What's This Life For?
By Maki
A/N~ I know I am also working on Something Beyond as well as this one, but hey this one just came to me and I had to do it. I know it is not the norm, but hey, I hope you like it just the same. This is all in Mimi's POV.
Disclosure~ I don't own Digimon.
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I was lying on my bed; today was no different then the day before, or the day before that. It had been months since we had come back from the Digiworld and although all of my friends where happy, I just couldn't say the same for myself.
Everyday played the same, I would come home from school, do a quick scan of my homework and then lay down on my bed watching the ceiling and thinking. I know my friends have noticed the changes in my hair, my clothes, my attitude, and me. At first I tried to keep up my appearance, I did my hair every morning, wore my expected bright pink clothes and tried to plaster my face with that fake happiness that once used to come so easy for me.
After about a month of trying I finally gave up, I began wearing a lot of darker colors, and my hair? Forget it. I would pull that back in a ponytail and call that done. MY attitude? Well, can't you guess? I am just not as happy and chipper as I used to be, I just can't fake it any longer. I feel....well I just feel sad, all the time. I wake up sad, I go to sleep sad. I know everybody sees it and I just don't care, not anymore.
You may be asking yourself, what brought this on, well I just don't know. I was happy in the Digiworld, sure there were monster Digimon that would chase us, but I was with my friends and Palmon so even though I was scared sometimes, I knew I was safe. And we had fun there, sometimes just sitting around a campfire talking or playing games, it was great. Now I still see my friends, but just not like I used to. Tai and Sora have each other and spend long hours talking about soccer or what they want to do for the upcoming weekend. Joe has his studies and is working hard to get into the Jr. College to make his dad proud. Izzy, well what can I say about Izzy, he has his computer and that seems to be enough for him. TK and Kari also have each other, they spend endless hours over at each other's house playing games, and I can see a romance blooming there. Then there is Matt, he has his music and has become so wrapped up in being Mr. Cool again that he and I barley talk anymore, not like we talked tons before. Lastly there is me, I have nothing.
I miss Palmon and I miss the Digiworld, but most of all I miss being happy. I lay here every day after school and I try to figure out what my life is all about, where is the purpose in all of this. The purpose I once had is gone now and now I am left empty, aching and alone. No matter how hard I try I just can't figure out what this life is for.
Today is like every other, I lay down on my bed as soon as I got home and I have been here ever since. There is something going on tonight at Tai's, for digidestined only I was told by Sora. I tried my best to make up excuses, reasons not to go, but she wouldn't buy any of them. So I relented and told her I would be there, even though deep down, I just didn't have my heart into it.
I heave a sigh and look at the clock, it's now 6:30 and the get together is scheduled for 7:30, I suppose I better make my small effort for whatever good it will do. I get up slowly and look around my room, bright and cheerful pink that now makes me nauseas, frills and stuffed animals litter my line of vision. I just have to ask myself, what was I thinking?
I quickly re-comb my hair and straighten out my ponytail giving myself a once over in the mirror, satisfied enough, I grab my sweatshirt off the chair and money off my nightstand and head out the door. I say a quick good bye to my mother and father and notice the hopeful expressions on their faces as they see me leave. A quick thought enters my head as I jokingly wonder in they were hopeful that I would have a good time or that I would jump of the closest bridge. Yes I know, my thought have become alittle dark, haven't they?
As I walk down the street and watch the people walk towards me on their way to who knows where and who really cares, I notice how people now look at me differently. When I was the happy Mimi, it used to be contagious and people used to smile at me and say hi as they passed me on the streets, but now they take one look at me and make a B-line for the other side of the sidewalk to avoid coming in any kind of direct contact with me. In a sad way, this makes me laugh.
I have taken my sweet time getting to Tai's as I find that I am not in any kind of real hurry, I stand now in front of his apartment building contemplating weather I really want to go in or not. Before I have the chance to change my mind and turn around the other way I hear a familiar voice from behind me.
"Miss? Are you alright?" the voice asks hesitantly.
I quickly scan myself not realizing that I looked that bad, if this is any clue, try to imagine me as a Goth throwback and there you go. I turn around to see Matt standing behind me. He is looking at me quizzically and concerned and then an expression of realization spreads across his face as realizes who he is talking to.
"Mimi!" he gasps, "Hey... um... I didn't recognize you."
I am looking right into his beautiful azure eyes and I find myself melting in his presence but the quickly snap out of it. Here is a clue, as if! Matt and I, never happen, at least not anymore. I decide that talking to Matt is not something I really want to do and getting this whole thing done and over with is more where it is at.
"Yeah, it's me. Going in?" I say coolly motioning to the main entrance of Tai's apartment building.
"Uh yeah." Matt said still looking at me with disbelief written all over his face as he begins to walk with me inside.
We make it to Tai's apartment as Matt pounds on the door to be heard over the thunderous music that is coming from inside. The music is lowered and Tai came to the door opening it wide and motioning for both of us to come in.
"Mimi, we have been expecting you. Glad you could make it." Tai said looking me up and down.
I look around to the others who are also giving me the once over and I suddenly feel like the center of attention. Something I would have been happy about a while ago but now hate. I make a feeble attempt at smiling and nod my head, not finding any words to say.
"Well come sit down Mimi, we have a chair with your name on it." Tai said pointing to an overstuffed chair on the far side of the living room.
I waste no time in making my way to the chair and sit down quickly, I'm hoping that once people start talking that the focus will be taken off me and I can relax alittle. Boy how wrong I am.
I watch as my friends scurry around, turning off the music and taking seats around me. They look at me solemnly as if trying to find someway to begin. And now it is apparent what this get together is really all about. I take a quick glance at the door but realize that my friends have positioned me far enough away from escape to give themselves time to block if need be. I heave a sigh and try to prepare myself for what I know will come.
"Mimi," Sora starts, "I'm sorry I had to deceive you to get you here, but we are all really worried about you and we couldn't think of another way to do this."
"Do what?" I growled
"Well Mimi, this is called an intervention, it is where a loved one or family member is in trouble with emotional problems, drugs, alcohol, things of that nature and family and friends get together and try to talk some sense into the person who is experiencing the problems." Izzy said in his usual knowledgeable way.
I could feel my cheeks burning with anger as I rolled my eyes and glared at them all, "I don't have any problems and how dare you trick me like this!" I scream as I stand up and make my way for the door.
Tai quickly jumped over the back of couch and stood blocking my path, shaking his head sadly at me. "Mimi, please." He pleaded. "We're your friends and we want to help you."
"Then move out of my way!" I yelled in his face
"I can't do that Mimi." Tai said holding his ground
"Mimi, sit down!" Matt ordered harshly.
I spun around to meet Matt's gaze that I could feel on my back, his eyes were not pleading like Tai's but firm and demanding. He still held concern with in them, but he was unwavering when it came to meeting my gaze.
"Fine!" I said throwing up my hands and storming back over to the chair. "But if you think for one nano that something you're gonna say is gonna somehow just change my heart, my feelings, whatever, just think again." I said as I glared at each of them.
Matt slammed his fist down on the coffee table in front of him causing everyone in the room to jump including myself. He glared at me with furious eyes and I took this as my queue to open my mouth.
"Ahhhh what's the matter Yamma?? Is my little crisis interrupting your precious music time?" I said with a defiant smile.
"I know what you are trying to do Mimi, and it won't work." Matt said his eyes softening but still did not waver from mine.
"Oh really?" I laughed hysterically. "Do you now? I doubt that. You don't know the first thing about me, you never have. You never cared enough to take the time to get to know me, none of you really did." I said leaning back in my chair, I was actually starting to enjoy this, my pain inside somehow felt alittle better now that I was passing some of it off on others.
"Mimi! How can you say such a thing?" Sora said as her eyes filled with tears of hurt. Tai wrapped his arm around her shoulders offering her comfort and then looked back at me sadly.
"Guys, we knew this would be difficult." Izzy interjected.
"Oh shut up Izzy." I barked at him. "I have had it with your brainiac talk." I could see the hurt forming in Izzy's eyes now as well and for a nano second I felt a ping of regret.
Matt growled from across the room and began his heated glare at me once again. "That is enough Mimi!" he yelled
"Oh really?" I challenged
"Yes, really" he hissed, "Mimi, weather you want to believe it or not, we are your friends and whatever changes you have been going through we have noticed them. We are concerned about and we want to help you in anyway you can." Matt stopped for a second to take in a deep breath before starting again. "We can't help you if you are unwilling to help yourself. Please Mimi, try! Just try to open up to us and let us help you." He said waiting for my response.
I sat there for a moment speechless. There was a big part of me that wanted so desperately for them, my friends to help me, but then there was a bigger part of me that just was so tired, tired of everything, but most of all I was so tired of life itself. I realized I had two choices, escape or fight. I looked around Tai's apartment and scanned for the exits, there were two. One I had already tried and been blocked and the other I was sitting closest to, and I could make it there in time at all. I contemplated for a moment about the second exit, out the balcony and 23 floors down. Maybe it would only take ten seconds, maybe less for me to hit the ground at the bottom, but I would probably be dead before I actually hit.
What was I thinking!? Where was this coming from? I know I had been pretty bummed lately, but killing myself? If I did think about it, it was always a passing thought. Now, now all of a sudden it was a serious thought and that scared me.
"Mimi?" Matt asked breaking my thoughts as the others looked from one another and back to me. "Mimi?" he asked again.
I looked at him not knowing what to say, no more smart-ass comments came to mind.
"I'm sorry." I muttered as I placed my face in my hands and began to sob.
I heard some "ahhh's" coming from my friends and then over my crying I heard someone get up and come towards me, taking me firmly in his arms.
"It's gonna be alright Mimi, trust me." Matt said as he continued to hold me.
I accepted his embrace and returned it as I continued to sob. Slowly I felt other hands coming upon me as all my friends began to join in the embrace for a group hug and something I realize now that I had needed so desperately.
The End.....
A/N~ OK a new spin on Mimi, I admit it, but I couldn't help it and at least it wasn't a total 90201/Tori Spelling sob story, but it all ended well.
A/N~ Epilogue~~ Mimi goes into counseling for a couple of months, starts taking prozac, losses the Goth throwback look, dyes her hair pinks, starts dating Matt and lives happily ever after.
By Maki
A/N~ I know I am also working on Something Beyond as well as this one, but hey this one just came to me and I had to do it. I know it is not the norm, but hey, I hope you like it just the same. This is all in Mimi's POV.
Disclosure~ I don't own Digimon.
*************************************************************
I was lying on my bed; today was no different then the day before, or the day before that. It had been months since we had come back from the Digiworld and although all of my friends where happy, I just couldn't say the same for myself.
Everyday played the same, I would come home from school, do a quick scan of my homework and then lay down on my bed watching the ceiling and thinking. I know my friends have noticed the changes in my hair, my clothes, my attitude, and me. At first I tried to keep up my appearance, I did my hair every morning, wore my expected bright pink clothes and tried to plaster my face with that fake happiness that once used to come so easy for me.
After about a month of trying I finally gave up, I began wearing a lot of darker colors, and my hair? Forget it. I would pull that back in a ponytail and call that done. MY attitude? Well, can't you guess? I am just not as happy and chipper as I used to be, I just can't fake it any longer. I feel....well I just feel sad, all the time. I wake up sad, I go to sleep sad. I know everybody sees it and I just don't care, not anymore.
You may be asking yourself, what brought this on, well I just don't know. I was happy in the Digiworld, sure there were monster Digimon that would chase us, but I was with my friends and Palmon so even though I was scared sometimes, I knew I was safe. And we had fun there, sometimes just sitting around a campfire talking or playing games, it was great. Now I still see my friends, but just not like I used to. Tai and Sora have each other and spend long hours talking about soccer or what they want to do for the upcoming weekend. Joe has his studies and is working hard to get into the Jr. College to make his dad proud. Izzy, well what can I say about Izzy, he has his computer and that seems to be enough for him. TK and Kari also have each other, they spend endless hours over at each other's house playing games, and I can see a romance blooming there. Then there is Matt, he has his music and has become so wrapped up in being Mr. Cool again that he and I barley talk anymore, not like we talked tons before. Lastly there is me, I have nothing.
I miss Palmon and I miss the Digiworld, but most of all I miss being happy. I lay here every day after school and I try to figure out what my life is all about, where is the purpose in all of this. The purpose I once had is gone now and now I am left empty, aching and alone. No matter how hard I try I just can't figure out what this life is for.
Today is like every other, I lay down on my bed as soon as I got home and I have been here ever since. There is something going on tonight at Tai's, for digidestined only I was told by Sora. I tried my best to make up excuses, reasons not to go, but she wouldn't buy any of them. So I relented and told her I would be there, even though deep down, I just didn't have my heart into it.
I heave a sigh and look at the clock, it's now 6:30 and the get together is scheduled for 7:30, I suppose I better make my small effort for whatever good it will do. I get up slowly and look around my room, bright and cheerful pink that now makes me nauseas, frills and stuffed animals litter my line of vision. I just have to ask myself, what was I thinking?
I quickly re-comb my hair and straighten out my ponytail giving myself a once over in the mirror, satisfied enough, I grab my sweatshirt off the chair and money off my nightstand and head out the door. I say a quick good bye to my mother and father and notice the hopeful expressions on their faces as they see me leave. A quick thought enters my head as I jokingly wonder in they were hopeful that I would have a good time or that I would jump of the closest bridge. Yes I know, my thought have become alittle dark, haven't they?
As I walk down the street and watch the people walk towards me on their way to who knows where and who really cares, I notice how people now look at me differently. When I was the happy Mimi, it used to be contagious and people used to smile at me and say hi as they passed me on the streets, but now they take one look at me and make a B-line for the other side of the sidewalk to avoid coming in any kind of direct contact with me. In a sad way, this makes me laugh.
I have taken my sweet time getting to Tai's as I find that I am not in any kind of real hurry, I stand now in front of his apartment building contemplating weather I really want to go in or not. Before I have the chance to change my mind and turn around the other way I hear a familiar voice from behind me.
"Miss? Are you alright?" the voice asks hesitantly.
I quickly scan myself not realizing that I looked that bad, if this is any clue, try to imagine me as a Goth throwback and there you go. I turn around to see Matt standing behind me. He is looking at me quizzically and concerned and then an expression of realization spreads across his face as realizes who he is talking to.
"Mimi!" he gasps, "Hey... um... I didn't recognize you."
I am looking right into his beautiful azure eyes and I find myself melting in his presence but the quickly snap out of it. Here is a clue, as if! Matt and I, never happen, at least not anymore. I decide that talking to Matt is not something I really want to do and getting this whole thing done and over with is more where it is at.
"Yeah, it's me. Going in?" I say coolly motioning to the main entrance of Tai's apartment building.
"Uh yeah." Matt said still looking at me with disbelief written all over his face as he begins to walk with me inside.
We make it to Tai's apartment as Matt pounds on the door to be heard over the thunderous music that is coming from inside. The music is lowered and Tai came to the door opening it wide and motioning for both of us to come in.
"Mimi, we have been expecting you. Glad you could make it." Tai said looking me up and down.
I look around to the others who are also giving me the once over and I suddenly feel like the center of attention. Something I would have been happy about a while ago but now hate. I make a feeble attempt at smiling and nod my head, not finding any words to say.
"Well come sit down Mimi, we have a chair with your name on it." Tai said pointing to an overstuffed chair on the far side of the living room.
I waste no time in making my way to the chair and sit down quickly, I'm hoping that once people start talking that the focus will be taken off me and I can relax alittle. Boy how wrong I am.
I watch as my friends scurry around, turning off the music and taking seats around me. They look at me solemnly as if trying to find someway to begin. And now it is apparent what this get together is really all about. I take a quick glance at the door but realize that my friends have positioned me far enough away from escape to give themselves time to block if need be. I heave a sigh and try to prepare myself for what I know will come.
"Mimi," Sora starts, "I'm sorry I had to deceive you to get you here, but we are all really worried about you and we couldn't think of another way to do this."
"Do what?" I growled
"Well Mimi, this is called an intervention, it is where a loved one or family member is in trouble with emotional problems, drugs, alcohol, things of that nature and family and friends get together and try to talk some sense into the person who is experiencing the problems." Izzy said in his usual knowledgeable way.
I could feel my cheeks burning with anger as I rolled my eyes and glared at them all, "I don't have any problems and how dare you trick me like this!" I scream as I stand up and make my way for the door.
Tai quickly jumped over the back of couch and stood blocking my path, shaking his head sadly at me. "Mimi, please." He pleaded. "We're your friends and we want to help you."
"Then move out of my way!" I yelled in his face
"I can't do that Mimi." Tai said holding his ground
"Mimi, sit down!" Matt ordered harshly.
I spun around to meet Matt's gaze that I could feel on my back, his eyes were not pleading like Tai's but firm and demanding. He still held concern with in them, but he was unwavering when it came to meeting my gaze.
"Fine!" I said throwing up my hands and storming back over to the chair. "But if you think for one nano that something you're gonna say is gonna somehow just change my heart, my feelings, whatever, just think again." I said as I glared at each of them.
Matt slammed his fist down on the coffee table in front of him causing everyone in the room to jump including myself. He glared at me with furious eyes and I took this as my queue to open my mouth.
"Ahhhh what's the matter Yamma?? Is my little crisis interrupting your precious music time?" I said with a defiant smile.
"I know what you are trying to do Mimi, and it won't work." Matt said his eyes softening but still did not waver from mine.
"Oh really?" I laughed hysterically. "Do you now? I doubt that. You don't know the first thing about me, you never have. You never cared enough to take the time to get to know me, none of you really did." I said leaning back in my chair, I was actually starting to enjoy this, my pain inside somehow felt alittle better now that I was passing some of it off on others.
"Mimi! How can you say such a thing?" Sora said as her eyes filled with tears of hurt. Tai wrapped his arm around her shoulders offering her comfort and then looked back at me sadly.
"Guys, we knew this would be difficult." Izzy interjected.
"Oh shut up Izzy." I barked at him. "I have had it with your brainiac talk." I could see the hurt forming in Izzy's eyes now as well and for a nano second I felt a ping of regret.
Matt growled from across the room and began his heated glare at me once again. "That is enough Mimi!" he yelled
"Oh really?" I challenged
"Yes, really" he hissed, "Mimi, weather you want to believe it or not, we are your friends and whatever changes you have been going through we have noticed them. We are concerned about and we want to help you in anyway you can." Matt stopped for a second to take in a deep breath before starting again. "We can't help you if you are unwilling to help yourself. Please Mimi, try! Just try to open up to us and let us help you." He said waiting for my response.
I sat there for a moment speechless. There was a big part of me that wanted so desperately for them, my friends to help me, but then there was a bigger part of me that just was so tired, tired of everything, but most of all I was so tired of life itself. I realized I had two choices, escape or fight. I looked around Tai's apartment and scanned for the exits, there were two. One I had already tried and been blocked and the other I was sitting closest to, and I could make it there in time at all. I contemplated for a moment about the second exit, out the balcony and 23 floors down. Maybe it would only take ten seconds, maybe less for me to hit the ground at the bottom, but I would probably be dead before I actually hit.
What was I thinking!? Where was this coming from? I know I had been pretty bummed lately, but killing myself? If I did think about it, it was always a passing thought. Now, now all of a sudden it was a serious thought and that scared me.
"Mimi?" Matt asked breaking my thoughts as the others looked from one another and back to me. "Mimi?" he asked again.
I looked at him not knowing what to say, no more smart-ass comments came to mind.
"I'm sorry." I muttered as I placed my face in my hands and began to sob.
I heard some "ahhh's" coming from my friends and then over my crying I heard someone get up and come towards me, taking me firmly in his arms.
"It's gonna be alright Mimi, trust me." Matt said as he continued to hold me.
I accepted his embrace and returned it as I continued to sob. Slowly I felt other hands coming upon me as all my friends began to join in the embrace for a group hug and something I realize now that I had needed so desperately.
The End.....
A/N~ OK a new spin on Mimi, I admit it, but I couldn't help it and at least it wasn't a total 90201/Tori Spelling sob story, but it all ended well.
A/N~ Epilogue~~ Mimi goes into counseling for a couple of months, starts taking prozac, losses the Goth throwback look, dyes her hair pinks, starts dating Matt and lives happily ever after.