Disclaimer: All sane recognizable characters from the Potterverse belong to JKR. Ebony, Britney and Goffik versions of Draco and Trevolry belong to Tara Gilesbie/Gilespie/Whatever. The Writher and the Betcha Rider belong to themselves. You may also find some mentions of other works, in particular The Sparkly Monster Saga by Stephanie Meyer.
Timeline: What-would-be Harry's seventh year, assuming he went to school instead of Horcrux Hunting... Oh c'mon, it's the universe of My Immortal we're talking about...
Warnings: Violence. Some swearing. Rape on Canon (not literally...). Mary Sue. Some of Tara's English.
Red Furry Demon states that she knows the English language well enough to spell better than a bewildered troll.
Thereby, all spelling errors in this fanfiction were made purposefully and serve as a tribute to Tara G-something's unique style of writing.
Part I: Hogsmeade, headache, hell
She was walking alone, enjoying the sound of hastily dripping water. Snow covering the terrain in front of the castle started to melt, so the whole place was horribly wet and muddy.
But Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Tara RavenWay was too depressed to care about such irrelevant things.
She noticed a group of Preps in the Entrance Hall, and she did the first thing a Goff would do in such situation: gave them a finger.
Then, as she heard footsteps, she turned back. Unfortunately, she was standing face to face with professor McGonagall, who taught Transfiguration.
"RavenWay, what was THAT supposed to mean? Ten points from Slytherin owing to your astonishing lack of manners" she said in cold voice, which in some way resembled hiss of a cat. "And a detention, thanks to your non-canon outfit."
Oh yes, a black corset and a black leather miniskirt is not something Hogwarts students wear during a normal day. But Ebony liked to dress Goffikly. And an angry teacher wasn't something she saw rarely nor would be scared of (for most of the time at least).
The next day was equally depressing... Ebony woke up in the dormitory and slowly got up from her bed (despite her struggles to sleep in a coffin), only to see her best friend, Willow, putting on tons of make-up.
"Better do it after breakfast, if Sprout sees it, she will run mad again" Ebony warned her.
"Right, I can finish during the History of Magic" replied Willow, trying to find her schoolbooks. "By the way, were you talking to Draco yesterday?"
"Yeah... So?" Ebony blushed suddenly.
"Don't lie to me, Ebby!" Willow started to giggle. "I know how much you like him!"
Ebony had to resist a sudden urge to hex her.
However, in the next second an owl flew through the window and dropped a piece of parchment into Ebony's hands. She gasped (Goffikly) as she read the note.
The Goffik handwriting carried an extremely Goffik message.
Dear Ebony, I've heard The Weird Sisters are having a concert in Hogsmeade on Friday. Want to go with me?
D.M.
(Hint: Draco went Goffik.)
Sneaking out of the castle by night was not a very safe thing – but where's no risk, there's no fun, right? Just in case of something unpredicted, Ebony drank some Invincibility Coke. Good idea. At home, Ebony was used to travel in a flying car, but as Draco hated all Muggle technology, she saw him waiting outside with a Goffikly-black broomstick, just as he lifted the Disillusionment Charm from himself.
Right after the flight, they made use of drugs, cigarettes and a bottle of vodka. That night surely was going to be fun.
She was half-conscious after the concert (take more drugs, girl!). He just grinned. As she saw the black wall of trees in front of them, she understood where they were heading to.
The Forbidden Forest.
How romantic, were they going to feed the Acromantulas together?
Back on the ground...
"Draco!" she shouted. "The hell are you doing...!?"
"Better don't shout. There may be Whorewolves around" he said. Ebony's eyes grew wide. In case you haven't read Twishit, a Vampire and a Whorewolf are mortal enemies.
They started to kiss, but it didn't ended at that point. He put his thingy into her you-know-what, and they did it for the first time. I would love to know what was what exactly did 'it' refer to, though. And then, thunderous voice came from between the trees.
"WHAT THE... my children, what are you doing here so late at night?"
In all his glory, with a pointy hat, half-moon glasses and wand out, Albus Dumbledore walked out of the shadow.
Not only had he very severe migraine, he also had two reckless students to care about now!
The silence in Headmaster's study was scary... On one side, two terrified Slytherins; on the other side of the desk – Dumbledore, professor Snape and professor McGonagall (although she didn't have anything to that, she should know about such a thing, since she was the Deputy Headmistress). Dumbledore already stopped speaking and now was mainly focused on his terrible headache.
"But why? Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked professor McGonagall. "In the middle of the night... In the Forest... You could've been eaten, you fools!"
Ebony didn't dare to speak. Let Malfoy handle it.
"I DON'T CARE, BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"
Snape dismissed them: "Fine. Return to your dormitories quietly".
What? They were HIS Slytherins and he COULD show favoritism towards them... Couldn't he? At least in the first chapter?
However, Minerva caused both students to stop mid-way, roaring:
"I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SEVERUS LET YOU OFF! SUCH BEHAVIOUR DESERVES A MONTH OF DETENTION!"
The old Preppy bitch WILL PAY for that.