A/N: I know I have other stories to update and I'm sorry I haven't ... I'm waiting for the motivation to come back so I can continue and finish them properly and not half ass it.
I don't usually do post eps ... but I just had this come into my head and decided to write it. I hope you like it :)
Post 6 x 23 - Title inspired by "Broken - Lifehouse"
She's been watching him.
Carefully. Very carefully.
He's been home for two weeks now and it's been absolutely devastating. Dr. Burke had told her what to expect upon his return, but even he couldn't foresee all that would happen … or even wouldn't happen.
He's been trying, she can see that, but he's so very distant, so far away and she wants him back, but she doesn't know where he is or how to get him back.
She knew he hadn't slept at all in the past few weeks. He'd come to bed with her and she'd try to stay awake, to watch him, but the exhaustion from the time he was missing was weighing on her and eventually she'd fall asleep and when she woke up, he wasn't there.
She usually found him in his office, staring at a blank screen, his eyes dazed, she knew he wasn't here. Sometimes he'd actually write, but she knew it wasn't Nikki he was writing, writing Nikki wouldn't have him looking so haunted or pounding the keys so hard it would wake her up. But she didn't ask, didn't want to push. She'd stand there at the door, watching him until he saw her, closed his laptop and go back to bed, although he still never slept.
He never cried.
She was told to expect that, but for some reason it was breaking her heart to see him try to put on such a brave face, she didn't know whether it was more for her and his family or for himself.
He was jumpy and anxious, it wasn't him and it worried her to no end.
He didn't like the dark.
He never said as much, but she knew. She could feel him tense whenever she turned out the lights, she could see him glancing around ever so often, on the lookout for something, she didn't know what. She took to keeping the lights on when she slept, told him it kept her nightmares away, instead of letting him know she knew he was afraid.
The light didn't keep her nightmares away, nothing kept her nightmares away.
He didn't like loud noises, made him jumpy.
He never spoke about what happened, she knew nothing about who took him or what he went through. When they found him, he was tied up in some empty warehouse. It was clear he was tortured and starved, he lost so much weight, he looked like a little boy, startled by the loud sirens and the flash of lights, until he saw Kate and his eyes never left hers.
The trail went cold, if there was any trail at all to begin with. Months of searching led them to nothing, it was an anonymous call that led them to him and they knew nothing else. Before she wanted to find them, to find whoever did this to him and make them pay, but right now, that wasn't her concern. She just needed him to get better.
She took him to therapy once, desperate for something, but he wouldn't talk. He spent the 45 minutes avoiding eye contact with the doctor, Kate even, who he had dragged in there with him, not willing to let go of her hand.
She could tell therapy wasn't going to help.
As much as he was a writer and he loved to express himself, that wasn't the case now, whatever had happened had affected him so badly, so deeply, he had no words to describe it or maybe the only words he could come up with were too brutal, too dark and painful, he didn't want to share it with the world. He didn't want to make her worry.
She drove them back to the loft, he could hold a conversation sure, but the usual castle element wasn't there and he would go quiet after a while, switching through the radio station, fiddling with the air condition.
He didn't like silence and he didn't like the cold.
She led him up to the loft, straight into the bathroom. She turned on the hot water and began peeling off his clothes as the water filled the tub and the steam filled the room.
She turned on the cold water at the end, to make sure the hot water wouldn't peel their skins off, ensuring it was hot enough to be relaxing and nothing else. He couldn't handle anything else.
She filled the tub with bubbles and bath salts and then turned to him. He was watching her closely as she took his hands and stepped into the tub first. She let go of one hand to settle down against the edge of the tub and then tugged on his for him to follow.
He stood there for a while, his head tilted as he stared at her.
"That's my spot." He said, his voice low and quiet as it was nowadays.
She shook her head, "Not tonight, come on Castle."
He nodded and hesitantly stepped in, sinking down, careful not to put his weight back against her, but she was having none of it. With her legs of either side of his, she wrapped her hands around his chest and pulled him back against her.
The hot water working to calm her nerves and she could feel it calming him too, she could feel him slowly relaxing against her.
He let his head fall back on her shoulder and he shut his eyes. She didn't speak, she knew that if there was something he needed to say, he would say it, he never pushed her and she wasn't going to push him.
She let her fingers play with his hair, leaving wet trails of hair where her fingers ran, her other hand ran over his chest as she leaned down to place a soft kiss on his shoulder, then up to his jaw.
She could feel him shaking and pulled back to look at him.
Her heart broke when she saw how tightly his eyes were screwed shut, the trails of tears running down his face. She could feel his clenched fists against her thighs. She pressed another kiss to his shoulder, lingering there, her arm wrapping around him tightly.
"Ssshhh, it's okay babe, I'm here, you're here, it's okay." She whispered against his shoulder, desperate to make him feel better, but glad that he was finally somewhat sharing.
He opened his mouth on a shaky sigh and slightly shook his head, "I was so afraid Kate." He said, his voice shaky and rough.
"I never saw them, they always wore masks and it was always dark and so very, very cold." He continued before taking another shaky breath, "I kept asking questions, but they would just … "He trailed of, his jaw clenching at the thought.
"They kept talking about you." He spoke again, "Said they were going to come for you. Alexis and mother too. They described the ways they would hurt you and I – There was nothing I could do Kate, I couldn't even move or they'd …"
She could feel the tears coming down her face now, she could feel the fear he felt, knowing that if there was any way to hurt him, it would be to hurt his family, it would absolutely destroy him.
She sought him out under the rapidly cooling water and laced his fingers with hers, placing more kisses along his shoulder and jawline, not wanting to start anything, but to let him know that she was here, that she loved him and that they were okay.
She would find the sons of bitches that did this to him, that reduced him to such a frightened little boy. She would find them and make them pay.
"It wasn't my life I feared for. It was yours, Alexis', mother's. I know you, I knew you wouldn't give up, I knew you were looking for me and I was terrified they'd get to you and –"He trailed off again, this time, he didn't continue.
He turned himself against her and let himself cry. She held his shaking body as he finally released what he had been holding back for God knows how long. She ran her fingers through his hair and buried her face against his skin, allowing her own tears to fall, mixing into the cool water.
She knew they would have to get out soon, otherwise they'd start to prune and he still didn't appreciate the cold, but for now she would just hold him and let him cry.
"It's okay Castle, we're okay. I love you." She whispered.
"I love you so much." She whispered over and over again, not caring if he repeated the sentiment or not, it wasn't about her tonight.
She felt him press a warm kiss to her collarbone, he ran his fingers lightly over her cheek, over her lips and leaned up to kiss her and she kissed him back, letting him take what he needed from her.
It was the second time they kissed since she got him back, the first was the night they stumbled through the loft together, she pressed a kiss to his lips, he was slow to respond, but she didn't dwell on it because soon enough Alexis and Martha has swooped in and it was tears and nervous glances all night.
It wasn't the same now, but she could feel him returning or at least trying to. She could feel him relax against her, maybe he would talk to her more, tell her what happened, but she still wouldn't push.
For now she would just hold him, hug him and kiss him and let him know how much she loved him, that she was here, she was okay and so was he. He would get better, they would get back to where they were and then she would catch the bastards and make them pay.
But for now, kissing him was enough, for both of them.
End A/N: Well, I hope you guys liked it :)
I'll work on updating my other stories, but university starts tomorrow, my first day and I'm actually terrified ... but yea. I'll try and get back to the updates. Thanks for reading, leave me a review? Thanks :)
Mistakes are mine. So sorry.