Picture It...
"You know, Gwen, I'm really enjoying this." Eddie tells Gwen, both sitting at the table in the kitchen. "You and I, having a quiet cup of coffee together, away from the others." He tells her before taking another sip of his coffee.
"Me, too, Eddie, because you know-"
"I said quiet!" Snaps Eddie.
"Guys, you will never believe what happened to me at the supermarket yesterday!" Mary Jane says, running into the kitchen.
"Um, you were in a real hurry and you needed to go through the express lane, but you had 25 items, so you went through three times. Once with ten items, once with nine items, and once with another six items." Gwen replies stupidly.
"What the hell? Who the fuck does that, Gwen?" Asks MJ.
"What kind of a moron would do that? Better yet, who has the time to do all that?" Eddie asks, and Gwen looks around.
"Anyway, I ran into this man at the produce counter, and he asked me to play tennis with him tonight, but I have major problem. I forgot that my dearest and nearest relative, is flying in at 7:00. This is such a dilemma! Whatever am I gonna do?"
"MJ, it doesn't sound like a dilemma at all."
"You know, for the first time in a long time Gwen, you're right. Family you can see any time, but a one-night stand with some sexy, role play story time sessions, only happens one night. Now I have to get me somebody to dump my cousin Harry on. If I could only find me an- " Suddenly MJ stops and looks at Gwen drinking her coffee. "Gwen, sweetheart, what are you doing tonight?"
"MJ, I can't believe you just asked me that. Where the hell do you get your nerve?" She asks MJ before grabbing her cup of coffee, leaving the kitchen.
"Ironically, from my cousin, Harry. He's really a person who grows on you. Eddie, would you mind going out with-?"
"Me? You're actually coming to me? A cute, caring, sassy man, who is a fourth of this family? To me, MJ, family is everything. There is nothing higher than family, even though we lack any kind of blood relation. Family I will always, without exception, stand up for."
"But, Ed, I'm desperate here! And like you, he's a switch hitter!"
"Con Peter into it." He tells her, leaving the kitchen.
"Now there's an idea I should've thought of!" She tells herself. "Conning Peter is a thought, but I don't know if I have it in me to do all the persuading, all the convincing, and-" She swings the kitchen door open and runs into Peter. "Oh, my God, is that our one and only Peter Parker? Or Mister Chad Michael Murray emerging from his morning toilette?" MJ playfully asks Peter.
"It's Chad with a message from Peter. Whatever the favor is, fuck it. I need some coffee, ASAP." He says, entering the kitchen, walking towards the coffee maker.
"Peter Parker, have I got a man for you."
"No, thanks. Had one."
"Come on, please? It's my favorite cousin, Harry. He's perfect. All man, all heart, all yours." She tells him.
"Look, MJ, forget it. It's not gonna work out. I mean, he's a little bit too New York for me, and I'm a little bit too smart for this."
"Ugh, you and your book smarts. You've got him all wrong. If we weren't related, I would say that he's a man of wealth and high taste."
"Oh, yes." Peter replies sarcastically. "I'm sure he cusses out on people when they do something wrong or he takes a piss on the subway system while ridding in it." Pouring coffee into a cup.
"Oh, Peter, now please. Now, I've told him all about you. Based on the information I told him about you, it seems like he's dying to meet you." MJ tells him as the leave the kitchen.
"Oh, right." Peter replies sassily. "He's dying to meet a gay man he doesn't even know. If you ask me, MJ, this favorite cousin of yours, is nothing but lonely desperate, pathetic, and lonely. He says, sitting in one of the chairs in the living room
"Right." Eddie says.
"Hey, Peter, you two might just hit it off!" Gwen says with a smile on her face.
"Cousin Harry is nothing of the sort. Pete, he is so excited about this date because I gave him a full description of you. And like I told you, it seems like he's dying to meet you." MJ tells him. She sees that he is actually considering this blind date.
"Well, I can understand that. People like me don't come around to often. I mean, men like me don't grow on trees." Peter says, longing for a relationship that'll last forever.
"That's too bad. I mean, we could use the shade!" Eddie says. MJ and Gwen start laughing while Peter looks at them disdainfully. 'It is not my fault you're all barely 5'5 and I'm 5'10 and a half.' He thinks to himself.
"Oh, Peter, please? It's only one night. Please? Pretty please? With a McDreamy on top who'll fill you up with 6 inches of his-"
Peter sighs. "Eddie, do you mind if we move Scrabble to Sunday?"
"I'll live." He tells Peter.
"Eddie, there's no need to be sarcastic."
"No, I mean it. I'm finally going to go out and live. Pete, I love you bro, but you're fucking boring man." He tells Peter, retreating to his bedroom.