Dare You to Live
By ElveNDestiNy
December 15, 2006
A/N: DarkxRiku, SatoshixDaisuke. A fairly long one-shot set four years after the final stage of D.N. Angel, exploring the complex connection between Riku and Dark. A quick note – I originally decided to use the Japanese naming system, but it became too complicated and inconvenient, so it's rather inconsistent in the story, particularly when Dark speaks.
- Return -
It was strange to come back. So strange, that after four years everything was exactly as she remembered, but at the same time, everything had changed. When she and Risa had moved to away to join their parents just after their fifteenth birthday, the house had not been sold. In preparation for her return, it had been cleaned and dusted, until there was no physical evidence to suggest that it had been devoid of life for years. Everything was as how it had been, the beds made with sheets with similar patterns as those that had been used in her preadolescence, and yet, like the town, everything was different.
She walked to the door that separated her room from Risa's and hesitated, before reaching out and carefully turning the doorknob. When they had left, they had taken all their personal belongings, of course. There was no reason to expect any lingering trace of her twin, and yet…
The bed for this room had been made as well, and sunlight streamed down through the windows, falling on a small crystal vase on the nightstand. Two pink roses in water, as if waiting to welcome someone. Risa had always loved the romanticism of roses, although Riku had personally felt them to be too trite, preferring the delicate and elegant beauty of orchids.
Feeling her throat tighten and eyes prickle, Riku turned aside. The roses were nothing. They had simply forgotten, that was all. Perhaps that was the reason why she had decided to return, because here she had been happiest and here she did not feel so broken. Yet as she slowly walked through the halls, the familiarity of the house did nothing to comfort her. The tastefully lavish furnishings were too much, the spacious rooms full of sunlight too bright and empty, the kitchen haunted with the reminder of Risa's terrible cooking.
She hadn't wanted to leave. Their parents had expected most of the fight to come from Risa, and it had, verbally at least. While Risa whined and argued, cried and threw childish tantrums, Riku had merely stood silently. Even now, she could remember the bitter taste of anger on her tongue—she loved her family and had missed her parents, but the years apart had passed easily and they were nearly adults. So why now, when they had become used to being independent, did their parents feel as if the family had to live together now? Some part of her knew why. It was their last chance to be children, the last chance for their parents to be parents, the way they were supposed to be. Her mother had been afraid of losing her daughters, especially after the near disaster that had overtaken the town.
At the age of nineteen, Riku had already felt heartbreak twice. The first time was when she had left Daisuke, putting on a brave smile and exchanging promises to write to each other. But after the first letter, she had never received any others. There were many reasons that she could think of to explain the absence. The twins had stayed a further year in Japan, then one in France and another in America, before returning to Japan this last year. The letters could have gotten lost. Daisuke might have been too busy to write. The simplest explanation was also the most painful, but Riku couldn't deny the probability.
They had been fourteen years old, although under special and magical circumstances, and it was only natural that crushes, no matter how intense or seemingly real, fade. Daisuke's first crush had been on Risa, after all, and in high school he would have met hundreds of other people. There would have been no reason for him to cling to someone who was little more than a fond childhood memory. In fact, Riku harbored no resentment towards him for it, and had also let him go, in her heart. The lingering traces of that feeling still hurt, however, and was one of the reasons why she had been a little reluctant to return.
Even so, as she walked out of the house, unable to bear the pervasive feeling of stillness, her feet unerringly led her on a familiar path. It was a long walk, but she could use the time to settle her feelings and figure out how she would do this. It would be awkward, but she couldn't deny her longing to speak to him. He was the only one who had loved Risa so deeply, almost as deeply as Riku's love for her twin. There was the other, of course… Riku hastily and angrily shoved the thought aside. He had not loved Risa at all! He had only used her and abandoned her when she most needed him. She walked faster, lost in her thoughts, and almost tripped in surprise when a brash young male voice called out to her.
"Harada-san? Is it really you?" A hand gripped her elbow as she wobbled, the tip of her shoe having caught a bump in the road, and Riku turned around, her mouth opening in astonishment and delight.
"Takeshi-san?" Daisuke's best friend had grown taller just as she had, and his newly mature face seemed to be more serious, although his personality had clearly not changed.
"I can't believe we haven't seen each other in so long? Where did you go? Daisuke-kun said he lost touch with you, but I'm sure he'll regret it once he sees you!" Takeshi looked her up and down, shaking his head in amazement. "You've become so beautiful! Err…not that you weren't always, but…"
He flailed and she decided to save him, blushing a little at his ebullient praise. "Takeshi-san, don't embarrass me! It has been a long time, over four years, hasn't it? You seem to have been doing well."
"I've become the editor-in-chief of the school newspaper," he told her, before continuing his barrage of questions. Riku supposed that his journalistic instincts must have gifted him with a natural curiosity about everything, and found to her surprise that her spirits had lifted a little simply from his sincere interest. "How have you been? Why couldn't Daisuke-kun find you? Say, where's that cute twin of yours?"
Until the last question, Takeshi had been keeping pace with her as she walked, and she had been listening intently, waiting for a break to explain some things. But when he glanced at her, wondering why she hadn't answered, Takeshi found that her face had paled.
Forcing a small smile to her face, Riku turned to him. "I'm sorry, but I have to get somewhere really soon, Takeshi-san. Perhaps we can talk another time? Goodbye!" She was already disappearing from sight at the end of the street when he registered her hasty departure.
Some streets away, Riku slowed back to a walk, feeling her heart racing, but not from exertion. She was in excellent physical shape because she had continued to run, having never stopped loving the solitude and self-challenge of the sport. However, her current attire was not entirely suitable for it, since she was wearing a dress that came down to her knees, showing off her long and shapely legs. The change had probably been what had startled Takeshi most, because Riku appeared much more ladylike and feminine than her younger self. Her hair, too, was slightly past shoulder length and tied back with a ribbon. The twins' French governess had tried to reform Riku from her tomboy attitude, although she had not entirely succeeded, and only in regards to appearances.
Even at a fast-paced walk, it seemed too soon before she was standing outside the door, wondering what to say when, or if, she knocked and was greeted by someone. After a few moments, she felt even more ridiculous. She didn't even know how she would react to seeing Daisuke, or how to bridge the gap of the last four years. It seemed like more than four years, almost a lifetime ago. Things had changed so much. But still, she wanted to see him, perhaps from a small, childish part of her heart that still clung to her first love, which told her that he would understand more than anyone else could. She had never been a coward. Riku shut her eyes and took three deep breaths, then reached out to knock.
Her hand met empty air where the door should have been, and then touched something warm and soft. Eyes opening abruptly, Riku found herself staring into the face of someone she thought she would never see again. Equally surprised dark violet eyes widened before a hand caught at her wrist and forced her hand away from his face. Everything that Riku thought of to say disappeared from her mind as she instinctively took a step backward, letting out a soundless gasp.
"You! What are you doing here?" Her exclamation was purely unfriendly. To be met by him, after all these years, and after Risa… She clenched her hands into fists.
Riku's voice had changed as well, although not as much as the rest of her. It had always been one of the biggest differences between the twins. It was huskier now than before, but still unmistakably hers, and when she spoke, especially in that way, recognition dawned in the other's face. Unwilling to meet his eyes, Riku kept her gaze eye-level, which meant that she saw his undeniably attractive mouth become a half-grin, half-smirk, one that seemed to be reserved for her.
"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" he said, tone matching his expression. Suddenly aware that he hadn't let go of her yet, Riku jerked away from him.
"Why…" she struggled here, unsure what was going on. "Why aren't you Niwa-kun?"
"He's out with Satoshi," Dark said casually, staring intently at her but finding no reaction except a brief glimpse of confusion. "Have four years really been so long?" he mused, almost as if to himself. "I told Daisuke he should have tried harder to reach you, especially if he was going to mope about it for a year."
Riku glared at the taunting mouth, aware that her efforts were utterly wasted, but even angrier when she remembered that he had stolen her first kiss. It wasn't only her first kiss, for that matter of fact—it had been her only real kiss, aside from those she had chastely exchanged with Daisuke. She was torn between the desire to leave as soon as possible, and the desire to see Daisuke. "Let me speak to Niwa-kun."
"You can't," Dark said patiently, as if explaining to a small child, and enjoyed the flash of anger he saw. Despite the gentler appearance, then, Riku hadn't changed much at all. She seemed less at ease with herself, though, judging by her rigid, though perfect, posture. He searched her eyes, which she kept stubbornly lowered, but she had always been difficult to read, except for her obvious dislike, perhaps even hatred, of him. "He's not here."
"If Niwa-kun's not here, then how are you here?"
In her implied accusation of his dishonesty, Riku had forgotten and had raised her gaze to dare Dark to admit that he had been lying. Instead of guilt, all she saw was amusement. Without thinking, she raised her hand to slap him, almost in tears from anger.
Again, he caught her hand and this time pulled her into the room, steering her into a seat on the couch and sitting himself.
"Well, it was about a year after you and Risa left," Dark said before she could attack him for manhandling her. "How much do you know about what's been going on in Daisuke's life?"
"Nothing," she replied grudgingly after a pause. "He never wrote to me, except for the first letter." Riku hated the way her voice wavered at the admission, expecting a taunt. Instead, Dark sighed, causing her to look sharply at him because it seemed almost sincere.
"Well, he was depressed for about a year, mostly because he never got any replies from you, but also partly because of me."
"Because of you?" Her voice sharpened.
"Both Krad…my other half…and I were sealed. Daisuke had become used to my presence, so when he suddenly found himself alone when I was gone, and even more alone after you and Risa left, he turned to the only one who was still with him, Satoshi. Especially since, although his experience with me was quite different from Satoshi's experience with Krad, both of them knew what it was to feel such an absence."
"He…with Hiwatari-kun…" Riku could feel Dark's inquiring gaze on her, so she stared at her hands, which were primly folded in her lap. Somehow it didn't surprise her, although it should have. There was a sense of rightness that she couldn't deny.
"You know how artistically gifted Daisuke is. He paints with magic, both literally and figuratively. Satoshi, too, comes from a family like the Niwas. So when Daisuke decided to paint a portrait of me, and Satoshi helped, it had unforeseen effects. The painting broke the seal and set me free, although it didn't release Krad." Here, Dark fell silent, and it was Riku's turn to wonder what he felt.
"However, we still shared a body, and it became…uncomfortable, given the increasing depth of the feelings between Daisuke and Satoshi." Aware that Riku was blushing and finding that it touched him, seeing as how she was hardly a young girl anymore, Dark gave her a wicked smile. "Yes, he fell for Creepy Bastard, of all people. Anyway, Emiko and her husband, along with Satoshi, eventually created a spell to separate us."
The silence stretched on for a few moments, Dark evidently waiting for her to react, but in vain. Finally, Riku stood up, knowing that if she stayed longer things would become disastrous. She had come here not knowing what changes four years had wrought, other than those in her own life, and now, she had found out. Things had continued happily in her absence. Why had she so clung to this piece of her past? Looking at Dark, she was silently overwhelmed by her memories. Risa had been shallow and thoughtless in her naïve crush on the thief, it was true, but it had really become a part of her, as well. And the twins had always been involved with the same people, whether it was Daisuke or Dark.
"I can tell Daisuke that you've returned," Dark said to her, also standing, and concerned. Her eyes were shining with unshed liquid and dark with emotion, the only hint of whatever was causing her so much sadness. Unthinkingly, he drew closer to her, and only then realized that she hadn't pushed him back as she should have.
"No, it's all right," she said faintly. "I think…I'll be leaving soon."
"Riku?" The softly voiced address, the form of it, brought her bright gaze back to him sharply. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder, and it snapped her out of her daze.
"Keep your hands to yourself," she said almost with a snarl, eliciting a laugh from Dark. Although it banished none of his worry, he rather liked the contradiction in appearance and personality. No doubt it made many people underestimate her.
"Still a virgin, I see…and as mouthy as ever. I guess the only sure way to shut you up…"
He reached forward boldly and cupped her chin, tilting her face up so that she would look at him, his actions unexpectedly tender. "…is with a kiss." There was concern hidden beneath his mocking tone.
He had played with her emotions once, and then moved on to her gentler, more naïve sister, who had never recovered. Perhaps neither of them had. Riku looked at him, looked at the violet eyes and the teasing expression, and the pain transmuted into anger, an anger that had been dormant and suppressed for months.
"Don't you want to know about Risa? Haven't you been curious where she is?" she asked scathingly. "Or have you forgotten her, since she was only one in such a long line of girls you played with?"
Startled by the sudden change of subject, Dark was silent. In his silence, Riku heard only his guilt, and her anger rose in a wave, mingled with pain.
"She never forgot you!" she cried suddenly, harshly, the tears finally spilling on her cheeks. "There were so many eager to go out with her, eager to show her how much they loved her. Risa had a new boyfriend all the time, but she never had enough interest in any of them and they gave up, all because she couldn't forget you. You played with her, but it was never… It was never just a game, do you understand?"
She choked on her tears, her hands coming up to cover her face as she sank to her knees. He tried to help her and she lashed wildly out at him, nails scratching his face and leaving four thin red lines, visible even through her blurred vision. "How could you do it to her?"
"Riku…please." He put his arms around her, trapping her, and she beat against his chest with her fists, crying as she had not in front of her parents, as she had not in all the long months. "Riku."
"You talk about losing your other half," she whispered as he cupped her head, pressing her cheek against his chest so that she could hear his heartbeat. His hands stroked her back soothingly, all without her feeling it. "Do you really know what it's like? Do you even care that she died?"
She looked up at him, saw his shock and then swift comprehension, and then looked away. She would not be able to bear it if she saw pity. She would not be able to bear it if she saw anything at all. One emotion from him, reflected in those darkly violet eyes, and she felt that she would shatter. He held her tighter as if reading her thoughts and Riku didn't resist, exhausted and in too much grief to reject the only comforting touch she had had, even if it was coming from him.
"Both of us," she said. "Risa reveled in it, but I hated it. I didn't want to admit how alike we were in it, didn't want to feel like even with Niwa-kun, there was still you. Lingering there, haunting me. Always a ghost, a thief that stole some part of myself I barely realized was missing. How could you? Was it only because we resembled your lover?"
He carried her in his arms as he walked outside, and then they were flying. Riku began to struggle, and he leaned down close to her, so close she thought that he was going to kiss her, and she stilled. Instead, he brushed his lips over her forehead, a fleeting touch. Gently, almost before she was aware of the heaviness of her eyelids, puffy and painful from her tears, she began to fall asleep.
"You are precious to me," came the soft whisper, "because you are you."
A/N: Yes, I know the next chapter is up and you can't wait to go read it (and probably aren't reading this) but please review!