping lazy ass?"
"Let's go eat something."
"Heyy!?"
"What kind of shit are you pulling idiot? I'm coming to your house and you better be at door waiting for me!"
He came to check on me, Tadashi held his breath. And there were calls and other messages, Tsukki simply cursing him many different ways. He could not help but grinned. The final message made Tadashi's heart wrench.
"Please be alright. I'm waiting here at the door okay?"
Tadashi's eyes could not hold the tears anymore once more again.
"Such a crybaby", Tsukki clicked his tongue, suddenly appearing before his long fingers felt so warm against Tadashi's cheek, wiping away the tears.
"It never rains on a starry night, right?" he smiled.