I have taken a few lilberties with this story, well one mainly, in determining age. Voyager itself doesnt really make ages clear, and there are a variety of alternatives. So, to make my version of the paris/janeway story work, when voyager goes missing, Janeway is in the order of 35. I think this is a reasonable age to have command of her first major assignment, it might even be slightly late, but i am taking a couple of years of slowness for her recovery, as well as swiftness for aptitude. This makes her 42 at endgame. for tom, i am placing him in his late 20's - 28-29 when he joins voyager, finally ready to make something of himself in the right circumstances. So a 6 year difference. If this s going to upset you, I am sorry, and don't read ahead. This is going to have some M ratings along the way, which will be flagged at the chapter heading.

This story is wrapped around my 'coming home to you' story, and probably makes more sense read alongside it. I didn't join it in, as this has some m rated moments, and I wanted to keep the other t or less.

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I sit here in the sickbay with B'E and Miral in my arms. I have with me everything I have ever wanted. I have gone from a man with nothing and no future, to a man with everything, and I am scared. The constancy of voyager, her captain, her crew have let me gain all of this, have reclaimed me from the man i had become. Now everything will change again. Our great success has spat us out in the alpha quadrant, and I am not sure that I can make it out there without voyager. This is my home and my safety. Crazy to think of voyager as being safe, but it s for me. Here. Know who I am. I hug be and she tells me not to worry, it will be OK. It has to be.

When the captain does an all hands announcement of full pardons and confirmed field commissions with pay, one of the worries goes. Speaking to dad on the comm screen also starts to unwind another worry. Distance and time have made the heart fonder, and made the old fights irrelevant. I think we can work to find a new balance. I'm not naive enough to think it will be a bed of roses, but we are making a start. Speaking to him, I am starting to think of the captain as Katie again as well s the captain and Kathryn. Katie has been hidden so far away, neither of us allowing any thought or mention of our shared past except once. When I married B'e she whispered that there need be no secrets between husband and wife. And then I realise that B'e already knew. I thank the captain that knowing and loving her so long ago made me better able to know and love B'e.

harry bursts in and bursts out that Chakotay is dating seven, maybe. He s outraged, he has always bought into the romance of the command couple. It is a seductive thought to want their excellent team working relationship to spill into something more, and we all want them to have some sort of a reward for the hope and leadership we have been given. I think it was there for a bit, but command has stripped them to the bare essentials, and I know that the Captain would never put her feelings over duty and the crew. I hope that whatever happens they are all ok. I can see why Chakotay finally broke and went for his chance of a family. With me n B'e about all the time, he must have been feeling desperate. Despite all equality, and lets face it the captain is the living embodiment of equality, as a male he doesnt have to carry the child, feed the child and have all the physical changes, so it is still an easier deal. I tell Harry to give them a break and let to all work itself out. Once I was also keen to push the two together, but the captain is more than just a romantic object. She is strong, fearless, a great leader with a gift for making her crew the best they can be. She is determined and focused, and it was clear we needed all that determination and focus. She was right, there was no place for her to be other than a captain and a friend.

harry whips his head round to look at me, and B and the doctor also look at me quizzically. What have I been saying? What have I given away? I try and move it on, with some discussion of us making this truly celebrational, we and our command team have beaten all the odds and come home. we need a celebratory party, and we want the captain to have a really good time! so we need to make sure that on this occasion, she is not bound by the command reserve. If she and chakotay want a relationship, it will happen, the captain is single minded when she wants something. its not crew business, but celebrating is. Harry gets the message, and we are ready to party! discussion with Chell and my father means that all the food and drink are there. Harry and myself have the music and ambience, with the help of friends! God, i remember how Katie can move though. I wonder if i can get her to be so free again, it is worth the challenge!

When Harry has gone, i have a hurried conversation with B. She sighs, and tells me she knows about Katie, and as long as i come back to her, i can get on with giving both of our friend a really good night to remember. I look shocked, she calls me flyboy, and says not *that* good a night. I know it is OK. After all, the captain is the captain, but Katie is family. At times of need, families stick together.

The captain and chakotay parade down and visit us. No, they visit Miral! a bit of a hug of B and me, and their focus is all on the baby. It is so clear how much Miral means to both of them, and even if they don't end up together, we are all going to spend time together still. i can see that whatever is in our future, at least we 4 will stay close. I think that there is a chance that back in the alpha quadrant, the captain might surprise us. She has a determined look in her eyes as she waltzes off with the doctor and when she looks like that, I know there is a plan involved. Go get him katie! It looks like I am still bought into that happy ever after too. As long as she is happy! i wonder about chakotay and seven, but know that the captain would have a plan for everyone, after all, she loves seven too, and has never left a crewmember behind. I dont imagine that habit of putting others first will be steamrollered away by personal desire, even now.

I get Miral and B to engineering, and then go to the holodeck to help the doctor until it is time to be on the bridge. Working on the programme gives me plenty of time to daydream.