Summary: Prequel to Las Vegas is a Scary Place. Why did Dumbledore send Remus and Sirius to Las Vegas, of all places? Several years after the final battle and three years after the passing of Albus Dumbledore, the following story was released as a possible explanation. Though none of us will ever know the truth behind what transpired that night, Dumbledore's decision proved to be a pivotal step in the shaping of the Wizarding World of Today. Not to mention it provides us with insight into how many glasses of firewhiskey it took to get to the maddening center of a Dumbledore?
Responsibility: This little piece of chaos is brought to you by caffeinated, carbonated beverages; sleep deprivation; and of course, Hornhead, Prof. Pendragon, and Rosie Padfoot, the writing team responsible for Las Vegas is a Scary Place.
Disclaimer: What do we own? Nothing!! When do we own it? Probably never! Who do we thank for enabling our little addiction? J.K. Rowling and Potter Puppet Pals! What is the last thing we want? Litigation!!!
Albus Dumbledore sat at his desk, a tumbler of Firewhiskey in one hand and a fistful of lemondrops in the other. He stared at the piles of paper before him and felt totally lost. Where in Merlin's name was he going to put Sirius Black? He needed more recruits and Sirius had always been very successful getting people to join the order in the past, but where to send him? He took a sip from his glass and remembered where Snape suggested he put Sirius, but he didn't think that was physically possible and he was positive Lupin didn't swing that way. He sighed and took another drink.
Looking at the Atlas in front of him he decided America was a safe choice. Scanning the map he tried to think of cities with people who wouldn't readily recognize Sirius (the search for him had gone worldwide) and didn't support Voldemort. He skimmed his finger across the parchment as he took another drink, finishing off his glass.
He picked up the bottle and filled his glass for the fifth time that night. Then he rose from the desk and began to pace. This problem wasn't going to solve itself, now who to send with Black to America?
He crossed to his desk, knocking over an empty bottle and opened the parchment listing the order members. He spoke aloud as he staggered over to his chair. "No, no, no, bad idea, bad idea, possibly, same idea, pregnant, prat, no, fucking nightmare that one, no, no, dead, no, cat- oh it's Minnie, no, teacher, German, no, possibly, no, oh wait- perfect!"
Then he stuck his head in the fire and screamed. "Bloody floo powder!" he cursed as he patted out the flames in his hair. Sobering he took a handful of the stuff and flooed McGonagall. "Minnie!" he shouted. "We will send Snape with Black!"
Minerva shook her head. "Are you sure that's such a good idea?" she asked.
Albus frowned. "Right... so how about Ron Weasley then?" Minerva frowned but Albus continued on. "Come on, they've got six! They might not even notice right away."
Minerva fixed him with a glare. "Why not have Lupin go with Black to America?"
Albus grinned. "Yes, I will send Remus!" With that he pulled himself out of the fire and danced a little drunken jig.
He decided to celebrate and four more firewhiskeys later remembered that he needed to house the Order members. 'But where? Yes, where to put a werewolf. Hmm... I wonder if I can say that ten times fast.' He thought. So he tried. "Where to put a werewolf. Where to put a werewolf. Where to put a werewolf. Where to put a werewolf. Where to put a werewolf.... Gods, Minnie's hot! Where to put a werewolf. Where to put a werewolf. Where to put a werewolf. Where to put a werewolf. I need a piss!" he exclaimed.
He wobbled over to the fire. "I will have my revenge, evil fire!" he bellowed as he staunched the flames.
Unfortunately, Cornelius Fudge popped in to have a quick word. He screamed and quickly popped out again when he saw the headmaster waving at him without the use of his hands.
Dumbledore gave a contented sigh and remembered the scream that had come forth from the fire. 'Funny' he thought,'That sounded remarkably like Fudge.'
He crossed back to his desk and sat. As he stared at the map it finally hit him, or more accurately his head hit the desk. Opening his eyes, he saw two words. "Printed in Taiwan" but above that he counted eight words. "Las Vegas"
At that moment, Snape entered the headmaster's office. Dumbledore looked up and pointed. "You're Snape, the potions master!" he proclaimed. Snape rolled his eyes and walked towards the desk. Dumbledore smiled. "Vegas." He said.
Snape cleared his throat. "Headmaster?"
Dumbledore shouted, "Vegas!"
Snape gave the pained expression of a man too used to suffering fools and unused to suffering a drunken Dumbledore. Minerva walking in the room saved him from further conversation.
She gave Dumbledore a stern look and said, "Albus, you need to..."
Dumbledore interrupted her by stating, "I love you, Minnie, you sexy little cat. You are such a tight little hot..." Albus moved to hug her and grabbed Snape instead. He looked up at him and smiled. "I like puppies!" he proclaimed. "I had a puppy once when I was..." he counted on his fingers. "143 years ago. His name was Harry." He gave a thoughtful pause. "Hey! Harry is named after my dead puppy. That must be why he's so angsty."
Dumbledore released Snape and picked up his drink again. "I wanna 'nuther puppy. A really wicked puppy. I want the best puppy in the world! I know, Lupin can get me a puppy in Vegas!"
Snape sneered. "Hell, you could get Lupin to make you a puppy."
Dumbledore rushed towards him. "Brilliant! I want a Remus puppy!" Dumbledore proclaimed. "I wanna Remus puppy. I wanna Remus puppy. I wanna Remus puppy." He chanted as he bounced around the room. He stopped and looked at Snape. "But where shall I get such a puppy?" he turned to Snape. "You know Remus..." Snape began to back out of the room but Dumbledore blocked his exit. "How would we go about making a Remus puppy?"
Snape paled. "Well, you would need a female werewolf for a start."
Dumbledore exclaimed, "That's it! We'll send him to a female werewolf. I'll take care of it in the morning. We can send him to that Kate Gardener. Make a note of that for me, Severus."
Then he jumped up on his desk and threw his arms out wide. "Happy Christmas to all!" he proclaimed. "And to all a good... Severus, what's the last line of that?"
Snape looked at him for a second and replied, "Good night?"
Dumbledore smiled. "Good night, Severus." And passed out.