"Where hearts and homes collide"

This is a really random fic that I honestly have no idea where it came from. I ran across these lyrics months and months ago and liked them, so I saved them. I never til tonight did anything with them. So this is a very odd story put together in about an hour starting at midnight. There are sure to be mistakes and they are all mine. The song nor the characters are mine however. They belong to A day at the fair, and Bellasario. One day I might stop playing with his creation, though I highly doubt it will be in this decade. Enjoy! J.

He won the coin toss. I should be happy for him. And I am, sort of. We started a life together in London. He tried to convince me to change the plan and he said he would give up his career, but I couldn't do that to him. He won, fair and square. Well, as fair as a coin toss is. I still don't see how the NFL uses it and considers it legal. No one can predict what a coin is going to do. There's no way that it can be considered fair. But I agreed to the terms. So, with very little fanfare, I reserved my commission and followed him to London. We've been here for almost a year now. You'd think I'd be use to the fog and English way of living. You'd think I'd be use to only doing minor work for the government and just being his wife. But even after a year, I still wonder why I'm here and not in California. Every night I think about what would have happened had we gone to California instead? I know its full of smog, traffic and earthquakes. But the beaches, the weather and just being in America would be worth it all. We haven't even seen our friends since we've been here. I swear they've forgotten about us. They've moved on with their lives, we're no longer a part of that dream. But I still have my dreams.

I've been a part of the corps for almost 20 years. For twenty years I've moved from place to place duty station to duty station. However, there's only one place I've ever felt at home. Not at San Diego or even in D.C. but in Yuma. The place that holds so many bad memories is the place that holds some of my best as well. I enjoyed my time in "San Dog" and long to go back. D.C. was an awesome time in my life. I lived, loved and learned a lot. But good 'ol Yuma is where my heart will always be.

I hope he will understand why I have to do this. I just cant live another day not knowing the answers to all the 'what ifs.' I love him. I really do. And I've tried doing everything to show it. And I know this goes against all of that. But I know he will be able to pick up the pieces when I leave. He will survive. He always does. I swear he has some kind of super human power that allows him to do all that he does.

I grab my bag and head to the door. But as I look back I realize that I cant do it. I fall to the floor and began to cry. No not cry, but sob. I sob long and hard. And apparently loudly too for the next thing I know is Harm is standing about 10 feet away from me. The sleep still in his eyes. He sees the bags and me on the floor, he's confused, but I cant tell what he was thinking. He knows the kind of state I'm in and instead of crowding me and pulling me into a hug he sits on the hard wood floor a few inches away from me, in front of me. I have to say something.

I've been dreaming of waking up happy under the sun,
In the smog and the traffic and dreams of California,
This lonely life takes to I-80 to try and forget,
The people and friends that forgot about me when I left,

I'm still finding home,
I'm finding my heart, my head,
The reason's why I left,

Cause this is for dreaming,
This is for leaving,
This is you picking up the pieces when I'm gone,
This is to drinking,
This is to living,
This is to packing up my shit and moving on,
I'm moving on,

"I was going to leave."

" I see that." Is his only response.

"No. I was really going to leave. Like permanently leave." I cry harder. "I hate the what ifs, Harm. I hate not knowing what could have happened had the coin landed after one more flip. Just one more flip and things would have been completely different. I don't know how, just that they would be. But I want to know how."

"Do you want to take a job in California?"

"Yes." I pause. "No. I don't know. That post has long since been filled. I don't know what I would do."

"Sarah," he never calls me Sarah except for special occasions like my birthday or on our anniversary. "Why didn't you tell me this before. I told you I would have gladly gone to San Diego. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. Until I take my last breath that's what I want for you, for us."

He's crying now too, I can see the tears glisten his cheeks in the soft light glowing from the bedroom. I move and sit in his lap. He wraps his arms around me and I bury my face in his chest. We don't talk for the longest time. Its just he and I in the midnight silence. After a while I calm down and the crying stops. No words are spoken for the rest of the night he just holds me and rubs my back.

Eventually we make it back to bed and my clothes are unpacked the next morning when I wake up to an empty bed. I find Harm in the kitchen cooking breakfast.

"Arent you suppose to be at work?" The man runs JAG Europe, he works crazy hours but as far as I know, today is suppose to be a 'normal' day.

"No. I'm going in later so I can conference with the General."

This is nothing new, "ah, ok." I walk over and kiss him good morning. "What's for breakfast?"

"Omlets. I felt like having something a bit different today. Arent you going to ask what the call to the General is going to be about?"

"No, I just assumed its about work." I'm confused, does he want me to know. "Do I need to know?"

"Well, maybe. Here, sit down. " he points to the bar stool at the island. "I'm going to ask the General if he'll look into state side postings for both of us. Or even just you."

"What?! Harm, you can't just give up your career like this. Is this because of last night. Look, it'll never happen again. I swear it. It was just a crazy hormonal, fleeting woman thing."

"No Sarah, I don't think it was. I think that was you talking, all the way Sarah Mackenzie-Rabb. I can give up my career if it means you're happy. I'll be happy doing one of a thousand things, as long as you're happy. We'll find you a post and you can finish out your 20 or 30 years until retirement and then see what happens. Right now, I just need you to be happy."

In that moment, I fall in love with Harmon Rabb Jr all over again.

My western home,
My eastern heart,
The middle is my home,

Cause this is for dreaming,
This is for leaving,
This is you picking up the pieces when I'm gone,
This is to drinking,
This is to living,
This is to packing up my shit and moving on,
I'm moving on,

It took six more months to get everything in order. But today we moved into our house in Yuma Arizona. I'm just a hop and a skip from where I grew up and the highway that connects me to the shores that hold my heart, homes, and lives of the past. But today as we sit on our room watching the evening sun fall beyond the horizon. For all of my dreams of California, and love of D.C., Yuma is where I belong. I will forever be grateful for what Harm sacrificed for me to achieve this dream, this since of belonging.

I lean over and tell him as much. "thank you for bringing me home, Harm. I love you."

" Sarah," He's come to calling me that a lot more lately, " I don't want this to sound wrong, but you needed rescuing and I will always be there when you need to be rescued. I need you to survive. I need you to be happy. Ill be happy here and with the air field. I get to fly and be around planes all day and come home to a happy wife at night. I don't think I could ask for more."

"thank you so much for that Harm. I really do mean it. But what if I said you already have more."

"What do you mean?" He's perplexed and its cute. I laugh as I lean over and whisper in his ear that in 6 months he's going to be a daddy. I know that in some cases its better not knowing the answers to the what ifs. And for all that we have dealt with. All that I dealt with internally over the last 18 months, it was all worth it for this to be the outcome.

Now, my home and my heart are in Yuma.

I've been dreaming of lying down naked next to you,
Under stars on a blanket under the Los Angeles moon,
As we sit with our thoughts and watch the planes fly by,
It's nights like this that I look at you, I was born to be alive,

I don't mind,
Setting these traps for you, to fall into, cause I,
I will be there, when you need to be rescued,
I'll rescue, I will rescue you,

Cause this is for dreaming,
This is for leaving,
This is you picking up the pieces when I'm gone,
This is to drinking,
This is to living,
This is to packing up my shit and moving on,
I'm moving on,

Leave me some love and make my heart grow fonder of you our faithful readers:) J.