I stared out the window, caring not for the class today. I sighed as I swept the loose strands of my golden hair off my face, tucking them carelessly behind my ears. My eyes were barely keeping up with the day; much unlike the usual days. The sky seemed gloomier than usual, the birds weren't singing, and the clouds blocked the sun whole.
I was sitting at the back of the class, where the row was only me alone - the seats beside of me were all empty, either filled by ghosts of the day, or being occupied by dust and particles that collects there. In front of my sat Sasha Braus, who occasionally hides food under her desk for a mid-class snack. Diagonally to the right was Eren Jeager, otherwise known as my best friend. To my left was the window, the side where the sun rises in the morning, where it is usually the brightest of all.
But today, it all seemed so eerie, so scary. The invisible at my position, the melodious chirps of the feathered creatures unheard of, and the sky felt like it was going to fall any minute, any second. I tapped my table, faintly listening to the voice of my teacher speaking right in front of the class. It was History, again, but I didn't mind the subject at all. I admit that I kind of like it, even. But today was not the day to like it the way I used to.
My gaze slowly diverted to the girl with short, black hair sitting right in front of Eren. From my seat, her face was barely visible, but it didn't really matter. Mikasa Ackerman, that's her name - and crowned one of the most beautiful girls of my class. One could easily be charmed by her beauty. She was notably known as Eren's adopted sister, and has been staying with his family since they were both nine.
I sighed again, looking back down at my notes. Sometimes, it bothers me whenever she doesn't notice me, after all, she's attached like glue to Eren. We're friends - good friends, even - but… she hardly talks. To anybody at all, in an exception of Eren. And I'm too scared to confront her, too scared to even speak when I'm near her. Sure, we've been friends since Eren introduced her to me, but I… sometimes can't understand my own self.
I'm a coward. Sometimes, I feel utterly useless. If it was not for those two, I don't think I'd have live this long to face the world. I'm not strong enough on my own, unlike many others.
I placed my head on the table, arms acting as a pillow. My eyes battled to be awake. I looked at the watch wrapped around my wrist. Three more. Just three more minutes to the final bell.
I was watching the minute hand of my watch race to the finish line as slowly as ever, when suddenly my name was heard.
"Armin Arlert!"
Quickly, I looked up, meeting the teacher's eye. He stared at me for what it felt like eternity, and I could hear myself shrieking internally at his icy glare. He was famous for being one of the scariest teachers of the rarely, if you get on his good side, he would be a little nicer to you.
"I had known you better to see you slacking off like that; stay back after class and we'll have a little talk." he demanded, while the bell rang right after. The other students scrambled and packed their belongings, bidding farewell to the teacher before leaving the room. I sat there, still unable to accumulate the scene that occurred only a mere minute or two ago.
One by one, the students pushed their way out of the classroom. Eren looked at me, with his eyes signing 'I'll be waiting for you somewhere outside.' I nodded, glad to have a friend like him. Slowly, both he and Mikasa disappeared out of the room, being the last two students, with me excluded, to be in it.
I eyes travelled back to the front of the class, where my teacher, Mr Shadis, who was standing by the door, patiently waiting until we both are the two souls left in the room. My breathing was uneven, my heart was jumping out of my chest, while my head was imagining how it would be if I had just paid attention.
The door then closed slowly, the sound was barely visible. Mr Shadis went back to his seat, his gaze turned on me with a glare. I quickly jumped out of my seat and rushed to his side, head in a lowered position, body trembling with fear that I could no longer contain.
"Arlert." he started as soon as I reached his table side. He placed his hands on the table, his eyes never left me. He examined me in detailed while my heart beat rise.
"You've been… off lately. You don't seem like yourself at all." he said. What I thought would have been a course to death appeared to be what he originally said himself - a talk. A simple talk. "You didn't respond whenever I call you in class anymore, you have just been busy looking around the class." he added. A gasp was let off in my head. He noticed that I wasn't paying attention all along? He'd let me off so many times?
"I'm sorry, sir." was all that came out of my mouth at that time. I was still in fear, and the words just couldn't form up. Irrelevant things crosses my mind, and shaking them off was more than just a challenge. I intertwined both of my hands, eyes blinking blankly at the teacher, who only nodded.
"You better be. And why weren't you?" he inquired. I tried to avoid eye contact, frantically failing. I opened my mouth to speak, but only air came out of it. Why wasn't I paying attention in the first place; why was I looking around the class? There wasn't a reason, was it? Or was it so in depth that even the person in guilt couldn't comprehend it?
"Sir… that, I'm sorry. I don't… I don't know." I knew I stuttered badly there, but I wasn't lying. "Don't fool around, kid. I know you're a good student, but the sudden change, I need an explanation."
I shook my head, looking down at my feet. "I'm sorry sir, I would give you an answer, if I had it myself." I sighed, emotions calming. My palms now formed knuckles, tightening.
The teacher nodded, assuming that he'd understood my circumstances. "You're in that phase that I once was when I was your age, then." he closed his eyes to think. "Yes… that must be it." he reconfirmed.
"I'm not an expert." Mr Shadis sighed. "If I was, I wouldn't even be here." he leaned closer to me and whispered.
"So Arlert, this will be nothing but an informal talk between a teacher and a student. You shall not be terrified with whatever question I ask, or whatever question I prompt. You must give everything with an honest answer. Do you understand?" he shot me a quick glare, one that sent shivers down my spine. "Em." I replied and nodded with no other actions.
"Now." he stood up from his seat, his eyes still on me. "You have been feeling unhappy lately, but you don't understand why, correct?" he slowly walked to the left, questioning me. My eyes followed him slowly, carefully. "Yes, sir." I meekly replied.
"Your chest aches, and you don't like it." he continued. I nodded in agreement once more. For every other question he had asked, my answer was a positive nod. It was not a problem; he told me to speak of the truth, right? I knew every answer surely, and they all a yes.
Except to one.
"Last question - Do you… like someone, perhaps?" he asked, reaching the back of the class. I wanted to give a final nod, but my body didn't allow it. I stood as stiff as a statue, still eyeing the place where my teacher stood. Was I not sure of an answer?
"Let me answer it for you, Arlert - yes, you do. Your positive answers to my previous questions already indicate your final answer." Mr Shadis exclaimed from the back of the class. My head shot up, eyes widening - I… liked someone, and I didn't know about it?
Before I could speak up, the teacher looked at the clock on the wall. "Well, it's been quite some time since this talk started, let's end it here, alright?" he slowly reached for the door. I nodded, not making any other response. As slow as a snail, I walked back to my seat at the back of the class and sat down.
Once more, I intertwined my both hands together and placed in on my table, my head ducked low. I closed my eyes carefully, sighing, trying to accumulate the talk I just went through. I didn't know what's worse - the fact that Mr Keith Shadis was the one who gave me the hints, or the thought of actually liking someone.
I didn't know what to do then.
With both of my hands, I scratched my head. I leaned one-sided on the table, facing the window. Outside. Those on the lower and upper grades are all outside, enjoying themselves, laughter, friendship. As if they had no worries at all; I would have been like them right now, but this matter circling around my mind refuse to leave, clogging up in my brain.
I tried to hard to keep myself from crying - I was succeeding, that at least. I closed my eyes, letting the noises outside become the background music that plays while my mind speaks. "Hey Armin…" I started to speak, to myself. "Who do you think… it is?" I smiled, like the fool I was. "Could it be… Christa? No, I'm perfectly sure not." I continued.
"Ymir?" I tapped the table, shaking my head. "No, it's really clear who she likes." I let a little giggle escape, before returning back to my frown. My mind listed out every single girl I've ever seen or met before; Annie Leohardt, Mina Carolina, Sasha Braus… my mind screamed no to each.
"Who the heck do I even like!?" I jumped out of my seat, head clustered. Realizing what I've just said out loud, I quietly sat back down, hoping no one had heard it. Were there any other girl that I was not aware of?
Just then, outside the window, a familiar black-haired girl passed my sight.
Mikasa. Ackerman.
I shook my head as quickly as possible. No, no. That is not possible at all; but this time, I was unable to convince myself. I turned and looked at her again, who's now sitting on the bench by herself. Her face was as beautiful as always - those eyes as dark as night, yet still shine. Those lips were clearly as soft as cotton.
I slapped myself. I couldn't think of those things!
Realization hit me hard - Have I been liking this girl out of so many other girls in my class, or the outside? The girl, who coincidentally is my best friend's sister? My head fell back on the desk, landing face-first. My blinked harder, and harder, trying to knock myself back to reality.
"I like Mikasa." I stuttered.
"I like Mikasa." I once again said, this time, more sure of myself.
"I like Mikasa…" I laughed, saying it louder.
"I like Mikasa!" I sang, jumping out of my seat again, then proceeded to grab my bag. The moment I stashed my last book inside my backpack, the door swung open, revealing a boy who was taller, with black hair, and green eyes - Eren Jaeger.
"H-hey Eren." I stammered, not expecting his sudden appearance. He walked up to me quickly, his eyes not leaving the window.
"I was waiting for you outside so, I might have heard what you said." he confessed, in a single line, with precision. My eyes widen, but I tried to keep my cool. "What I said?" I laughed nervously. "I'm alone here, would I be possibly talking to myself?"
"Apparently, you were talking to yourself, alone in the classroom, quite loud even, and I was conveniently standing outside, waiting for you for the past hour." Eren sighed. "Quit joking, Armin. I heard what you said, loud and clear."
I gulped, ducking my head low. Eren tilted it back up, face turning stern. "Listen, Armin. I've not all day. I was the one who listened, and not Mikasa, because she went outside herself first. I know you like her now, and if you do, you better go confront her before Jean does." he ordered.
I stood stiff, not knowing what to reply. "What do you mean-"
"I'm saying, if you like her, go tell her. Didn't you hear what the teacher said just now?" he cleared things up as I recalled Mr Shadis's past statement—
'I lost once, and even though I could climb up again, it was never the same.'
My hands formed a knuckle - at last I knew what he meant, what he lost. He doesn't want me to loose the way he lost all those years ago. He wants me to succeed.
"Go on, I'm rooting for you!" Eren smirked, patting me on the shoulder. I smiled, mouthing a thank you. I grabbed my bag, pushing the door open, and leaving the boy who I once grew up with, the boy whom I call my best friend.
I ran through the corridors, passing the remaining students that still stayed after school. It wasn't crowded - seeing the few remaining were either in the football or basketball team, they'd be all heading to the same direction, in my case, to my opposite. They all seemed to neglect me, which is good for me at that point.
I turned around the corner, heading to the front door of the school. I pushed the door as it swung out, causing a gust of wind to blow in. I jumped down the stairs, barely watching my footing. From there, I cornered to the left, where the school field is situated at - and basically, the place view-able from inside my class.
There, one a lone bench, sat a girl whose description would be a one-word 'beautiful'. I stopped myself upon reaching the starting point of the field, before slowly walking up to her. The wind raked the tall grass that brushed against my thighs, tickling me as I continued.
"Hello." she said, upon seeing me on her vision field. I sighed, smiling, returning the greeting. She moved to another side, allowing me an empty place to be seated at.
"Where's Eren?" her first question, had always been about her brother. I looked away, towards the direction of my classroom. "Still somewhere in there, I guess." I replied, pointing at the school building. Mikasa pushed the loose strands of her hair to the back of her ear, nodding.
"How did the talk go, Armin?" he inquired. Remembering my early objective, I looked at her, though my best in trying not to meet her eyes. My cheeks felt warm, I'm guessing my face was red, too, then.
"It went well…" I answered with a grin. She looked away, to the north. "I see…" was all she said.
"So, why are you here now?" she suddenly asked. "I was just passing by… and saw you." I replied, stuttering. I quickly looked away, with my cheeks radiating with heat now. I looked at the ground, painted with grass which had the most wonderful shade of green.
"You.. really are bad at lying, Armin." she giggled, eyes still on the direction she was staring at. "It's okay if you don't want to tell the real reason, you've got personal things yourself." she smiled, turning to look at me.
"No…" I continued looking at the ground.
"No…!" I stood up, forming knuckles on both my hands. I closed my eyes briefly, trying to brace myself.
"Mikasa." I looked up at the sky, as clear as the water in the rivers. "Someone told me to take a chance now, when I have it, because even if we were to be given a second chance, it will never be the same." I spoke, enjoying the wind that blew from a source unknown. I breathed in and out slowly, having nature's incredible smell up my nostrils.
"So, I'm going to take my chance now." I knelt down in front of her, still beaming. I leaned closer, and closer, until I got next to her ear.
"Mikasa Ackerman…
…. I like you."
Then I removed myself from her side and stood up. My smile never faded; it glued onto my face just like that. Mikasa's expression didn't change either.
"Armin." a long pause of silence later, she finally spoke up. I reclaimed the seat beside of her, hugging my own body. "Yeah?" I answered, unable to look at her.
"I like you too."
She said it. To so many others, that statement was plain, without emotion, and just straight-forward. But for me, it was the most meaningful thing I have ever heard from the girl. I tried to open my mouth to speak, but I just can't. Nothing will come out of my mouth at that moment - all I know was that the heat never left my face. Even if my every surrounding brought the chilling wind, I couldn't feel the cold.
"Did you just-" I felt awkward for not continuing, though, but when I tried to continue, I found something soft, something warm on my own lips.
Her lips.
It was a brief kiss, and my first ever. And from who it was from? Mikasa Ackerman. Would I have dreamt for it to happen, now it's a reality.
"I said I like you too." she repeated. "I thought you-" I wanted to ask again, but she cut me off.
"You thought I liked Eren?" she finished it for me. I nodded, sighing. She laughed softly. "He's family, silly Armin. Of course I like him; he's my brother." she continued laughing, hugging herself.
"I like you, Armin Arlert. I have had a crush on you since day one. I will always love you, too." she cheerfully exclaimed, pecking my cheek. Instantly, the heat grew. I smirked playfully, grabbing her hands and putting them on each side of my cheeks.
"See what you've just done to me." I chimed. "I like it as much as I like you." I joked. She pouted her lips, making a worried look. "Alright, I like you even more than just that. More like… I love you." I sang out loud. I could see her cheeks grow redder the minute I said that.
"That's right… I love you." I reassured, trying to give a hug which she returned. I could hear her giggle, even with her face buried under my chest.
"I'm glad, then."