Author's Note:

Hi everyone! I can't believe I haven't written sooner for FFX. It's my absolute favorite game, even favorite story, and has been since it came out like 13 years ago.

Since I don't feel skilled enough to write a full-blown story just yet, this is just a collection of one-shots delving deeper into the thoughts and feelings of the characters during different times in their journey, and even some events that aren't actually shown in the game. I just always think, "I wonder what this character is thinking during this?" Or about deeper reactions that I think they should've had. Anyways, I tried to stay in character while also staying as close to the story as I could. I hope to do it justice.

I hope you enjoy! And feel free to leave comments!

Guadosalam is a strange place. I felt like we were inside of a large tree; even the people, the Guado, resemble living tree-roots. Seymour had sent his servant, Tromell I think, to invite us on his behalf into his grand living quarters, hoping to speak with Yuna. I got the feeling he could care less if we, her guardians, were there, but of course we were a package deal.

As we loitered around, waiting for an obnoxious amount of time, I could tell that Yuna was getting more and more nervous by the minute; anxiously wanting to know what Seymour could possibly want with her.

In the pit of my stomach, I had a bad feeling. I got an idea of what it was that Seymour desired.

Ever since I had first seen him, I didn't like him. Too formal. And although he came off as genteel, there was an underlying air of condescension to him. He seemed downright smug to me. But I guess, since I'm not blinded with respect and subservience for the Maesters and for Yevon like everyone else is, I'm the only one who can really sense that from Seymour. Most of all, there was the creepy way he always looked at Yuna; like he wanted to…devour her or something.

Finally, Tromell came through the double doors, bowing. "This way please."

We all filed into the room from which he had just come. Again, we waited. I shifted from foot to foot, ate some of the food left out for us, tried to make small talk with my fellow guardians. All the while, I kept my distance from Yuna. I didn't want to bug her. She seemed lost in her thoughts anyway.

Tromell again emerged from yet another backroom. He and Yuna were talking about some guy named Jyscal, apparently Seymour's father and predecessor as Maester. I sort of knew about him. There was talk of him in Luca, where we had first encountered Seymour. Lulu had also explained to me just a little earlier while we were waiting how Jyscal had married a human and had Seymour, which is why he didn't look quite human, or quite Guado, either.

Anyways, Tromell started going on and on about how great Seymour was. How he was a "shining star" that would bring peace to all of Spira. Hmph, yeah right. If anyone was going to bring peace, it was gonna be Yuna. She was the one bravely facing Sin.

Seymour entered and interrupted the praise. He feigned embarrassed humility at being talked of so highly… This guy left a bad taste in my mouth.

"Lady Yuna. This way." He called. She hesitantly stepped forward, and as she did, the room erupted into stars beneath her feet.

All around us, the room had turned into an image of the vast universe, with a stream of light flowing through it. Suddenly we were flying above an amazing, and familiar, city. As we were transported to the city-scape below, I was shocked, barely able to speak as I looked around. "Zanarkand!"

Seymour looked at me for a second, one eybrow raised, before turning his gaze forward once again. I caught some of the others, particularly Wakka and Lulu, glance my way as well, a hint of surprise on their faces.

"Correct. Zanarkand. As it looked one thousand years ago."

As I was recovering from my homesickness, I heard him talking about some woman that used to live here. Yuna, her curiosity getting the better of her, piqued "She, who?" Wondering who it was whom Seymour was speaking of.

We were in a grand room now. A woman was sitting on the bed in the middle of it. Yuna proclaimed, "Lady Yunalesca!"

I'm from Zanarkand, was even pretty famous, and I had never heard of anyone named Yunalesca. Apparently, as Seymour and Yuna were talking, I picked up that she was a summoner from Zanarkand who was the first person to defeat Sin.

Confusion overtook me. I started thinking back; no, I had never heard of her. In fact, before coming to Spira, I had no idea what a summoner even was. Maybe summoners came about in Zanarkand after I had already left. I had supposedly witnessed the historic event of Sin destroying my home, the "sacred" city. Did summoners such as this Yunalesca appear after that, in order to defeat it?

This thought only made me wonder deeper. Yuna, Wakka, and Lulu had talked about a machina war between Zanarkand and Bevelle, a war that had happened before the appearance of Sin. But that wasn't the case in my Zanarkand. I guess…maybe there is another Zanarkand, one apart from Spira, the one I'm from…

My head hurt. As I was swimming in my swirling thoughts, an ornately dressed man walked in, and Yunalesca ran up to him, embracing him.

Just then, Seymour stepped way too close to Yuna for my taste, leaned down, and whispered something in her ear. A twinge of jealousy nipped at me.

As he stepped away, Yuna looked shocked, and covered her mouth. Oh no… I thought.

The image of Yunalesca and her room faded. We returned to Seymour's living quarters… well, I guess we had never really left it. Yuna frantically looked around, scurried over to a glass of water and gulped it down, trying not to look at any of us.

We hurried up to her, looking at her with worry. "Wow. Your face is beet red!" Rikku said. I frowned. "You okay?"

She looked worriedly at me, then at the others, then back to Seymour. As she turned to us, she stammered out, "He-he asked me to marry him!" She looked down in embarrassment.

Anger and jealously flared up within me. "You serious?!" I turned to him, shocked. "Ah-hey!" was all I managed to say to him. He said nothing. He didn't even look in my direction.

Auron had been impatient and now was annoyed. He argued with Seymour, clearly irritated that this complication has come up and may interfere with Yuna's pilgrimage. They exchanged some words; Seymour keeping his cool exterior. He noted that Yuna's job was to ease the suffering of the people, and that this marriage could help her do that.

Urgh! My mind way spinning. Why is this happening right now? Why did that guy have to come into the picture at all? I mean, I never really thought seriously about being with Yuna, knowing the pilgrimage came first, and that romance and all that stuff could always come after, but…

"There's no need to answer right away. Please, think it over." Seymour said cheerily to Yuna.

That made me feel a tiny bit of relief; maybe we could convince her to turn him down. Maybe that was selfish, but the thought of Yuna being married to this guy the rest of her life... I honestly hated it. Man, I guess I'm more jealous than I thought. How embarrassing.

We left. As we gathered outside of Seymour's place, Yuna sat, looking very conflicted. Despite my roiling emotions, I felt bad for her. Like she didn't have enough to deal with…

Lulu started saying that their marriage could be a cheery event for the people to talk about. Thanks a lot Lulu! Use the people's happiness to convince her! We're supposed to steer her AWAY from this marriage thing. Ugh!

"Come on, let's just get on with the pilgrimage! I mean, marriage?" Rikku smirked, looking at me. She elbowed me in the ribs lightly. "Hmm! Jealous?"

:What? No way!" I'm sure my face was red. I used what little motivation I could think of to distract Yuna. "We gotta defeat Sin! Romance can wait!" I hoped this would make her remember what we're really here for; that marriage would just distract her from her first priority.

But to my dismay, Yuna actually started considering it. "If my getting married could help Spira, if I could do that for people, maybe I should do what I can."

I had to stop myself from shouting, "What's there to think about?!"

Yuna said she was going to see her father and think about it. Even though I didn't know what she meant by seeing her father, who I know is dead, I was too busy being upset about this unforeseen and unwanted turn of events.

I couldn't stop thinking, I wonder why none of the others ever asked Yuna: "Do you love Seymour? Do you even like him?"

I couldn't imagine marrying someone who I didn't love. Well I couldn't imagine being married at all, but I at least don't know why anyone else would ever marry someone for a reason other than love. I understand that Yuna has a higher calling, and thinks about what's best for everyone, not just herself, but still, she doesn't strike me as someone that would want to spend her life with someone she didn't love. Maybe I'm just naïve when it comes to matters like that. Maybe, I just don't want her to spend her life with someone who isn't me…

Why?

"Lord Jyscal…please! Tell me, what can I do to help…?" I stood there, almost hoping the portrait of Lord Jyscal really could give me the answer. Anxiety and dread rose within me. I can't believe he tried to return to this world from the Farplane. He had dropped a sphere. I'm too scared to watch it.

Just then, I hear my guardians calling me. I have to act normal. I come outside and walk up to them. Tidus turns to me. "They said Seymour went to Macarena temple." "Macalania Temple." Wakka corrected him. "Aye!"

Haha. Tidus' sunny personality always has a way to lift my mood, even when I'm this distraught. It's one thing I love about him.

Sir Auron sensed my quiet awkwardness and asked me what was wrong. Oops. Why do I have to be so easy to read?

"Nothing." I reply weakly. He's not convinced. "Hmph. You're a poor liar." I know I'm blushing from guilt. I shake my head vehemently. "It's true! It's nothing!" He let it go for now. I breathe a sigh of relief. Luckily no one else presses me either.

We make our way to the Thunder Plains. Rikku squirms and tries to find a way out of crossing the treacherous expanse. There's no way around it though. I feel bad for my cousin, but the events that have occurred overtake my mind, consume my thoughts, leaving little room for concern for anything else.

After about an hour, Rikku finally breaks down. She convinces all of us to stay at a nearby travel agency. Sir Auron was extremely impatient, but even he relented at her persistence.

When we go in, I know I can't wait any longer. I immediately walk past my guardians, get a room for myself, and head back to it. As I settle in, I quickly pull out Lord Jyscal's sphere. I am so afraid of what could possibly be on it, but I know I must find out.

I play it. As I watch, dread grips me more and more as he speaks of Maester Seymour's true heart. And then, he finally utters the horrible truth. "I will, leave this world soon. Killed…by my own son."

Horror swallows me. My mind reels. I can hardly process what I've just heard. We've been around him this whole time…this whole time he had been his father's murderer.

I am disgusted with having had any contact with that man. I remember his proposal, and terror and anxiety well up within me so much that I feel I might retch.

I listen more. The more Lord Jyscal speaks, the more my fear subsides, and resolve takes its place. Maester Seymour can't be allowed to get away with this.

Suddenly, the door to my room pops open and Tidus tumbles in abruptly. Oh please! Please say he didn't hear any of the sphere!

He stands up awkwardly, stammering that he hadn't meant to come in. He sees Lord Jyscal on the sphere, and realizing this, I quickly turn it off before he can hear any more. "Hey, wasn't that…that Jyscal Guado guy?" I hope he can't hear how loud my heart is pounding.

"Yes. The sphere is his will. It says, 'Take care of my son.'" By Tidus' demeanor, it seems that he hadn't heard any of the real content of the sphere. I relaxed a little.

"His son Seymour? Well, I know one way to take care of him!" I understood the implication and felt guilty. "I'm sorry" was all I managed to say as I ran from the room. Tidus didn't follow.

I hid in another empty room. Tears welled up in my eyes, but I didn't allow them to fall. I tried to cry as little as I could on my pilgrimage. The only time that I had was when I had performed my first sending in Kilika A summoner has to be strong and set their emotions aside if they ever hope to have a chance of defeating Sin.

However, when it comes to Tidus, setting emotions aside has become a monumental task.

Whenever I thought of him, and my love for him, it gave me both joy…and fear. Fear of the affect he has on me. On if I will falter when the time comes to prove that I can stand strong. Of course, most of all, the fear of telling him the truth of a summoner's pilgrimage, and having to leave him behind, in the end. The more we travel together, the more it makes me ache to think of us ever being apart. But, there's more to life than just him and me. More than just love for another.

I fight for us all. I want everyone to be able to embrace the one they love, without the constant fear that it might be the last time they ever do. Sin takes away so much from us. I can lift that burden, at least for awhile. That's worth more than anything. I am more than willing to give up my happiness, even my life, for the happiness and safety of millions, no matter how fleeting the time of peace may be. It's all I can give.

I can't allow myself to think of the what-ifs. A peaceful life spent with Tidus and my friends by my side, I long for such a dream. But I know, it's not reality. The ever present Sin would always loom over us. No, I steel myself against such impossible dreams.

…

After prying Rikku from her frozen state, we continue on. Tidus looks at me questioningly, but I ignore him. My thoughts consume me on what I should do next. Just then, as we're traveling, an idea comes to me. I stop the party. "Everyone…wait." Rikku whines, but I must do this. Sir Auron suggests we go to a nearby covering so that I can say what I need to.

They stand in front of me, anticipating my next words. I take in a breath, then say, "I've decided to marry."

Tidus jerks back slightly, stunned by the words as if they had physically hit him. The others look incredulous. They wonder why I've changed my mind. I give the best answer that I can, without revealing the truth. "I feel it is the right thing to do." Vague, but enough to stop them from questioning me.

Sir Auron asks if I'll continue my pilgrimage. I assure him that I will, and he replies hesitantly, "Then it is…fine."

Tidus jumps in front of him, putting his hands on Sir Auron's shoulders. "Wait a minute Auron! You don't care? I mean, you're not gonna stop her?" "No I am not. As long as she is willing to face Sin, all else is her concern. As long as she journeys." Tidus looks over at Wakka and Lulu who nod in confirmation. He lowers his head and his lets go of his grip on Sir Auron. He looks utterly dejected.

"But that's—" He turns away, and growls under his breath in frustration and pain.

Please understand, I think. Please trust me.

The last thing I want to do is hurt him. I feel regret and sadness in causing this distress for him. But I know it must be done. Maester Seymour probably won't even consider my negotiation unless I had something of this magnitude to offer him in return. It's my only chance.

I try to will this one thought to Tidus, wishing I could tell him aloud and reassure his feelings: This isn't for love. It has nothing to do with love. The only one I love is you.

But my mouth stays shut. My will stronger than my emotions…for the moment, at least. I try my best not to look at him; to ignore his outburst. My resolve might waver if I don't.

Honestly I'm surprised that he's as hurt as he is by my choice. Maybe, just maybe….

But I push my hopes aside. Not allowing myself to fantasize about the possibility.

My life is short anyway. I may as well spend it trying to do as much good as I can, in any way that I can. It doesn't matter if I get married or not. It will all end soon. If Tidus knew this, I'm sure he would understand…